what no one has ever told you about the devil, is that they aren't real.

my mother gave birth to a rose with pure innocence. clementine, raspberry, oh! look how sweet she looks like. the glow she produces, everything her fingertips touches becomes stardust, and her stares can feel bittersweet - get burned or ache for bonfire inside your home? either way, you will discover how hungry you are for the thrill and torment.

beneath the pillows is the pain - how easily forgotten, but it will never stop regardless of how many white dandelions she will plant at her backyard.

her bones marbled amongst the other, calm a crocodile upon its attack, distance - that's what she's good at. i wish this dampen cloth made from grief does not cloud her judgment. she made too many ruined choices, embarked on a journey alone once or twice, sew the torn sheets, spilled four caffeine - and still, all she knows is how to look at the stars with tearful eyes and buttermilk aroma smile. naïvety. a great trap, i suppose.

   ; don't you know how much i want to drown those lovely sins? it makes me think of the galaxy i once felt, and like metamorphosis, it turned into wishful skins, then slowly, burned into ashes as i try to nurture the wooden skulls. i shouldn't have done that.

will you light an aggressive fire for me?
look what you made me do

... the devil, perhaps, it's within us.

stumbling upon the branches
wings has been cut
skin has turned into blush

distressed
still her heart
says yes

between these dried leaves
in the middle of a forest
we create monsters inside us
as waterfalls overflows

does her face
still flashes
when you close
your eyes?

does her name
still put a smile
on your lips
despite every lie?

do you only remember
my name when you're
drunk and tired?
—when you can't call her "mine".

people only start caring when you're deadly skinny.

the ones who wholeheartedly devotes are the ones who suffers the most.

he thinks i am confusing and complicated. someone he can stare at for hours but someone he's afraid to open up his heart to.

if only he knew how much i love simple things; like the pure beauty of kindness and affection that feeds my soul; like handwritten letters and frank sinatra songs that mesmerizes me; like jazz and the sound of the rain that calms my mind.

if only he knew, i just want to be loved—faithfully, unconditionally and truly. no secrets, no lies. nothing in between.

if only he knew, like scenery and arts, i'll love him as long as i can.

in my dreams, i call you the keeper - there are millions of fireflies in the garden, asking how we made it this far. i say: it's not even far, but my throat is burning, the words starts to disappear, my hands keeps getting colder and the clock is ticking. tick tock. tick tock. tick tock.     take u s away

doing something for somebody who ends up lying to you is funnier than the joke itself.

you made me
feel like i'm a trash;
you're the reason why
i don't trust myself that much

how lovely it is—

sashay is acceptable and conscience is brutal
some cannot feel it, some cannot see it and some think it is futile
permissible, yes, but if one does not contain such thing
you must never trust them that much, for you can never win

i want to hear
your voice
when i'm alone
at night past two;

i want to ask
too many questions
but you don't
want me to;

i want to know
if she's still the one
but i already
figured out the truth.

there is a fine line between being kind and being naive that people often mistakenly thinks they are the same but let me tell you something—being kind is treating someone with your utmost respect while being naive, well, it's the same as being kind; only you will forget to put yourself first.

how deep do we still need to dig?
for these wounds to heal or disappear
i understand what you've been through
but if you still love her, don't make me a fool

the angels have brought me once again
with all the figs and then there's Josephine,
she shook my hands when all my sins
sunken deep into the water I could still dive in
vanilla dreams, that's why I bought it
I might be reckless and he might be adrift
crippled by the anchor and tossed by a scale
to be vile is easy until you have to admit that you fail
if he weren't a prince and I wasn't a flame
then he was a game I couldn't blame

unprecedented, Josephine says.
with a cup of tea, I have been sold to a past
one for the cigarette and one for the lass
The 4th of May ended well for everyone but me
and heaven was too confident I could handle it
it was too early to cry so I stared at the screen instead
I will privately pour the glass with my words unsaid
not the wine, not today, not tonight
if I'm weighing you down, here is a green light

call me the loudest sinner
floating, scattering my trash in the sea
with my unsuspected heartbreaks in winter.

(we brew a damsel's flesh... then make a gentleman drink, for what's left has to be given and what we can only give... epic. ourselves.)

once they swallow my vision and rosy touch,
they might as well have swallowed my tribulation and such.

love isn't something you have to ask from someone.

words haven't spilled yet
your silence is loud and clear.

paradise
is wherever
you are,
love.

i think i have always been so tender with everything, but it crushes me every time. every person i loved, they always choose someone else over me. i guess that's how it's always been, and getting used to it was easy for me.

they noticed everyone else's pain but not mine.

the worms start to crawl on my belly. my innocent desire is only to express my moonlit thoughts without being scrutinized by desperate mouths, eating cockroaches instead of vomiting snake skins. p r e t t y little thing, they say. no one sees the facade. but to me, the prettiest thing comes from the abandoned houses, yelling in shame, intimidated by the oppressors.

but do oppressors really matter? i think not.


(ACT I. THE DEATH AT THE SINNER PARTY)

you look through the beauty inside
you look through the beauty outside
but you don't know the beauty of pain

i don't know how to fix this anymore.
should i let go of myself now?

his sun kissed face buried in my neck
as he whisper words going through my head
he feels so cold between the sheets of this bed

cheap thrills, blue pills, wounds that can't heal
red lips against my skin, giving me chills
but i love him too much for me to keep him

do you mind
if i
tuck you in this heart
don't you know it's falling apart?
just for tonight

do you mind
if i
kiss you in the dark
i have too many quotations mark
in my mind

so do you mind?

I want to want affection, I must never attach nor kiss
My hands found the greatest tale, should I dismiss?
All I wear is darkness; nevertheless, the story remains
How it keeps me pure and consumed, I can never explain

By default, I feed my hungry eyes with our vices
I can never cast away the madness; you are the nicest
I questioned myself for doubting the unrevealed
It hurts to be awake for it has always been real

You are so serene, how could I ever forget?
I convinced myself to turn away and it made me upset
My team, we know we will always go to extreme
After all, what is hope without its dream?

i am barely breathing
   tell me this is not my destination
   i just want to ask you something—

is this where i truly belong?
  i am trying! oh god, yes, i am!
  when did it all go wrong?

all the lies i fed myself—it is becoming real
   i have always known it
   i was never meant to heal

You know I read your books, right?
You've always fascinated me with your eyes -
very sparkly, dauntless, always looking for an ending.
The truth will be out, and I guess you will never
linger again with your systematic veins to which
I have become attached. Like a weapon in the making,
your silvery hair creating a shimmer across
my bedroom window. And it stains the whole atmosphere;
when you left and went back with your hobby -
knitting, fixing everyone but yourself, and to cavalry, too.
They're burning your throat, but you insist on saying
that you're becoming more at peace and unbothered,
like a succulent, but I don't see it that way.
I see lots of empty pieces behind you
and the places you went back in that no one thinks
you did. As well as the people you tried to ran away
from and the people you've left behind, only to find out
that they are the one. I am the one.
Don't worry, you've always been sunlight. I'd still pack
your bags when we go for a trip together,
and I'd still cook your favorite dish while
you scrutinize my behavior. Am I your date or your lover?
Don't you think we've come so far?
Don't you think I read you too much like your books?

i guess
i love you
is the hardest thing
to say

stay pretty and silly
be like your mommy
who has been there
ever since you were a baby

don't be like your daddy
his behavior is a bit aggresive
he likes to throw things
and he's always drunk and lonely

stay pretty and silly

i'll be good,
i'll be fine.

everything's going to be
good and fine.

that's my mantra starting today.