Math and numbers
just not my thing
it seems to keep confusing me
Art, music, and poetry.
now that's my thing
my life
my love
my whole existence
is there...
you can see it in my eyes
when I put my pen to paper
they seem to just light up.

<3 When  I write the world doesn't seem like such a bad place, anymore.

I was born in a family
where nobody cared...
I left there by force!
Scar'd by things, I WON'T forget.
(Anxiety & Tragidy)
My mind is ******.
To see my past-----
I'd never wish you luck,
Then I'd scream!
"It's all there fault"
and lastly,
Dead girls don't talk.

I am not alone, not alone
Each time i feel alone
I feel someones presence
Slowly she comes in peace
She comes but to guild
My actions
And gives me some good thoughts

When I am confused
She comes with time
With something to show
She turns my confusion
Into determination

When i go astray
She comes to my mind to stay
She holds me back
And i'll never go back.Not alone i am

I was walking from the class
Next to my math class before the bell rings
I see charlese and answer her question
She stops me while saying "your mascara is running"
She has one hand holding the side of my face
Time stops when I feel her touch
Mainly I was startled and confused
I flinched
She uses her thumb
To wipe away at the corner of my eye
I'm stiff and frozen in place
For a split second our eyes meet
She lets her hand fall
And I come back to earth in a dense fog ------------
She smiles/laughs
Our legs go at the same time but her leading
As we act like nothing happened
We walk into class I sit down
Still in a haze...
Nothing happened--------
So why does my heart ache?

I do not like...
                                     not knowing.

Not knowing,
if our lives have meaning.
If our words are just spoken or heard.

If the wish I made on that star,
when I was seven,
ever came true.

Or if moms kisses
really made those scrapes and bruises
heal faster.

Did the tooth fairy
really trade common currency
for my baby teeth?
                                              Or
The bunny hide things
just for me to find...

I wish I knew,
But there are NEVER enough stars...
For the questions,
I wished to know.

The time on the clock
has no value
The interest in school
has lost its spark
The love of me
has lost its way
so what do i do now...

I've been holding for so long,
Guess it’s time to fly.
With memories I leave my mark,
It’s time to say goodbye.

Running away isn't an option,
Fear has gripped me tight.
Hiding away from my fears,
Dying just feels so right.

It’s hard to breathe right now,
Feels like I'm dying inside
In this void called existence,
Fear and death collide.

I don’t wish to live any more,
Let my soul Rust in Peace,
Let me sink in the sea of darkness,
Oblivion is what I seek.

Let me burn in this flame of hatred,
Your love’s made me weak,
Solitude is what I desire,
Oblivion is what I seek...
                                                     (M.m.)

Hard to swallow:

When they see you,
stretched languidly across the page,
frivolous in your expenditure of letters,
This is what you are to them.

Long and polysyllabic,
a frustrating combination of strange, small word-parts
And that Y (such an indecisive letter!):
flung in there so gracelessly.

You are repulsive to them;
You have broken their rhythm
of short, blocky words that trip off the tongue
with your sudden and awkward out-of-place-ness.

You are abhorrent to them;
You have blurred their strict margins
of male and female roles,
of pants and skirts,
with your little blip of existence,
mucking about in the wrong side of the clothes store.

You are an anomaly, a mistake, a mystery to them;
You are a *** to be located
A term to be defined
A word to be pronounced
A gender to be assigned

But I like you.

I like how your letters sprawl,
confident and self-sure.

I like how your attire causes others to gawk
and reorder their worlds.

I like how your legs look in that tux,
your eyes in that dress.

How the long swoops of your g and your y
echo the way the ends of your undone tie drape from your collar:

Elegantly.

Oh, dear,
Oh, my gosh,
I hope that no one saw,
I wish that I could laugh,
But maybe someone saw,
Maybe I should hide,
But, ah, whatever,
I'll just pull my trousers up.

Things I forgot to say;

I don't mind the wait
Or the fact that your straight
'Cause I hope over time
Your feelings will change
And if they don't I'll be fine
We will stay friends
And our lives will go on

The girl in front of me
Says such wonderful things
But I wish
She was beside me
Holding my hand
With her lovely smile
And her eyes lighting up
With every word she says
But then again
She's not ready for this
So I'll wait
'Cause just being near her
Is enough for me...

One day I'm nice,
the next i'll bite.
Till I draw blood
and make you scream,
From all the hateful things
inside of me.
The next i'll bite,
One day I'm nice.
But it wont last,
then I'll kick and punch,
while i scream your name.
You'll wish you were dead
and no longer sane,
I'll cut your vein,
as i watch you bleed
so i'll know
you can no longer leave.

It's late... talk to me.

Open mouth kisses
with bed time wishes
that every day i can make him smile
it's been a while

But love me
To love me
it's not that hard
i'll take anything from you
cause loving you is enough

We have our times
we act tough
but we both have flaws
demons to hide
but yours play well with mine

open mouth kisses
and bed time wishes
your cloths smell like me
and mine like you

sometimes...
i wanna spend the rest of my life with you.

Do you feel your hands, tight----------
... Around my neck?
Do you see my face,
the same shade of purple
... To go with the walls.
!!! YOU SAID YOU'D PAINT ME !!!
-----------------------------------------------------------
-­---------------------------------------------------
-------------­-------------------------------
So,
Why is black and blue
... The only color, in your life?
And I still don't know you--------
Know me?
... And I could NEVER
write about you.
-----------------------------------------------------------
­---------------------------------------------------
-------------­-----------------------
Do you hear yourself, how---
How can you paint me?
Do you see your face?
My face, the same face.
Staring back at you...

The same blue eyes,
And a different mirror.

My heart rasing
body quivering
my anxiaty rising
I need someone
to calm me down
but I can't say it
I'm tearing up
I wipe my eyes
but more fall
they look at me
my breath ragged
I feel like I'm gonna die
help me
please
can you see
my frightened words
as I scream
can you hear
my scared voice
Through my eyes

Tightness in my chest
I cant breath.
The only time I can escape
is when I fall asleep.

Constant nausea
constant fear.
How did this happen
knowing I'm safe here?

It's a constant worry
another will strike.
I worry about it all the time
it makes me lose my appetite.

My sight darkens
my life flashes.
My worries control my thoughts
my heart crashes and burns to ashes.

You have no idea what its like
to live one day in my shoes.
Maybe if you did
you wouldn't judge me as you do

My heart is ash and my soul in ruins
This curse is to be forever my burden
Lost in the blackness of the despair
Torment that has consumed my very soul

Twisted in unreal contorted formations
Unheard from the world yet existing here
Blood crazed and temperamentally insane
Mindlessly working like a wind-up toy

Itched raw to the bone being expressionless
Feelings of a burning sensation filling up
Beginning to craze the pain caused by it
(Ghost9er)

Bloodied nightmare’s torturing the mind
Constantly injected with more than lie’s
Torn up inside from the soulless demons

Monsters posing as those wishing to help
Always silencing the righteous and true
The truly insane aren't inside this place

The mentally insane are normal and average
Acting as everyone else would but, not always
Having joyful pleasure’s through others pain

****** deep into the darkness of suffering
No hope of escaping the shadows that swarm
As they grasp onto your very soul, dragging you

Down into the very depths of this hellish place
(Ghost9er)

Grasping onto the person’s throat
Choking the very life out of them
A smile cross’s this  face of mine
Their very last breath of air escapes

As the grip dissipates, it fades
Taking the knife and continuing
Stabbing over and over again

The blood splatters everywhere
The smile returns with each stab
This feeling of joy is indescribably

Pity on those that will never know
This feeling of not pain but, joy
Squeezing the last breath out

Constantly  called insane but,
Am merely misunderstood by all
Being born into a world of pain
Always tormented without reason

Beaten, bruised, and bloodied
No remorse was given, why though
Why is everyone else treated different

Suffering is known quite well
The military cause’s it and it’s okay
But, when people like I cause it,

We get locked up for life
Tortured even more by these people
And we’re the ones called monsters
(Ghost9er)

Dragging the body’s down
Setting the pile a blaze
Such a thrill to us always
Smiling at the burnt corpses
Destroying all evidence

Sinful they say it was
But, we all find it joyful
A sense of happiness
Smiling as our deed is done

Once captured, we’re pained
Tortured constantly but,
They always call it therapy
If only the people had known
These fiends are the insane

What we did was unjust
We know and understand
But, they have no idea

Them torturing us is promoted
We’ve all paid our due’s

It’s not enough for them
Blood is payment to god

And so, this is why we suffer
Because, we are being tested
Of far more than our faith
(Ghost9er)

Just, Why?
I over analyze simple things, hoping for a better or worse outcome…
I look for answers, where there are none.
    Question;
If the universe in infinite, why do we find so many things… A great discovery?
When we haven’t even scratched the surface!
    Maybe…
I’m on the wrong side of the universe.
So, when will others learn that up isn’t up and down isn’t down?
     My mind is so vast.
But I am young, to an untrained eye.
I’m a writer, artist, and a poet…
I have lived and died so many times.
I’m a kid.
But I feel as if I’ve lived for thousands of years-

                                                                 So many lives!

She opens her page,
Ink splashing from her veins,
Scoring into the paper,
The words she wishes she could say.

Sometimes
I feel as if a wave has crashed
down upon my body
breathes become rapid
heartbeat slows
the feeling takes my place
with calming whisper
into my ear
I become something else
not in control
I found it
or rather him
with nothing but a gesture
day becomes night
unaware of actions
he'll react
but yet
he's laying on the ground
in a pool of blood
eyes fixed on me
... I'll play this game more than twice.

Ask...
Ask away!

I sit in the floor.
My knees hugging my chest.
Everything masked by a thick fog.
My body covered in a second skin.
My head held under,
My hair dripping,
My mind buzzing.

But all I hear is the sound...
The sound of rushing water.

this anger overwhelms me
imploding fingers
obsessed in red aroma
I want to slaughter
and lunge the dagger
I won't miss
this obsession for pain
inescapable
with no one to blame
I'm driven insane

I clench this blade tight
and lacerate my skin bright
needing  *******
to bleed the hatred out of me
but it furiously chases me
down my arm into my pen
right behind me
it will never end
in absolute fear
I slit this artery
with a smile on my face
ill flood the pavement
with my blood in a race
iron core liberated
as my blood scours the  floor
asking for more
loving the cold

ill bite the steel
sending shivers up
dental nerves
waking me up
hungry for
nothing
but to suffer

rooted hair
dug for release
ill scalp by tearing
it's never done me good
but impair my eyes,
I need those
to destroy the target
in precise pain
so ill look at the mirror
glare at the problem
launch my bones
into cracking reflections
breaking my bleed
into wild oblivion
tasting the rage
viscous and salty
warm and red

the hatchet sits enthused
sparking malice adrenaline
I'll give it a mighty purpose
evil ambition
to dismember them all
blood in a fall
this world
full of mistakes
blaming you
I'll make you feel carnage
ill shatter your knee caps
intruding your muscles
fiercely hacking
watching you die
kneeling in plead
of your pathetic life

begging for brain impact
to shock me blue
and ink these gaping cuts
revealing flesh
angst tattoos
reminding me
to never love myself
and don't forget
to "write about it"
self loathing exhibitionist
giving you something to crave

these skulls
I've internalized
falling out my closet
vibrating the air
pulverizing on impact
breathing the death
polluting my oxygen
powder shards ****** my bloodstream
documenting the insanity
in vanity
to violate you
and haunt your nights rabid

my teeth ravenous
to chomp
and fill its canyons
with live struggling flesh
smelling the death
my tongue craving iron heat
my nails long for freshly torn skin
underneath them
my pupils enthralled
erratic gore flashes
my body violently flaring limbs
victim of my own sanity
ill tear the wings off the butterfly
and burn the caterpillars into green goo
ill drench myself in gasoline
and strike up conversations with matches
ill load ONE bullet
teasing my death in Russian roulette
I'll make art of my demise
neural flesh scattered everywhere
I'll call it "wild salmon in the red sea"
inspired from my grimacing face

call me jack the ripper
attacking myself into the floor
ripping flesh into the morgue

(Unknown)

Raindrops on this page
Wind blows my paper away
Oh crap! I need that!

Can you remember
when you were little
that one person
who made you
not want to trust anyone
ever again
who ripped your innocence apart
you remember don't you?
you are lucky in a way...
cause I don't,
I have little flash backs
but as i get older
they start to blur,
so I don't know if that really happened to me, or if I made it up.

I'm breaking
I can't be fixed
I'm missing
But I won't be missed

Still shaking
From what I fear
I can't let you in
So don't come near

I guess you're right
I'm way too thin
And I'm fighting a battle
That I'll never win

I have so many flaws
I don't know where to start
From my ****** up hair
To my ****** up heart

So what's the point
To continue to fight?
When my restless days
Turn into restless nights

This life hasn't been fair
I can finally tell
That nobody cares
And it hurts like hell

I still don't understand
What was God's cause?
Why did He put me on earth
With all of my flaws?

Was I born just to die?
Am I part of a plan?
Made to finally see
That I won't die an old woman.

I don't know how to live
I have nothing to gain
And all I want from you
Is to end all my pain

I'm losing sight
Of what I've already seen
I'm losing my grip
And I'm barely fifteen

As I cleanse my soul
with the blood of others,
As I lay somber
with the help of others,
I will find my way
through this fearsome maze
because it is all
just a game
whether I win or lose...

Why do you show,
an interest in me?

I'm dumbfounded!
In a world not of my own,
will our minds work together?

You're in search of someone,
all to square...
Yet you've found me?

My perception of the world
is contorted and skewed.

Your words so sweet!
They bring me to my feet,
As I learn to walk.

I paint the roses
a horrid red
because the night
is also dead
gone to black
instead of red
the thorn has pierced
my broken skin
the blood is thick
but commits a sin
the paint has dried
the night has lied
the paint is wrong
...the rose is gone

For as we lay
Together in tangled arms
To regret the land that's too far
Waiting to grasp any hope
Us finding a way to cope
Love is a difficult thing
Never the less it clings
But you are the blinding light
In my no longer dark night
So run away with me
For our fate will see

My heart stops
& I have to check,
Just one more time.
I know it's not him,
But I'm terrified either way.
      I hate it,
When they look at me.
When 'he' looks at me,
Watching me...
      I know he does,
Because I'm on edge.
He threatens my family,
with nothing more than a stare.

& I want to run.

"who are you" she'll say.
"where are you" she says as she looks into my eyes...
"what are you" she says cause she see's nothing, in my eyes.
"say it again... I might hear you this time" I reply

she pats me on the back
and reminds me to breath
while telling me
she has to leave
enlisted in the army
she told to me
I don't want to lose
whats between you and me
send letters
so time will fly
soon I'll be back
with you in my life

There's something growing inside of me,
I can feel the twists and change.
I tense up and try not ignore it,
But the feeling is just so strange.

I've turned my mind off for the day,
Music vibrates through my skull.
Don't ask me to function properly today,
My fight has turned a bit dull.

Never mind, I lied.
I can't feel anything, I'm stagnant.
Shattered and tattered and torn and destroyed,
You devoured every fragment.

A growl arises from my throat,
Voicing the pain I refuse to feel.
Clutching at the life growing inside of me,
Laughing because it's not real.

I can smile seven sadistic smiles,
One for each day of the week.
Place a mask upon my face,
To break I'd be deemed as weak.

White knuckles,
Clenched teeth.
Bile in my throat,
Reminds me I need to breathe.

Breathe.
Breathe you worthless being!
Put life into your lungs!
Smile your seven sadistic smiles,
In your hands their necks are wrung.

She was different
she was scared
people knew
she was weird
filled with shame
as well as pain
she took a knife
to her vein
she blames the cat
but with that
came a lie
and a never ending tie
beaten and betrayed
she set the world ablaze
when the rat
said she has no cat
filled with shame
as well as pain
people talking
of her in vain
she was different
she was scared
she took her life
then and there.

It ****** me off,
Into a homicidal rage.
It ****** me off,
Being tricked into a cage.
She used to be nice,
Treating me as a friend.
But now she's a vice,
Treating me like a Fein.
I want her dead,
By my own two hands.
Maby that's why,
                             She smells like death...

They no longer get
that I don't care
about anyone
or anything
it's only fair
that I'm this way
ignoring questions
while they wonder how
someone so bright
can completely shut down

I'm having trouble again
wanting to sleep all day
stretching and yawning
making little animal noises
it's getting more difficult
to keep my eyes open
and my head up
i just want to grab the nearest person
hold on to them, cuddling...
                                                  And fall asleep.