It isn't a bad thing,
to love someone else entirely,
and to get drunk with the idea of love,
so you let yourself get wasted.
I wasn't sad nor naive,
but the roses you held before bled,
with a shade of dried maroon red,
i mixed my blood in the palette and painted.
Under the light of the moon, i stare at the stars, wondering if i could be one of them if i died- if i could be immortal. If I could live up as someone who was looked upon- someone who was aware of my existence. It's such a calm night, hearing my favorite songs playing and the curtains swaying by the wind.
It somehow feels magical- like a hidden power. The moon sees me whenever i'm not around a lot of people- sometimes, i think the moon knows all my secrets. I stare at it and wonder if you're looking at it too. I hope you do. I really hope you do.
My love for you is like of an asymptote- a line waiting to be intersected, hoping to be a red string brought by fate.
I wish we could happen- but we can't, because you didn't know... and i couldn't tell you.
So under the light of the moon- i hoped alot. We couldn't happen but it's not yet the end.
We were under the same sky atleast.. That's what I needed, and that's what we will ever be.
So I hope you remember me, not just that someone who walked past you, the one you caught staring at you, and the one you were really annoyed to... because if you only knew..
Your happiness was mine too.
It wasn't an underestatement. Those three words were not enough to explain how i felt for you. Nobody knew.
So if ever you looked up at the midnight sky- I hope you think of me, not just that someone who would creep behind just to catch a glimpse of you..
. . . . but as the girl who would have given the world to know.
It was like breathing every ocean air and letting go. Like a sunshine creeping in the small corner of your room and those familiar eyes you once loved turned to you slow in recognition.
Like your favorite red balloon slowly slipping away from the tip of your finger. An old photograph left in the lost places of a book.
That's what i used to be. Someone who tried so hard to make you laugh. Someone who wanted to make you happy. Someone who prayed so hard to make it last.
Maybe it just wasn't meant to be. Maybe you were just another lesson being taught to me. Someone who could only stay for a while and leave you when you're asleep.
A nightmare dressed like a daydream. An angel who was ought to destroy me in the end.
I've gone too far from reminiscing the past,
the world is turning so fast,
Nobody dared to help me catch my breath,
it's like as if i never really did exist.
In this world of chaos,
i found myself changing,
from sandcastles and september rain,
to the smell of gas and fire burning.
It was the kind of hurt where your tears were falling silently. Your eyes eyeing the ceiling and being unable to think of anything- and those silent sobs you left- that was the proof you were hurting.
And no- it was not that kind of hurt, not yet. It was that kind of hurt where you were left wondering about the things you've done. That kind of hurt where you've locked yourself out inside a cubicle and cried. That kind of hurt where you feel like swimming in the icy waters and feeling yourself go numb.
And no- that was not all. You've only seen that small tip of an iceberg- not the dept.
I was still wondering if everything was really falling into place. If this was just another test- if it was everything worth losing for. It hurts so bad that seeing you now being with somebody else- somebody else who could offer you safety and laughter. Everyone seemed normal, everything seemed boring. I miss those times where i got to chat with you- all those times you'd laugh at my stupid jokes. Everyone thought that i was okay despite the smiles i showed- but believe me when i say i don't. I don't feel complete now that i am starting to lose everything once again.
It felt like a shuddered memory, a ghost from the past i tried so hard to remove. Your name as i heard them in the silence of my sleep. The half paged book i left scattered on the floor and that gold antique necklace left where you held it. We were supposed to be happy, yet it ended so quickly.
- = - = - = - = - = - =
"We were so happy. Why did it end?"
"We were so happy that the heavens punished us."
— The End —