He lived a long life of 95 years
telling me stories had been music to my ears,
Life experiences of plenty he was never without a story for me.

Life without parents at such a young age
became a truly honorable man in times of pain he raised his sister
as brother/father figure to a degree of course he always protected Junie,
Never letting it destroy who he is or
his name he held his head up proudly!
A Handsome like a stud for back in those times,
He is a stealth lady killer for sure and Grandma won his heart and owned it and still does from heaven above which my friends is where you find Real Love.
     Married for over 50 years they celebrated year after year
still making each other hearts warm and full.

He is the Best Man I knoW
I watched him and listened as I wanted to taste his wisdom,
         And I had longed deeply to know more of who he is and what he lived! Because that is where my dad whom was my grandpa but father to me.

Robert C. Brown
a Navy Seal and War Vet as well
Flying Aircraft and maybe even one or two kills.

He is an amazing man who deserves to be acknowledged
if you know what I mean because not only was he honorable
he was the best Dill Pickle maker anyone has taste or seen!

Always did want him to go big and sell in the markets but Dad
is a humble man who did it for the fun and love of his family and Friends!
For us it was a treat and we all looked forward to eat,
That certain time of year was Ever so Sweet!
Waking up from a sleepover at Grandma and Grandpas house ~

Exciting for sure knowing we will awaken to dads famous so light & fluffy
Scrambled eggs~buttered toast~Jam with french as well !
Choices of hot syrup served and more than that too!!
Yes Waking up at our Grandparents in the mornings were a time for chatter and
being playful with Gma and Gpa at the breakfast table and us taking it all in that special gentle kindness they always did extend.

So Tall and stellar
truly like the old diner/navy cut style,
this man was quite Incredible that people may stop and stare
but Gpa waves his hands and says " Oh Phewy!" blushing a bit.
Survived Throat Cancer thrice ah yes"

he is a fighter won many times but his voice was got light and raspy a smidge louder
than a whisper which would frustrate him with gatherings on holiday times,
So I sat close near listening with an avid ear ; Taking minutes to look into his piercing blue eyes to see that smile time after time again.

Trying to absorb yet another smell of him a hug to feel his sweetness
Love a kiss to tell him how great he is ;
To feel the scruff of his growing back in beard against my cheek
Reminding him of how much I value him & his presence his love.

Always make sure to say Hello if you walk in the door don't waste a single moment!
Since everyone did know not to ignore him or you'd get a pop in the nose!!

Well he would chuckle and grin with sweet humor across his face
that is when Dad was the cutest in all times,

A joke to tell and a smile to give that is how dad chose to live!
Grandpa~Dad
whom I Adore
you will be missed
forever until my days end,

I will never forget you dad, My best friend.
Such an Honorable intelligent man watching you
helped me to pick out a Great man too as a husband.

I became extra picky because of seeing you and hearing you speak
watching you be the man you only knew to be and Jesus in your heart!

This too is amazing I say so what I want you to know is I love you still each and every single passing day,month and years until there is no more so thank you for being
who
You
Are
A Grandpa,Father,Friend
thanks for leading me til the end. Lvuxoxome

How sad her heart her soul
She weeps where's the sleep
How empty her eyes from the tears she cries,
Unknown is her future; Lost she's in a blurr
loneliness leaves her speechless
she screams inside it is hard to find the switch.

Too dark she see's a flicker sometimes even a spark
Love is what she longs for; How to find it she does not know!
Without smiles she's drowning in doubt,
Falling from the 14th floor how can she find her way out?

Stuck in a parked car going only to one place
Now to discover what she truly longs for Lover or friends.
She weeps she weeps for she found a different form of sleep a retreat So to speak,
This lady walks in her sleep when she thinks she is awake.

She is the Beauty but where is the prince?
wake up sleeping beauty, She is not stabbed; Put away those tears
Yes she may not rid herself of fear or depression
take a time out to live,When there is an invite Get 0ut
meet a new male/female new Love interest!
Who knows they may just mirror you".

If she could only learn to go out and let them in
let them in
let them in
They will not hurt you
they will not bite,
What is the fear for?
Acceptance " Oh that's nonsense ! "
they want to be your friends!!

Go Out and Live
Go Out and Laugh
maybe even a joyous cry

You can even smile
You will be loved.
Go out the door but first open it and let them in,
Thier arms are open; are yours?
What's the matter let them in!
0pen up invite them come on you'll
be loved ; N0 matter what❤️ you are human and they are too¡!
you are sweet 100% They will Love You.
It is next Be brave and take that
Step!

He follows me where ever I go, Wherever I am
I hear his voice all my living days yet I still have not
to see his face... He tells me nearly every day that
he is all over the place, here and there and everywhere.

This is scary what do I do? Why is he following me?
and he's also following you! Any Ideas? I know you
can relate, It is God I am afraid of and worry about!
I love my Jesus and when I misbehave he watches so,
How can one getaway, where does one go? He says
he is everywhere and nowhere you could go where
the Lord does not hear-feel-see, He is within you and me.
I live alone or so I think but really he is with me always
and will be with you tonight <3

Born into a shell they tell me its called skin!
huh? what is this skin I am in?
and why can't I get out???

Born into this shell of skin
and all I want is out
to ******* scream
to shout at
the hilltops
I
want
Out!!!!!

Let
Me
0ut!!
Please
this life feels like a
Raunchy Disease.
I will break this shell
somehow.

I walk about and wander the roads invisible to all or so it seems,
Although I wonder if my tears were blood would all of those same
people stop and see this pain that is within me or stay silently simmering with
heartaches of past and present of the near and far including here and there, That sits inside me year after year. Life and Death why so cut and dry ? because I believe I am somewhere in between alive appreciating life but walking dead from time to time more often than not numbness surrounds,Toxins inhaled and another **** child's meltdown to steer So loud in my f'ing ear!!
Why can't I just get the **** outta here?!!

This skin I'm in is wearing thinner and thinner so what shall I do?
Borrow some from a friend or maybe even you?!! Nah I wouldn't even dare! Cause with the moods I am in I'd tell ya to get the " F " out of here!! .

I walk about breaking with each step I take the messed up part is half the time
I don't know what the Crap is wrong with me!! I just feel like screaming, crying,Carrying a heavy heart sadness over
many Losses of life and friends adrift moved away from me now text text text and those social media sites are a F'ng joke same with Skype that will not hold onto me or hug me tight wiping my tears away with encouraging words!! Long distance ***** so yes while those sites are convenient they'll never reach out and grab you.

If our pain were to show in physical way
how deformed our appearance would be? .
Luckily we've got make up and pretty clothes
to dress our lies and darkness in a technicolor
Beautifying it with extra bling bling
choosing to ignore to keep on
falsely living but there is still hope,
Realize your pain unwrap it show it
because we humans are all rip & torn
internally.
BE
KIND

please do not serve me **** pie on a silver platter!
oh, your unfamiliar with this type of pie?!! it is the kind
that is hot & fresh with buried lies and deceits colored scented to seem sweet.

Please, I do ask that you not serve this dish to me!
I see through and know there are many many layers
covering the other so I tell you do not serve to me
             **** pie on a silver platter!!          
Just be straightforward
then we are good and clear as long as you are a truth
teller you will have nothing to bury or hide baked
        into quadruple **** layered sphincter pie so keep it straight
        and girls won't hate but we will test and figure things,
        So go with caution just as long as
we don't sniff a whiff
       being served to us by you via silver splat
oh oops, that was your face oh-oh.
SorryNotSorry bout that!

I love you when you agree with me
I love you when you compliment me
I love you when you stroke my ego
I Love you but love my wandering eye
I love you but **** she has such a rack!

I love you and the family we've made
but dayyyyaaammm I cannot stand it when
you nag!

I Love how you do this or that
how you always got my back
I love you being there
trust me when I say this
to you
Babe, I love you.
but can you blame a guy
dang dat girl she so fly,
I'm just a normal guy
but I do love you bae
come on over tonight uhh crap
maybe tomorrow.

One day at a time soon to be a rhyme
I keep living, breathing too.
Why I am here I cannot tell you,
Seems as though there is no heaven just
my own dark hell...!!
I am in a bad way ,As though I am under an evil spell
burgers and Ice Cream takes its toll
as my pain weighs me down.

I fell.... I fell asleep way too deep
my power I have lost.

I felt.... felt so numb
like I belong to none.

I float.... I float inside my brain
as I search for my inner child's soul I feel her pain.

I Pray.... I Cry.....why do I not know?.....my heart....my soul
I have hands....hands to hold.... I see it..... I see it's near.

I know it..... I know its there in my grasp!
Could I lose my pride, could I take a breath?

I am naked....... I am bare......My story is out.
Can you hear....as it cries out loud? ....... I cannot hear it ....it is old.

This is a story I've told and told; this story needs to go & throw it away!!
It needs to go so I can live each coming day.... So I can hear my soul
and not what I can or can't control.

My Life was Never
My Life was done
My life was not ever not even none.

It will begin as I grow & need to be wiser than I think I am or not!
I have a life since I do breathe; I need to learn not to live in my own dark hell.

I go ...... just go with the flow
where it takes me I will not know but it will
be fine since I will take it one day at a time.

So heaven or spell in your own dark miserable hell
step outside and take a breath & see just
how lucky to be alive you are because
someone is mourning another humans recent
death!!

So don't be nonsensical; Don't be dumb
when you try to keep on getting numb!

We lose ourselves in the process,
So look for shimmering love and fill up with
people who show you positive vibes.
Rid yourself of the negative beings that may ☠️hinder☠️
Your path

Tomorrow my birthday is here
I would be excited you might think
but for me it actually stinks.

Tomorrow my birthday will cause a rise
on social media and all get reminders
so it doesn't really mean the same as once in the past.

Tomorrow my birthday is here
when people try to make me happy
with words filled with cheer & sweet wishes
~overall I'd rather hide out,
Sit all alone just me being me doing
the things that give my soul the most tranquility.

Happy Birthday to me,
Also to you the reader but if you rather
go hidden under the radar and feel kinda like me,
Like my poem, So Tomorrows my birthday~
why should I care?  this is what I have been thinking.

Okay So maybe I care a smidge,
Mostly not!! because of my depression and my people regression;
My spirits emotions are on a sliding scale basis,Never knowing if today will be downer,
Happy or sleep and skip something to eat;
"Yep I'm getting skinny at least I look Good" so that is what they say."
If 0nly they knew I am not feeling good , My soul is jaded while my heartaches too many losses over years adding up now and the stress of life events puts
my sanity at stake this is why I write it helps to pour it out try to get rid of the filth and grime of unhappiness within, Tears on a whim this is the state I find I am in.

My Sadness is great so my Birthday is a blunder its here tomorrow
For some reason I am not looking forward I am continuously somber,
Maybe I'll sleep or buy myself a gift now that's
:)Birthday Therapy!! :) and I won't forget the treat!

Thanks for reading my pity party for me not being
excited for my own B day iz here. thanks for you being here.
For you I wish you happiness and hope. leading you to great things
~there that is my birthday wish now Go, Make it true. may gladness fill up your inner you.

Could it be that I am the abuser the enemy who has come across lifes boundaries crossed the lines? Could it be that I am the walking contradiction?

Could it be that the triple blurred vision
is really with me ~ myself and I?
Could I be the foolish blind
with no way to see or hear is
in real
time?

Could this be
could this be me or mine?
Could I be the one
I've always been hating?

Could it be the picture I have been painting
is the version that no one is seeing or ever will?
Could it be this is not really me? An actress
a ***** or Goofy in General.
Or
Am I exactly as those around tell me?
Could it be?!?
Nope, Because I am always
just me-take it
or
Leave it
I know me. or could it be???
Not if you Know
Me.
#KeshaThisisME

I spin up
I spin down
I spin spin spin spin
round Round round.

I get dizzy
I fall down
I get back up
blaming the whole
F'ing Town.

I look here
I look there
I take a good look
around everywhere
suddenly I see,
Suddenly it is clearer
I have always and ever
been the only
fool here!

I get shy
a little embarrassed
at my outburst of course!
I was shocked a bit perturbed
was it just me
myself and I ?!

So I took a breath
got a good look in the mirror
I uttered the words
no, it does not belong to
any other, just me.....
Aww F it why feel ******!!
          So I'll go ahead blame my friggen mother! ;(
why take the blame when I can
direct it at another and another?
Go on who's next? Dear oh father?
sister? ~ brother? or dig deep
in and see the broader picture?
See your participation
let your
faults
be seen
how
about
Just
saying
~Sorry~
How About
that thing!

You ask why I wont
get intimate with you
and your confused why I am so cold
why I no longer want your touch
you physically have
hurt me and
emotionally too
With MS and Two babies
plus You,
Maybe this should inspire you
to help me without the yelling!!
To not kick me in my gut
or head.
To not choke me when your angry;
or call my babies mean things
maybe if you wanna touch me
and have *** with me
you should
get real
when your abusive
my thoughts are F U Go To Hell!!

My Emotions come into my brain
working at steering me to feel insane

It waves at me and says hello I am here again
To make me worry and doubt myself
now you can see how
I F'ing Hate Emotions!!

She's a B**ch!!
I wanna kick her out but she'll often lock me out!
I search for the key
that one that leads to pure love and happiness
the key to a successful life and perfect version of how I want me to be!

My Emotions comes in
and allows the oceans jagged waves
to overflow,pouring out all over the floor
Oh' Great where's the mop when you need it?

I could **** Emotions
with one sharp object
but if I do that
then I will
go to sleep permenantly
too!!

So what to do & should I care
or let her take me over again?
Like I said I Hate Emotions my friends,
She is so cruel and sometimes
she thinks of me as a
a **** fool but that I am not
and I won't let her win!

So I am wiping you off Miss Emotions
and no one shall see you!!
I will be keeping you hidden and safe in a locked up place.

My Emotions tried to get the best of me
but I refused kicked and screamed aloud that I am no longer
letting her take me over so I had to go and Destroy her!
I Locked her away,
but she can visit on off days cause no one can
**** exactly all the Emotions they Feel, All we can do is learn how to deal.

Love me like you want me &
           Want me enough to love me unconditionally!
        Be the something that shines within my soul ;
      
         Please do not destroy me instead Embrace me
          I know sometimes you just simply wish to erase me and shut me up with some jerky line!

      I Pray you can forgive me for all the hurt I have caused over time,
      You have no clue the cost it was to have ever broken your heart;
       I am constantly repaying for it with each and every weak spot you find
when we argue from time to time!

        I get to relive what I did or did not or it's all in your head;
For me even though I still have you and you chose to stay
it is almost unbearable on some days.

Guilt Swallows me whole; knowing at any moment you could
choose to act out just to punch back but you claim you'd never do that although I call BS!!

I beg to differ since there are times we relive my past tending to point the fingers! My actions made me weak and guilty too so please don't punish me by withholding love to me from you.

Crying at night when you do not see
this sometimes is the story of me,
So just know this now I have and will always be
In-Love with you giving you everlasting love from me!
Just please do not keep on punishing me.

If the pain that sears through your soul ever had a face
would it look like it was made of charcoal or chrome?
or like someone out of place?

If Loneliness had eyes would they be blinded or just constantly reminded of deceit and Lies? or would the depths of their soul Find some
form of positive resurrection discovering their life can now truly begin.

If Joy could be a planet would it choose to claim Mars for its Delicious chocolates or Uranus to claim it wasn't me who done it!!  :) thy who smelt it dealt it.

If Anger showed up wearing a costume would it wear Joy dressed as mars or come just as one huge candy bar!?!? or nothing at all because it's Angry!!!

If Hope saw only in colors would it be all radiant bright or mixed with some Sin of neutral tones or would it be all gorgeous blocking all dark ones from getting in?Would Hope Lose Faith or Faith Lose Hope 0verall we all should never'EvR
Give Up or Give In! We are born to Sin although it is about how much you'll let yours singe within.

If Failure had a scent would it be the foulest ****** odor personalized to your disgust or liking? or would you just simply be use to that smell ! What smell?
you say what is next for me to destroy? If failure had a face it would look exactly like Tim R!! He is Evil, Mean and Cruel he is and will always remain thee ultimate fool!

If Success is measured only by physical capabilities would it eventually Expire? Since we all do end up dying?? If Success is all about you?!?
Then what the hell good are you? If success is greatness then also acknowledge the tiniest of things when accomplished and true; Stop uttering things in angst and success will come a knockin at your door but you keep on being a vicious one nothing good will stem from it.

If you had to be anyone who would you be and would you swiftly reply: ME!!! of course I wanna stay me!!?or would you take the opportunity to begin complete and different because you've alwayz wished to feel different and whole!

To feel comfort and peace and entirely Loved.
If You could be someone else this would be Sadness because all those who truly Value You and who Adore you,those who can seriously see your beauty shine,
They'll MourN a LoSs even if you were a more newly improved
you would not be You and would be a lost cause,
So stay who we love
and never stop surviving.

If you had a career of your dreams what could you see ahead?
who knows maybe that means you would no longer exist?!?!
But overall Be YOU and don't let Any0ne
StomP on your dreaMs,h0pes and successes just Fill your
ears,eyes, and Heart wiTh All the Happy Re3nforcements!

I wanna lick it,
Taste it just a tad longer!

I wanna put my lips upon its
succulent flavour.

I wanna save what I had before it dissolves and is gone forever,
To move it all around with my tongue is a delight every single passionate night.

Please don't let this end its just too **** good you know its true,
I knew when I saw it that it would be irresistible even to you!

I wanna lick it so much that my tongue is now raw with pain;
Dang the way that thing tastes is unimaginable in many ways!

I wanna put it in my mouth on it and swish it all around!
The Super Blow Pop Sour Apple is my Fetish from now 0n....
So juicy and plump & round that I am addicted to it I think!!

P.S. I still wanna lick it ! :)  it makes you pucker up
Lick your lips its the best blow
pop of any sucka so go get your own ya muthaFckr.
I Heart Blow_Popz

Oh me oh my
such tall tale lies

upstream and down
by this Political Clown,
***** made of brass?!! My ***!.

Washing Brains with numbskullish hate
this pathetic excuse of a man with reality
his base does not relate, Whether near or far
those believing his words it is garbage they do eat
allowing many behaviors and nicknaming mistreats.

oh me oh my
a sad tear to be cried days and nights so dim as he is,
It will take years upon years to fix the damage done
& finally after 5 dead including an officer of the Law!
This smug poor loser ordered this result and now admits
his time is over, it's time to quit this nitwit says adios
and hello prison mates, I will make all the inmates love me,
You will see as I bend over backward to gain your gratitudes
all my prison base friends will share the same attitude
but please don't get me wrong! You will Love me long live
this master debater let's make a deal, okay we will talk later.
Farewell...So Long... it's been a great run.

I'm Sorry if my face pains you for the sins within ~ ~
I am sorry I can no longer supply you with what you need and crave
both of us still in this dysfunctional relationship =

Brave, " Oh No We Aren't ! "
Together we stay
together we are
living in the same
hell on repeat
same as before
too scared we are
to close tight that door
So continue on and ignore
I'm so sorry
I've broken you
and you have broken me too,
Just can't see that there is any strengthening glue
for this to become right again,
Its okay, Go to sleep
Good Night,
See you in the morning
to do it all again
on this roller coaster ride
such is life
joynStrife.

When I first heard it was so and was truly for real I did not believe that it could be,
That this egotistical narcissist really did see himself as a leader and team player!!

When it was announced he may take the biggest seat in America, A Has been actor; Millionaire sure some truth there may be!

But ***! My mouth first filled
Up  tight with air sending shock waves to my
head then I heard what
my husband had really just said!!! huhh what now?!!

This is Legit, This is Real that this
Dumb **** is Really going to try to become president!!;

That alone made the Air Burst 0ut as laughter hit me hard to think this guy
" Your Fired"  thought he could rule ovr the world !!"
Although not yet in house
started a plenty to WreaK Havoc
over us many!!!

I thought F No!! There is no way in Hell !!
This guy is for real ?!! I cannot take it ******* batman his ShizzT do stank; Plans to get all up in there! Great for us Not! With some eating it up this cannot be good!.

what we had F'ing idiots saying Yes he is the one!**** now our Fing hope
has grown wings and flown flown flown Way beyond and Yonder!!!

This Duesche of a president will soon be forced out and dismissed from his big wig seat & As Gargamel is to the smurfs this **** is to us here on this earth.!
I call a redo with more of a candidate selection lets
get a freakin Re-election.

At the buffet waiting for something hot & fresh
not some old dried up chicken leg!!

Still Waiting...... with just Sloppy seconds on my plate
often times the good stuffs just too late.

When it has sat out too long and now cold stiff green beans have gone
Those emptied out pockets fill up like sunken ships while apologees
are flightless as they have clipped wings, Using old **** to shame me then here comes those hot helium filled lies of a false apology!

Using it time and time again to refill & sip that **** you drink it's filled to the brim! Yes I have sinned I am no saint just please when you repeat apologize know its simply sloppy seconds to me and my ears which bounces off my heart out into anger land and frustrations that these so called after fights apologees well they don't mean jack **** to me! So work on your actions and less other words! Be straight forward and my respect you'll instill
just make sure you take time until you can give a
real heart felt apology
Be Real

Klick Klick B00M!!

Klick~ Chance number one.
Klick~Chance number two.
B00M!~ Pulled Anger Trigger and is now activated until water applied to the fire!

KLICK KLICK B00M!

So Listen now
One More Try Listen NOW!!!
BOOOOOMM!! OK THATS IT I'VE HAD IT!!!!!
****!!

Klick Klick B00M!!
SnaP!!! YEP BY THEN I HAD SNAPPED!!!
Thee End.

Iv'e only got eyes for you,I tell you your the one!
          Your jealous but I say to you that
your crazy but then you tune in and dial up
        "Oh **** I did it I accidentally slipped up!!

I said that one extra bit when I should have stopped!
So I twist it and turn so its now yours and I am not burnt
to a crisp although now she does know the fantasies I have
and the women I gain more laughs from at work but it is just
looking so what's it hurt? Its not a cheat just a innocent thing
but Happy Valentines day I love you & Your the only one for me.

Just remember I will suppress the real thoughts and feelings I have towards chicks because it is just in the work office nothing to fear! its not the same or equal to cheating he may say but eyes and lust with imaginations gone wild
yes it is just as terrible and married folk please flirting is
Flirting no matter
  !!Where!!
                          
  Happy Love Day to the Jaded
this ones for you but in your case
    I hope this one is good!
If single and got no one to kiss,
  treat yourself to something sweet a pedicure
or maybe a carrmel apple happy V day
to all who care and to those who don't
neither do we so go Ehhh yourself,
holidays clearly annoy you and me
Hashtag destroy.  
but for real go love someone
even a stranger who may need a cheer
so I am a loser so are you
happy V day
so F u.

I walk around
I walk in stride
I walk along with the image of false pride.

I walk around
I walk, I try
I ***** out
a gaggle of
lies!

I walk around
a happy life
they see.
Behind
my door
hides
the
loudness a knockin"
hello insecurities
are
at the front
trying to surface
so .......
I walk around
I walk alone
I walk beneath
my sinful bone.

I walk in joy
I walk distressed
I walk as I keep on keepin on
come on lets just all
play Pretend or just take a rest
Ain't life the Best? :)!

I'm feeling sad
It is pretty bad
This deep radiating cut is in my gut!!

I am feeling hurt from
To losing someone I love so dear.

Why must we face living without
And why couldn't god had made us live eternally in physical form no pooping Out!!

I'm feeling heartbroken
Cracked inside out &Right side up
Lots of losses the last few years;
took me some time to realize how Severe;

This depression, Literally took a serious realization To shape&form to Lie 0n my head just until I truly can see it clearer and true not just hiding
From me the person broken from within.

Cold from Freshly chilled rain drops
Falling from my nose Off my ears
Drip Drop
Drip

This disease its not mine
I think it is out of control! well at least mine.
It has no fear and has no boundaries causing despair and joy
What can I do it clings to me, I try to get it off I try to get it out
the only problem is it takes me over it makes me shout and my hands
well they just have to vent and air out, they know not what they do
Its the Disease they tell me, it's it still it does it so what is the use.

It loves me and sometimes so do I but most of the time its the
diseases favorite pass time, What is the disease you must be asking
the only problem is it is not just mine it also clings to you and now
you are worrying how do you get it off of you and let it out well
lucky you met me because I am here to guide believe me of this topic
I would not lie, You let it in you scream it out it is all your words
and judgement too and the way you feel and speak the disease is
         within you so all you can do the only hope for you is self control
restrain the beast do not doubt its power to spread all over you and
your disease well it is partially up to you get with the program and simply
bolt the mouth and tie the hands this is your bestest conquering plan
then the disease will not stand a chance against you
go on and live your best life by being truly you.