Some days, it’s a hunger
a deep pull from the stomach,
not for food, not for water,
but for something unnamed,
something just out of reach.

It’s in the way the morning air feels electric,
like possibility itself,
how the sun spills over cracked sidewalks,
touching everything,
saying, Look. Be here. Want more.

It’s in the ache of laughter
that lasts too long,
in the way music grips the ribs
and shakes loose something tender.
It’s the way fingers linger
when hands almost meet.

And yes, some days, the hunger fades,
buried under the weight of routine,
but then
a scent, a sound, a sudden rush of memory
and there it is again,
the pull, the ache, the craving
for more of this,
this fragile, fleeting, impossible thing.

This life.

~~~ Act I ~~~

Behold the queen.
Drenched in such pathetic,

Luxury.

Behold the king.
Soaking in such unauthentic,

Company.


Have you seen the jack?
He been doin somethin, shady, in the,

Back.

But don't ya worry there's, no plan,
To get, caught, in such synthetic,

Conditions.


Do you feel so esteemed?
With your trifles and titles,
And what's real and what's, not?
Do you feel esteemed?
With your scandals and secrets,
Such typical tricks.


Behold!
There's the, Ace.
Look at his, pretty face.
Absorbing that,

Prestige.

But look at that, glacial, gaze.
He got something to,

Say?


Oh I see that, glacial, gaze.
Lookin at somethin you ain't ever gonna,

See.


Behold, the Ace!
With a disappointed look on his, pretty face.
Looks like he ain't gonna,

Say.


Do you feel so esteemed?
With your trifles and titles,
And what's real and what's not?
Do you feel so esteemed?
With your scandals and secrets,
You're making me sick!


Behold the queen,
Plotting with her pretty,

Ladies.

Behold the king,
Oblivious to such unauthentic,

Company.


Oh, behold!
There's jack and the Ace!
Ace, you gonna put him in his, place?
Don't ya got somethin to, say?
Nah, you ain't gonna,

Say.


You know he's their son anyway.
You wouldn't wanna scare him away.
You wouldn't do that to his,

Face.


His FILTHY!
SICK!
Stupid, face...


That ain't the,

FACE,

of a Jack!

That's the face of a...

SPOILED BRAT!



~~~ Act II ~~~

BEHOLD THE QUEEN!
Who MURDERS her husband,
And spoils her rich little son!
BEHOLD THE ACE!
He got SOMETHIN to say!
But he ain't gonna,

Say.


Just look at that, glacial gaze.
Starin at somethin he ain't ever gonna,

See.


HEY, ACE!
Why don't ya TELL jack,
Ya don't like his shady business!?
Ya scared he ain't gonna, care?
Ya scared mama gonna,

Care?


HEY ACE, HEY ACE!
That ain't the FACE of the Ace!
Not with that glacial, gaze.
You gonna keep starin at somethin you ain't ever gonna,

See?


BEHOLD THE QUEEN!
OH SO ESTEEMED!
LOOK AT HER DRENCHED IN SUCH PATHETIC, LUXURY!
OH, BEHOLD THE KING!
HE DROWNED IN SUCH UNAUTHENTIC, COMPANY!

BEHOLD THE JACK!
DOIN SOMETHIN SHADY IN THE BACK!
HEY, ACE!
You gonna put him in his place!?
You just gonna WATCH this corruption,
Let em all feel so,

Esteemed?

Gonna let a mother ****** her husband,
And spoil her rich little son!?
You gonna let him GET AWAY,
With his DANGEROUS, fun!?

OH, THEY FEEL SO ESTEEMED!
WITH THEIR MURDERS AND TRIFLES,
AND WHAT'S REAL AND WHAT'S NOT!
DO YOU FEEL SO ESTEEMED!?
Workin for his mother, that,

*****?


HEY ACE, HEY ACE!
I get it, you're right!
HEY ACE, HEY ACE!
It's above your,

Paygrade.


Hey Ace, you're right.
It's above your,

Paygrade.

But why ya gotta keep, starin,
At somethin you ain't, ever gonna,

See?


Just let that jack be,
He ain't what ya wanna,

See.


Oh Ace, it's above your, paygrade.
You know he's their son, anyway.
So you just gonna stare, with that, glacial, gaze?
At somethin you ain't ever gonna,

See?

Better hope that, mama, don't,

See.

The thoughts keep coming back
The ones that force me to remember
A few years ago
I had to endure
Your sharp teeth
Among my delicate flesh
Bruising my skin
When I kept telling you to stop it
When I kept trying to push you off of me
Screaming
Crying
Because I didn't want that
I didn't want you,
My step-sibling,
To give me hickies
Around the age of 9
I was scared
But you wouldn't budge
You just continued to create them
As if it was normal

You'd try to make me hide them
As if you painted black marks
On a board
And tried covering it over
With white
Every foundation we tried to use
Wouldn't be able to work
Because it was too light for me
And was dried out
And I would have to cover it
With my hair

I would have to live with the fact
That no matter what I try
To bring attention to
The hickies
You left on my face and neck,
No one would believe me
Or do anything about it
There was absolutely no discipline for you

Terribly tired of being your toy.

I can't **** this pain,
Not with a knive or pencil,
Not with foul words or soft lips,
Not with caring hands or a fist.

It is the pain of a love
Where once more Cupid missed.

The drama in my head comes and goes.

When I fear my heart
has become too small
for the love
it carries
failing
to
express
the muchness
of
it
all

I stayed too long,
trying to find,
the person lost,
within your mind.

The flower needs rest,
so winter tucks it beneath the earth,
letting it sleep until spring.

The sun needs rest,
so the clouds and rain embrace it,
shielding its warmth for another day.

Well…
this is not good.

I really, really hoped
you would look worse,
smell worse,
sound worse,
feel worse,
kiss worse…

But you are perfect.
Which means
I have a problem.

Amidst the daisies,
all I could see,
was you.

Just us alone,
beneath blue sky.

You beside me, eyes closed,
wind tracing its fingers
through your hair,
bathed in sunlight,
your soft smile lingering.

Oh, how I envy them—
for giving you a peace
I can only dream of.

Step by step,
no louder than breath—
I walk beside
what isn’t mine to name.

No banners,
no blueprints,
just this sound
of stone learning softness.

You open a window.
I keep the door unlatched.

Let fear finish its echo.
Let the dark chants drift.

Not all ruin is ending.
Some of it
is soil.

My puffed chest, full of (your) breath
Yet I Choke, yet I Suffocate.

Your hand in my hand, worlds entwined
Yet I Dream, yet I Fear.

Everything forgotten, in your embrace
Yet I Wander, yet I Fail.

Four meters destiny, clock tickling straight
Yet I Ignore, yet I Wait.

Everything's Dark, everything's great
Yet I see, yet I Bait.

I see It coming, I Run away
Yet It chases, yet It Wins.

Clutch my arm, and "me" above Fate
Oh my Darling, I Suffocate.

A quiet moment
I steal it and wrap the stillness around myself
Bury my head in it
Until the sharp, outraged cry of my babe
Indignant at being left alone in his crib
Pulls the covers off
leaves me cold, shivering
Then I’m up
Tripping along
to my day job as Mommy

"why?" is the question at hand
why do things never go as planned
i sit alone awake at night
wondering why i can't do anything right
why am i even here i wonder
what happens to us when we go down under
why do i do the things that i do
what is false and what is true
all of these questions scattered around
the weight of them increasing pound by pound
maybe my destiny will soon be uncovered
maybe new paths are yet to be discovered
for now the time will fly
and i'll still be asking "why?"

I don’t remember
Falling out of love
But I remember hanging on
With my own sweaty hands
That were slowly losing grip
Begging you to just help me hold on
A little bit longer
And I remember the weight of your silence
Heavy like a sorrow wrapped blanket
But most importantly,
I remember after
And the way the sun felt
Warming the chill
That your absence left
And the way that my tears
Fell like rain
Watering the forgotten garden
Of my soul

Someday love,
We'll live down by the sea,
Together for all of eternity.

Someday love,
We'll be away from pestering eyes,
Making a life for ourselves.

Someday love,
We'll grow old with our son and daughter,
Joyously watching as they grow.

Someday. . .

my longing,
is never fading,
my heart, it keeps invading,

yet,

it consumes,
and blooms,
a harbinger of doom,

it is not nice,
nor worth the price,
doesn't listen to advice,
this creeping vice,

I'll admit it to be true,
for this is my ode to you,
my nemesis,
companion,
and lover,
...food.

Perhaps when I
Warn myself
Of unrealistic fantasies and dreams
I forget that there
Is such a thing
As unrealistic nightmares
Too

"How do you carry
the weight
of memories?"
I asked.

She looked at me,
tears filling her eyes.

𝐴 ℎ𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑤𝑎𝑦,
𝑝𝑎𝑖𝑛𝑡𝑒𝑑 𝑖𝑛 𝑔𝑟𝑎𝑦.
𝐴 𝑝𝑎𝑡ℎ𝑤𝑎𝑦,
𝑤𝑖𝑡ℎ 𝑎𝑛 𝑒𝑛𝑑𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑠𝑜 𝑓𝑎𝑟𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑦.  

𝐹𝑜𝑜𝑡𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑝𝑠 𝑠𝑜 𝑙𝑜𝑢𝑑,
𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑎 𝑠𝑡𝑖𝑙𝑙𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑠ℎ𝑟𝑜𝑢𝑑.
𝐴 𝑠𝑜𝑤 𝑔𝑒𝑡𝑡𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑝𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑑,
𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑙𝑖𝑣𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑎𝑙𝑙𝑜𝑤𝑒𝑑.  

𝐿𝑒𝑑 𝑎𝑠𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑦,
𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑜𝑛𝑙𝑦 𝑝𝑟𝑎𝑦.
𝑇𝑜 𝑛𝑜𝑡 𝑟𝑜𝑡 𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑑𝑒𝑐𝑎𝑦,
𝑡𝑜 𝑠𝑒𝑒 𝑎𝑛𝑜𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟 𝑑𝑎𝑦.  

𝐷𝑎𝑟𝑘𝑛𝑒𝑠𝑠 𝑜𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑔𝑟𝑜𝑤𝑛,
𝑒𝑛𝑔𝑢𝑙𝑓𝑖𝑛𝑔 𝑡ℎ𝑒 𝑢𝑛𝑘𝑛𝑜𝑤𝑛.
𝑇𝑖𝑚𝑒 𝑖𝑛 𝑝𝑜𝑠𝑡𝑝𝑜𝑛𝑒,
𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑤𝑜𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑠 𝑏𝑎𝑟𝑒𝑙𝑦 𝑠𝑒𝑤𝑛.  

𝐿𝑖𝑛𝑔𝑒𝑟𝑠 𝑜𝑓 𝑑𝑖𝑠𝑚𝑎𝑦,
𝑤ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑟𝑒'𝑠 𝑛𝑜 𝑙𝑒𝑒𝑤𝑎𝑦 𝑓𝑜𝑟 𝑔𝑒𝑡𝑎𝑤𝑎𝑦.
𝑌𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑒𝑟𝑑𝑎𝑦𝑠 𝑖𝑛 𝑎 𝑟𝑒𝑝𝑙𝑎𝑦,
𝑎𝑛𝑑 𝑎𝑔𝑜𝑛𝑦 𝑖𝑛 𝑝𝑜𝑟𝑡𝑟𝑎𝑦.

April unveils proof,
within the course of fate,
during the days of downpour & rain,
frightening showers forge new ways,
for vibrant May flowers
to bloom in place.

There's a chance,
I was AI generated,
Not born to a human,
Or made by a god,
A grand example of proper machinery,
Possibly another fault of humanity,
Because I wasn't programed with humility,
Maybe computer based artwork is so good,
Even I couldn't tell my mind is a mother board.

They pretend to be nice,
But in reality, they are rude.
They pretend to be kind,
But in reality, they are cruel.

They pretend to love animals,
But in reality, they **** their blood.
They pretend to love God,
But in reality, they walk the path of demons.

They pretend to love
But in reality, it's all lust
They pretend to save nature,
But in reality, they make nature cry

All I want to remind you,
my dear,
Nature is not shy.

April arrives—bare, too soon
unraveling the winds

Do the mountains know
Do the rivers

That you are the light
sharp as the moon

Pink blossoms bloom—
splitting the bluest sky

Do the seas confess
Do the sunsets

That you are
the ocean’s dream

Pearls, flowers, and rains—
flower into spring

Green meadows grow
into butterflies

Do the stars concede
Do the shadows

That you are
summer's smile—

The forest of heaven
and dawn

wilderness, the cosmic
heartbeat—

simply, outrageously
irrevocably

beautiful

The old oak tree.
Regal, she stands watching all.
Beneath all is small.

So many things that
words can never say
                •
Too many words that
just get in the way
                •

wanted to stare at contest
first awakening
i see you missing there
it costs my glue
thinking this was absolute
and there they wept
hallowed compromise
and our mizerly suspend

hi hate
never lust for me
as i find his lustre's mystics
i don't know if he is safe
but he got somewhere
so i am beyond yours

typical daybead, empty
our of ink, in news
so ****** and decadent is the toaster business