Sitting in her empty room she took another long drink from the bottle of whisky
She knew drinking alone for her was quit risky
But she was far beyond caring, far beyond giving a ****
She thinks back on her life, she could see it was all a sham
No one looking in could see
Her life lay among the debris
Of what should of been but as time had showed would never be
Pure agony in diffrent degrees

She looks around her room in the closest hung her clothes
Most of them for work, thats the only place she goes
The stereo on a table
The music is her escape when she is able
In the corner the tv
She stares at but what's playing she rarely sees
Her big comfy bed with lots of pillows
Where alone she cries and bellows

Yes at a quick glance it all looks normal, but take a closer look
It's easy to see like all the stacks of books
On the walls nothing hangs
They are blank, there plain
No posters, not one pictures, no happy memories to look back on
Yes look close enough you can see something is all wrong

She's finally had enough liquid courage
To finally end all her troubles and worries
She goes to her closest reaches up on the top shelf
Takes down her revolver and clutches it to herself

With shaking hands she retrieves the bullets from the dresser drawer
Every inch of the barrel her fingers explore
She loads one bullet into the camber, clicks it back and spins it
She's going to let the Gods and fate decide if she is fit

She raises the cold unfeeling gun to her temple
Her hand is now steed not even a tremble
Very slowly she pulls the trigger
Stopping she didn't even consider

No one heard the boom
That resounded inside that lonely room
Over was all of her agonizing delirium
She didn't feel any pain as that bullet tore through her cranium
Her walls are no longer pitifully plain
They are now beautifully painted with her blood and her brain

How can I **** myself when I am already dead
Struggling through endless time and this is where its lead
I feel like a zombie, a walking bag of rotting flesh
No heart strongly beating within my empty chest
It's been shattered like fragile blown glass
Falling for an eternity in a bottomless icy crevasse
The hopeless confusion of this life seem endless
What use is existing when there is no fiery love, it all seems worthless
Made to see love's glowing light in other people's eyes
When all mine do is turn red as I cry
As darkness is all that cruises through my vains
Because monsters where my only company, their the only things that came
At the end of the Chase, this is where it lead
How I wish I could **** my demons, but I'm already dead

Time stood still
But disappeared
Love comes near
But ran away in fear
Want no love to reappear
And white hot pain it sears

I am made of sand
I'll slip right thru your hands
I am not time
But in eternity I might let you stand
I only come out at night
But I always stay out of sight
I'll send you to your dreams for a fright
You need me in your life
Or your brain will turn to mush
Always on it will turn to slush
I bet you know my name
So I'll stop playing this game

The pain was there to stay
So she took the drugs to make it go away
The shadows danced and played
As on her bed she laid
There will always be a price to be paid
When numbness was what she carved

There she sets with her head down in her hands
Life sure didn't turn out like she planned
The autumn leaves have got her thinking
This life of hers doesn't have much meaning

She never thought she would be alone this far down the line
This life of hers feels more like a crime
All her friends have come and gone
It all just felt so wrong
I know the thought that is running through her mind
She's afraid it's all been wasted time

As the sullen figure of a woman sets alone in her room
You can feel in the atmosphere all the gloom
As memories rap on the doors in her mind
They well remain there for all time
For her they will never depart
For even if time erases them from the mind,they are written with scars in her heart
She sits there shoulders hunched over
A river of tears sliding down her checks, no longer able to hold her composure
She had slipped into her room, her sanctuary
The burden of being the strong one, for the moment she could no longer carry

When the world has left me cold,and dog tired
I can't wait to warm my bones inside your fire
The rays from your beaming smile
Cuts trough my darkness for awail
Just to occupy the same space
Leaves me feeling warm and safe
In your gentle embrace,my walls crumble
In your presence I feel so humble


On that day you need to go away
There's a few things I'll need to say
"Without your sun, my world will return to black"
Secretly I'd do anything to get you back
"Without your presence there'll be no safety"
The world will surly drive me crazy
"I understand you have to go"
No one can endure how my sorrow grows
"My love for you will always show"
How much you've done and ment to me, I pray you know

For the present I'll enjoy your glow
Basking in your soothing flow
In the here and now
I'll let you show me how
You make my demons run and hide
Simply because you are by my side

The river of time keeps on flowing
I'm standing here in the knowing
All things will pass and fall away
As we flow from day to day

But the memories seem to remain
Be it happy ones, or the ones that torture our brain

Be it the rivers smooth ride
Or around the bend where rapids hide
To stay in the boat is the greatest challenge
For sometimes things become so unbalanced

Sometimes we are thrown overbord
Most of the time not of our own accord
As we try to keep our heads above the waves motion
Trying not to drown in all the heavy emotion

Sometimes all we can do is hold on to the boat and get dragged along
Other times we're firmly planted dry and warm in the boat singing our hearts song

But whatever waters we transverse
We all know time will do it's worse
It's not the trails we will be judged by
Or even how much we cry
We'll be judged by how we responded to the storm
What eventually becomes the norm

How time changes us inside
If we get angry, spiteful and mean, or if a heart is opened and we try
To help our fellow man
To lean on each other so we both can stand

So try to enjoy the river of times flow
Sitting there watching through the glass the sand steadily go

Hold my hand in my rain
Protect my heart in it's pain
Wrap your beautiful arms around me
When life's depravity I can't take to see
Please oh Please stand beside me

Love a four letter word wrapped up in pretty little lies
Don't be fooled by it's disguise

The wind will blow, the chimes will dance
Be you in the throws of grief, or great romance
Our feelings, nothing but a victim of circumstance

©Pauline Russell

There is something I can't quit remember
I think it was really good, or really really bad
It might have happened way back in December
I get a feeling it was the best,or maybe the worst I ever had
It could of been both, rolled up into one
I wish I could remember, I wish I knew
Either way I know I had fun
But please my friend could you give me a clue

Poor little fly
Fighting just to survive
No one saw it's demise but me
As he struggled not to freeze
First he flew in little hops
But to soon that stops
Then he walked in endless circles in the Sun's rays
But soon that too gave way
Now he lays frozen stiff
I wonder if me seeing made a diff
That this little flys last moments on earth
Didn't go unnoticed, and to a little poem had given birth

This poor little flys fight
Is a lot like my own sad sight
Wonder if anyone sees my slow decent
How this life is leaving me bent
Wonder if when I finally freeze and die
Will anyone notice and wonder why
Or see how I fought to survive
Just like that little fly

My past is seeking me out again
The stupidity of my past ignorance and sin

We'd stay up all night and speak of places we would roam
He moved me far away from home


He moved me away from family and friends
I didn't relize my future was growing dim

I was in love, he kept his demons well hid
If I'd just known some of the things he had did


I soon was pregnant, unable to defend
That's when the beatings begin

I would of ran but there was no where to go
So far from home with a young one in tow


My illusional happy family dissolved
A happy future from me is STILL getting robed

This drunken alcoholic fool
Was particularly cruel

Daily beatings a must
Hands around my throat in disgust

Have him arrested, out the next day
"Boy, ***** will you pay"


Years go by and three children latter
Things are much worse the punishment greater

Can't leave him now, know for a fact he will **** me
He'd bury my body deep, he'd never set me free

Then he would be raising my kids, a terrifying thought
And all of my suffering would of been for naught


One drunken and now cracked up night
He told me to go and I took flight

Raised four kinds on my own
Over 17 year and every 2 or 3 years always making his presence known

He can fill my heart with fear
I seen him today he's in my town..........his near

You said that I could run to you
Whenever I felt saddened and blue
And so I did on many occasions
But guess I started to feel like an invasion
You could not fix my lugubriousness
You started to relize you couldn't give me happiness
I guess you never understood
But then again I don't know how you could
Because there was something you couldn't see
There was nothing you could do, but stand with me

So I could fix myself!!!!

Heaven is but a dream
Reminding her life is nothing but mean
Freedom is but a fleeting thought
Just a spider's web in which to get caught

I woke today
In the usual way
Alarms blaring
Clock uncaring
Sleep fleeting
Sun greeting
Eye's blinking
Minutes ticking

Yes everything was the same, the normal routine
But I could feel that cold clutch of something unseen
Today might be different plight
There's something not quite right
Apprehension over me rolled
Something in the wind had gone cold
It's making my soul shiver
Like being submerge in a cold river

Thoughts thickening
Clock ticking
Eyes darting
Fear starting
Breath catching
Life injecting
Uncertainty
I woke today
In the usual way
To find a day
In decay

Dreams die
When want and reality collide

There was a little girl that lived in a tree
She climbed up there so no one could see
She climbed up there so she could just be

She stayed up there so long she got leaves in her hair
She stayed up there so long she no longer cared

She didn't care about the mother missing her child
She didn't care about anything after awail

She was content up there in the sky
She was content up there and no one knew why

How long she stayed up there nobody knew
How long she stayed up there her feet like roots grew

She had stayed so long now she hadn't a choice
She had stayed so long now she no longer had a voice

Don't go looking for her she's no longer there
Don't go looking for her she no longer cares

She had become part of the tree
She had become part of it and no one could see
She had become part of it and now she could just be

That little girl up in the tree, use to be me

Don't look into her eye's they are no longer dim
A new light has been replaced in them
And it's a white hot fire
Something she thought she would never acquire

Now if you fall she won't help you up
She threw away that cup
Now she'll just laugh at the pain in your face
She'll stomp you down farther in your miserable place

Humanity finally has had it's way
She changed in a fraction of a day
All those that thought they knew her
Would of never thought this drastic change would occur

But she was done with being used, and abused
Now she just watched others suffering, to her it amused

But her friends did what the demons and monsters never could
They turned their backs on her, she never thought they would
So now that shattered heart of gold
She pulverized to to dust, let it freeze over, let it become cold

Now she hopes they all feel the pain she endures
She will not help with the strain, she smiles for there is no cure

Helping others never last
She quickly learned to become an ***
With all the good she tried to spread
Never returned to her, there was only dread
Now she doesn't care, before long her old self will be dead

If you ever wake up in a hug yourself jacket
Dress in all white, feeling like a maggot
Don't worry about the fall
The room will be padded after all

The bright light will not let you hide
You'll have wished you'd of died
As they **** and they poke
And your anger they'll provoke

So they can hook you up and electrify your mind
So you can forget the memories they find
There will be no more dark clouds
They will no longer be allowed

Inside your cranium
Their will be no more delirium
Take the little pills they give
They say you need them to live

They will have hollowed you out
No more need to shout
Because once you where a dark horse
Now They made you into a living corpse

The only sound in my ears is the crashing of waves
I exhale, trying to be brave
But I can't stop the scalding tears
I'm waiting for my vision to clear
Kneeling by your newly dug grave
I feel that to this place I am now enslaved
I can only muster a hushed whisper
"How could you leave me dear sister"

Here inside me again they grow
I thought I'd taught them where they couldn't go
Not surprisingly again I faild
And again this razor I will wield
Long thin wounds I do inflict
I hope tonight I get rid of it
When my bright crimson blood hits the floor
In my brain they'll bore no more

The river of time keeps on flowing
I'm standing here in the knowing
All things will pass and fall away
As we flow from day to day

But the memories seem to remain
Be it happy ones, or the ones that torture our brain

Be it the rivers smooth ride
Or around the bend where rapids hide
To stay in the boat is the greatest challenge
For sometimes things become so unbalanced

Sometimes we are thrown overbord
Most of the time not of our own accord
As we try to keep our heads above the waves motion
Trying not to drown in all the heavy emotion

Sometimes all we can do is hold on to the boat and get dragged along
Other times we're firmly planted dry and warm in the boat singing our hearts song

But whatever waters we transverse
We all know time will do it's worse
It's not the trails we will be judged by
Or even how much we cry
We'll be judged by how we responded to the storm
What eventually becomes the norm

How time changes us inside
If we get angry, spiteful and mean, or if a heart is opened and we try
To help our fellow man
To lean on each other so we both can stand

So try to enjoy the river of times flow
Sitting there watching through the glass the sand steadily go

I look back on years gone by
Trying to figure out the how and why
How we clung to each other trying to easy the pain
We clung to each other in the cold November rain
The rains have come around again this year
All alone I'm standing here
Head held down
As this cold *** rain splatters on the ground
Making puddles at my feet
As I travel down this dead end street
The cold penetrates my bones
For your not here I'm all alone
Your memories can't keep me warm
Only images of you in my mind are formed
They where desperate times for you and me
But looking back I can clearly see
We where never ment to be
I was only a life raft in your troubled sea
I wish I'd known then I was just your crutch
That I didn't mean that much
For now the only sound that resounds
In this frozen heart of mine, is this cold November rain falling down

The wisest thing my Grandma ever told me
Is take comfort in your misery
Because sometimes that's all your gonna see
Wonder if Grandma knew
Maybe she was trying to give me a clue

That it would be all that live had in store
I'd be ripped apart at the core
That I'd live in constant ashes
Dreams and hope dashes
On the rocks of eternal sorrow it always crashes

Someone clipped my wings
So I would never sing
Someone broke my heart
It now is only art
Someone broke my spirit
So in darkness I will live it

My Grandma so very wise
She knew I'd live through many lies
And rough times ahead of me lay
And still persist to this present day
And I hope from heaven Grandma can see
I take comfort in my misery

In this game there is no winner
There is only sorrow in the razor blades glimmer
But the sting of the flesh is a manageable pain
Unlike the one in my brain
That makes me quake
My hands to shake

But with the blade, my hands become steady
I brace for the slice, I get myself ready
Then I create my art, the flesh is my canvas
Most think this is total madness

But with the pain now in my flesh
For awhile my brain can rest
With the flow
My anguish goes
The thin red lines, allow me to survive another day
It just the price I pay

If only

There was a young girl that her mom was always broke
At school she was the **** of all their jokes
Their words where so stark
It harrowed in the dark
Much to her chagrin
The words all sunk in
With her feelings on her sleeves
She did her best to please

Her mom loved her so
But with all her worries it didn't show
And she was working hard so they would have a place
She didn't notice the sadness of her daughters face
Or the cuts all lined up in their space

The kids at school thought it was fun
To ridicule her about how she was dumb
She felt so alone, so shunned
They made jokes about her hair
And the clothes she had to wear

They had one last ploy
I wonder if they knew it was her final joy
It was just the catalyst
On her very long list
It was her last hope to find true love, and some bliss
Instead of always feeling so lifeless
He asked her out, but stood her up
And that sorrow over followed her cup

On that night she made a choice
And decided to listen to that little voice
She cut up her wrist, and made a sad face on her throat
She wore that final red coat

Sitting here watching you sleeping
Wondering if you know, it's my dreams that you're keeping
You are everything I want a man to be
Someone, in this world I thought I'd never see

Gentle but tough
Your touch never rough
Never rushed
My heart you build up, not crush
My scars you kiss
Not a one you miss
Even those on my soul
You try to sew

But your heart you gaurd
Someone broke it, made it hard
The words I love you will not pass your lips
The terror of those words grip

But babe you never have to say them to me
For you show it, I can plainly see
That love dances in your eyes
It escapes in your moaning sighs
As in my bed together we lay
So my darling, those words I'll never make you say
Because you show me your love everyday

I went to feed the birds today

I took a hike so very deep and long Birds chirped out my favorite song To hurry me along

I found the perfect place In this infinite universe of space
Twisted trees guard all around Thick green moss lay luscious on the ground
Beckons me with every sound

The sun can finally warm these bones with the flesh all striped off I can finally say
My life of constant sorrow Can simply fly away

I went to feed the birds today!

I want to take a shower from the inside out

Get me out of here I'm posed to run
Muscles as tense as a rubber band strung
In the middle of this horde of people, I'm just done

My mind is racing, plot my best chance at escape
Eyes darting and seeking, my emotions are being *****
Like nails across a chalkboard being scraped

Please let me through, let me go
This raising feeling of terror, you just don't know
I must be released before I put on a spastic show

I'm trying to contain these feelings
You have no idea with what I am dealing
Suffocation is what I am concealing

Let me out , let me run, let me be
The panic is rising in me
Please, oh please, I'll even plea

Leave the groceries in the cart
Burst through the doors, thats just the start
Trying not to sprint though the lot

Safely inside my vehicle, doors locked
These emotions seek me out, I'm stalked
if I'd stayed in there any longer, they would've been outlining me in chalk

I'll just stay and linger on
Until of natural causes I am gone
Seems the suffering can continue
I'm still ordering from this menu
My demons still can feed
My monster I still will need
My twisted life shall fallow and ensue
To push on is all I can do
I say this as I'm lying in my bed
Facing the next minutes with dread
Can't even think about the days to come
Think I need a lot more ***
If I sleep long enough, will I sleep through all I suffer
Buried here under the cover

No one wants me in their tomorrow
Even though I beg, steal and borrow
Still they would walk on without me
They only want to set me free
I try to make my darkness go away
I beg happiness to stay
I steal my tomorrows from my yesterdays
I borrow my feelings from my yesteryears
For today I'm only full of fears
No one wants me in their tomorrow
Even though I beg, steal and borrow

Spring came into her beautiful life
She started to grow strong, such a wonderful sight
Before she knew it the summer Sun's rays
Coaxed her to blossom and bloom, the sun had that magical way

The summer of her life was grand
She stretched herself as tall as she could stand
Her beauty was quite beyond compare
She glimmered so bright it was almost a glare

Before she knew it, it was the autumn of life
All her memories were rife
Still she had abundant beauty, though her petals were starting to droop
Being pulled down to gravity's stoop
Still she enjoyed the the cooler days
And leaned towards the sun's rays

Winter fiercely came one night
Even though she put up a hell of a fight
The snow was to heavy
She could no longer be counted among the bevy

She sadly just wilted away
And fell into her bed of decay
Her ravishing petals now lay on the ground and decompose
My gorgeous scarlet rose

On my way out watch it flow
Just one more poem before I go
I haven't much time
So just one last rhyme
It won't be long before I'm done
It would of been faster if I'd used a gun
But I wanted to see the blood run
For every drop there is a story
Of pain and agony, there is no glory
I'm growing weak
I think I accomplished the feat
One more line, my world was bleak

She sits alone contemplating her place within this universe
She thought about her live in reverse
Trying to figure out how she had got to this place
Sitting on the bridge, legs dangling into space

She stares into the crystal clear water
In her mind there would never be any imprimatur
She is in conflict of what to do
She slowly kicks off one shoe
To count how long it takes to splash down
If the concrete like water didn't **** her, would she drown

She looked out across the river to watch her last sunset
Thinking of a tragic events she couldn't forget
It was such a soft purple that got more vibrant to a bight pink center
The frost nipped at her nose, and now exposed toes, soon it would be winter

She examines her situation still not sure why
But then again everybody dies
Does our energy escape our corpses
Jets off into the cosmos and courses
Or our we just nonexistent forever in the black void
Both of these thoughts makes her overjoyed

She cracks a slight smile the first in years
In the last of autumn's sun she basks, she has no more fears
She kicks off her other shoe, grabs hold of the cold steel frame
There will be no more living in darkness and shame

She carefully climbs up on to the rail
She didn't want to fall backwards, she didn't want to fail
She spread her arms wide out to her side
Took one more look at the sky, let go and let her body glide
It was the very first time she felt free
Sheer fleeting secounds of glee

She didn't feel the bone crushing impact
As her head wide open cracked
Her body started to slowly sink
Life had pushed her past the brink
Bubbles at the surface forms as the air escapes her lungs

I hope the galaxy gives her life energy hugs
Or if in the dark abyss
I hope shes found rest, either way I know she found bliss
For her wretched life she wont miss

The breath of change are blowing again
It's a hurricane of a wind
I'm being blown like a tumble ****, head over heels
This cart has lost it's wheels

There's no stoping this ride
I've tried
So I'll just blow along
Until this monsoon is gone
If I come out the other side battered and ******
Well....I will have made it out, I'm a quick study

Not sure how it's gonna end
Or just where this well leave me, where it'll send
I've lost the illusion of control
I'm living, I'm swimming in a fish bowl

I'm on display
Watch my as I'm splayed
Everything will be spilled
Nothing will be hidden, nothing will be filled
Nothing will be forgiven
Just to see how far this darkness was been driven

You dont understand me!! You dont and can't see!!
Just how deep the darkness dwells
Just how much the pain it swells
How very little else is left How very scary it is for myself
I know how hard it is to simply live with me
I know it won't take long before l have to set you free You'll be one more scar
one more pain
You'll be one more thing
Yes everyday life seems a little darker
Yes everyday to live through it gets a little harder Sometimes I get lost in the swirl
Sometimes everything becomes a blur
This feeling of already being dead
This feeling of nothingness is filling me with dread.

I'm a cutter can't you see the scars all in their lines
Can't you see the signs
It just means my life is less than bliss
And happiness is what I miss
I don't want your sympathy
It's more like let me be
I'm not gonna cover them
Much to your chagrin
If you don't want to see, don't look
But I won't dangle from your hook
I won't set upon your shelf like a book
I am who I am
Hope you understand

I give up on this life
Depression claims another soul

To the left or to the right
Do we become a beacon or do we become a blight
Do we glow dim or do we glow bright
Do we run or do we fight
Do we smolder or do we ignite
Do we become rude, or do we become polite
Do we starve or do we take a bite
Do we keep quiet or do we write

Will we meet upon the green grass hill
Will you come and sit with me still
Underneath the old oak tree
We can sit and gaze at the sea
We can watch the white top waves
As it beats toward the caves
The sea foams frothy white at the wide open mouth
And when the wind blows from the south

You can almost hear the pirates song
When they use to visit the cave, but those years are long gone
That's where they use to hide their treasures
But now only the waves laps in at it's leisure

You once asked me,"why don't you explore the cave by the sea"
"To find diamonds and the gold that there might be"
I only shot you a smile
Because I knew all the while
I had all ready found my diamond
And around you my arms I tightened

But that was many years ago
And the winds of time did blow
It aged our bodies, and took you away
So I made that climb up hill today

To sit up under that old oak tree
To reminisce of what use to be
To hold tight the ghost of your memory
For that's one thing time can't take from me

Death strikes from out of no where
Takes our loved ones, it doesn't care
Left to live on without them
Left to carry on without that gem
Leaves an empty space
That no amount of time can erase
Left with only memories
Sadness in diffrent degrees
Smiles and tears
Thinking back throughout the years
Flipping through old pictures
Knowing that they had made your life richer
Hoping this is not completely the end
Hoping that on some distant plane you'll see them again

Life has me in a stranglehold
It's leaving me blue and cold
I'm laying here gasping for air
Wishing out there someone would care
Like a begger on the street
They just hurry past when our eyes meet

No one wants to help the lost
No one wants to pay the cost
No one wants to find whats gone
No one wants to hear that song

The wages of sin is death
It's not all mine, still I'm ******* in my last breath
This may be my dying day
I'm so lost within the fray

I have surly lost my way
In this bottomless hole I'm forced to stay
I'm so very weak
Tears constantly leak
Down my face and to my feet
Trying so desperately my secrets to keep

For one small glance at this darkened hole
Of what use to be my soul
Will make the most courageous man faint
For this life if mine would devastate
Even the most holiest saint

Lonely and withered is how I live my life
Human monsters are my gripe
They have pillaged and stole
They have ripped in me a great big hole
The wounds they've made will never heal
Pleasure of living they surely did steal

So I stay away from all mankind
For my death certificate they have already signed
They just **** me slowly, a piece at a time
One day you'll look, there'll be nothing to find

You are my friend my only solace
In cruel cold world that's left me calloused
But something new has gotten ahold on you
And you've left me alone here cold and blue
Don't get me wrong, I know you still care
But your not available, your days you no longer share
And I miss you so much right down to my toes
This over welming solitude just grows and grows
But I know my place, I'll stand on the side
I'll let you chase love, I won't break your stride
I'll be over joyed when things finally go your way
And you're happy again like back in the day
Cuz it's been a long time since you where happy like that
There is no way I'll pout in a corner and act like a brat
But I know I'll be just fine
I know it's time
I've seen the sign
Cuz I love you enough to let you go
And all of your love, to her you can show
And if we never see, or talk again
I'll alway think of you, my friend, with a grin

Tears are stinging behind my eyes
As I try to hold them within
No one will know why
Until it is to late
To late to even count them
For soon there will be way to many
I can't even say why they are there
But soon everyone will know why
And then like me they will try to hold them back
But it will be to late
As many will stand at that flood gate
As we try to let the tears wash away the pain
But it never will
They never do
The pain that is about to be created
Will resonate for years and years to come
And all I can do is stand and watch
And brace for impact

It's Sunday morning
I'm in mourning
My "give a ****" died last night
Amongst your words "you're just a blight"
You said it, not in anger
But with the disconnect of a stranger

.........SO.........

I no longer give a ****
Killed with your hit
I'll just lay
I'll just decay
I no longer give a ****
I'll never again throw a fit
Pushed to far
Drowning in tar
I no longer give a ****
My heart you just ripped
Casted aside
Feelings died
I no longer give a ****
Your love was counterfeit

Here I am in the darkness again
Realizing it's my only friend

I just want to walk in the sun
Like I did when I was young

But that dream is dead and gone
Just like the last note of a song
It simply fell away
Into the gray

I try to convince myself I will be just fine
Here in the dark where the sun will never shine

Alone in my maddness
My terrifying sadness
In time that's so timeless
This deafening silence
That all leads to self violence