I'm tangled inside and everything comes out like glass
I'm cutting inside.
The way you carelessly lose yourself, cuts me inside
And I forcefully tear my skin off
To show you I'm bleeding.
Can these pools of red speak louder than thunderous phrases?
You find yourself in dark places
Losing yourself to people who won't remember your name.
And you forget yourself
In the worst kind of way.
I can't force you
Can tears? Can pleas of red and blue? Can whispers of adoration?
Does it come down like lightning - or do I sit in a deserted room...
Watching an hour glass, receiving postage with your name written on it.
Hearing about you from everyone but
And I'm the woman stuck in a painting
Trapped in an artifact
Scribbled on a drawing.
I can't speak!
Every single piece of me is lost in time, to trying, to trying..... Fading.
But, I saw you yesterday.
It felt like the beginning of something,
After all this time, maybe we can began again
Its a weird thing when you are constantly worried of dying
And then constantly worrie about not dying
I wake up, alive, and i ask myself why
But then at the same time i fear dying everytime i step up on my bike
Its a weird thing
Life is a weird thing
But i guess we have to deal with the hand we're dealt.
Self hate is so much more than based off personal looks.
The way your eyes slant downwards or are just a little too squinty, the way your nose takes up a fourth of your face.
The way the kids tease you that your lips are too big or small.
The way that girl called you fat,
The way they told you you can never be loved.
Self hate routes from something bigger...
A fire burning deep inside.
Self hate comes from emotion.
It comes from the people closest.
The ones your told to trust.
Mom, dad, sister, brother, aunts and uncles.
Mom and dad used to fight...
Your older sister said it was all your fault.
You blamed yourself for so long.
Then one day you took a blade.
First time you ran it down your arm.
Let out your demons.
They screamed inside.
And now they are free.
Sure the kids at school all play into this.
But it's so much more.
If only you could see.
Within you there is still beauty.
Therefore insperation remains alive.
You got past every name you've ever been called.
Every word your parents cursed.
You got through it all.
I tell you I love you because I mean it ...
And I wouldn't change it for nothing In the world ..
i sometimes let my mind get the best of me ..
cold hands can also be so slimy ..
the words that follow can be so grimey
And I sometimes lose touch....
sticking my hand so far down your throat for the truth ...
reaching for my heart and soul ..
Because I know you stashed it somewhere ......
I get worried ..
wondering are they safe and sound ..
but I trust you ......
I know I act crazy sometimes but it's only because I love you .....
and I wouldn't have it no other way .
you are my safe place .
my bestfriend .
my man .
and I find myself falling for you ..
All over again ..
each and every
advantage being taken..
hoping not ..
my love is past unconditional..
just want this all to be so painless ..
And my heaven ...
Sorry I wrote these sad poems
Sorry that it had to end this way,
Sorry you saw a part of me in pain.
Sorry I had to cry on your shoulder
And ruin your perfect day,
Sorry I told you what I really feel,
Sorry to you it seemed so unreal.
Sorry this poem had to come undone,
Sorry but this isn't the only sad one,
Sorry that it seems that there aren't any better ones.
But the hardest thing I've ever had to try to accomplish
Is write a happy poem when I'm feeling glum...
I pray you hear me in every voice that speaks
feel me in every absence
Utter my name in every sexual encounter
Search for me in every person passing by
An emptiness you feel that will forever be present
because i was the presence that kept it full
after me there is no one
You can't fill the void
Because I still & will always hold the key