as I hold you close to my body --
all I can silently say is --
as you get up and get away --
all I can silently say is --
If you leave, my soul would be crushed,
my heart would be burned --
all because you didn't want to stay.
stay in my life and never leave,
I whisper to me --
I realized you don't listen .
You left when I stayed.
All I asked for you was to stay.
Believing and dreaming, growing and leaving
A whoosh and a spin, a grin and a glint, all that it takes before time is amiss.
larger, infinite, timeless, senseless, insurmountable, imaginable.
These are the moments in which the impossible can be conceived.
A smile is taken as a romantic gesture,
And every single moment can be jumbled in a messy, wild, reckless grin
Each stroke taken as its last
Each beat felt like never before
And its all coming now
Will it ever come like this again?
You suddenly stop laughing and the light moment just a second ago will turn dark as you become silent for seconds. I ask you what’s wrong and you bite your lip, hesitating. My heart thumps fast and I realize something’s wrong. A million thoughts run over my head as to what I have done wrong. Did I say something? I rewind every moment that has passed since I entered this deserted coffee shop that has become our place for the last 6 months.
You take a deep breath and say you’ve fallen out of love with me for months now. That you just couldn’t tell because you were scared of breaking my heart.
I look down at my coffee and took a deep breath. I hate coffee. I never consume everything, even so reach halfway down to the bottom. I wonder if you had ever noticed that. I clench my hands to fists.
“I’m sorry,” you say quietly and I close my eyes. “Please look at me.” I open them again and I see a teardrop fall into the cup, standing out for a moment then finally blending in to the darkness.
Again, I take a deep breath, swallow all of the bile that’s forming in my throat, and I look at you.
You had your eyebrows turn in a frown. You had your lips pursed. Your eyes were staring at me intently and all I can think of is how the fuck did I not see this coming?
You beg me to say something but I just look at you with a blurry vision. There is a lump in my throat, completely blocking words to come out of my mouth. Please, stay. I wanted to tell you. Tell me what I did wrong. Let’s get through this. I love you. I love you. I love you.
I looked at you for a while, distorted because of the tears threatening to fall from my eyes. You just sat there, waiting for me to say something.
I never did.
And I looked at you until the distorted image of you finally stands up, walks to me, and kisses my forehead. I relish the last time I feel your lips against me. The last time I feel your arms around me. The last time you whisper something against my ear.
“I’m sorry it had to end like this.”
Your words seep inside my head, completely enveloping my brain and suddenly I was sobbing on your chest. I press my face as far as they can get close to your heart, just in case you remember you once said that it beats for me. My heart hammers on my chest and a thousand thoughts run through my head. Please. Please don’t go. Please. You love me. I love you. Please stay. I love you so much. I don’t know what I would do without you.
A whimper of “please” was the only thing I could get out of my system and you hug me tighter. You apologize. I could feel that this was going to end soon. I hug you for twenty more seconds until you pat my back three times and pulled away.
“I’m sorry.” You tell me one last time before finally leaving.
I hear the door open, and close again. I turn to the door and your back was the last thing I see before I completely fall apart in front of the chair that you used to sit in for the last 6 months with only the coffee to catch my tears.
I'll shut my mouth if needed,
Leave if necessary,
I just want to make sure everyone's happy,
Without me or not.
I don't have diamonds all I have is you
And if you are so willing to stay
I think I'm the luckiest person on the planet
But if you leave
Well ,all the pain I should feel
Whether you're here or not
I'll ask,"what's wrong with me"
Why can I not be better for you, or what did I do to make you leave.
I'm always alone
I always will be
I'll tell you I'm ok
Not because I hate you
But because I love you
And I choose not to waste your time with nonsense
"Hello" the word flows from your mouth.
"Hello." I mumble back.
"Hello" It opens up a door,
and lets in the attack.
You say that you'll be always mine.
You say we're "friends forever"
You say that you will never leave,
that we will stay together.
We start to hangout more and more,
You become my best friend.
And you keep giving promises,
that we will never end.
And then I let you dry my tear,
I let you see my soul.
And then I let you be my legs,
support me, make me whole.
And then you learn I'm not enough.
And then you start to fade.
And then you start to cut the ties.
And I hand you the blade.
Finally you're gone, you've disappeared.
You've given up on me.
I guess I should've seen it coming,
'Cuz people always leave.
You left me
Behind a tree,
Sobbing at the thought
That I said I loved you
And you said I love you too
But now I'm looking back
And it wasn't even true
Now I'm walking down the road with my little knapsack
Clearing my head
From all the words you had said..