I will never admit to my faults
i will never admit that sometimes
you seem too much to handle and my brain goes into overdrive
and pounds, oh my god does it pound

louder than my heart against my rib cage when you say my name
harder than a jackhammer hitting concrete
a constant pounding, fuelled by this almost
palpable fear that you're just too good
and good never stays so I am waiting for you to leave
like the rest of them

I'll never admit to you
that I'm terrfied
and that sometimes tears fill my eyes
and my hands shake
and I get cold before I have to see your face
because I am so terrified of these
feelings? I guess they can be called that,
but they feel more like daggers rather than anything else.

they say that infatuation shouldn't feel painful
but my god it is
even writing this my heart is hurting
and that is what i cannot understand

why i have to make something that feels so safe
into a danger zone
in which, i am bound to get hurt
but this time, it feels like I am the perpetrator
of the mass destruction that is to come
and I don't know how to stop it.

with each word that you speak
i am paralysed with a fear i have never felt
frightened by each syllable because i can never tell if you mean the words that drip like poison from your lips

your eyes send shocks through my body
my bones are cracked from the electrocution of the fear surging in my veins, striking everything it comes into contact with like lightning

you as a being haunts me, your very soul possesses mine and while the horror of what you evoke inside of me is a nightmare coming to life
you make me feel like morticia addams, i crave the fright.

a copious amount of flavours have touched my tastebuds
and left my lips feeling some sort of way

but none will ever compare to the way your lips tasted like a mixture of sweet cream and honey
and left my lips feeling soft for days after

this scares me
it scares me that I may never find a taste so sweet
and that my lips may never feel as soft as they did after being graced by your kiss

you told em you loved me today
my first instinct was to deny it, there's no possible way
you repeated yourself once more and i shot it down again
you looked destroyed when i told you you didn't love me, there's no possible way
you insisted you did, reminding me you tell me all the time
but texting and physically saying that time old phrase aren't remotely related
you told me you loved me today
and i nearly died
why can't i accept your i love you when i used to crave it?

sunbeams burning our once fair skin
running towards seemingly  nothing, but what is in fact the unknown of what we will turn into
the sunset was so pretty that day, the sky was on fire and we were infinite and electric

the sun wasn't the only thing that set that night though
with its last rays, you last sparks for me burnt out
i was a fire, like the sky and you were smoke the same colour of the fog that hid the stars that night

once you buy a fresh pair, the black is vivid and strong and the toe cap is still perfectly intact, no scuff to be found

but after time, chucks wear thin and your favourite pair gets tossed and replaced with a replica that is never as good as the first.

it’s confusing you see, because if you loved something so dearly, a few scuffs from memories and love wouldn’t be such a problem, if anything you’d hold onto those worn up chucks as a reminder that love will wear things down, but the wear and tear is the most beautiful thing because it means you’re settling.

but i guess you don’t like things that are old, which must be why you treated me the same as your old chuck taylor’s.