Draw a breath the way you'd draw your sword,
As you exhale you feel the power that follows,
How the vapour lingers like the sun soaked blade
In the air,
Preparing to charge,
Throwing yourself through hell and back
Effortlessly,
Can you feel the battle drum
That pounds in your chest?
The fire in your belly
As you spark up a cigarette
And face your enemies
Eye to eye,
The tension in those coiled muscles of yours,
Like you are ready to pounce.
The cannon has been fired,
Go forth and savour the ultimate victory,
Wipe your sword,
Tame the bonfire in your stomach
Smile at the sky and feel the warmth
Of the sun.
You have seized another day,
Another triumph.

My body's carved from stone,
My lungs are made of gold,
Put a candle to my heart
And it'll die from the cold,
The cathedral bells they ring,
But the martyrs dare to sing,
They only seem to whisper my name.

The only air I breathe
Is the smoke from a fire,
Composure is my friend
As I dance on a wire,
Yes the people stop to stare
But little do I care,
They're only making fools of themselves.

I'm steady as a hunter
Like a shark in the tide,
Don't break above the surface
I'll be caught and I will die,
Try to live on higher levels
But I am just a rebel,
And invincibility falls to its knees.

You are the earthquake,
Tearing apart the ground
Beneath my aching feet
After years of running from
Your destruction,
You let me fall through the cracks
Like sand through fingertips,
Consumed by the dark,
Falling past wonderland
And the other side of the Earth,
Drowning in a sea of stars,
Flushed away to the farthest reaches
Of the universe
Just so I can feel beautiful again,
To reshape myself to fit the new mould
That I constructed after you had
So effortlessly contorted the previous one with your bare hands,
Like smoke and mirrors,
An optical illusion,
There are things that your eyes
Cannot see that are burnt into
My skin,
That I can't scrub from me as if
They were mud stains,
From skidding to avoid the collision
Of my dignity.
I am left suspended in ignorant bliss,
Silent and calm,
Comfortable and collected.

Pulling at heartstrings
Like a harp,
The delicate tremors of angels' voices
That cascade between metal and emotion,
Raw, vibrant crescendos of tears
In the back alley,
Mascara hitting the concrete
Like the raindrops,
Stale and scattered
By the storm that was stirred
In the bedroom the night before,
Passion flashing like lightning
Between the rolling clouds of
Bedsheets and bare skin,
All to wither like the retreating tide,
The rising of trouser legs
Like the Sun,
A walk of shame down a lonely road,
A seagull flying out to sea,
Wings spread beyond vast waves
Of boring bricks and patchwork ***-holes,

*Only to flee from the filthy hot mess of another conquest

This house, it breathes,
Beneath brick and plaster board,
Within the confines of creaking
Floorboards and closed doors,
It exhales the dreams of sleeping
Souls,
It inhales the stars and the clouds,
The distant echoes of car alarms
And the unmistakeable bark
Of a dog that is carried by the wind,
I lay in bed,
Nestled in the sheets,
Head on the pillow,
I feel the earth move beneath me,
I feel the expanse of a brickwork
Ribcage,
I am calm, I am content.

You're just another cigarette in a packet,
Another ounce of poison that captivates
The senses and destroys me from the inside,
I taste you on my lips,
Another heavy drag,
Inhaling the sickening smoke
And exhaling the ghost of you,
You line my soul with tar,
Block the lungs and you choke me,
Suffocating,
Yet I still desire your touch,
Killing me softly.

Can you hear the church bells ring?
Hollow footsteps that cascade through
The empty pews and end inside
The confessional stand,
Stained glass windows refract rays of sunlight
And projects a radiant glow upon a thousand
Prayers that are intertwined with the aroma
Of polished wood and frail pages of the bible,
The Lord works in mysterious ways
I tell myself as I trace my steps down the alter
Where you left me.
I feel the phantom shadow of his embrace
Trail behind me,
Never losing sight,
Never letting go,
And yet I still fall to my knees
And pray for mercy,
I have not sinned,
Nor have I failed to ignore
My calling,

But even the most loyal of angels
Must have their wings clipped
*And their innocence stripped clean.

Broken shards of glass,
A refraction of a part of you,
Treading on hot coals
Because you want to feel
The painful numbness
Of what it feels like
To be alive,
You weave in the intricate
Details of the Devil
Just so you can cast away
All remnants of innocence,
An exorcism happened in this bedroom,
You want to feel the dirt,
The grit,
The ferocity
Of a one night stand
As if it is your
Last night standing,
You want to be turned on
With lights off,

You want to be bad
At playing nice.

Closing my eyes,
I'm afraid of heights,
These skyscraper fears
Are crumbling beneath
My feet and I have
Nothing to hold onto.
I will live like tomorrow
Is never going to come,
But I'm not ready to fall
To my death,
My wings have been clipped
I'm weak,
I'm selfish,
I need the safety net
Beneath my shaking feet.

No,
Push me,
Let me fall,
Let the air kiss my cheeks
Like sharp, cold knives
As I plummet into chaos
And pierce the Earth
Like a meteor.

Beautiful girl,
She breathes creativity,
I love her so much.

Do you see me in the headlights?
A frightened deer in the night time sorrow,
Push down on the accelerator honey,
I'll be gone by this time tomorrow,
My heart beats in the trees
And my voice is in the soil,
My fear is in the air
As my blood begins to boil,
I'm a natural born disaster,
So don't wait until the morning after,
Strike me down.
Down.
  Down.
    Down.
Leave my body on the road
And soak my skin with red lights,
Disappear into the dark,
A hit and run at midnight,
My baby left me high and dry,
I'm lost without a compass,
Death is far beneath my closest friend,
His soul is too close for comfort.

I have unravelled,
Leave me be and shut the door,
I'm done with this place.

A good friend told me he didn't know what to write. He wanted to, but he didn't have the motive or inspiration to carry it through.
This one is for you.

When you write, don't act on the impulse purely because you want to,
You have to feel what you write,
Right down to every last gruelling piece of punctuation.
And I don't mean write as soon as you feel a connection,
You have to truly believe in what you write,
Like every single molecule in your body is screaming
At you,
Telling you to be beautiful in the words you choose.
Harness your emotions,
If you feel euphoric and happy,
Capture it,
If you are feeling angry or there is sadness inside of you,
Purge it, let it flow and then read it back and you'll see how much
You have released in a short space of time.
Don't be afraid of what you write,
Be bold,
Be fearless,
Don't be scared of what people might think
If you let them see it,
Don't shy away from any details that you might want to include,
Nobody judges a writer.
Add what you want,
It is your recipe for creativity and you are in control of the final product.

Write what you feel and feel what you write.

Verse One
A simple complication
Shapes the way we see ourselves,
A fatal disconnection,
To be just like everyone else,
Find the spark in your heart
And let out the flames,
Kiss the scars on your arms,
You were never to blame,
Turn on the lights in your mind
And throw out the dark,
You were never made to break this way,
Trauma never fades to grey

Chorus
Paint with watercolours from your tears,
A prism you made from your fear,
Chase the spectrum and touch the light,
Crystal clear and it shines through the glass
Of your heavy soul,
You want to be whole,
Fill the cracks in the flaws only you can see,
Perfection isn't what it seems to be.

Verse Two
A desperate resignation,
Starve your body from the hate,
A fatal designation,
Purging pain until it's too late,
Put the nightmares to bed,
And lock up the door,
The voices will cease to exist any more,
Kiss the scars on your thighs,
And fall in love with your skin,
You will never break again,
You are stronger than the strongest of them

Chorus
Paint with watercolours from your tears,
A prism you made from your fear,
Chase the spectrum and touch the light,
Crystal clear and it shines through the glass
Of your heavy soul,
You want to be whole,
Fill the cracks in the flaws only you can see,
Perfection isn't what it seems to be.

Bridge
Rainbow refractions of years to come,
Mirrors that show the person you've become,
Crystal reflections
Will show unique complexions
Of yourself,
Perfect the way you are,
You've put up a fight and you've come so far

Chorus** (x2)
Paint with watercolours from your tears,
A prism you made from your fear,
Chase the spectrum and touch the light,
Crystal clear and it shines through the glass,
Of your heavy soul,
You want to be whole,
Fill the cracks in the flaws only you can see,
Perfection isn't what it seems to be.

He talks to me,
In dreams,
When I wake up,
When I sit at the writing desk,
Quill in my hand.
He made me feel safe.
Who are you?
I am Hyde.
Why are you in my head?
To guide you. To help you. To love you.

He spoke to me everyday,
His deep and subtle voice lingering
In the back of my mind,
Never interrupting  when I spoke,
Never intervening in my actions.
I felt compelled to keep him close,
To drag him from the dark confines
Of my subconscious and let him
Perch behind my eyes so he could see what I see,
Behind my mouth so he could say what I say,
Behind my heart so he can live like I live.
We became one.

But one day he changed.
He grew stronger,
Louder,
I felt his phantom presence
Fuse with my bones,
Wrapping his fingers around my ribcage,
Cutting off the air in my lungs.
It was suffocating,
Letting him take over me,
To overpower me.
I tried to send him back to Hell,
Back to the dark confines
That I so willingly and half-heartedly
Pulled him from,
But I was weak and I was foolish.

I felt the sinister urges boil beneath my skin,
Felt the need for destructive satisfaction with each pulse,
He didn't want to hurt people,
I did.

I gave myself to him,
And now I am his puppet.
A tragic love story between
A troubled body
And a chaotic mind.

Can't you see she is drowning?
Her heart is sinking,
A Titanic heartbreak,
Broken in two,
Don't just sit there and watch the oxygen escape her quivering lips,
Dive
       In
          And
               Save
                     Her.

Let the water consume you,
Drag your soul to the bottom,
Anchor yourself to the seabed
And stretch open your arms,
If you can't fire the flare,
At least go down with the ship,
Let her drift into your embrace,
Feel the pulsating current tear away
All final thoughts of fear and insecurity,
Just stay there,
Linger in the abyss of the disheartened
And wait until your bodies are pulled from the waves
**And revived.

Those who are held back by depression are often viewed as 'miserable' or 'negative', but people really do not understand the fragile nature that these sufferers must face. It is an unconditionally delicate misconception, one of which that encourages society to hold such a stereotypical perception it can ultimately tip the scales and cause unfaltering chaos on the body, the mind and the soul. We are left to pick up the pieces of ourselves from the stone-like words that people throw at us, the icy glances when they see that we're trying to hold back stale tears that we were unable to release the night before and instead faced a daunting and relentless course of insomnia, the cold shoulder when we are desperate to breathe and release the demons that cloud our heads and our judgements in order to feel free again. It is unnerving to think that we must wander through life as shadows whilst others dance in the carefree sunlight of their ignorance. They are blinded by the sun rays of misunderstanding or lack of interest, they are educated but do not put their knowledge and understanding to the test and instead flee when the school bell of fear and commitment resonates through the hallowed halls of our hearts, our arteries, veins, capillaries, blood cells.

It is a tragic and petrifying truth, one of which breaks me a little more inside as each day passes.