3 days ago

I am trying to let go
But my thoughts only burrow
Digging deeper and deeper
Bringing me to places
I no longer want to go

I am fighting to let go
Each push I make is slow
Languid and shallow
Blow does the wind blow
I feel like I'm sinking low

I am hoping to let go
To and fro, to and fro
My thoughts and actions grow
Back and forth but no
Hope is a blessing and a bane
On this I cannot remain

I am letting go
Goodbye to what I know
I'll try my hardest to glow
The yoke is round my neck
But I shall move the plough
I can take it nice, I will take it slow

#love   #sad   #life   #hard   #on   #endings   #work   #breakups   #moving  
Kaity Hellen
Kaity Hellen
4 days ago

I know when I was born it was stressful; you already had two boys that needed your attention. But I needed you too and I know you gave me as much time as you could. You were busy I get it; that’s why you were never home. I’m not sure where you were or what you were doing especially late at night; but as long as it was more important than your children then it was okay right? Don’t worry you weren’t the only one to blame, Mommy wasn’t around much either. She was always working to make up for what you couldn’t supply us with. During the day at Home Depot and at night McDonalds, I know it wasn’t her dream job but you both started a family before either of you were ready. Mommy was the backbone of the family; she picked up the slack for all the things you seemed to lack. Because of both of your absences, this forced us to stay with our aunts the majority of the time; not that I ever minded, I love them so much and we always had a great time. But Daddy what you don’t realize to this day is what a girl without a father can turn into. Once you and Mommy split and the divorce was final I hoped day and night you would want a custody battle. Not because I thought you would be a better fit for us to live with but because it would have shown your kids you care, especially your little princess. Instead Mom got us during the week and you on the weekends but that soon ended when you met your new mistress. I was seven years old, and impressionable child and you walked right out of my life. Some parents pass away causing a child to become orphaned; but not you, you were in perfect health and perfect stature and you made the decision to leave. Do you even know how much I was hurting? Daddy you changed me and I don’t know if it was for the better. My father figure was PJ, my older brother, my entire world; if it wasn’t for him I don’t know who of where I would be today. But he eventually left me to however not for the same reasons as you. He went into the Air Force and did some good for his country; but that hurt to because after he left I felt truly alone, I had no one to tell all my secrets too. Nobody that I knew I could trust with my life. Daddy you’re the reason for all of my insecurities. You’re the reason I don’t see beauty or worth in myself; I look into the mirror and see a stranger staring back. I look into my eyes and I see you and that scares me so much. I don’t want to be you; but it’s inevitable. I don’t know the person I’ve become. I am afraid of myself and how is someone suppose to live like that? You’re the reason I can’t get close to anyone without the fear that one day without the least bit of warning they will just get up and walk away, I mean that’s how it works right? You are the reason I’m so quiet around people. You are the reason I’m fake. You’re the reason I have regrets in my life. I’ve done some things I’m not proud of and I lie to the ones I’m suppose to love. I want to believe that you leaving was a good thing, like Mommy always said you were a dead beat father anyway. But I can’t say that. You were absent for 8 straight years of my life. Not a single phone call or a simple text asking how my day was or even an I love you. And worst of all I didn’t even know where I could find you. When you finally came back into my life it was 8 years to late and all the money and gifts couldn’t buy back my love. Daddy, I use to say I love you every night and pray that one day you would see that light that Daddy I could be a good girl. I use to ask myself what I did wrong; why wasn’t I good enough? To this day I ask myself how can I be good enough for anyone or loved by anyone if my own father couldn’t even stand me? I know you tried hard to make up for the lost years but you are a stranger to me now. I don’t know who you are anymore and I don’t know what to believe. And Daddy you know what hurt the most, making Father’s Day presents in school. I never said anything but I always wondered who to give them to because I didn’t have a Daddy. But can I tell you a secret? Mommy’s not all that I thought she was either. Nights I thought she was working late and mornings when I thought she left early were all a lie. I found out now that she never came home the night before. She was out with other men as much as you were with other women. And Daddy after the divorce, Mommy would send us to our aunts again so that she could try to find a man to take your place. You both aren’t really all that different and i know you don’t want to admit it but you both care more about a sexual partner than your own damned children.

This is very personal and I only shared it with one other group of people ever.
#mommy   #daddy   #hard   #personal   #rant   #unloved   #project   #rent   #kindofapoem  
6 days ago

some times i feel
like i got trumped on the deal
like democracy, politically
is mocking me, that's how i feel
fake news in times of need
empty promises don't feed
the needy getting left behind
pride getting pushed to the side
empathy and cold hard cash don't coincide
instead of big steps forward
we are falling behind, in a time,
where we, have no time for wasting time
generations of generations getting left behind
after generations of generations, its like genocide
our values dont match our history
told from either side
we should have learned something
instead we just let it ride
playing games with our future
using the hands of time
chasing our heads with tails
its only a matter of times
before we catch up with reality
and it blows our minds

#poem   #poetry   #poet   #sad   #life   #happy   #people   #hard   #work  

Of all the many roads I can take
May the easiest be far from me
And of all the faces that I see
May all the kindest smile at me
If ever I had words to say
They would tell you to run far away
And then if I had hands to hold
I would guide you down this narrow road

#poem   #life   #away   #hard   #run   #path   #easy   #choices   #road   #guide  
Feb 12

Rosie cheeks,
and a heart full of thorns,
She planted herself in his mind,
with roots deep.
She promised beauty,
and pain.
But he didn't mind.
He loved her entirety.
He'd always longed for a rose garden.

While others had cared for her only with the use of thick gloves,
he held her in the palm of his bare hand.
and utterly amazed.

She had always desired a man who was not intimidated by her strength,
but delighted in it.
He spoke words of admiration,
so much so,
that one might say,
her thorns began to soften.

#love   #lost   #roses   #strength   #hard   #rose   #soft   #thorns   #soften   #share  

It's not funny but I just can't stand the pain,
Waking up alone it's all the same,
Leaving this world tomorrow,
I begged, stole, borrowed, sorrow....yeah.

Oh that's why I'm depressed,
Depressed like a Sunday morning,
Oh that's why I'm depressed,
Depressed like a Sunday morning.

I want to be drunk, so drunk,
I want to be free to know what's wrong,
I want to be free,
Not you bitch just me.

Oh that's why I'm depressed,
Depressed like a Sunday morning,
Oh that's why I'm depressed,
Depressed like a Sunday morning.

Richie Easy Faith No More
#depression   #hard   #easy   #sundays  
JR Falk
JR Falk
Feb 11

Disheveled and groggy, I wake to your smile as you calmly run your hand over your face.
Tired eyes meet mine and I welcome you.
I grasp my pillow when I am urged to hold you;
You are not mine.
Your eyes are focused on your phone and impulse begs me to take it,
throw it to the side,
and kiss you.
It beckons me to distract you from the hectic that has been your recent days.
I clench my pillow.
You turn your attention to me and ask what the matter is.
The anger dissipates from your clouded eyes when landing on me.
As dim as the room is, it reminds me of moonlight.
Soft, embracing.
Instead of responding, I trace the flames on your right forearm.
In this moment, I am warm.
You do not further in asking, instead you lean your head against mine and let out an exasperated sigh.
My free hand clenches my pillow.
Inside I am imploring,
"I want to love you how she never could.
"I want to love you purely.
"I want to love you wholesome."
Instead, I softly press my lips against the tattoo I was tracing.
Your fingers loosely find their way to mine, and we lay.
I recite the moment I kiss your lips.
I plan it, step by step.
Doubt drowns me out and while our lips are mere inches apart,
this is not the moment I will close the gap.
I instead bring my eyes to yours and scream every emotion I am feeling.
You grin softly at me and lay your head down, closing your eyes.
I lazily drape an arm across your chest and you drift off with an arm around me.
As you drift away to the sleep you damn well deserve,
I whisper all of the things I'd never tell
while you


Been a minute.
God damn, he is holy.
#love   #kiss   #first   #want   #need   #fall   #hard   #sight   #fast   #moment  

An ant working out very hard may not become an elephant.
But it can definitely become the king of all ants.

#hard   #inspiration   #work   #elephant   #ant  

It's easy to say
No one understands me
When I don't even explain

It's easy to feel
The world breaking around me
When I don't even try to fix it

It's easy to see
What's wrong
When I close my eyes to what's right

It's easy to hear
You can't do it
When I tell myself that

It's hard to believe
Someone can love me
When I can't love them back

Not a cry for help. Just had more stuff to add to my other poem. This one is more focused on friendships.
#love   #break   #hear   #wrong   #hard   #easy   #feel   #understand  

Life is so hard sometimes.

It pulls, taking the table cloth
along with it.
It strengthens, taking the tide
along with it.
It chides
talking the moon
out of its misery
wishing it were daybreak
but when day arrives,
the moon wishes it were night.
Round and round we go
on this roller coaster called life.
Hanging on is so difficult
with responsibilities tugging
at the mainframe
about to crumble apart like
break pads crumbling under
the weight of it all.
A pressurized catapult or
catalog explaining the width
it takes to squeeze through
the trash chute without
crushing anything of importance.
Holding our breath
as the bumps become clear
afraid of the coaster
slipping off the tracks
and plummeting into
the frigid unknown.
Luck is only heresy
in this world of uncertainty.
But cars can be fixed,
jobs can be taken,
and bodies can be satisfied
in ways unheard of in reality.

Life is so hard sometimes.

But looking at it with new eyes,
with a combative, stubborn grip
on the cold steel handle,
a roller coaster can be both exhausting and exhilarating

if you know what to look for.

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