I wish I could squeeze the clouds
And hug the moon.
But what would I come away with?
Soaked lifelines and tremulous fingers?
Or a guide to this realm of reality?

Plant the seed of who I once was,
During the next full moon,
When the tide of emotions are pulling in the lost souls into the sea of existence that I am submerged in.

When the sun went down,
the moon came out
and the stars appeared.

The streets became vacant,
Laughter from children came to a halt,
The streetlights flickered,
and the sediment from underneath our sneakers fled into the air.

The sun took away the warmth when it set.
Children escaped inside to embrace the warmth of their mother's arms.
When the moon made an appearance,
She brought the luminosity that manifested our insanity.

Although the sky's window was tinted,
I stayed outside to view the celestial body.
Luminous, beautiful, misunderstood,
I watched the sky change into its true self.

Tell me that you love me,
Until my heart is full,
And my soul is happy.

Tell me that I made sense of your world,
For we both
Shed tears at the midnight hour.

Kiss me with your wine stained lips,
Smother me with your charm
Ressurect me,
When the sun rises over the horizon,
And brings the same warmth as you brought me.

That is when we remember how much passion was in this wine glass.

I spoke to you last night.
It was the first time since last time.
Underneath the night sky’s tinted window,
Watching and waiting for the last cloud to escape from underneath the moon.

Can you see me sitting here?
With my face buried in my hands
And sorrow stained on my paper skin?
Show me a sign that you are there.

I waited for the sun to set,
In order to see the champagne clouds.
Through the of tint and pastel sky,
I looked up and saw your smile.

You were in heaven
And I was here on earth.
Was it my intoxicated thoughts
Or was it actually you?

Dear moon,
Sing me the song of solace at the midnight hour.
Illuminate all of the dark souls that roam at night,
For we are all souls living a human experience.

Strip me bare of this human skin,
Allow my soul to rise to the clouds.
I want to see what you see.

Soon enough,
The air will become frigid,
As the blue sky fades to black.
Like the trees,
We will be stripped free.

Then we will be naked of our human skin.
Only the moon will see us for who we truly are.
Walking,
Living,
Breathing,
Stardust.

Over the last few weeks,
I prayed to the blood orange sun,
That was setting beneath the pastel backdrop,
And tinted clouds.

I asked for the peace that I've been searching for,
Only to find gusts of wind,
And lack of warmth,
Be the response.

If I told you that I cried,
How would you look at me?
Would you see me as weak
Like the time I scraped my knee
And the tears fell from my eyes
Faster than the blood escaped my body?

If I told you that I got a rose tattoo,
How would you look at me?
Would you see me as "less than a man"
Because society has taught you that flowers are feminine
And you are too afraid to admit your hyper-masculinity
Blinds you from seeing otherwise?

What if I told you that I am an emotional black man?
Would you look at me differently,
Because I allow myself to break free of what society paints a man to be.

If I told you that I cried because I'm scared to die,
Would you hug me?
Would you tell me that everything will be okay?
Or would you neglect my feelings?
Because "men aren't supposed to feel".

Since I'm an emotional black man,
Am I still your son?
Am I still your friend?

You kissed me
With your dazzling gleam
When I craved affection.

Provided solace
When I felt like the only soul that's walking on earth.

Last night I felt an explosion of tears burst through my face,
As I remembered my friend who passed.

I felt alone
Like the last cloud to escape from the night sky.

Remember I asked you if you ever had that feeling?

You illuminated my soul
And allowed me to sit on the edge of your crescent.

When I expressed my explosion of tears to you,
I was reminded of your craters.

Don't know why it took the sounds of Airplanes cutting the wind,
For me to realize that I am in a better place.

When you died,
I felt a void in my heart
And soul.

No longer am I praying to God to ease my Weary soul but I am speaking to the moon Every night. Sometimes I wonder if you Are able to see me.

A few nights ago,
I broke down in front of the moon,
When my soul rose to the stars,
I was able to sit on the moon.

During that time,
I grew wings
And opened the sky.
I saw your face briefly.

Your smile was wide
And you whispered to me that,
I won't be this sad forever.
In due time.

I’ve watched the sky change from blue to black every day.
From the second the sun breaks the clouds to warm the earth,
To the sudden transition into pastel skies,
And finally into the manifestation
Of darkness the night brings.


It wasn't the content clouds with the marshmallow feel,
Nor was it the champagne clouds with the intoxicating feeling,
Maybe it was the grey clouds in the dark sky,
With the similar ability of humans.

To carry an unreasonable amount of tension until we burst.

I asked for a sign to ease my mind.
I guess you heard it.
Maybe that is why the moon is so bright
And following me everywhere I go.
You have your eye on me.

The night was warm like the tea you made
But inviting like the last hug you gave me.

Calm night for a damaged soul.
Grant me serenity,
Show me you are there.

I miss you.

Through the pastel colors of sunset,
I felt your presence in the nimbus clouds.
And I reached out to hug them.

Rain fell.
It soaked my lifelines
And submerged my face
In it's expression of gloominess.

I feel the pain of the nimbus clouds,
They soak up the pain humans endure.

I remember the blurred vision,
And
Nose quivers.

The feeling of sadness free falling from my eyes.

I watched it take shape,
In the crevices of my palms.

Palmar Flexion.

My face was the night sky,
&
My eyes were the moon.

They controlled the tides,
And crashed the waves.

That night,
Actually,
Those 2 weeks,

I was stuck in the twilight.

Sing me the song of solace
Kiss me with your dazzling gleam
Strip me bare,
Accept my vulnerability as a human.

I'm giving myself to you,
Underneath the night sky
Where no one is watching
But those who have found peace in heaven.

See me as fragile.
Illuminate my soul
Control the tides of doubt in my mind.
Strip me bare of this human flesh,
And let my soul rise.

Sing me the song of solace
And allow me to find comfort at night.

Last night the moon brought solace.
It was the first time in a long time.
Was it an enchanting night
Or was I officially in the twilight?

Last night the celestial sphere above,
Stripped me bare of this human skin
and harnessed my soul into ascension.

I watched my human skin fall from the night sky,
Like rose petals at the midnight hour.

Last night the moon brought solace.

I am now a prisoner in the sea of emotion.
The moon captured me
But the stars were the guide to where I was.
As the night sky's tinted window hardly allowed room to breathe.
I suffocated in melancholy.

What is darkness?
A foreign concept the moon couldn't understand,
Not even on its most luminous day.

It’s the wanderlust souls who escaped from the tedious bodies,
they inhabited.
Only to spread its wings and fly along the sky’s terrain.
Whom who hears the birds chirping at 3 am are shedding its human skin,
As a reptile would before it enters a new realm of existence.
It feels different.
It’s soothing. It’s calming.
It’s the feeling of earl grey tea submerging the taste buds on the white blanket lying on the tongue in the morning.
Who hears the birds chirping at 3 am?
Is it the wanderlust souls whose restless eyeballs glistens in the night or the lonely stoner who finds serenity in the hugs of the ghosts he is hiding?

I wrote this with a pen,
In my notebook,
At least a million times.

At first,
It was simple & clean
Like the Utada Hikaru song we kept listening to,
Underneath a cloud full of spliff smoke.
But then it turned complex & morally contaminated.
Like the time you sat in my desk chair
And released your stomach acid onto my floor.

It reeked of alcohol
And so does my breath at this current moment.

It's hard for me to express my pain
Without feeling the presence of the nimbus clouds in my mind
Come closer to making my face burst into tears.
But I'm going to try.

Hearing the news that you died,
Plagued my ears and spider-cracked my soul.
I'm never going to be the same knowing that
Your physical existence will not be roaming around this earth.

The huge disk of memories we created are on vinyl
Constantly replaying in my head
But scratching after May 13th.
That was the last time I saw your infectious smile
And felt your tight bear hug that provided me with warmth.

After our palms clapped
And fingers interlocked,
I felt your heartbeat with my knuckle.
We were more than friends.
We were brothers.
We were humans that had souls that understood each other.

I'm not going to lie,
I am still damaged and feel out of place in this world.
Where do I go from here?
How do I feel better?

I think about you every night,
With my tear filled eyes soaking the lifelines of my palms.
I keep the thoughts of you replaying in my head,
Knowing that your spirit has touched the souls of many,
I can't help but feel this sad.
But I know that one day I will
Feel better.

I tried to find the answers at night,
Underneath the night sky
Where the stars shined bright,
And the moon provided solace.

I confessed my pain to the moon every night,
It illuminated my soul
And gave me a shoulder to cry on.

Dear celestial object,
Allow my wanderlust soul to rise to the stars
With hopes of finding comfort at night
Because I haven't been the same since finding out about the death of my best friend.

May you live on forever Fuquan Ford.