Hey, Ole Sport. Nice to see your face again.
Life and love! Isn't it wonderful!? Strange too
I suppose. But you're still here.. Why? The ones
Who loved me the most, Daisy.. the ones from my
Parties. They left.. But not you.
Did you not love me? Or is it something else?

Food. What is food?
Is it something everyone needs to survive? Is it the thing that takes forever to make and has even less time time to enjoy?
Is it the beautiful plants that grow in the right season that produces so much pride that they deserve an instagram post?
Or is the thing that many people will never have the money to see?
For me, it is the center of everyday. It is the one thing that I know dictates my entire life. It is the one thing I wish I could forget and the one thing I wish I could live without.
It is the thing that forces me to do math, and it is the thing that keeps me from knowing any sort of satisfaction.
It is the thing that makes me wish I were someone else, anyone else.
It is the thing that I spend hours thinking about, measuring, classifying, and the one thing that I can never seem to get correct. It is also the thing that makes me cry at night. It makes me feel alone.
It is the thing that causes me to spend every day working out even when I don't want to, and it has made me be friends with a scale that isn't very friendly.
It is a bully, a cruel "ex" friend that wishes I were never born and it is a fighter that knows how to pack a heavy punch.
For me, it has not been very kind. It has been the thing that controls who I am.
It is THE thing, and sadly, it is everything.

She gave you a smile.
Teeth showing and all.
You could almost hear
The crashing of her walls
As they hit the ground.

You go to take her hand
And she begins to twirl
A strand of hair between
Her fingers. Still shy and
Timid, the fragile girl.

Where will you ever see
Such beautiful almond shaped
Brown eyes other than standing here,
On this beauty. Oh, yes, you call
Her Beauty.  

****. You can't help yourself
From imagining all that you would
Like to happen if given the chance.
But, not here! Not at Church for God's
Sake! He should strike you down in
This very moment… Yet, who could
Blame you?

When the prayer ends, you look
At Beauty one last time before
Having to take your seat. A hint
Of a smirk plays on her lips and
She looks down to your pants.
Oh God. She knows.. How
Embarrassing. This is a place of
God and this is sin..
Yet you can't help but to feel
Pleased.

When I was little, I had this toy guitar that I loved to play with, red and white.
Something a normal child would have. I went to school, made lots of friends,
Got invited to birthday parties, I even got a rose from one of my
Best friends at the time for Valentines Day. I had two friends whom I used
To call all the time. There wasn't a single day that went by that
I didn't call one of them. So normal.
I guess I understand why even those friends left me, although I didn’t
At the time. I was always destined to be this.

The clock strikes 3:30 and the pit behind the school opens.
We feast on the smell of burning skin and sunscreen.
There is chaos as instruments are strewn across the back room,
No exits and the doors are blocked.
My eyes slide past his but I'm too burned out to care.
Freshmen are the worst,
Insisting on acting as if
They are four year olds.
Not a second late, for Whit is never late.
I have lost feeling in my legs
Still I have perfect
Technique just as he does. Water.
Water does not have an existence in this world.
Heat and sun have taken over.
Our tuba players have given up,
There they lay down in the burning
Grass. He never complains.
As I'm close to my breaking point,
Air no longer passes my
Lips and not one note escapes my keys.
The perfect string of notes and rhythm
Sound from my left. He never missed
A note.
March it back,
March it back,
March it back sixteen counts.
An endless routine.
Opening set.
These single words are bitter sweet.
In ten minutes I am free to go home
And write poetry about him.

I made a promise to God that I would not react this way.
I promised Him that I would be strong and maintain a straight face..
Did He know that I was lying?
Could He tell that underneath my sincere apology that I would rather give up than to keep trying?
Because-
I wasn't sincere.
I still had the emptiness clawing at my head- screaming at me, pleading to my heart that I wanted to be dead.
But, that is not what I said.
I promised God that, in the end, I would remember what He taught me.
I would put Him first because He would never leave...
I knew that I was lying.
Did He?
I would rather give up than to force myself to keep trying.

As I sit here, staring at the lunch I had an hour ago, I can't help but to feel disgusted.
As hard as I try to ignore it, the saliva dripping onto my feet makes its way into my consciousness, reminding me of how low I am.
I constantly avoid looking at my hands, for seeing what I have done makes me want to despise myself even more than I already do.
The dull throbbing at the base of my neck coming from this compromising position almost makes me want to sit up straight and put an end to this activity; however, I know that I don't want to stop, not yet.
I have so much more I know I can let go

Moving on isn't as easy as everyone might think.
As much as you try to, a part of you will not let go
of that little piece of hope. You might know that
it's useless and that you're wasting your time; however,
You can't help yourself. Your mind refuses to let
go of the past yet you are terrified of the future.
Maybe the one you lost has already moved on, still
emotions stay the same. No matter what you do
or what you say, deep down you know that not a
**** thing has changed. You hurt when you see
him or her happy but will not do anything about
it. Why would you?  You accept that this is how
it's going to have to be and you live with it
because that's what you know how to do.

I know this is a poetry site, but Tyler Joseph needs to know in every way how much he means to me. Without him and his music, I probably wouldn't be alive, writing poetry anymore. So, thank you Tyler. You deserve the best birthday anyone could ever have. The song, Migraine, is one that speaks so dearly to my heart. No, you are not alone, Tyler! I am right here with you. And yes, Fridays are indeed better than Sundays. :) I need your music and your words! Who else is going to encourage me to keep living?? I love you so much Tyler. And Josh :).

When I look into her eyes, I see everything I have always wanted to be.
I see a girl who is admired and loved by all who happen to be in her presence.
She happens to be a girl who knows what she wants and gets what she pleases without having to ask.

How can I measure up to this girl when everything I am is plain and simple.
How can we be in the same room when her features shine a light on everything that I do not have.

I can not love myself when I have learned that I am worth nothing compared to her.
She knows that, and I do too.

They only call me pretty when I'm with her anyway, so what do I do when I'm alone?
Nothing but pray that I have the courage to change everything I am as time goes on.

I do not approve of you
Poisoning my body, yet
I leave your cigarette in
My mouth, the taste of
Red lipstick sliding around
My tongue.
Your scent is
Caught in my smoke now,
If only you would breathe
Us in.
Red was never your color,
Excuse my mouth dear, allow
Me to remove the horrid
Color from your lips.
A mistake, for now skin and
Flesh are forever intertwined
Between us.
Kiss me, kiss me until I
Forget that I'm dying
Inside, babe.
Silk and satin slide within our
Love.
Never going any further into
Regret, I behold your lovely
Eyes.
Our gazes can continue for hours
Without end, always caught in
Our own world.
Their fantasy is our reality.
Allow me one last kiss,
Allow me to gaze into your
Eyes and see my entire life.
Let me study the curves of
Your lips and the way they
Move with mine.
Permit me to lean in to you,
Slowly but surely to meet
Your kiss.
My tongue wants nothing more
Than to trace the inside of
Your cheeks, your tongue..
We have resulted in my hovering
Over your itty bitty frame,
But do not fret, love. I will not
Hurt you.
I only will love you

That blonde hair dazzles me from afar,
Moments escape and minutes tick by
Stealing my precious heart beats,
Each a new beat for my blonde
Fellow.

My eyes gaze from afar,
Over his gray sweater
To the perfectly fit khakis at his
Waist and down to his brown
Suede shoes.
Oh, how I wish to feel the
Cotton at his neck, but only
Am I permitted to admire
From afar.

God
Why me.
I'm so hurt
I'm so tired.
I've asked for death
Multiple times.
Only to be ignored.
I'm too tired to keep going.
And my brain is to heavy.
I need some time to close my eyes
And to feel the silence that doesn't surround me.
I need this to end.
God, I can't do this any more.
My heart doesn't beat
My lungs don't breathe-
My eyes don't see
And there is nothing left here for me.

Just because I like science does not mean I'm atheist.
Just because I'm Christian doesn't mean I'm religious.
Just because  it's easy for me to make friends doesn't mean I don't have social anxiety.
Just because I don't eat as much as everyone else doesn't make me anorexic.
Just because I make honor roll doesn’t mean I'm smart.
Just because I don't wear tons of makeup everyday doesn't mean that I'm confident in myself.
Just because I do not judge anyone does not mean I don't have an opinion.
Just because I blog a photo of a naked lady doesn't make me bi/ lesbian.
Just because I know the guy I like doesn't like me back doesn't mean that I can't continue to like him.
Just because people call me pretty and I say thank you does not mean I believe I am.
Just because I ignored you does not mean I didn't hear you insult me.
Just because I laughed it off does not mean it didn't hurt.
Just because I act strong does not mean I am.
Because that's all it is.. An act.
But no one cares to get to know the real me, so I hope you're happy with what you get.

Can someone tell me what has happened?
What is this word that we often use, normal?
It seems as if it has lost it's meaning or maybe
I have forgotten.
Do you find yourself using this foreign word?
Surely you know, maybe you could explain for
I am anything but.
Oh, I hope you can. I hear it is good, to be "normal"?
I wish I could concur...

I want to know what it feels like to wake up pretty.
To not have to line my lids with eyeliner just to face the day.
To be carefree and twirl through the streets with a smile on my face.
To wink at strangers whose eyes gaze upon my body and blush because all the boys stare.
To have a soft face and to have flowing hair.
To not have beauty marks on my face and to not have rough skin.
I want to know what it feels like to close my eyes and feel the sun caressing my skin making me glow like the moon.
To be content..
To feel like a flower dancing through the grass, to be special and not put last.
I want to know how it feels to love myself for everything that I am. To wake up and like what I see looking back at me when I'm brushing my teeth.
I want to know.
I want to feel tied to the earth, bound by people who admire me.
I want to be one of those girls who are unforgettable, who stop breaths and dazzle eyes.
I want to fall in love with me and wake up pretty.

Your way too skinny
skinny jeans and converse
walked
into the band hall
holding that shiny sax
and from that moment,
I knew it was all over.

F is for the times when I say **** it
I is for the tears that I cry
N is the emptiness I feel inside
E is for the hope I have that it all is going to *end

Faith is a fragile thing; it
wavers here and it tapers off there. Yet,
it is the most valuable object one can have.
Metaphorically, giving up your faith
is ending your own life. I can feel my
faith swelling up inside me, deep inside
until it bubbles up inside my eyes.
My faith will save me. My mind
sometimes fools me into forgetting this, but
keeping my faith means an everlasting life
with Him, everything I could ever want.
God is my everything and
everything is God.

This being has always
been my refuge. My brittle
mind was never worth a penny.
But a token she had given me.
As of now, I would be lucky
to see a strand of her brown locks.
 
Maybe it is wrong of me
to expect so much out of
one little person. Who am
I to ask someone to care.
I'd never tell even a muted
ear of my broken soul. In
all of honesty, death does not
seem that horrible, not as
terrifying as they make it
seem.
   
I think I am strong
enough to end it all now.
For months my refuge veered me
off of this course, but she
has left me defenseless against
the monsters, my monsters.

I look at you and see a
Thousand years of happiness.
I can see laughter in the
Wrinkles of your mouth
That you once used to smile
At me, always showing
Those pearly white teeth.

Every brittle bone in my
Inhuman body shakes with
The sight of you.
This is just so odd, loving you.
My tears mean not a **** thing
When I bump into you at 8 o'clock,
Not a **** thing.

You can make the sadness
Of my cold heart disappear
Without trying and you should
Know.

Never will I have such emotions
For anyone else, nor do I want to.
That life filled flower only
Opens once inside these ribs.

Me and you, a story from
Television I suppose. I was
A princess who lost her prince.
My happy ending lost
Somewhere in the cold,
Winter air.

I am not the pristine thing you have made me out to be.
I have sinned, do you disown me?
No,
I am full of lust. Still I remain untouched, that does not mean I want to be.
I have seen things you wouldn't want me to. The human body does not remain a mystery to me.
Yet I can write of love and the making of it as if I am not in fact a
******.

Young love thrives on the lies literature tells, the boat rides and the promise of an ending that includes wedding bells.

My love died on the same twinkle of star that also lit my heart. We were doomed before our troublesome start.

So let me tell you the truth, you loved me and I loved you. But at the same time your tongue spit these words out into the bitter air, spiders and ghouls were placed there.

By the time you cut the sanity out of what was yours and mine; tore up the memories that kept me fine; and set fire to everything you could find, I was already at bay with thoughts of  mine.

I clipped at my hair because “it looks so pretty long." And I curse through the lyrics to your favorite song.

I bit off my nails because “your nails are so pretty when you paint them" but not bare according to you. Your new girl with the french tips prove true.

I smoked and I drank and I threw up whiskey, I passed out till I could no longer pass out anymore and I put on those jeans you once wore, and I chocked on a giggle because of that cute dent I remembered you knocked in my car door.

When it's all over and done and when I can start to drink for the fun will be the day I will no longer curse my past, for surely I knew our devilish love could not last.

I wanted you to never let me go
I wanted to have the privilege of waking up and your eyes being the first thing I saw. Remember when you would hold me after I'd been crying? I miss the fragrance of your sweater as my head fit perfectly on your shoulder. I miss the way your gentle hands rubbed against my arm, my side, my thigh.. You were always so much more open with your feelings than I was. Isn't that weird? I took those sweet little moments we had for granted, but if I had the chance to get them back, I would.

I feel bad for all the books in libraries and in stores that never get picked up. No matter how extraordinary the literature is in between those covers, there is always a better choice or book that gets chosen. I wonder how does the author feel when thousands of copies of one of their books are published, but not all are picked up off the shelf to be taken home to enjoy. It saddens me when I think of all the brilliance being wasted.

I woke up today,
while the sun was at its peak.

While the blue sky was
luminous and vast, and

While the air was unconfined and hot.

I woke up to a heart, thumping and thudding
a rhythm complemented by the

Singing and swaying of the evergreens
standing ever so gracefully and poise.

I woke up breathing in a sweet air that urged to coat my lungs,
racing to encompass all that I am.

Waking up today-
was beautiful and romantic,
a love letter to my being.

It was wanted,
and it gave me the courage to long for more tomorrows.

Sitting here with my anxiety around my neck, I play my favorite song again again until I start to question the pronunciation of the.
I don't cry, no the tears are stopped short by my unwillingness to accept reality, yet reality is stopped short by me willingly living in a fantasy world.
The adults think I am overreacting, but they don't understand how crippling everything is when even waking up is struggle.
I need more time.. Time to stop the shaking. Time to find my fake smile.. Time to remember my four lettered lie..

Oh yeah, here it is, yes. I am fine.

Her time was up awhile ago.
She told herself that everything
Get's better for everyone else's
Sake and crying herself to sleep was
The only way to go. The poor girl
Found a bottle of cold medicine in
The medicine cabinet.
The label read: take as directed.
The only thing she saw was a way
Out. To her dismay she lived.

The days are starting to be beautiful again.
I honestly can not recall the last time I enjoyed a sunset, and at that I can laugh.
Can you close your eyes and feel the rays of Mississippi sun seeping into the earth?
Just, take a moment to discover an animal or a flower in those white bundles of clouds that hang above our heads.
This world is beautiful. As a “poet," we can find beauty in almost anything and if that isn't beautiful then I honestly do not know what is. And there is a place in my heart that is forever filled with pity for those who will never have this experience.

I should have known.
I thought I was maybe.. special?
What gives me the right to be special?
I am no better than anyone I ever thought
I was.

How can we get so attached to someone who isn't
Even real? Why do we cry when something tragic
Happens to our favorite characters? I find myself
Not being able to get over Freddie McClair's death even though
I constantly remind myself that it was only fiction. Even
Now I am saddened by the memory. Freddie was only
A character.. Why must I feel so upset?

The whole world stopped
when you took your first
breath.

She's come to terms of what she is. A *****.
Not in the sense of sleeping with an abundance
Of men, no I should explain..
Once she was asked try marijuana but said, 'no I prefer *******'
Then preceded to light a cigarette.  
Her mom told her not to be peer pressured by her friends and that
No is a complete sentence. They asked her to have a beer
But her answer was 'no, I already had a glass of ***** before I came'
Whilst she opened up a wine cooler.
'If you aren't ready, I won't make you.'
Said the nineteen year old guy she was in
Bed with. He had no protection but she
Unbuttoned her shirt, proceeding to ******
Him. This boy.. He wasn't her boyfriend, he was five
Years older than her. But surely that wasn't the problem-
Her girlfriend was waiting in the car. That doesn't
Make her a *****. This was the first time she's ever
Slept with anyone...

A ***** corrupts the world around her whether she knows it
Or not.. Her life is a game; played with the highest of stakes.
First she will corrupt her mind.. Her body.. Her social life.
But it's okay, she says. No one cares about a *****.

Broken and battered from the battle field of a lonely soul, emerged a yellow bud.
Beaten to death, it cried out- please.
Please tell me I'm pretty.
Please tell me you love me.
Please be here when I need you..
Grow on your own, bud. Stand on your own.
Grab hold of what's yours and hold it tight.
Dance little bud.
Dance with passion.
Were you broken and battered?
Little yellow bud, budded ah'see.
Look, little yellow bud is gone. Oh,
But here comes a shiny golden flower.

School for me is drawing nearer by the hour..
The ticks from the clock on my wall seem as
if they have been screaming at me with every
second that has passed. My anxiety has been
creeping back onto my body with thoughts
of tomorrow. I can't recall the last time a thought
wasn't filled with worries of possible things
that could happen, setting me up for a disastrous
year. I took this summer to make an attempt to
make myself mentally and emotionally healthier,
doing everything possible to make myself happy.
I needed to be happy with myself and my life.
School does nothing but provides stress,
damages my self esteem, and feeds my anxiety.
The only thing keeping
me going is the promise of graduating in three
short years.

I want to be that feeling of urgency you need to let go before you go insane. The slither of hope intensifies as a ****** is almost reached.  Blood escapes my tongue as I fight not scream, for no one knows of us. Closer, closer I need you! Can you not see the arch in my limber back? The shivers my spine send when your lips meet the skin at my thighs? Continue to climb me, further into me, I need your release inside my body making us one.

He said, let's go, here are your wings, come with me.
Hey, I am free, free from distress and sadness, hey I am free!
My family, do not cry, do not weep nor be upset, I am here with God, please do not fret.
You'll miss me and I already miss you, yet I've left only for a little while. I will see you again here in my new home, Heaven is big enough for all of us, child.

Don't ever fall in love.
Don't ever try to find someone
You can loose  yourself  to .
No one cares about your fragile heart,
No one but you.
While you sit there, heart full of love,
He is sitting there looking at your
Photograph whilst some fair skinned
Girl has her tongue down his throat .

His smile is contagious
his laugh unforgettable,
his personality unbeatable.
The stars do not compare
to his beauty, the beating
of the waves on the beach
have nothing on the thrill
he gives my heart.
My lips smile like a
fools' at the sight of
him. It's not love,
but infatuation still, my
emotions refuse to
differentiate. When
I was a little girl, I'd say
he gave me butterflies
But now as I'm older,
I can say those butterflies
have turned into gigantic
butterflies that feed on
my sanity. I have
all but confessed my
unyielding love upon him.
I pray to God he can't
read  my mind for I
would dig a six foot
hole to bury myself.

I'm a fool for brown eyes and sugar plump lips,
The way your nose makes its shape makes my stomach do flips.

I'm a sucker for your blackish hair and your silhouette in the window when you pass by. And if I said I didn't fall for you, I'd be a lie.

I fell for everything you stood for, honey. And here I am crouched with the shock of you in my throat fighting to close up.

I need my drug. I need you now to help me through this recession, to **** the fear of my constant loneliness, give me the strength to keep going because that's what you do best.

I've cried so many tears, their home is my face
For my cheeks wreak of the salty drops.
I told myself that I am done with crying, **** the
World and its sadness, but yet again here I am.

I have found a new love, and there they
sit in the darkest hour of skies. They never stop
twinkling in their place in the atmosphere.
They are a promise after a long day
that I will know beauty again when I get home.
They make me smile for I have never known a
thing more pleasant than a star.
Maybe that is why I will never be satisfied with life.
There is no future I could ever want when
here, right now, there are my stars in the sky.

I find that when I come here I feel at home or peaceful. I don't feel judged for the words I must type out on a page for they are more than just words to me.  
My social anxiety is not a handicap here and for that, I rejoice!
When I come here, I can lose my self in fine literature distracting me from
every thing that makes me want to end this thing called life.

I could write a poem
to tell you,
but you still would be
to ******* closed minded
to differentiate my words
from my left *** cheek.

Music is peaceful, a combination of beats and melodies, yet I can not live without it. I am sorry that it consumes my life, for these bands are the only thing I have. I apologize for the lyrics and hums that escape my tongue every second of the day. Please forgive me, music is like alcohol and I am the alcoholic. I know how to recite hundreds of songs, but I can not remember how to keep our friendship. Do not be mad at me; Tyler and Joshua have helped me so much. Their music gave me this smile that lays on my lips, not you.

When he walked through those double doors, my breath caught in my throat and chest ceased to lift off of my ribcage.

When he walked through those double doors, my eyes were in shock for they could not believe..

When he walked in through those double doors into the unforeseen future, shaking my insides with each step he took, my life suddenly seemed so small and empty.

My life, always simple and safe now showed its dull memories. I was never a woman of change and challenge, always playing it safe! But now, here we are with danger placed right in front of me and I all but leaped into its arms.

I want this risk, this messy thing pulled into my life and with all the red tape pulled off!

I want to be happy, happy with him. I need this disaster to take a rollercoaster ride with me for a little while.

I want crazy and weird and a little fun, but I want it with him.

He makes me excited and anxious, but I like it. I like him.

My life needs him.

Fire and ice,
Heaven and Hell;
  Come save me from myself..
   After everything,
    Would you really let me fall?
Would you watch as my flesh burned
And as I became.. nothing?
A disturbing serenity.
Please, your radiating apathy
   Is bone chilling!
    Tell me, pastor,
     How can he be forgiven for this?
I swallowed my passion yet
It burns deep down.
  If I am indeed dead,
   Tell me my inspiration still lives.
     A promise, that, my soul is not at rest.