"speechlessness" poems
termites crawl in my stomach; you
are my disarray, o soft and golden -
take the curves of my feet, the
freckle on my lip, and
hang me on your wall, you
compel my speechlessness.
i'll keep guessing, guessing
and unguessing.
i am up all night over this.
Jan 6, 2015
Jan 6, 2015 at 10:09 AM UTC
Pale-skinned girl from Indiana,
with freckles,
yes, freckles, on your cheek,
this is who I am. This is my story.
It is only coincidence that I sing it
to you,
but sing, nonetheless, I do. One morning
amidst the restlessness of my top-bunk sheets
I heard a whispering and thought it might be God it was
me. My unconsciousness begging me
for nourishment, silently loudly attacking
my awareness with questions: it asked why
I neglect it. Pale-skinned girl from Indiana,
with freckles,
yes, freckles, on your cheek,
is this, too, why your body vibrates
when your thoughts are feelings? Because you too
have recognized feeling as thought? That that
faculty of wonder you hush about as if a
***** secret of forgotten childhood memory
is something that is as real as
the metaphysical pores of a skin you cannot touch,
but know is not some foreign, distant, effacing
thing, but is thick, is thick, thick as words
creaking like old wood in a library filled
with students who read so much ******** to get into
college but never venture forth for such skin
in the skin of those unconscious voices in the
shelves? Selves: we call them books but they breathe.
The ideas wriggle in your veins like
a worm. They block your blood yet move
your soul. The stillness of your speechlessness
is some movement in itself. So I suspect of you,
pale-skinned girl from Indiana,
with freckles,
yes, freckles, on your cheek.
So I suspect of myself.
I do not understand how else I could have been born
without eyes which we call eyes. I cannot see
why else.
I cannot.
You cannot.
There is light over there in that darkness.
A glimpse of it- a sliver of silver
has shocked you into your paleness. Into my
blackness. It is the same difference. A different
same.
Line break:
A mirror tells me things with my eyeless eyes.
My brownness ***** me into journeys with
tunnels so deep that we call them pupils.
In the distance that I gaze into I find
myself gazing into a distance I gaze into. Fathom
it. Do not. Will not will it will it will not
willed. Touching it will wilt it without touching:
this is the soul you said does not exist.
It is not there. It is.
In Indiana.
Where's that? asks my blood.
In Indiana.
Over there? my finger points out the window.
No. It is.
It is. Not.
Suddenly I smell something and it is myself.
It is not Indiana or freckles or pale-skin.
I ask you where it is.
Suddenly you smell something and it is yourself.
It is not Gaborone or curly-haired or black.
You ask me where I think it is.
What the **** do we know?
Apr 19, 2016
Apr 19, 2016 at 9:04 PM UTC
Can't you see how
it's a long way
down
from the haunt of the
stars stop shining
when you shut your eyes.
I sometimes
break my lines
blur between happiness
and being awake I
can barely feel anything
when you speak.
It's not quietude, nor
speechlessness it's
the way my mind grows
into a cancer of memories-
how one potentially harmful
dies everyday like clock-
work can't make time
stop the way you
do.
I break between
my lines some-
time pours into your eyes.
We can speak in fine tongues
and drink wine older than our hours
but when it comes to you I
let my tongue tie
itself in a knot.
I tend to
break into my lines
which is why you could never
know that after I said I love
you never came.
Dec 27, 2014
Dec 27, 2014 at 9:58 PM UTC
Beyond the butterfly feelings
In the whirlwind of our intimacy
A full option sensual desire
Distance distancing distance
All at once till we hit the ******
The zenith of pleasures and feels
Like the breakthrough of Miracles
Sounds of Soughs, ex and in hales
Hot Moments of breathlessness
Scratches of speechlessness
Mouth agape, dead-in-moments
long squeezes, short grips, sweats
Body vibrating, breath whispering
Emotions revealing, turn ons
Passions imploding, hard ons
Intense kinetic motions of kardias
Slippery shining fleshy mammalians
Till the moment of implosion: ******
That sweet ecstasy moment when
all that exists is what you feel
Nov 27, 2012
Nov 27, 2012 at 10:09 AM UTC
Sometimes I wish I lost my ability to speak
So I could stop saying anything
Without the stress of filling silence
and trying to impress, to entertain.
I fantasize about this everyday
Miss Social Butterfly flying away.
The talkative girl without a thing to say.
No more judgment. No more tears.
I could just smile and nod
to whatever you say.
No opinions. No arguments.
No longer worrying about
filling the awkward pauses others leave,
ridding the quiet of the late evening.
Being me, instead of pretending.
Instead of always talking without saying anything.
I talk and talk
and don't mean a thing I say at all.
I work to be the person
everyone wants me to be.
Outspoken and Independent
all the while wishing someone would stick up for me (speak for me)
instead of working to stand up for everybody.
Peaceful Muteness. Still and Stopped.
If I only didn't have a voice
to take for granted
and abuse
by speaking things without thought or meaning
then maybe, I would be happy
in speechlessness
just blending into the backward
and disappearing
going against my nature
and vanishing into the
background shaking of heads
and becoming only a ****** expression.
in the distance.
Oct 9, 2010
Oct 9, 2010 at 12:30 AM UTC
I still do not have words for you
and my silence in the restaurant
was not due to speechlessness
or too many thoughts
trying to force their way out
I have just run out of ways
to rephrase the sentences
I say to you
every time
we do this
It doesn't hurt any less
and I still haven't lost
my will to fight for you
but I have learned
when to save my breath with you
because I know there will be
another time
when you will take it away
Mar 1, 2015
Mar 1, 2015 at 5:41 PM UTC
My friend got to see you
Just not too long ago.
Told me
Your not as handsome
And amazing
As I said.
I stared at her
A million reasons
Why you where all those things
And more
Shot through my brain.
But all I could say is.
"I love him"
How can I tell her
That I see the stars in your eyes
And they keep me in place when I feel as though I may fall?
How can I possibly explain
The feeling of delight I feel hearing your voice
The pull on my heart I feel
Seeing your face.
How can I say
"He's my best friend"
When you're so much more.
If I said
"he's my reason for breathing,
For getting up in the morning
For not giving up.
He's my everything."
It'd be the truth
But very little of it.
There's so much I wanna say.
Many are just fragments I can't fit together just yet.
But I like the feeling of speechlessness
You've given me.
Till then just know.
My friend thinks you're ugly
But to me your everything but.
Aug 29, 2017
Aug 29, 2017 at 1:35 AM UTC
For someone who loves to unnecessarily just talk & talk
Regardless of all the silent responses she often got
This speechlessness feeling is quite a shock
Suffocating with endless feelings, feeling less she is NOT
I know it sounds preposterous & absurd
Since cold & heartless she tended to display
Because the fire in her had no longer burned
She had broken pieces with an ash covered soul & the darkness faded her away
Apr 20, 2016
Apr 20, 2016 at 1:07 AM UTC
Courage is something I will never have.
Like Christmas presents,
I will never get what I asked for.
Content is something I never understood.
Like history and math,
I never really bothered learning.
Truth is something I can never believe.
Like magicians,
They put you at awe with a pinch of misdirection.
Passion is something I can never maintain.
Like Swiss watches,
Too much effort, too much time, too much risk.
Games are things I will never play.
Like Scrabble,
I have too little vocabulary for too many variables.
Greed is a part I can never avoid.
Like speed,
The faster I go, the faster I go.
You are something I will never get.
Like poker,
I must never cash in more than I can afford.
I guess you are something I truly regret.
Like soap opera,
I cried for something unreal, tear for nothing surreal.
I guess you are something dismay.
Like rainy nights,
Sad songs drummed the rain drops.
I guess you are you, ultimately.
We disconnect like two unfit jigsaws,
We reconnect like two fit strangers.
We reflect, deflect and subject to many a change,
But at the end,
We conclude in silence.
As the curtain drop to a close,
Stillness filled our hearts.
Emptiness filled our dreams.
While speechlessness filled our mouths,
We forget every nip of attraction lost.
Lost to, not mine, but your utmost desire.
Apr 10, 2013
Apr 10, 2013 at 10:08 PM UTC
chew your thoughts with your mouth open
i want to see
all of you
teeth, tongue, throat, synapse, neuron
stammers and spasms and
flashes of crippling vulnerability
streams of lucid genius
speechlessness' met with
one single look that utters sunsets
giddy ****** kid
i want it
glitch and all
Jan 10, 2016
Jan 10, 2016 at 6:10 PM UTC
The man sings like a plague
crawling on the ground,
its attachments are not the first
thing you’ll notice, but when
his verses and the tone of his voice
slowly takes over the machinery
of your Monday morning misanthropy
you’ll begin to wonder
how you could ever forget
that loving takes more from you
than you could ever give, and how
you do it anyway. The toxin
now in your lungs, and your body’s
immune system is hostage to his
rhythms; chasms of his songwriting
has metastasised into your liver:
I love you’s taste like anxiety induced
speechlessness, and bile, and how
many times will you run this over
in your mind like a hallucination.
His song like a plague,
has wiped out this population
of sorrows, and what now of you
who has only ever claimed
that sadness was your art, your clothes,
your home, your sanity.
What now?
Jun 9, 2016
Jun 9, 2016 at 3:49 PM UTC
Not many blunts can be found
In the pockets of my friends
Good thing though
I'm sick of that ****
Always lived by the code puff puff pass
Well I'm laughing laughing smiling
Because I found the girl for me
Gorgeous as can be
I think insanity is required
In this almost perfect scenario
I'm getting high off my ***
On the scent of her perfume
From a six maybe seven hour distance
I love the way she talks to me
Never a dull moment
She makes me feel like the animal I am
But the angel able to hold her
At a seconds notice
I'm not asking for fire place dinner
Late night walks on the beach
Or making love under the stars
I'm asking for a chance at her heart
Maybe a chance to steal her breath away
Let her suffocate on my speechlessness
No joke she's ******* amazing
Any man would **** just to look at her
I'm dying to stare in her eyes
I'm falling **** am I falling
Told you I wasn't going anywhere
Give it a week my ***
I'm giving it a week till you realize
Baby I'm hitting rock bottom pretty **** hard
Aug 4, 2013
Aug 4, 2013 at 12:46 AM UTC
A moment in your eyes could stay sketched in mind timelessly
The power your piercing gaze holds makes my mind crumble translating to stutters
of expressionless wonders
Intensity keeps a smile from forming
Feelings spike to shock and speechlessness
As layer by layer I begin unfolding until naked and completely unraveled
A surrender that kept me motionless
I want to run
I want to hide
But I'm left clinging to your sleeve heaving
As I morn the loss of the self I once fit into comfortably
I almost unwillingly dispelled the anchor that held me down
and drifted until my tired body felt the sand of safe grounds
It was your island
It was your stability
It was all recognized when you took my hand with great agility
I sat in tears letting the gold fall through my hands
Watching it glisten as my foot prints trailed along
I took time to kiss the new land I stand upon
Then looked up ambitiously with anew strength ready to explore
Oct 16, 2013
Oct 16, 2013 at 5:42 PM UTC
It's hard to admit at times,
how deep I've sunk.
When it all began
I thought I was manipulative
smart;
the way I could "pretend" not to care
so I could escape the shipwrecks I inspired.
At the time I was so preoccupied with my fears
to notice just how much I'd disappear
It seems so inexplicable to care all too much
and suddenly
swiftly
so terrifyingly numb.
And sometimes it's everything
in every wake of blood coursing through my veins
the fear
the numbness
the pain
draining to vacuity, to ruin,
And in the waves bring immeasurable unease
disrupting an ocean of deafening speechlessness.
Some days are easier,
calmer,
some days are ******* impossible*.
And always it seems much easier
to rest,
to sleep,
to collapse into the foamy rapids,
then to swim against the riptide;
And despite the efforts I've drawn in sand
the allure of the sea floor is present at all times.
But it always gets better,
though admittingly this bubble is hard to remember.
*In constant flow the sea is me,
chaotic, dark, free,
and so devistatingly beautiful,
a never ending cycle of
birth and death and continuity.*
Apr 15, 2017
Apr 15, 2017 at 3:36 AM UTC
I am left with scraped knees,
fingertips that spent their days counting the ones they would be able to meet yours.
Raw, bruised, red lips from all those unspoken wishes that lulls those tired eyelids to sleep.
A heart full of love to kiss, dance, tickle you with.
Eyelashes with tears edging the corners.
Swallow that inexplicable sense of speechlessness.
Save those for undeniable sweet things on sunshine-kissed days.
I'll be okay.
Will be okay.
I love you & that is ok-ay.
Feb 15, 2014
Feb 15, 2014 at 4:53 AM UTC
I felt the edge of my nightmare, grasping to the subconscious
worries that were clinging like venomous fangs delving inwards.
Dreams were a potato peeler on the different skins that
were pealed from my normality to what turned metaphorical
hairs white, I screamed in high definition of speechlessness.
Have you ever woken to find that the reflection of what was
coherent within your diluted dreams had clung to your eyelids?
Escaping the dreamscape of illusion and collecting into the
tear ducts of deliberations connecting eclipses of reality
that was a mirage of what I conceived in both verses.
I had awoken in momentary seclusion, short lived like a
verse of a haiku that versed much but bleed more than it
had versed. I was a paradox of complexity, my tribulations
were collecting in lagoons of reality about to burst.
I was immersed in a mirage of impulses and needed to visualize.
I felt the edge of my nightmare, and it penetrated like
satin fissures on my delicately woven reflections.
Those that stared back upon me, expressing their intentions.
We are a motion of luminosity and twilight and our
dreams weave a thin line that lingers in our dreams..
Mar 31, 2017
Mar 31, 2017 at 4:15 PM UTC
I'm at a loss of words,
And this time
It's not for the usual reasoning
That you astonish me
To a point of speechlessness.
This time it's because
I miss you
And I'm struggling to speak to you
Without those three words
Tumbling out of my mouth.
Sep 1, 2018
Sep 1, 2018 at 10:09 PM UTC
i bathe myself with
the music that i alone, hear.
i heed the flinch
of my heart's centrifuge -
gyrates purely without
a hand holding it,
in a lonesome,
contrapuntal waltz.
i lie naked yet untouched,
this aloneness.
even my words prosper in
the tumescence of speechlessness.
hurrying back to
dimming light
is my body ready to feed
the wick of this dark.
traipsing the
bareness of this pantheon
is my soul,
and no one else's.
solemnity scales the stars
and transforms them
into margins to fence my own universe:
i am the only celestial here,
spinning in a thousand days
of restlessness.
Sep 18, 2015
Sep 18, 2015 at 6:04 AM UTC
It is better to bark at the moon
than let speechlessness seep through the void.
Until the premise of the voyage is replete
can we know the cosmos
sayeth the wise on a chagrin of a day.
Clod and ash will be our bane
and only the heralded will remain,
two feet standing rather than
crawling, tantamount to recidivism.
Sep 16, 2013
Sep 16, 2013 at 5:01 PM UTC
faintly I hear the pitter patter of water dripping from a leaky faucet
the unpredictable pattern that grabs my attention each time
much like the minute remnants of you left in my chest.
blindly I fumble in and out of infatuations that have nothing
and everything to do with you.
your words seem etched into my skin, burning from a simple touch
cowardly as you are, your impact haunts my hollow heart.
speechlessness devours me as I reflect on how
something as dastardly as you can be missed.
Oct 13, 2013
Oct 13, 2013 at 4:52 PM UTC
I love the way your eyes sparkle
whenever you catch a glimpse of her.
You in your utter speechlessness.
Watching you watching her.
I live a lonely life.
Oct 13, 2013
Oct 13, 2013 at 3:41 AM UTC
It's kind of funny
How the person who gave you your first breath
Is one that makes you want to have your last.
Laughter once meant to express joy
Now used to cover up void
and anxiety
Of speechlessness
and neediness.
Being the one who begged to move
And now begging to move again
For what used to be Camelot
Is now the worst place.
It's funny how humans talk about love
As though love is tangible.
The way lives intertwine
Oftentime becomes untwined;
Parallel.
That's what it's supposed to be at the end isn't it?
Straight lines on man-made machines?
It's kind of funny
How what man made while living
Becomes the thing that tells of their leaving.
Mar 11, 2014
Mar 11, 2014 at 12:27 PM UTC
Density. Quick... Not fast enough.
Speechlessness. Was it refreshing?
Please enlighten. Unfold the guarded.
Embracement of it all...
Journeys ahead.
That twelve year old boy giggles.
Tell me.
Dialed in for a connection. Here.
Let me compliment.
Build.
Trust.
Desire.
No offense intended.
Upcoming...
Grateful; yet uncertain.
What will be heard?
Mar 24, 2014
Mar 24, 2014 at 10:26 AM UTC
They dragged him to the gallows
He did not kick nor scream
They dragged him to the gallows
To watch the father hang
As with ages sang from sandy storms
Historic distortion in the scorn of woe
Fate was chosen of a frozen foe
Calculated to the sum of that which cannot be known
As he roamed the tides of time
To find a home to shine
Until dim
But it found him and blotted out the vices of victory in victimless villainy upon the vanity of his venom, beautifully belittling the betterment of his ******* benevolence in malevolent speechlessness from his grinning sieges of silence, knifing through the violence with the ballistic alignment of a consignment contract to contact the creatures of the black.
What once was lost ...
Is back
Dec 23, 2012
Dec 23, 2012 at 4:17 AM UTC