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Eva B Apr 2020
In the mirror
the hickey looks like
lipstick. When I rub
my neck
her teeth stay
stuck like kissy lips
on mirrors
of girly girls.
On the surface
the blue-blood egret
and his
white-toothed egret
friend look like
enemies.
They share the lake’s
surface like comrades splitting a spliff
during war.
The mirror’s surface
reflects my haggard
face.
The kiss on my neck brings me pleasure
that is difficult to peck in the eddy formed after she swelled along my desire.

In the mirror:    
his naked body
my naked body
like the cartilages
of comrades marching back
to their bombed base.
That night he finished quiet like the veteran
egret pecking his prey.
That night I spread––
the eddy after the prey was pecked. On my surface I can’t find any traces
of his breath or his pecks. The mirror’s surface reflects our haggard love––
tired of slithering away
from egret beaks
finding it difficult
to breathe
lifting its long neck
above the swell
in the eddy
in this sea.
414 · Apr 2020
I haven't forgotten
Eva B Apr 2020
On the side of the path where overhead
treetops meet to tickle
each other, the roots
from two trees are knotted
together.

Meet me by that knot.
Kiss me like you said
you would.
404 · May 2020
Swing High and Higher
Eva B May 2020
That bird's song is a rusty swing set--
a girl meeting the sky with her toes.
373 · Apr 2020
Confirmation
Eva B Apr 2020
Sister Magdalene had her own parking space
in the lot of the church where my grandfather
placed his hand on my shoulder.
Over the other, Joan of Arc whispered a joke
about the Father.
Something about bad breath.
I giggled a fragmented
Amen.

As a young girl I dreamt of the honor
of battle and the burden
of armor. Each morning I’d awake,
my wrist sore from painting fields
menstrual red. My thighs ached.
My horse's name was Gust.
She was the color of overcast.
Once, she got so tired
she kneeled. When she stood
her stomach held the night sky.
I laid beneath her and named stars
from bits of her fur
until the field began to whisper so loud
that I woke.

Sister Magdalene sat in the first row of pews.
Her skeleton hands held a candle. The flame
tip-toed up her habit with the resolve
of a field of corpses rolling their eyes
toward salvation. When the flame
reached her chin I bit my lip.
Joan asked what’s wrong
or what’s right.
My mouth was full.

The flame grew to reach the Father,
kneeling at the feet of a cadaver.

I listened to the church bend
in the heat until Joan begged that we leave.
Based on Otto Dix's 1914 painting, The Nun
315 · Jul 2020
bewilder me
Eva B Jul 2020
it’s a want to own but
you are not mine to own

neither is anything else that speaks
in sacred codes

what the moon tells me comes from within
but it is not mine

what belongs to the world’s heart cannot be owned
Inspired by Paulo Coelho's The Alchemist.
Eva B Apr 2020
The female ****** is a rosebud
blossoming over the course of seconds.

Our organs were molded in the
image of clams and flowers.

God obviously
gave his blessing.
Eva B Apr 2020
A cross. A crossroads.
The desire to erupt.
If the world were red and brown—
If. Jarr
it open.
Resist and grind.

The clouds were piped
by God. Onto the sky.
To forget the tombstones—
To remember the tomb.
Round it out and fluff.
Depress into the ground,
fellow bush.
Eva B Apr 2020
The purple desire.
A vortex of lust.
If the clam were to shut
on the fingers of a plate,
then what is the pearl? A rooster?
A blue embrace.

The plates are traps.
Eva B Jun 2020
Thank you for making me feel

beautiful
Inspired by the politically incorrect poems of Eva Aloezos. As a woman whose body has never been the embodiment of "beautiful" in the U.S., it feels strangely empowering to have someone express their desire for my body. This poem is not to say that women don't face discrimination on account of their gender, but it is to bite back at a taken-for-granted cultural rhetoric that vilifies men, certain masculinities, and expressions of male sexualities.
268 · May 2020
A note on empiricism
Eva B Apr 2020
If I have to throw my body into mesh
again, I am going to scream the hollowed
vibration of rage for all to hear.

I didn’t choose to prefer daffodils
over lilies. Yet now after now I am
shamed. Picking leaf after leaf in this
field of flowers, no one seems to love me
yet.
244 · Apr 2020
Bombshell
Eva B Apr 2020
Pout at me
I'll drool
with you.
We'll wet
together.
Wiggle and
deceive me.
Eva B Apr 2020
Squeeze the spire.
Steal it of breath.
And then hear it gasp.
Pull the green
over its head.
Eva B Apr 2020
I spend the night trying to run from the storm
wrapping its arms around this town

but its roar
the thought of her

too intrusive too raging too electric

her rain softens the earth around my naked heart
the one I buried just for her

I lie awake stuck at 9, 894  
being unearthed is painful

I argue with the storm
until I realize there's no outrunning myself
Revision. The original (first/second) draft reads:

I spent the night
trying to run
from the storm
wrapping its arms
around this town

but its roar
was too intrusive
and the thought of her
is too raging too electric
for my naked
heart.

The one I placed
at the center
of this downpour.
214 · Apr 2020
Seminar
Eva B Apr 2020
I feel my ****** begin to swell
like a red ballon.
Slowly.
Aching too.
Sometimes it’s catching a bit
of your breath
when you sigh.
And sometimes it’s the sight
of your neck.
You lean sideways,
and I look toward you,
wondering:
why the desire to reach you
is so strong.
Why this pull?
211 · May 2020
sticky feelings
Eva B May 2020
how am I to proclaim my desire for her when my shadow says I am too much too fast I unravel I hesitate I hide I dream her body showers mine
204 · Apr 2020
To my students
Eva B Apr 2020
When we were in the classroom
we'd draw up the shades
to welcome sunlight.

We were one:
in exhaustion
frustration
excitement.

There is something fundamental to learning
that lies in the energy of the body;
what one body becomes
among others.

I hope you can all remember
what we became
together.
I miss my students, my classroom, my colleagues, my professors.
196 · May 2020
Parasite
Eva B May 2020
Her desire is the force of a thousand arrows
fogging the valley beneath my navel.

Her hair is feathered,
feasting on my stomach or
what's left of my body as she swallows
my *** whole.
195 · Apr 2020
To the women I’ll desire
Eva B Apr 2020
I can’t lie about wanting
to fall to my knees
with roses in a hand
held outward.

If you want me to resist
Who I am
I refuse.
191 · Apr 2020
Apocalyptic Landay
Eva B Apr 2020
Kiss, hug! your mother and your father.
In the years ahead we will hate and honor water.
178 · Apr 2020
stare into the sun because
Eva B Apr 2020
light is a gift

drink it
I'm not one to give practical advice.
169 · May 2020
Cross section
Eva B May 2020
In the center of the strawberry is  
hollow

in your ears echoes
the budding want licks

sweet from her tongue
Revision. 1st draft reads:

In the center of the strawberry is
hollow

It echoes in your ears--
the budding want

to lick
sweet from her tongue
Eva B Apr 2020
The world would never be the same
but the wind still sways the
bare tree tops and when
the cat meows it
still wants attention.
157 · Apr 2020
Desire Insists
Eva B Apr 2020
Let me convey.

Let me open

and be consumed.
155 · Apr 2020
Self Love
Eva B Apr 2020
You hold many things in you.
Your eye wanders with deliberation
and your soul is a rhythm
that is wanting
safe harbor.

-

These energies are diabolical.
They seek to drain.

-

I'll plant
these flowers
for you.
I wrote this one day during a graduate school seminar. Sometimes, you can really pick up on other people's negative energies, especially within an atmosphere where many people feel the need to "one-up" someone else.
154 · Aug 2020
quiet moments
Eva B Aug 2020
It hurts to discover she is not in the wind
as much as I felt her in the sound of thrashing palms.
151 · May 2020
small questions
Eva B May 2020
What is it about attraction to other bodies and souls?

What kind of madness is this game of want and no?
149 · May 2020
Heavy
Eva B May 2020
A diesel stalls on your back

you bear the oil
crawls into your clothes
you are heavy with black

you bear each step
forward feels steeper than the last

you bear heaving--

it's what your mother taught you to do

now you understand
she was carrying her own diesels

bearing yours too
146 · Apr 2020
Nov. 30 2019
Eva B Apr 2020
So here I lay
trying to imagine the sound
of you
moaning
trying to feel the wet
of your ******
trying to measure
the weight
of this want
in the flesh
145 · Apr 2020
How do I say
Eva B Apr 2020
"I want to feel you from the inside,"
while the best I can do is:
my love boat on your love boat.

I smell you like a flower.
I eat you like one too.
Listen to "Closer" by Nine Inch Nails
139 · Sep 2020
Sunday
Eva B Sep 2020
Today I can call you and say
come over

Today I am delicate but you know
what I need
you to forgive me
this distance

Either this or forgive me
a kiss
Eva B Aug 2020
Let me tell you of the marks
left and hours
spent pressing

against its bars
131 · Aug 2020
Now
Eva B Aug 2020
Now
Our hands rest lightly on each other and we both sense a meaning that can’t be articulated. Only conveyed. Something like: the way my fingers rest delicate on your side means I adore you. You are precious. I might break you but for now: this lightness.
126 · Jun 2020
Desire Stands
Eva B Jun 2020
I remember this

the moon on the night we drive north toward Miami
our secrets overflowing onto the dashboard
between the white moon and black ocean emerges
my destiny this moment this motion

a door creaks open creaks closed in the woods
a threshold is offered for us to step through
I look to the tree tops and you follow suit
how beautiful you are
allowing yourself to fill

desire stands con terquedad
I felt what you meant before you arrived
Eva B Jun 2020
I wanted to crawl into your side
missing the rhythm of your heart
spanning a bridge between our flesh
120 · May 2020
mantra
Eva B May 2020
there's no need to name the soul
show me simply
show me your all
117 · Apr 2020
Thank you Mr. Busdriver
Eva B Apr 2020
what a civilized bunch
of lonely bundles
we are
Remember when we rode buses and thanked bus drivers?
Eva B Apr 2020
And your cheek was warm
and my mind was suspended
and my feet were above me
and after
my hand reached for my cheek
over and over again
as if yours was still against it.
110 · Apr 2020
I wanted to know
Eva B Apr 2020
your hand
your lunge
your twist

but I open
my mouth
and you are gone
109 · Aug 2020
water colors
Eva B Aug 2020
I tell your cats how much I love you when you are not around
Why didn’t I kiss you when you showed me your neck?
What of chaos dreams from broken slumber beside you?

I dreamt I asked why and I explained how
I fear losing you to a desire I can’t quench
no matter how many ways I trap the oxygen out
no matter the frost I introduce
it burns dynamic

You are a moisture that burrows into my pores
I cannot separate you from my heart

I dreamt I ran around your apartment exasperated
looking for this notebook
rather than finding it blank it was full of your drawings
so full in fact that I feared there would be no page left for me to explain my love
88 · May 2020
Habit
Eva B May 2020
When I wanted quicksand I
stepped into her
Eva B Apr 2020
my skin will be its cradle
77 · May 2020
Peripheral
Eva B May 2020
The world is happening and I am
absent
my voice sharp
uncomfortable
a clog in its gears.
75 · Apr 2020
Dec. 4, 2019
Eva B Apr 2020
Why do I feel like a cavern
and why are you screaming
inside of me?

How confusing it is
to tell desire
without deceit.
"The look of Love alarms
Because 'tis fill'd with fire;
But the look of soft deceit
Shall win the lover's hire."
William Blake
67 · May 2020
Crash
Eva B May 2020
Too much distance always except when you press your nakedness to mine.
66 · Jun 2020
Yesterday was water
Eva B Jun 2020
broken toilet
flooding bathroom
humidity condensing on
beer bottles
tap water in plastic
rain

your clammy hand and
the sweat collecting at my chin
66 · May 2020
5.10.20
Eva B May 2020
Quiero tu sonrisa sobre la mía.
63 · Jul 2020
eyeliner
Eva B Jul 2020
you are so ******* beautiful without that **** in your eyes

— The End —