sorry I' not the girl who made your heart melt
sorry I couldn't be what you wanted
sorry I didn't want to drop to my knees and give life to your masculine ego
i'm sorry I couldn't make you fall in love with more than my body
i'm sorry I fell in love with you, that was so selfish of me to put you through the stress of having someone love you
I'm sorry all your friends yelled at you for breaking y heart, it's my fault after all that you broke it right?
I'm sorry that I'm trying to make you realise what a mistake this is
I'm sorry that I make you uncomfortable because when I look at you I know you can see my heart break more and more, as if that was even possible
I'm sorry I don't hide the fact that this destroyed me
I'm sorry I keep falling in love with you, I know it must be so difficult to have someone care about your every movement
I'm sorry I'm being so selfish with my own feelings and that I'm not already over you
I'm sorry that I still love you with every ounce of my soul and just want you to be happy
I'm sorry I care about you more than I care about myself
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
I'm sorry
and most of al I'm sorry for saying sorry so many times, I know you're probably sick of hearing it because after all it is my fault this happened isn't it?
I'm sorry I keep saying sorry, once more, I'm sick of saying it.

you liked to live life in the fast lane
speed straight down highways, no slowing down
no brakes, no time to hesitate
no time for limitation on your desire to obtain your preoccupations

you liked to focus on the present for a short while
until the now signalled its change to the slow lane and began driving the speed limit and you could no longer race it
from then, it was pretending to care while searching for the next body type
no two were exactly alike, you always had a hunger for a new rev in the engine
sooner rather than later, the present became a distant memory that you left stranded on the side of the highway and you took the driver's seat in a new model that you should've taken passenger's in

you did always enjoy revisiting your antiques though
they were the ones you knew were too attached to forget you
until one day, your most prized possession refused to turn on its headlights and refused to run for you
and thus began the inhalation of your premium body type collection

off to the races speed demon, good luck finding another car to race

the second shot
you called them all
made every spilt second decision to turn our platonic friendship into a disaster of i wanna get back together
you frame us a best friends now
but i think boyfriend suits you better
you thought the same last week
the switch flipped, you got scared of falling once more
and once more i am left, alone in my bed, crying into my pillow over the sun kissed blonde boy who drives me to the brink of insanity
my god i love you
my god i need to stop loving you

hearts aligned in ways the starts dream of
a love so pure
a love turned tragic
two star crossed lovers
took their lives
hearts still aligned
but the stars
no longer
shined

and i sat and stared into the eyes
of what i presumed to be mine
my relection looking right at me

cold lifeless tears already formed on the waterline
not a sign
of any soul behind
icy blue irises and puplis far too dialated
for this "darkness" inside

i sat and i stared
at this stranger
for what let like eternity
but really
was probably only
ten minutes, at most

looking back at me
i sae the body of a girl
more like the corpse of a girl
with eyes that didn't shine
and had bags underneath like caynons
and blood red lips
chapped from biting and self deprecating coldness
not a twitch upward to be seen
a straight line of melancholy

the hollowness of an creature
i'm not too sure is real
she doesn't look it
she's not alive

i'm frightened of what i saw
because that is who i am
that is me
potentially.

my tears have become the source of water my body lives off of
licking the salt off my lips, taste the melancholy in their kiss
eyes stiff from trying to keep the dams from breaking
they shattered within thirty seconds after saying goodbye
i haven’t tasted oxygen in three days
it feels like a poisonous gas polluting my lungs with each heave in between cries begging you to come back
i tell myself i’m pathetic for thinking you’ll come back because i know i am
but here i am, crying to myself in the pitch black over you on day number three of the most immeasurable pain i have ever endured

a heart
more fragile than most
relinquishes itself
to the greatest danger it has ever known.
The heart of another soul
a soul so vastly different than
the heart's own.
It feels that it can trust it,
never be too trusting.

spark up the lighter
feel it burn the tip of your thumb
light up the demons
inhale their love
blow out all your worries
in a puff of tobacco smoke
fell yourself succumb
into their fake love

crack open the bottle
feel the burbon burn
as it trickles down your throat
let the warmth of distorted happiness
engulf your soul

pour out the pills of hope
let the pretty colours cause you
to overdose
sit back and feel the numbness
shut down your body
a false moment of freedom

make your addiction
a romantic affair
the most epic marrige
you've already maded the vow
'till death do us part, my love.

words exchanged our parents would **** us for
promised made that i don’t know i can follow through
a new relationship formed, a different one for me and you
consisting solely of your lust and my feeding into, cursing myself for every text sent
******* myself over, falling deeper and deeper once again into the idea of you
while you’re thinking of the idea of me in your bed wrapped in between sheets
desires tangled like naked bodies in bed
you are lust and i’m love, the messy bed had yet to be made

sip on a cherry coke sad depressed broken love heart heartbroken
pick the petals of a dead rose
forget your feelings in the smoke of a marlboro
gave your heart our again
to someone who only makes you sin.
welcome to the broken hearts club
we break our hearts for fun.

grab the bull by the horns
look at it dead in the eyes
see the danger of the flames burning within
remember that you are the red flag
you control the fierce beast that it clutched in your grip
one mistake, one flaw of reasoning and your fate becomes the bull’s decision
the bull is getting impatient
you release it from your grip
the bull with its new found freedom, stands still, stares at you as it lies down
the bull has surrendered itself to you
be gentle with him, he only wants your affection
and in that moment you realise that the bull is your heart and you, you are everything you have ever inflicted upon it.

the crash is what hits hardest
after you've tried with all your strength to get better
you can feel the edorphins start to release inside your brain
and you believe that this, this is what serenity feels like

you cry euphoric tears
no longer does the body you live in feel like deadweight that is a pain to carry upon two worn out feet
it feels like air, as if you are floating and as if nothing ceases to be
this, this is what life should feel

and then the crash hits
it comes out of nowhere as most "accidents" do
suddenly those bright skies are filled with ominious clouds
and your bright eyes are covered with a film of monochrome
you're stunned, paralysed with fear of whta this could all mean
a state of being so long unexperienced you almost forgot that it was ever in existence
but the crash happens
and you are left stranded in the middle of the highway
body returning to lifelessness

wandering fingers
exploring unknown landscapes
tracing over
unknown terrain

the desire of youth,
two lovers inside
thoughts filling their minds
of forbidden
actions

wandering fingers
discovering new worlds
all for the same purpose
to evoke
a
feeling

turn on the shower to the hottest it can go
undress, peel off the first reminder of your nightmare
watch as the steam fills the room
step in under the water
the scorch doesn’t sting anymore.
sit and ponder, over think everything you know
cover your hands in soap and scrub every inch of your skin
try and scrub the devil’s touch off your skin
turn off the shower, look down and your fire red skin, the water felt cold.

brush your teeth for what seems like an eternity
you’ll never get lucifer’s taste out of your mouth or the devil’s kiss off your lips
spit, watch the blood drain down the skin, you scrubbed too hard, but didn’t feel a thing.

sleep
try to escape the demons in your dreams
surprise, they’re in your dreams.
they are your dreams, you don’t dream darling you live and breathe in a walking nightmare constantly.

reach out a hand
try and grasp the beams of sun that shine through the window panes
feel the warmth on your skin, soak it all up
fear when the sky goes black, as if a curtain has been pulled over it
hear them call you out, they feast at night
listen to their pleads, their cries, begging for you to come back
try to make yourself visible in the pale moonlight, they can't take you home unless you are surrounded by the darkness
notice as your hands begin to tremble
"i don't want to go back"
watch as bright white dots appear out of nowhere, just like the stars above
close your eyes and tell them you're not afraid of them anymore
try to convince them, try to make them believe the lies you're telling them

open, for it is morning
and the sun feels like heaven on your skin
and you know the night will come soon after
but for now the demons have vanished, and you, you have lived through another fight with the nights sinful ways

weeds now fill the space in my heart where roses once bloomed
the bees no longer give me honey, all the sunflowers that gre from my mind
exterminated by your pesticide
my iris eyes are now petaless, they've all been cried

you killed the flower garden
i am now a wasteland of wilted weeds and broken memories.

the sound of mortal terror ringing in thine eyes
the look of death greeting thy eyes, a look so beautiful that it disguises itself as love
the perplexity of its intoxication
entering the bloodstream through the heart
turning crimson blood black, slowly beginning to ****
slowing the beat of the hideous heart
until finally, the poison has overtaken
killing your softly, but all at once

scorched rose petals led the way
to the land of the greatest heartbreak
begs and pleas of "stay"
scattered about like love letters
torn pictures and broken frames
of what once was a love
that withstood every test of time

the land of the greatest heartbreak
serves as a reminder
that even in the purest of romances
when the clock strikes midnight
it's time for goodbye.

boys are mindless, they're like bulls

they see two flags, one that's being tossed around violently in the air and one that is being fluttered about gently
they are used to the one that flutters, they've seen it being waved violently, that's how it first got their attention. but the violent wave can only last so long, the matador will eventually get tired of violently waving the flag and it will get used to the bull's temper and only wave it violently when it needs to
the bull takes longer to recognise that just because the matador is fluttering the flag, doesn't mean that the violent wave is gone. it's just being kept for when it is needed most. so the bull, only being drawn to what the surface level shows, leaves the fluttering flag and the matador and charges towards the violently flowing flag.

but, little does the bull know that that flag will soon end up fluttering too because no flag waves violently forever and when the bull realises this, they will realise the mistake they made when they left the first matador and run to the flag that has a sword hidden underneath.

i wanted to know love so badly
craved it’s attention more than anything
begged every night to be met with love’s miraculous acquaintance
i wanted to know the beauty that love had to offer those it greeted

love and i met randomly
it was a spur of the moment encounter
but i guess in my pleas i wasn’t specific enough
i didn’t meet the love i had hoped for, the love i had pictured
i met the love everyone can never outrun, i was faced with unrequited

unrequited wears the same mask as love
for awhile, makes you think you’ve met true love
but after sometime
unrequited reveals its identity but you’re heart is too used to its mask to realise
and then one day, you’re struck with reality
and the mask of unrequited fades
and you’re left with a broken heart and a mistake

tears fill your eyes
heart races and beats so fast you can feel it in your throat
your breathe cannot keep up with these sudden flashes of extreme emotion, it shortens its self, trying to stop itself so you will no longer breathe so your heart may rest
the devil's hands reaching around your neck and through your chest, getting a firm grasp on your heart to ease the palpitations

in this chaos of events your heart has a split second to decide whether it's in love or whether you're so terrified of what's happening to you it's in a state of panic

but is there truly a difference? your heart suffers in the same way and while the dictionary says neither are synonyms, they're synonymous in the way demons play with your heart and air fighting to stop itself from escaping your lips

you tell me pretty things
things i craved to hear long ago
you admit to still feeling something and you know that’s enough to convince me to do anything
you give me that look
the look that sends chills all over, the look that could make me **** a man without hesitation
you lean in, i do the same
our lips lock
things escalate
you hands roam
i don’t complain
soon enough you’ve got what you wanted, well for now that is
i go over again, the next day
we do the same show
except this time it’s for your pleasure and my hands roam
i leave
you tell me how good i was
and now here we are
you’re asking for the one thing i am still afraid of
jokingly saying i owe you after four months of waiting
the joke stings
because i know that i’ll give this to you
and you’ll leave
you’ll get what you want and simply just
move on
and i’ll be left, all alone
crying into my cookie dough
questioning why i let you back in
i hope i was satisfactory to your needs

silence, silence so primitive that it begs to be heard
begs for attention, for you to notice what it’s trying to tell you
but alas, silence is still white noise in empty space
everything goes left unheard

conversation, conversations that escape from soft lops like birds from a cage
aching to be free in the world, to be heard, to be noticed
words creating a cacophony, so hard to miss any that are firing out from our canon mouths
but the words you were aiming never hit bullseye, they got left unspoken

actions, actions that you could retrace all the way back to love
the imminent need for touch, a graze of calloused fingertips against smooth arms
the lack of personal space between your body and mine
eyes flickering to every target some other body part is trying to make contact with
alas, actions got misconstructed, they got left unnoticed

conclusion, conclusion of the un-phenomenon
hands locked around my waist, twist so we’re face to face
eyes locked on target, heart rates hitting a hundred
cataclysmic sparks, a new un enters the plot
unexpected response, he goes in for another
the un-phenomenon comes to an expected ending

you and i may not ever be
but i'd like to think
that somewhere we'd
be star crossed lovers

A chaotic mess of star dust


deep down i'd like to
believe that someday
there will be
a you and me

there's a certain script each parent gives to their child
"the wonderful words of life" if you will
it tells you about thing things you should probably know that stems from their morals and values
but your parents never really tell you how life truly is
they'll never tell you how badly your first heartbreak will fell, they'll just tell you they'll be more, and eventually this pain will fade, as if that's supposed to be helpful
they'll never tell you what to look for in a good person, i mean you're supposed to figure that out yourself, but some guidelines would have saved me a hell of a lot of sleepless nights crying silently to myself over some crumby guy
they'll never tell you that you should be living life and not hiding, they won't outright say it but they'll force you to be social, which doesn't make things better, worse actually
you parents will never tell you how badly life will take you in its arms, hold you close and show you love and then throw you into the dust and ******* over, repeatedly
they'll never tell you what life is, because they don't know what you're life will be

i feel sick to my stomach
three weeks in and there's already something

you wanna slow things down
but i'm already in the fast lane and no one's moving over on the highway to let me change

let's not hold hands
but we still can
make out on crumpled bed sheets

i wanna redirect my attention
but it's all yours
when i'm ripping off your clothes

you made me feel like a friend today
worse actually
more like a walking "use me" sign

i didn't answer for hours
and not even an "are you okay?"

i told you today was weird
you didn't seem to care to ask why

i don't know what's running through your head
but i know what's running through mine

not again not again not again
please be different
please don't be like the last guy

you have more of a foothold to hurt me
baby please don't change your mind
we're three weeks in, there's so much more to go
please honey, you've already got me on hands and knees
begging for mercy
please. don't make me cry
like all those other guys.

kiss my lips
soft like velvet
sickly sweet
like the lies you whisper to me

play with my thorns
pluck my petals away
like you do with every other
pretty pink rose you pass by


hypnotise me
make me chase you down the rabbit hole
desert me in a chaos of my own creation

love me.
for no one else does

a what was to be a stifled yawn escapes her lips
fingers rubbing at tired eyes as if if she rubbed hard enough she could make the purple rings underneath blend in with the colour of her skin
body feeling weighed down on my some force to be reckoned with, one much stronger than gravity
a sleepy haze overcomes, but she doesn't seem to  mind this kind of tired

being so well trained in the fine arts of what tired can be
she smiles knowing that this tired is one of the good kinds
this tired isn't like the kind of tired you feel when depression becomes you rbest friend and no matter how long you sleep the sight of the sun still burns your eyes and you feel like deadweight being pulled by a string
or the tired that follows a fit of tears and shaking, the tired that made a love affair with anxiety and you hope for nothing more than for this affair to be over for your sanity

no this tired, is different.
this tired keeps the smile on your face when you wake up from three hours sleep knowing that it was all worth it just to get a simple hello from the one person you've been dying to talk to all day
an I love you from your best friend all the way across the ocean
the tired that reminds you how you felt while your eyes were burning and begging to be **** when you saw that your world and his had met up o the same day even though the time zone would beg to differ that he's not as far away as he seems anymore

this tired i do not mind
this tired can overcome me any day
as long as this tired continued to feel like the tired you get after you've soaked in rays of golden sunshine for a bit too long

emptiness fills my body
the nothingness spreads throughout my bloodstream
a sense of numb starts to become apparent in my brain, almost as if my body is preparing to die

to admit that you are in love is to admit that you can be inflicted with anything
in my experience, love is simply an overarching word for everything that is in existence
with love comes the inevitable and oblivion all at once
the two most terrifying things to most individuals, along with everything else there is

in my short lived time, i have been in love twice
the first, a disaster from the start, for it was unrequited and he made me believe that he loved me all the same so he could have his way and leave at the first break
the second, the second is pure. he lives me more than anything I could ever have asked for. The second, the second dis what scares me, i know he loves me. I know myself and I know i destroy everything that is good, and he is everything that good could be. I cannot simply act as i did when the first left me, for the second promised no matter what he would always love me.

to love is to be so careful with everything, and my clumsy nature doesn’t know how to tread lightly, one step at a time. It falls and makes mistakes, some to detrimental to recover from, and to love is to own an entire heart the isn’t yours. I love the second, truly i do, but i don’t think i can love the second without breaking him too.

To my first love,
you broke me, you left me. You loved me, I'd like to believe all the times you told me you loved me you meant it.
You're not reading this, I know you're not and I know you haven't read any of my poems. They're give you insight into my mind that you never could understand.

You did push me though, you pushed me to write, so I guess I should thank you for the heartbreak, it's let me create art.

This isn't a poem, this is a letter. One addressed to the source of my poems, I love you and I know it's true. And I know that I'll never forget you.

to whatever lies in the cosmos i pray to thee
i pray with all of my dying breath that one day this pain will ease
i pray that i may find a love who will cherish thee and adore every part of me that you ceased to explore, but would implore that it would be mended to your satisfaction
oh heavenly beings above
i am disregarding my beliefs for your mircales
give me a love that is fair
give me a love that is kind
give me a love that for once in my life, isn't unrequited
oh hellish beings i wish i could loathe
keep your sins to yourselves and grant me some mercy
i have been through a lifetime of hell that my heart can no longer endure
oh to the intergalactic fortune holders
please rewrite mine to one that tells of a love so pure that shakespeare rises from the dead to see how the stars aligned

in paris, you loved me, life was amorous
in the maldives, you desired me more than you ever had before, i don't think the bed every stayed tidy
in rome, you told me I was a masterpiece greater than any of Da Vinci's
in new york, you screamed, even the sound of the taxi cabs couldn't drown out the sound of you saying you hated me
in london, you left me stranded, broke my heart and bolted,
back to paris when this mess of a romance started, where you said you loved me.

first glance
looking my worst nightmare
straight in the eyes
fire raging behind souless irises

touching tounges
swapping spit
the devil's kiss
tasted so sweet
it made me sick

carless caress
i felt the poision
from the grim reaper's skeletal fingers
leak into my veins
intoxicate my bloodstream

gluttonous embrace
stick your knife in my back
slice my heart out of my broken ribs

run your fingers through my hair
satan's got a grip on my mind
make me scream
make me bleed

it is a horror show after all
this romance could be nothing more.

smoke a cigarette
gulp down a whole bottle of *****
hook up with a random lust
scream
cry
run down an empty street
try to feed the demons, intoxicate them with filth
repeat.

nothing ever works.

i didn’t realise that in binding our time together i had to give you my silence
i didn’t realise that this relationship was one sided, of course in your favour because who am i to have needs or desires when all that i am goes directly to you
i didn’t remember signing my entire life away to you, letting you take control of my strings and giving you the role of puppeteer
i didn’t realise that you, while you show me glimpses of what life can be would be the very force that restricts me from living
i didn’t realise that my one true arch nemesis would stem from within my own body, an invisible demon living inside my very own temple
i don’t remember you even asking to be apart of my life, i just remember you announcing you presence, suddenly and out of the blue
i don’t remember signing a contract that gave you ultimate power over my being, but i don’t think you crafted one to begin with
i don’t remember saying that you could invite friends to move into my home, but then again when have you ever asked to do anything
i don’t even know how you came to be, but then again, when did my anxiety and cyclomythia ever stem from anything logical, they just turned up one day and made me their permanent residency

I see you both, walking down the street we both know too well

You look like lovers, you most likely are

But then your eyes meet mine, and I swear they have something inside

A look that screams "I'm sorry darling, but my love is not for her, it is for you."

I look down at the ground, tears already threatening to spill

I couldn't help but think to myself, "if this love is for me, then my dear why are you still with her?"

An unrequited love but not everyone can have their happy ending.

the stars, they're in your eyes
galaxies and universe fill your mind.
I no longer see the stars, all i see is a black void.
A black void to represent empty space that now fills my heart where you once lay.

vices to counter balance our virtues
inhale nicotine smoke into decaying lungs
drown your liver in poison that burns as it goes down your throat but tastes like an angel’s kiss on your lips
roll dices in emerald green tables, throw down triple aces and the queen of hearts, gamble your heart away, what good has it done anyway?

glutinous coping mechanisms
vices supplied by satan himself
disguised in angelic fashions to hide the truth of our vices

we were happy, i know we were. it seems so far away now, whatever we had before seems so out of reach now, not that what we have now is bad, not at all, but i can’t help but miss aspects of what we had. I miss the beginning of the past, you were so different then, you seemed to be in for the ****, you seemed so happy then, i don’t think i’ve really seen you so into me since, that is unless you’re trying to get something out of me. I don’t mind it, though, i just miss knowing that you’re fully mine is all. I have this constant worry that I’m simply just not enough for you, even after all this time i still feel like i’m not enough, even when i give you all that i have to give, i still seem to be falling short in some aspect.

i mean you look at me and instantly i cannot help but smile to no end, and all you do is look at me. it’s ridiculous that even after all this time, i still cannot stop the beat of my heart from elevation each time you lay those eyes, those ****** eyes of your on me. i feel like i am invincible and it’s crazy to me that you have that power over me with just a simple glance. even if you gave me the coldest stare you could muster, in between all that ice and bitterness i would still find some warmth and that scares me. the fact that i will always find some fire inside your ice blue eyes, even if i have to imagine that there is still a flame ignited behind them for me. oh it drives me crazy you you can do all of these things to me, after all this time.

i wish i could say that your mine, but quite frankly i cannot and i act like i’m fine with that and most of the time, i convince myself that i am for your sake, but when the lights are out and i’m staring at the ceiling, stifling tears behind my own stone cold blue irises, i am reminded that i am not fine with our current situation or even what the current situation used to be. i am reminded that even though i tell myself i don’t want it, all i really want is the right to be able to say confidently that you are totally and completely mine because i have already given you that power over i, and you didn’t even have to ask for it.

you said you don’t know what you’d do to yourself if anything happened to me
you said if i died you’d die with me
so what do you propose to do?
now that you’ve happened to me and killed a part of me that should’ve died long ago
what’s the plan for our demise? what’s the movie script ending you have in mind?
the sun killed the moon and the stars shine in her absence.

what is there to say
i pour my heart out to you
you say you feel the same
we do what we always do
two days later you tell me you like me but you still don’t want to date
what am i to do?
i know i’ll wait for you, like a lovestruck child
no matter how hard i try
i’m stuck on you, unfathomable as to why
deep down i know you’re stuck on me too
otherwise we wouldn’t be stuck in this mess
it’s such a simple solution
we’re both after the same thing, we’ve established this
so why are you still not ready have it

removed every memory, erasing each one from my brain like a school child would erase mistakes from their essays
cleansed myself of the traces of dirt you left lingering on my skin
removed myself from the toxic mental state you left my mind to create, the radioactive waste you left in there began to get too much to bare
you became like a faded photograph, only the outline of what once was remained
i tucked you away, like the old phrase out of sight out of mind
i became whole again, on my own
i found happiness within myself instead of within a temporary foundation
you’re trying to break the concrete i have laid down over your cracked foundation in an attempt to re-earth it
but this concrete will never give way to let you seep in-between the cracks that lay beneath it

slow things down
live in the present of you and i, colliding in ways that previously seemed to be long over, an unforeseen fate
committing acts two beings platonically could never do
the idea of me and you once more, but an actual romance in act two
causing headache from inhaling all the smoke signals
does he want me or does he love me?
"best friend" being thrown around after doing things no two best friends would ever think of doing, avoiding the topic at hand of what even is this mess we've created
we're both without love, both have typical teenage desires, might as well have some fun while being alone
i don't know how much longer i can do this without falling straight back into square one of loving you

i swore i would know love when he stopped by
he would be wearing skate highs and know how to ride
i’d probably run into him doing kick flips and listening to the smiths
he’d have amazing style, always wearing black chinos with the bottoms cuffed up
i swore that this model of love would waltz right into my heart and he would be the first and i would only ever know love in that genre
but love turned out to be completely different
love wore khaki shorts and hated the colour black
love hadn’t rode a skateboard since he was nine and even then he couldn’t do a kick flip to save his life
love ditched the smiths for kendrick and thought that kanye was a god
love hated his trousers cuffed at the bottoms, he thought it made him look like a pirate
but love waltzed right in, and took my heart right by the reins and made me realise that i never truly had any idea of who love was before love showed up

the steam billows from the shower
the water, set to the highest degree, feels like a thousand flames hitting my skin
a feeling my skin has desensitised itself to, one of the many forms of subtle harm it’s gotten used too
the self mutilation , however, that still stings under the flames, the sting feels the same as when the blade slices against the already scarred skin
god why do I do this to myself
sitting under flames pouring from a stainless steel shower head with fresh red lines that signal death running parallel next to blue veins that pump the blood that keeps me alive
where is the compromise? where did the beautiful colour purple go? I miss purple.

but here i am, one again
wiping away tears masked by the water cascading over my body
wondering if i’m even alive whilst pressing down on burning red lines
the bad habit i no longer bother to hide
the cycle continues, each time promising to be the last.

as i lay here, encapsulated by my own guilt
a pool of blood begins to muster underneath me, and it stains the satin sheets red

i can feel the blood draining from me ,
but i am unaware of how i got myself into this position? why am i bleeding?

my hands run up and down my back, until they stop on something, a handle sticking out of my back, right behind where my heart would be

they grasp on tight and pull out the weapon i didn’t feel pierce me
the light makes the blade glint, the silver glistens and the blood that drips has an elegant sheen to it

you became the moon,
the stars
the sun
you became the universe

when the universe suddenly says goodbye
all life dies
including mine.

seeing things in fading light
colour hues disappearing
the colours fade from my eyes, I'm seeing in black and white.