My life, my love is all yours,
I will gonna love you forever.
I wanna tell you that you are a bliss,
But still, i must tell you that i have a wish.
When i die, burry me in backyard of our home,
Don't burn me with the traditional norms.
I know, on this, you would be about to cry,
But look at stars i will be in the sky.
Get me buried there, this have a reason,
Because i will always be with you every season.
Because i wanna be alive till my last breath,
Because i wanna be alive even after my death.
When you will grow plants in backyard,
In every flower, i will be smiling at you like a guard.
When you walk barefoot on grass,
You will feel me with every footstep pass.
When winds will blow,
You will smell me with the wind flow.
Because i wanna love you till my last breath,
Because i wanna love you even after my death.
When storm will come, don’t be numb.
Because protective wall i will become.
Don’t fear when it’s dark,
See me in light when it sparks.
When our children will play in lawn,
I will be watching them from dawn.
When you will be cooking inside,
I will feel the craving in wide.
Because i wanna be with you till my last breath,
Because i wanna be with you even after my death.
When it will be your birthday, Dress up like a pretty doll,
Because i will be still looking at you like a heart fall.
When our family will be celebrating together
I will be enjoying seeing you all getting stronger.
When you will be old, don’t make your life on hold.
I will still be with you, as i told.
Don’t be sad when you miss me,
I will always be around you in the winds,
Just hold your breath and kiss me.
Because I wanna be alive till my last breath,
Because I wanna be alive even after my death.
I used to long for death.
Now I'm pleading it to stop.
Never appreciated life.
Now I can't get enough.
No forever is never promised.
It can never be set in stone.
Lately my body has been deteriorating.
The only way to vent is here.
You see I have two lumps in my neck.
Nobody knows what it is yet.
Could be nothing could be something.
It varies from thyroid... lympth nodes swelling... all the way down to lymphoma, aka cancer.
They tell me not to worry.
It's best to prepare yourself for worse.
What if I am dying.
Atleast I'll be ready when my time comes.
After all we are all dying.
Life is inevitable.
Life is unovoidable.
But death is inevitable as well.
There is no going around it.
You and I.
One day we are both going to die.
Maybe tomorrow maybe 13 years from now.
Life is not promised.
I remember last night.
I told her I could potentially be dying.
I told her not to worry.
I told her it probably isn't anything bad.
She tried to fight the tears then the began to flow.
Steady like a stream.
She was breaking because of me.
I told her I need you to be strong.
She said if I died she wouldn't go on.
She said you are the one I wanted all along.
What if this sky wizard called god is out to ruin us.
I asked why he would do that.
She just replied don't go cursing Sky wizards.
If there's a god I couldn't imagine him doing a thing.
Killing a girl at 16.
Taking my life when I've only just begun.
I used to beg for my end.
Little did I know I had only just begun.
I liked my eyes when you looked into them;
I thought they were lifeless - You thought that they were an ocean.
I liked my legs when you ran your hands up them;
I thought they served a purpose - You thought that they belonged to a dancer.
I liked my name when you called it,
My hands when you played with them,
My hair when you sank your hands into it.
But I only liked me -
all of me -
when you left.
Is what he is to me
An eternal silence
In his presence
I acquired insouciance
He released me
From the invisible cage
Of sorrow and paranoia
When he held me
In his warm arms
Like the summer breeze
Memories of the summer feels
The sun is shining
But he is brighter
I could never
Let him go
But what a shame it is
You've been crying over him again.
How many times has this happened?
It hurts me to see you this broken.
I would never have let this happen to you.
Why do you stay?
Why do you let this man
b r e a k you?
Over and over and over,
it's become routine
for you to break down
when he's not around.
He isn't capable
of treating you
as I once did.
It's times like this
that I can feel you missing me;
that I can feel you calling out to me.
It's times like this
that the two of us wish
that car hadn't crashed into me.
It's times like this
when your tears
make me feel alive again.
It's times like this
that I desperately yearn
to let you know that
I am here.
And I am watching over you
as I always have.
But this boundary
between life and death -
So thin, yet still so paramount -
keeps me away from you
even though I am always just a breath away.
So do this for me, my darling.
Think about yourself.
Think about the number
who can love you
and would be glad to sacrifice everything
as I once did for you.
As you always do for him.
Wouldn't you like the feeling
of resurfacing and catching
a breath of fresh air again?
I somehow feel the need to apologize.
After all this time.
You sang like I was made of the earth and the wind
The lovely things.
And when I said those three words for the first time
And you repeated them...
My heart stopped and my soul flew.
I was ready to give up my freedom and my future for you...
Then you say we're growing apart,
You tell him that you never loved me, don't like girls, dated me out of pity
And I cried for five hours straight while my heart broke and my mind screamed
'I told you I'm not a girl.'
Labor day isn't the same even all these years later.
I still have to tell myself it's not my fault.
You were on fawns legs,
The who am I what I am where do I fit that comes with adolescence
And you spoke me fair from the moment we met.
I was so happy to finally have someone who saw me for me.
I told you so soon
'I'm not a girl, I know it's hard to understand but...'
And you say you don't care, nothing changes, I see stars in your eyes
And I'm so happy to hold your hand in the hallway,
No matter who stares.
I should expect the backtracking. The fear.
Your parents, who knows what they'd do.
And you break it off quietly.
Saying you don't think you really like girls.
I am still not a girl.
We don't really talk now. I just find it hard to feel anything but tired when I'm near you.
Then you. You are a girl made of startuff.
Your heart among the planets and constellations.
I call you starshine and eventually
I hope. I ask. I confess.
I admit I planned my life with you.
Big city apartment, stargazing far away from life,
Leaving small town made of quicksand for higher hills and brighter skies.
And you were the only one who ever called me by my name.
Called me a boy.
Gave me anything that felt real.
And I know it hurt you to hurt me.
I gave you my heart and you treated it as tenderly as you could have.
I don't fault you for that. I don't fault you for anything.
No matter what you make me feel real
And I always have loved the stars.
flapping on a line
faded like a hazy sky
once bright as bluebirds
How I miss your threads
once scarlet as a rose
Belly to belly
sheets are packaged
We could frolic
to your rope