watch as they tell you to let it blow over
tell them eight days is a very long storm
and you didn't have the resources prepared for this
you love a storm as much as the next
but not when you are the storm
banging against the windshield of your car
howling howling howling

I used to think devil was
a white man in a black suit
now I think it's really God
playing pretend
while the devil is Among Us
following through with his
own God ****** word

why do i have to stand
when i could fly
my feet are glued
to a ground set on fire
ive waited long enough
for my wings to grow
no matter how my hand shakes
i will grab each feather
try try try again to stitch together

why do i have to stand
when i could fly
my feet are glued
to a ground set on fire
ive waited long enough
for my wings to grow
no matter how my hand shakes
i will grab each feather
try try try again to stitch together

I am the gust that
blew out the flame
and tossed the stone
I am the lady in white
one finger bloodied
and pointing
I am the hermit
crushed by the stone
I am something old
something new
and something glued
I am a doll
every string tied
not cut
I am whiplash
I am the impact
I am the looked upon
I am the try again
I am
I am
I am
[Error]

and the laws say
you must be heavy
weight down and burdened
or else you'll float
and to float means to
pop pop pop
when you get to close
to the sun

and the mother says
you must hold on
for if you slip
you'll know loss
and as you let go
they tell you "we warned you"
spinning the thoughts
of sky to how far away
the ground is going to be

and your hands say
this isn't meant
to be held with such
an iron grip
the burning sun
can't possible hurt more
than the weight of gravity

and your eyes say
who's to say the sun
is even the destination

little flame
i am a gust of wind
i don't want to feed you
into something all consuming
i've rid of all my flammables
the only thing you can lick at
is me

this is the life i want to live
I say from the ground
no it isnt
but itll be part of it
time
to have it to waste and wallow
the time to let myself be swallowed

i'm more of an optimist now
than i was as a child
i've seen past my own walls
and have decided i will walk
as far and for as long as i want

blood stain/ satisfaction/ disgust in self
satisfaction/ fascination/ continuation
desperation/ continuation/ desperation
alteration/ ask for help/ alteration
desperation
continuation/ continuation/ continuation

insatiable child
you are akin to a black hole
only seen when consuming

you’ve thrown yourself
to the wilds just to prove
you can beat back the wolves again

you’d open the door
to a plane in flight
just to feel the wind
on your burning flesh

you’ve gone so far
that you have to yell
to be known

I drove slow through a ****** of crows and knew something was calling me to a place abandoned
If the wind hadn't bit so hard I think I might have pulled over and walked to the weathered down guts of a barn by roadside

i tapped a curled up tiny white spider
off from my money tree
how nice it must have been

Don't forget me
In the tide of your life
For the tides take me nowhere
I will not be able to find you
If you let the sea steal you away.

little child sitting on the stairs
late late at night
looking through the gap under the door
watching feet pass back and forth
never knowing how they knew
she was watching
or why they made her stand
at the door in the cold
they are coming for you
  
little child in a nightgown
that bore the words Hug Me
in big red letters
used to hug her parents
every single night
till she decided
they didn’t deserve it

people noticed what they want
how can you know where to look
when you never look anywhere at all
maybe there is too much to see
but to see is the least we can do
for when tragedy hits
it hits hard
far past ground zero
whether or not you look that way
the least we can do is look
then react

Soak
Soft music
Hard truths
A loss
So large there's no way in
A between to cope with
A reality to live
The fatality of it
It's been 2.5 since

the night Polaris kissed me
i was a princess trapped in a tower
hair too short to reach the window frame
let alone to be a lifeline for salvation
i could see them from every pane of glass
i was kept behind

i had been blowing kisses
to Polaris
as if they were my lover
for several seasons past
that star and the space i was contained
were the only things that stayed the same

and they
they they they
came a long way just to shine a little

a tiny
tiny tiny tiny
light crowned in a foreign world

still substance enough to
return a kiss

does meaningless
mean something to you
do you become free when
when something
loses meaning

we'd normally
invent a new word
for that feeling

in meaningless
i release how precious
my time is
and all the things I
should have been doing
instead of this

a fight, tooth and nail
fingertips on glass
snarl breathless and feral
as breath fogs the mirror
push more
till your hands wrap around
the bare throat of
whom dares take your face

water so still
i see my face now
like a rising moon
...
the water is not clear
so i must go deep
into moon basked lakes
...
i dive into myself

I crave to be strong
these sparce muscles stand for what I've been neglecting
this body I wish to strengthen
as it is the vehicle to my success
I will arrive at the goal
with nothing less then this
flesh and bones and blood
and through time
I will learn to cater it's demands
as a mother coddles her child
for I am nothing more then
me myself and my body

i dont want romance
the idea is glorious and pompous
and the longing to be something else
i still
never wish to fall in performance
nor duel reliance
all i seek are people
with commitment
not to me but to
meaning what they say
a bare backed willingness to be
honest and ambitious
their truest self in front of me
and thus allowing me
to be my truest self before them
and i wish
oh i still do wish
this would be considered
a simple friendship

I crawled up and died
in your throat last week
you only tasted my remains
for three days this time
the burning in your eyes
from unwashed hands
doesn’t bother you anymore
how come you changed the locks
two times over just yesterday
and once more today

i let it curl around me
it nestles between my bones
i forget to breath
it doesnt remind me
it likes the stillness
it likes the quite
my breath is loud
rattling the bones
it calls home

i let it lick my wounds
it sinks deep into them
i heal quick
before it has a chance
to slither back out
the wound is closed
but its still wriggling

every time i take
a deep breath
it shakes in distress
trying to shush me
through scared skin
every word i speak
it tries to squeeze back in
confined to one part of me
it has no hold
but to remind me of
old wounds
with that ever hollow
wriggling feeling

for you
where it should ache is hollow
regret for what I don't feel
it died so long ago
and I let it fester under your
apparent disinterest
I kept it in display
for solidarity's sake
a dead thing on a stake
and it's not that
you were the murderer
but more of
we kept the pitiful thing
alive too long after
too many stab wounds
life support of the novel kind
words not ours sewn like
frankenstein's monster
I pulled the plug
and you still don't see
you're talking to a corpse

I think I'm afraid of being too honest
said the poet to their poetry
oh, don't worry
says the poetry
they only see a mirror
between the lines

I followed the moon last night
it led me back home
to a small town of wanders
and warm tinted company

the sun followed me this morn
the radio told me what it looked like
before I could see anything
just how high up
do i have to be to see it

then I saw
orange
against
the blue

a singing flame
and a living stone
greet the air
and they sing themselves
to a drunken slumber

the moon has shrunk
there's no sunrise in the morning
the radio doesn't describe anything
and the flame died at first gust
I'm waiting for the moon to show me

I am in the middle of a wake
a paper weight holding down
the pondering, wandering thoughts
of a man who commuted suicide

in the magrins
people write their sorrows
in a dialect I recognize
but do not fully understand
I read them
because they hand them to me

it is not my sorrow to take
I have no right to it
but it is their sorrow to share
broken off into shards
passed hand to hand
in hopes the sharp edges
may dull in time

I will hold each shard given
warm them in my hands
dull the edges on my flesh
before I return it to the teller
So that they are one step closer
to a picture that no longer
hurts to touch

i seek approval from things
that don't matter at all
i seek meaning from a number
i crave what i know
is not a state of my value
but the number of people
who happened to look this way

and i’m part of the mute mass
observers with a voice
reserved to save energy
on obligations and have to’s

and i am the go-between
guilty over my exhaustion
inability to help all i see

and i am a creator
with power in my words
held in the eyes and minds
of others. not my own hands
and to be heard is the
entirety of why words exist

made up of wind over wind over earth fueling fire
no water to smooth the edges and clean out the soot
flow down with gravity instead of float to the head
so soak, let the lake fill cracks in the psyche
permeable skin, drink through feet
push off from banks
become the moon in the water

voices sound better
in descent / in distance
cut off from the source
distorted / dissonant
unsalvagable from another
  
i listen to poetry in stairwells
paint faces from sounds
so the real thing never compares

at times i must be
unfiltered, undiluted, pure me
for if i let myself
restrict, edit, reform
one time too many
this death grip will never ease
for all the fear i hold
of letting the wrong thing go
is why i must let it flow

isn't it funny how you can simply
stop
talking with anyone
and after a long enough time
its like they never existed?

the biggest tragedy here
is how they let it happen
and how i let them let it happen

a reminder
that i lived without them before
and can live without them now
why am i so sad about it still

i dont need anyone but
oh goddess
i want

im sorry i ran out of energy
glasses up for anyone who's tried
to keep with me
through the radio silence