It's that feeling again. A deep longing for something, for someone. For a feeling- an embrace.



As I lay near the window pane with a heaviness inside my heart, I hear a sudden fall. A soft thud replaced by a loud cry. As raindrops started to dominate- I closed my eyes and thought of something.

My mind was blank. My body cold and restless. I reached for the blanket and stuffed myself in.



I've always thought that the rain was melancholy. How it could make me feel happy and sad at the same time. It's either a blessing or a curse. I've thought of it as a nature's call- a sign that even the world gets tired sometimes.



Busy streets, busy people. You will never know how deep the rain is until you have found yourself broken for the first time. How you could feel how angry thunderstorms are and how stupid the rain keeps on falling. You think of it as something you hate for getting yourself wet, but the coldness you will feel after getting a shade will stay. It would be like hearing every droplets fall in slow motion and feeling how heavy the weight is under your chest.



It's like a rhythm, a song you must learn to dance. Feeling the droplets fall into the stillness of your hands. Oh, how you wanted it to stay that way- but it keeps on slipping away. Those droplets delicately stroking your palm and smoothly going in between your fingers. It's like a touch- something you know is nonexistent, but it brings you at peace.

These are the stages- where you feel like everything is falling apart. Sadness is like that- and it will be sad for a while, you know it will be, but then you will notice a streak of sunshine after the rain.

Rain is captivating. Rain is shallow. It's the pain that's inside your heart who keeps on hurting you, the memories you once forgot deciding to ruin you again. It's because of all those things that have made you sad.



Own it. Gravitate to it. Rain isn't all about the sad endings. A rainbow after the rain has always taught me that i can be happy. I can always be happy- as long as i accept the things that are keeping me away from the happiness i deserve. Rain is beautiful. Rain is magical.



Science explained how the rain was made, but i still believe that it's something God has given to us. It was as if even though we have different lives and different problems, it kept us one. Like we know that somewhere and somehow- we have a place to belong to. A place where we know we can truly be free.



And that is what the rain is for me. Something that kept me whole. Something that made me think will wash away the pain of my yesterday. Something i know will last.





. . . . the reason i see the beauty of life. A sign to keep me going. A sign to know that i'm real.

It was like breathing every ocean air and letting go. Like a sunshine creeping in the small corner of your room and those familiar eyes you once loved turned to you slow in recognition.



Like your favorite red balloon slowly slipping away from the tip of your finger. An old photograph left in the lost places of a book.



That's what i used to be. Someone who tried so hard to make you laugh. Someone who wanted to make you happy. Someone who prayed so hard to make it last.



Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe you were just another lesson being taught to me. Someone who could only stay for a while and leave you when you're asleep.



A nightmare dressed like a daydream. An angel who was ought to destroy me in the end.

Everyone has different views- different points. Points in their life where they were lost in knowing what's really for the best. Some already had their happy ending- some don't. Some were lost in a reverie of going back to the past and undoing- while some just don't care. If i was one of those people- i would be the one who created her own tragedy. Seeing you now- i realized that you were that every great thing i lost., and that every time i think about it- not everything i've lost- was really worth losing for. You were just one of those people who lost the chance to be with someone who would treat you with all honesty and be with you at all cost-  and in that i realized. . .   That i was that every great thing i lost.

It felt like a shuddered memory, a ghost from the past i tried so hard to remove. Your name as i heard them in the silence of my sleep. The half paged book i left scattered on the floor and that gold antique necklace left where you held it. We were supposed to be happy, yet it ended so quickly.



- = - = - = - = - = - =



"We were so happy. Why did it end?"



"We were so happy that the heavens punished us."

Now i was left alone

Alive and breathing

Feeling all kinds of drowning

The second i breathe, the harder i feel

and from that i knew... i might never recover.



And just as i was about to jump to the shallows,

a hand pulled me up from my obscure state.

Telling me how dense i was

for trying to jump in an empty hole.



I asked myself.. Is this what i get?

For giving my all to the one i love?

A voice replied to my side

Saying that there's nothing wrong with having vast dreams

If a man truly holds you dear

He'll understand your every aim.



And in a spur of moment

I found myself in a reverie

He held me slowly

like how the wind caressed my skin.



He told me things i didn't know

Including the feelings i've never felt before

If he was the end of me

Then i would gladly accept my fall.