there are no athenian heroes here
the minotaur runs riot

@journeyofdays

darkness is making me sick
keeping me ill

keeping me tied to ..
shackled to shadow...to anger and injury

smoky tendrils keep me in a half life of tears, regrets, pain

trapping me in memories I cannot flee

darkness is keeping me sick

#thisjourneyofdays


so very close
I can feel you breathe for me

@journeyofdays

are we just a sum of moving parts
held together with an energy
of will

                                 ….tell me there is more to it than this


@journeyofdays

travel now to places
suggested while conscious
sighted in dreams
debated in ancient halls
and scribed in manuscripts
memorised charts
impressed in our hearts
determined by choice
whispering...come home
called
hear
travel now to places
born on the anguish and tears
of those still seeking
while conscious
daring to dream
debating in ancient halls
reading manuscripts
chanting cartography
schooling our hearts
discerning choice
and listen for our whisper
to come home


@journeyofdays

shuttered heart
shuttered eyes
shutting you out
walking away again

@journeyofdays

started down this path
will you be there at end

@journeyofdays

at some point
divergence
it starts to morph
into a form not recognised
behind now hidden with smoke and warp
history
no longer makes sense
there is no familiar logic anymore
markers now drift orbiting unseen stars
language has changed
dislodged into a new order
and now we forget time


@journeyofdays

when I was young there were monsters
under the bed
under the stairs
certainly in the cupboard
only at night
never during the day
I never saw them
fanciful creatures
of fur and gnashing teeth
they disappeared with sleep


where I am now there are demons
at work
at my table
strolling around
during the day
I see them everywhere
they pass for beautiful
perfectly coiffured razor wire
smiles and poisoned kisses
hell has opened its gates
and I am wide awake

@journeyofdays

it is just a gift
that keeps on giving
my personalised pithos of
things wrapped up in tears
reopening stories I had put away
discovering new chapters
combining short stories into weighted tomes
pressing down my heart
with unexpected plot twists and feedback loops
that keep crashing around in my head
oppressing my wins with blinding migraines
because I tried too hard and reached too high
did too much
it is just a gift
that keeps on giving
my personalised, Pandora’s pithos of ...(fill in your preferred ending)

@journeyofdays

long time coming
this quiet in the soul and still of the mind
enveloped by zephyrs of cool calm washing in from the moss covered rocks
infused with wisdom and dappled in sunlight
and all at once silence no longer roars

@journeyofdays

chasing dawn all night
greying sky
finally
now
falling asleep

@journeyofdays

staying here in this agony
a ménage with spiders
the same ones that still haunt my father
he brought them home
mother fed them
and now they have infested everything
generations of them
they hitch rides with my bags every time I move.
unwelcome ghosts
they emerge from the cracks in the walls
haunting my nights
they hover during the day
just out of reach
scuttling around in the shadows
avoiding the glare
no one else sees them
they are there just for me
watching
I hear them tapping in the timber
waiting for the shadows to lengthen

is this voluntary
do I get a choice
what are the options

symbiosis is not my choice
spiders are demanding more
now want forever inside my head
there is no mutual benefit
draw is all one way
half life is no life
I choose not to take the pact
surrender my soul
I am more than the spiders tell me
they tell lies
their poison is smoke
they need me more
than I need them
or want them
do I call the exterminators
who do you contract to get rid of the generational pain
the evil that lurks to destroy
heal the expectations of spiders at night
change the DNA
the parts soaked in grief
banish  shadows
live as me without spiders
a parable changed
conversion
I choose conversion

@journeyofdays

never wanted that storm
now
treasure
what
I
have
found


@journeyofdays

things left unsaid
too much was said
to begin with

@journeyofdays

tumbling up hills while running through air
singing songs underwater
lakes floating in space
spinning in circles and drawing  straight lines
needing to start but can’t find my pen
answering doors with nobody there
diving through snow escaping the heat
feeling my way through clouds that talk
wanting to wake but finding no strength
trying to speak with sand on my teeth
sweeping the floor and shifting the walls
chanting the prayers
throwing frisbees of lace
how can I sprint with skis on my feet
raging red sun bursting with ice
crazy these dreams unpacking my head

@journeyofdays

storm of red
rages on
battering
scouring
terraforming my soul

@journeyofdays

yes scared
it may never pass

@journeyofdays

lost on a new sea
through necessity
learning to
drift

@journeyofdays

breathe one
calm and centre
breathe two
lift head, a smile
breathe three
nod in acknowledgement
breathe four
what’s his name again?
breathe five ...
speak social niceties
breath six...breathe seven
this was a mistake
breathe eight
leaving
breathe nine ….breathe ten
will try again…
later
#thisjourneyofdays

fallen nature
are we more than we observe in ourselves

@journeyofdays

monuments of proportional tragedies
make national tragedy of monumental proportions

@journeyofdays

there are the sticky bits that just keep turning up
solvents only do part of the job
releasing the worst of it
but there is something
a code in the DNA that enables it
to mutate and evolve
allowing it to reconvene
and find its way to your shirt front
but only the white shirts
it is more obvious
the mark clearer
and you have to scrub harder
to remove it all over again


@journeyofdays

bone aching exhaustion
shuddering through the waves of pain and hurt breaking
over me...
breaking me
overwhelming this power
this relentless assault on my body...my mind...my soul…
tossing me onto rocks into places I do not want to go

fight it and sink

float and survive

@journeyofdays

if I left
went missing
positive
only I would notice

@journeyofdays

strangles
slowly
this pain
that never really leaves
my heart

@journeyofdays

it is physical
change
is
permanent

@journeyofdays

sleep was rumpled
and the dreams
well
they were not sweet

@journeyofdays

possibly
maybe
will think about it
we’ll see
i’ll see
hmmm
for God’s sake - just say NO

#thisjourneyofdays

it lies around my feet
bits of timber that once connected
connected us
our lives
our loves
good times
and struggles

they should have been stronger
these timbers
now I know the grain only ran one way


left untended
neglected
crumbling into obsolescence
connection lost
friend lost
and there is now no way back along that bridge
it has been crossed


splinters of memories clinging to my clothing and around my shoes
loss
grief
it has been crossed
we cannot cross again
I cannot cross again

@journeyofdays

this gulf expanding between us
what passed for bridges have been washed away
the docks were torn down when the emissaries no longer sailed
nobody has seen a boat in years
sensibly no one offers to fly in the air space above the turbulent void

are you willing to chart the course once more
or do we turn to other shores
to cast our nets
avoiding the invading ocean
where there be dragons

@journeyofdays

melancholy*
will
stay for dinner too

@journeyofdays

because of this curse I strive to be unknown
yet the very thing that will heal me
is someone knowing my name

@journeyofdays

salt on the breeze
anointing  
healing
letting the mind
drift

@journeyofdays

when I can stand again
and walk back into the fray
will you welcome me
hand me the sword
I left in your care

@journeyofdays

so this is life
you
me


@journeyofdays

it is just us
always has been
even before names
were whispered into being


@journeyofdays

hermetically sealed and clinical
no possibility of cross-contamination
pond that does not ripple out from the drop zone
no casualties
soundless termination point
no collateral damage
dream on
rot stinks
tentacles run wild
roots run deep
connect across plains
sticky webbing covers everything
rewiring history
how do you make that happen
reality
a massive clean up job
this redemptive task
crime does not exist in a vacuum
there are consequences


@journeyofdays

did I need to know why?

would knowing have helped me make sense of the trauma, the chaos?

deceived by those dressed in light pretending to be…

videri quam esse

the falsehood of your being…

my lesson humility

crushed and battered

shredded life and spirit

I am nothing

now I know why…

#thisjourneyofdays

When you promised
For better, for worse...in sickness and in health
Did you ever  think worse and sickness would look like this?

Incapacitated by nothing
No obvious illness
No missing limbs
An injury unseen
Just a ****** up mind
And floods of tears

Are you still in? You know for the lifetime clause?
I'm not ready to depart yet
Love me
Fight for me

#thisjourneyofdays

how temporary can this insanity be when
it keeps bumping its way back
into my days here and there
******* up normal so hard
won this moment but what of the
next time it chooses to haunt
my dreams at work and my thoughts
at night when I  desperately want to
sleep and not wake up
to this temporary insanity that keeps
hanging  around

@journeyofdays

forgive because I must...because now I can
the last obstacle to my recovery
saying the words in prayer and speaking them from my heart

you no longer owe me a debt
He has taken that away
your restoration lies with Him now...no longer with me

forgive.. because it frees me from the bond of this sin
no longer do I seek your downfall...I have no heart for revenge

you are no longer accountable to me

He has that ledger now
make an appointment with Him

#thisjourneyodays

please stay
don’t go
not ever

@journeyofdays

so we have not spoken, in what? four years?
seen each other
danced around the awkward physical proximity
you have never been encouraged
to speak to me
enter into my space
engage in anyway

so why smile at me now?
why move
towards me
into my space
and be surprised by the lack of warmth ?

you are more ******* deluded than ...

#thisjourneyofdays

do you hear the hounds
they have you scent
the cologne only masks the rot
human olfactory systems
get hung up on the incidentals
the hounds
to them you reek
the unlying smell of your guilt
they are locked on mate
you had better get moving

@journeyofdays

listening to you
make meaning
but
too many parts
missing

@journeyofdays

this story
logic
not hanging together well
pieces are missing

@journeyofdays

whispers
of surfaces untouched
places unseen
yet to be discovered

Jobira & @journeyofdays

starting small
the little parts fall away
nobody notices
the diminishing
barely perceptible
as we focus on the parts spinning around us
at speed

piercing gently
at first
nobody notices
the pain
barely perceptible
as we are jostled through gated moments
at speed


then it tips
the balance
ground is gone
storms unleash
deluge
giving way
to life in cascade

@journeyofdays

never thought it would end like this
a life time to here
ending so cruelly
and the sadness is immense
crushing


@journeyofdays