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"drugging" poems
he tells me the words she does not care to read, nor understand. his words are narcotics, rolling thick off the tongue, fat and vain. i tell him the words she does not care to read nor understand. my words are flesh wounds, festering and upsetting to the stomach. he's a medical overdose, drugging to numb the brash and pain. i'm an angry hornet through your heart and your mind, livid and vindictively stricken. thick through your veins, eyes a blur and head a fog, he's a medical overdose with mind of a syringe and tongue laced with narcotics.
0
Apr 5, 2013
Apr 5, 2013 at 12:37 AM UTC
medical overdose
*Your heart brought with Amnesia. To study it , I slid into your heart , making way through your tears it was dark. Placing a candle at the grave of your sorrows, I stitched up your battered ,bleeding heart. Tendering to the grave turned gardens, I smuggled sunlight to your dandelion soul. Drugging you 3 times daily with comfort, was what I prescribed. Nothing stays forever , so didn't your illness and you don't remember me any-longer. Happy laughter of love echoed , in the skies of your fist sized heart. Wished you a healthy heart ahead, only with the desire to treat it again .*
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Jul 25, 2014
Jul 25, 2014 at 4:29 PM UTC
Amnesia
#*you came bearing words a transparent heart                       you said bombs of love exploding my defenses gifts i embraced until                       you drifted memories flooded in of betrayals past i'd been there before drugging narcissus                       you played further on my resonant soul strummed to fine pitch your favorite guitar till bored with the tune                       you cut all the strings i adjusted to silence relished my gains, but then                       you returned to play me some more and that's why                       you see i've bolted this door*#
0
Jun 15, 2016
Jun 15, 2016 at 2:27 PM UTC
echo
I know sometimes I’m a little obsessive Some might call it bipolar depressive Random mood swings causing me to become manic obsessive Shifts in energy changes making me become impulsively energetic Got my mind spinning around causing me a psychotic racing catatonic lack of awareness So used to being told to calm down by my family and old therapist’s Now I’m just living and learning off of my own failures and life lessons Creating my own values and building towards a better impending prospective future with all these thoughts, ideas, different reasons and reactions Moments of self worth can often start to feel fleeting due to daily life experiences and my own expressions Followed by changes in feelings and mixed emotional ambivalence Rarely opening up to people because, I feel vulnerable and misunderstood constantly stressing But the few times I do is when something about them resonates with me making me feel calm, safe and accepted I believe it’s because of my past trauma, I have to try everyday to be a soul survivor Old coping mechanisms through past risky behaviors shattered recking havoc Drugging and drinking to drown out these demons In the depths of despair, my inner demon finds solace, a dangerous comfort I must avoid Getting back up on my own two feet going to meetings after meeting Late insomniac nights with thoughts never fully slowing down Followed once again the next day I can’t seem to drown out all of the sounds All these troubled thoughts restless I am A soul survivor I fight, but I often find it hard to stand Picking myself back up I’m just a man searching for a way to feel human again
0
Oct 17, 2023
Oct 17, 2023 at 1:37 PM UTC
Human again
I know sometimes I’m a little obsessive Some might call it bipolar depressive Random mood swings causing me to become manic obsessive Shifts in energy changes making me become impulsively energetic Got my mind spinning around causing me a psychotic racing catatonic lack of awareness So used to being told to calm down by my family and old therapist’s Now I’m just living and learning off of my own failures and life lessons Creating my own values and building towards a better impending prospective future with all these thoughts, ideas, different reasons and reactions Moments of self worth can often start to feel fleeting due to daily life experiences and my own expressions Followed by changes in feelings and mixed emotional ambivalence Rarely opening up to people because, I feel vulnerable and misunderstood constantly stressing But the few times I do is when something about them resonates with me making me feel calm, safe and accepted I believe it’s because of my past trauma, I have to try everyday to be a soul survivor Old coping mechanisms through past risky behaviors shattered recking havoc Drugging and drinking to drown out these demons In the depths of despair, my inner demon finds solace, a dangerous comfort I must avoid Getting back up on my own two feet going to meetings after meeting Late insomniac nights with thoughts never fully slowing down Followed once again the next day I can’t seem to drown out all of the sounds All these troubled thoughts restless I am A soul survivor I fight, but I often find it hard to stand Picking myself back up I’m just a man searching for a way to feel human again
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23
Dearest jewels of my crown motherhood Go to the nearest FBI office Accuse all you call friends of a hate crime drugging you without you knowing to make you feel **** and think you are nuts hallucinogens and methamphetamine s do that Do not go to psychiatrist they will trash you your Mom and remove your parental rights forever a Susan and Arthur and Elizabeth already bought you from Haralsmbios a human trafficking psychopath sadist torturer like kiriaki and many more in Greece Those you trust here in USA hide Crimes they are a team of murderers and thieves since 1980 They assimilated Jeff and John through drugs Free yourselves. They all are your deadly enemies they document all lies half truths use assassination of character and fear of your Mom to hide their crimes They are who lie divide you and plan to ****** your Mom too for financial gain. They made credit cards with your name in it to finance murders for hire .. And tell you it's Mom buying thousands of dollars in clothes that's a lie from Satan They are black mailing you. to extort money to **** Mom. ~~ Remove your blind folds fight for your freedom take your children run to FBI office use me as a living witness I am on your side. I love you all my children. ~~ ~My Story poem.~ The greatest deception is calling everyone a friend Today I admit that from ancient times am blessed to have had his intimate piece of heart thus my life was worth while. I declare that even here I was blessed with this Outer Limits De-Javus; ~~ I am forever a grateful Mom, granted to sacrifice my love, my life along with everyone I ever loved the most. There's still justice to be granted; triumph waived with defeat acknowledged. Not only have I waived and yielded to every misfortune but was trashed to the eleven winds as my evil enemy lied to divide me among my dearly beloved offspring planning as in above the law to profit from my demise. ~~~ By: Karijinbba All Rights Reserved.
0
Jun 10, 2023
Jun 10, 2023 at 1:32 AM UTC
For a third of a friend's heart.
Dearest jewels of my crown motherhood Go to the nearest FBI office Accuse all you call friends of a hate crime drugging you without you knowing to make you feel **** and think you are nuts hallucinogens and methamphetamine s do that Do not go to psychiatrist they will trash you your Mom and remove your parental rights forever a Susan and Arthur and Elizabeth already bought you from Haralsmbios a human trafficking psychopath sadist torturer like kiriaki and many more in Greece Those you trust here in USA hide Crimes they are a team of murderers and thieves since 1980 They assimilated Jeff and John through drugs Free yourselves. They all are your deadly enemies they document all lies half truths use assassination of character and fear of your Mom to hide their crimes They are who lie divide you and plan to ****** your Mom too for financial gain. They made credit cards with your name in it to finance murders for hire .. And tell you it's Mom buying thousands of dollars in clothes that's a lie from Satan They are black mailing you. to extort money to **** Mom. ~~ Remove your blind folds fight for your freedom take your children run to FBI office use me as a living witness I am on your side. I love you all my children. ~~ ~My Story poem.~ The greatest deception is calling everyone a friend Today I admit that from ancient times am blessed to have had his intimate piece of heart thus my life was worth while. I declare that even here I was blessed with this Outer Limits De-Javus; ~~ I am forever a grateful Mom, granted to sacrifice my love, my life along with everyone I ever loved the most. There's still justice to be granted; triumph waived with defeat acknowledged. Not only have I waived and yielded to every misfortune but was trashed to the eleven winds as my evil enemy lied to divide me among my dearly beloved offspring planning as in above the law to profit from my demise. ~~~ By: Karijinbba All Rights Reserved.
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42
I am trying to forget you Really, I am I have been drugging my memory Repeatedly Every night Drinking from bottles Filled with liquid strong enough For me to untaste you I still do It's funny how Nobody mentions touch As the most important sense Associated with memory I still feel you everywhere Your hands on my skin I am trying to erase them Your fingerprints must be Permanent ink They are no longer visible But I can still see them I tie my tongue in knots So that when I choke On words It will be on my own terms I still cough up yours I am trying to forget you The way your voice sounded in my ear Breathless and humming I can still hear the ringing You are the melody I cannot get out of my head The music that I cannot stop singing I am trying to erase The parts of you drawn onto me I have gotten four tattoos In the past three months And two of them remind me of you I am trying to forget you But I purposely don't try Hard enough If I really wanted to I would destroy the proclamations of passion I once wrote to you If I really wanted to I would delete the pictures sent back and forth Like ransom letters Thinking my body could force you To surrender your heart I used to consider swearing To be a holy thing You swore on so much That it is no longer sacred Humans are incapable of certainty I have bent my pinky fingers in half Just to come close To believing promises But people Always let you down And disappointment Is inevitable Your salt lips And iodine mouth Left a burning sensation From every cut that you made In mine I am trying to forget you And the way you said my name How you only said it Quietly through phone calls Directly into my ear As if you didn’t want anyone else To hear you say it aloud I am trying to forget you But it is not easy The moving on Is a crossword puzzle I do not know the last answer to There are fifteen spaces left That I don't know how to Fill With anything other than you There is so much empty Left over It is much easier to hold on To memories And remnants Of what could’ve been Than it is to accept A definite ending Our future May be dead But you are still Very much alive in me If I really tried I bet I could forget you But I don't think I want to.
0
Nov 17, 2014
Nov 17, 2014 at 2:19 PM UTC
I Am Trying To Forget You
I am trying to forget you Really, I am I have been drugging my memory Repeatedly Every night Drinking from bottles Filled with liquid strong enough For me to untaste you I still do It's funny how Nobody mentions touch As the most important sense Associated with memory I still feel you everywhere Your hands on my skin I am trying to erase them Your fingerprints must be Permanent ink They are no longer visible But I can still see them I tie my tongue in knots So that when I choke On words It will be on my own terms I still cough up yours I am trying to forget you The way your voice sounded in my ear Breathless and humming I can still hear the ringing You are the melody I cannot get out of my head The music that I cannot stop singing I am trying to erase The parts of you drawn onto me I have gotten four tattoos In the past three months And two of them remind me of you I am trying to forget you But I purposely don't try Hard enough If I really wanted to I would destroy the proclamations of passion I once wrote to you If I really wanted to I would delete the pictures sent back and forth Like ransom letters Thinking my body could force you To surrender your heart I used to consider swearing To be a holy thing You swore on so much That it is no longer sacred Humans are incapable of certainty I have bent my pinky fingers in half Just to come close To believing promises But people Always let you down And disappointment Is inevitable Your salt lips And iodine mouth Left a burning sensation From every cut that you made In mine I am trying to forget you And the way you said my name How you only said it Quietly through phone calls Directly into my ear As if you didn’t want anyone else To hear you say it aloud I am trying to forget you But it is not easy The moving on Is a crossword puzzle I do not know the last answer to There are fifteen spaces left That I don't know how to Fill With anything other than you There is so much empty Left over It is much easier to hold on To memories And remnants Of what could’ve been Than it is to accept A definite ending Our future May be dead But you are still Very much alive in me If I really tried I bet I could forget you But I don't think I want to.
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97
The vibration The pacing The loving The hating The spending Never ending The thoughts they keep racing The drinking The drugging The 5am clubbing The meaningless sexing The endless regretting The lying The cheating The I hate this feeling The panic No sleeping Anxiety streaming The shaking The fright The continuous night The struggle with words I just want to be heard The thoughts they're racing The thoughts they're racing The thoughts they're racing Paranoia Hallucinations It's been weeks since I've slept The walls seem to be screaming from the secrets they've kept I'm over the edge I've lost all control This madness is driving me off of the road But maybe down there I'll find some peace All I really wanted Was to go to sleep
0
Sep 18, 2013
Sep 18, 2013 at 12:56 PM UTC
Mania
I've forgiven myself for these nights of endless sleep Till the sunrise and the moon showed size I was sad. I've forgiven myself from excluding of humanity, starving myself, drinking alone, and drugging my soul From talking to God in that violent tone These days of depression, oppression and disgrace You would try to hold me but empty I was Made me coffee every morning Held me tight while I panicked, always keeping yourself cool Writing is how we communicated, reading how I excluded myself This summer I read so many books I don't even know how the world looks anymore My God is gone My skin is white My chest in pain And you, right there I'm sorry I didn't let you embrace me, I needed to myself "We are in this together" I'm sorry, I forgot.
0
Dec 23, 2013
Dec 23, 2013 at 2:13 PM UTC
Depression.
Swallowing pills                             again                                        &                                            again Trying my best to get high again on the feeling, drugging myself up to remember the feeling of your lips, your warm touch, and inhale your deodorant, that succulent scent. I want to be sleepless, and think in the night. And be happy, or sad, either one works But I guess I just want to remember I’m alive Happy,              Sad,                      Nostalgia that drains me, happy memories turning into sour nightly thoughts. I think of the dark night sky, and I thought there was once stars in your eyes, yes, maybe. You made me higher than I’d ever been, and I miss you my dear dear happy pill
0
Oct 12, 2018
Oct 12, 2018 at 3:53 AM UTC
Painkiller
I withhold this trophy tonight for the worry you lag on and on a sack you drag as it parties owning your back, breaking the light I withhold my hand and stop the words for your voice seeps the air I  breath a strangle of the life that smiles tugging me in the abyss of your devoid I withhold my trust as I can't censor the irk that traps and can't be tamed a mafia that drives you crazy 24 hours drugging me in a cage of no care I withhold my question about our intentions the drive that makes me explode as I can't blame or save your paranoia telling a fiction in the reality of stolen memories
0
May 25, 2016
May 25, 2016 at 5:41 PM UTC
The Worry You Lag
Inside, Your cancer's beating heart My ******* shakes, dirt dust gone I swipe the sand away. For every ounce of **** Laughing out meaty red raw steaks and size zero thighs. - For everythingsobad. You rattle my dream box with your sweet blue face and your gauges for neither being an idiot or being human. Too cute of you booboo. Captivity claws at you, you big bafoon, intolerant, shuffling your predicates back and forth during your 12am nonsensical ******** So long as it doesn't interfere with your curfew. Like soggy altered-state popcorn. Your butter catches more flies than knives, the inauthentic gestures spattering over the rhythms and rolls of your fingertips is torture to watch. Kitchen countertop influenza. A tired dictionary of sad words, poor misfortunes, tired eyelids, silty and sandy crusty inside corners of the eyes .rearing privilege countertop crawlers. inaudible coos used by muses who can't keep their musings from tangling the long distance dial tone soaring through the ears like an Italian operatic melodrama. A horse, three brides, and a funeral. One woman, a sick child, blindness, blinding caused by toxins of the body stuck inside your gelatinous fishlike eyelids. Where's there an eye bib and a lance when you need one? A nifty electric toothbrush shank with extra reach and plaque protection. You're the kitchen sink they threw in, a budget meeting with a data analysis staph infection. A government where nobody wins. All the kids grow up with thin skin and an aorta with no ventricles in it. It's like the cynical prison system that we had to survive in our 8th grade basement dungeon. Thundering, curmudgeons drugging sluggishly, **** teen thugs. Preteen pornstars sluicing cash through their meaty canals, ******* the ******** and ******* the back bare in a messy afternoon of **** ******* Crusty infectious rumors made worse by brothers and moms, eating handfuls of Norco just to keep the family strong.
0
May 1, 2015
May 1, 2015 at 7:16 PM UTC
Friday May 1st, 2015 5:1:15:I'm Bored:001 WONKUH
Inside, Your cancer's beating heart My ******* shakes, dirt dust gone I swipe the sand away. For every ounce of **** Laughing out meaty red raw steaks and size zero thighs. - For everythingsobad. You rattle my dream box with your sweet blue face and your gauges for neither being an idiot or being human. Too cute of you booboo. Captivity claws at you, you big bafoon, intolerant, shuffling your predicates back and forth during your 12am nonsensical ******** So long as it doesn't interfere with your curfew. Like soggy altered-state popcorn. Your butter catches more flies than knives, the inauthentic gestures spattering over the rhythms and rolls of your fingertips is torture to watch. Kitchen countertop influenza. A tired dictionary of sad words, poor misfortunes, tired eyelids, silty and sandy crusty inside corners of the eyes .rearing privilege countertop crawlers. inaudible coos used by muses who can't keep their musings from tangling the long distance dial tone soaring through the ears like an Italian operatic melodrama. A horse, three brides, and a funeral. One woman, a sick child, blindness, blinding caused by toxins of the body stuck inside your gelatinous fishlike eyelids. Where's there an eye bib and a lance when you need one? A nifty electric toothbrush shank with extra reach and plaque protection. You're the kitchen sink they threw in, a budget meeting with a data analysis staph infection. A government where nobody wins. All the kids grow up with thin skin and an aorta with no ventricles in it. It's like the cynical prison system that we had to survive in our 8th grade basement dungeon. Thundering, curmudgeons drugging sluggishly, **** teen thugs. Preteen pornstars sluicing cash through their meaty canals, ******* the ******** and ******* the back bare in a messy afternoon of **** ******* Crusty infectious rumors made worse by brothers and moms, eating handfuls of Norco just to keep the family strong.
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8
feelin' wild like runnin in the trees jumpin from the slums of the mind the oily quick sand hands called silence and control, america, how i wish u'd unbigbrother urself and support the artists, but that would require slime'ing away from big bank funding, corporates drugging us zombies called humanity... to be an artist at times can be so liberating and so uncertain. hello eviction notice, hello
0
Mar 30, 2010
Mar 30, 2010 at 3:18 PM UTC
hello eviction notice, hello....... not a poem, a wish
Surviving beneath bypass Cardboard ripping, some spyglass Thin covering, protection Sharpening knife, perfection Past life professional man Bad karma, God, dealt sad hand Panhandling corner right here Homemade sign makes purpose clear People ignoring, glower Certainly love hot shower Having nothing accept rags Don't own anything, no bags Eating something, drugging, ***** What's needed most cannot choose Spent long hot days begging cash Got ***** finished dining trash Trodded back to cardboard home Peeking out feeling all alone
0
Oct 3, 2013
Oct 3, 2013 at 4:52 PM UTC
Peeping Out At My World
You're talking in circles And ever so fast Lie after lie You're trying to pass Drinking and Drugging Are making it worse You think that it's helping It's really a curse You want money from me That I can't do You think that it's love If only you knew True love is resisting Your pleas in the night Your angry words hurt I don't want to fight If I ever give in To your devils I fear It will **** you for sure And we'll both disappear
0
May 24, 2023
May 24, 2023 at 8:35 AM UTC
Bipolar
If the streets could talk they’d tell me to come back to them, that I need them, I’m truthfully not “better off without” them. If I could respond to the streets I’d say I don’t need you. This is my battle and I’m at rock bottom. I can only go up, and as I go up… I will no longer see you because I’m twelve hundred percent sure that I am better off without you. I don’t need to be high to fulfill the darkest parts of my soul. I don’t need to be high to be happy, content, or musically talented. It isn’t aesthetic. It’s not aesthetic. It. Is. Not. Aesthetic. If the streets could talk they’d say **** you for becoming sober. That’s the worst choice you could’ve made in years. That decision is worse than trying to **** yourself. See the streets would rather see you dead from addiction, as opposed to becoming sober. Well, **** you for making me want to become sober. **** you for making me want to die. And honestly, ***** you for everything you’ve torn from me. From sending me to jail as a tiny seventeen-year-old to making me off myself a good 4 times just ‘cause I couldn’t find drugs. The streets would even go as far as to say: “rip everyone off, do bunches of drugs, leave everyone dry around you, and call it a day. Then sleep the high off, and next time you have an appointment, come to it high. #YOLO” Y’anno what? YOLO is one ******** phrase. I live once, you’re right, Mr.Streets. But I want to be sober the majority of this living. I’m 18 and a half and have so much further to go in life. I want to become an addictions art therapist and I want to be at Zoe and Eden’s weddings. I want so much in life. None of which concerns the streets. “Don’t listen to that cliche music, says the streets. Y’anno? That Macklemore **** that’s all about becoming clean? Eminem? Nah. None of that. You listen to music that glorifies drugs.” says the streets. Also, if it takes listening to “Starting Over” by Macklemore 20 times a day and Dave’s Song by Whitney another 30 times a day, I’ll do it. Because at least I’ll be sober. Singing is something that brings me utter joy. As is writing and painting. And in order to do my best. I need to be pretty **** sober. “No cigarettes do not count as addiction. Want to know what does? Buying pills with your disability checks. Now that ***** ******* great. **** you for trying to get clean.” the streets say. Bro. I’m bro-ing to you because we’ve reached that point of nonsense. You don’t get it, do you? I need to not spend my minimal money on drugs. Yes, cigarettes are a drug. I’ll get there with quitting those too. Instead of drugging myself up, I need to dye my hair, watch slam poetry, and sing. Sing. sing. Sing. Sing until my heart is full and complete.
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Jun 23, 2019
Jun 23, 2019 at 11:29 AM UTC
If the streets could talk: a poem
If the streets could talk they’d tell me to come back to them, that I need them, I’m truthfully not “better off without” them. If I could respond to the streets I’d say I don’t need you. This is my battle and I’m at rock bottom. I can only go up, and as I go up… I will no longer see you because I’m twelve hundred percent sure that I am better off without you. I don’t need to be high to fulfill the darkest parts of my soul. I don’t need to be high to be happy, content, or musically talented. It isn’t aesthetic. It’s not aesthetic. It. Is. Not. Aesthetic. If the streets could talk they’d say **** you for becoming sober. That’s the worst choice you could’ve made in years. That decision is worse than trying to **** yourself. See the streets would rather see you dead from addiction, as opposed to becoming sober. Well, **** you for making me want to become sober. **** you for making me want to die. And honestly, ***** you for everything you’ve torn from me. From sending me to jail as a tiny seventeen-year-old to making me off myself a good 4 times just ‘cause I couldn’t find drugs. The streets would even go as far as to say: “rip everyone off, do bunches of drugs, leave everyone dry around you, and call it a day. Then sleep the high off, and next time you have an appointment, come to it high. #YOLO” Y’anno what? YOLO is one ******** phrase. I live once, you’re right, Mr.Streets. But I want to be sober the majority of this living. I’m 18 and a half and have so much further to go in life. I want to become an addictions art therapist and I want to be at Zoe and Eden’s weddings. I want so much in life. None of which concerns the streets. “Don’t listen to that cliche music, says the streets. Y’anno? That Macklemore **** that’s all about becoming clean? Eminem? Nah. None of that. You listen to music that glorifies drugs.” says the streets. Also, if it takes listening to “Starting Over” by Macklemore 20 times a day and Dave’s Song by Whitney another 30 times a day, I’ll do it. Because at least I’ll be sober. Singing is something that brings me utter joy. As is writing and painting. And in order to do my best. I need to be pretty **** sober. “No cigarettes do not count as addiction. Want to know what does? Buying pills with your disability checks. Now that ***** ******* great. **** you for trying to get clean.” the streets say. Bro. I’m bro-ing to you because we’ve reached that point of nonsense. You don’t get it, do you? I need to not spend my minimal money on drugs. Yes, cigarettes are a drug. I’ll get there with quitting those too. Instead of drugging myself up, I need to dye my hair, watch slam poetry, and sing. Sing. sing. Sing. Sing until my heart is full and complete.
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10
I dream of a life living in hell. It's insane I know, but I love picturing myself in bruises and more scars than I already have. I fantasize of someone kicking me in the face, mutilating myself and drugging every last inch of my brain with more memories that can stimulate my being traumatized. Everyone dreams of a happy, non-problematic life, truth be told I do too, but there are just moments were I picture a person smothered in pity and suicide. I take hours driving into nowhere. I leave at dawn or in the middle of the night and have long conversations with a lover who craves for lust as much as I do. But it will always be her or maybe him and I. Just the two of us, driving towards utopia but mistaking the roads and ending up in an opposite world. I dream of having *** that will make me feel alive. On the road, in the middle of nowhere, abandoned houses, motels, bathroom stalls and bedrooms that smell of old newspapers and cardboards. My partner scratching me as I bleed. I dream of a him and a her, a ****** up version of me, filled with tattoos and scars, who drown themselves in ***** and cigarettes, and someone who thinks just as I do. They choke me with words, and penetrations. Maybe fingers and wet lips. I always give in, and they are always in control. I dream of crying on their necks or shoulders, releasing my anger and all the heat into their kisses and lust. I dream of him or her, finding me, a little too late, in a bathtub filled with a lifeless and breathless body. And they will mourn over me and join me later on, on the journey. It's sick of me, for someone to think this way, maybe I'm just too ****** up, maybe I need help, but I guess these are my horrible fantasies, of a tragic life I crave for. A world where no one cares and thinks about me except maybe for that person. A world where I dream of killing myself and breathing in drugs to help me forget about the perfect life I am in. But that world does not exist. I live in this one where I am me. I have scars, I smoke, I eat, I breathe, I talk, I laugh, I'm happy and alive. That world is just another one of my desires and fantasies. Another definition of the word "living" n.j.
0
Dec 28, 2014
Dec 28, 2014 at 1:03 PM UTC
The Bigger Picture
I dream of a life living in hell. It's insane I know, but I love picturing myself in bruises and more scars than I already have. I fantasize of someone kicking me in the face, mutilating myself and drugging every last inch of my brain with more memories that can stimulate my being traumatized. Everyone dreams of a happy, non-problematic life, truth be told I do too, but there are just moments were I picture a person smothered in pity and suicide. I take hours driving into nowhere. I leave at dawn or in the middle of the night and have long conversations with a lover who craves for lust as much as I do. But it will always be her or maybe him and I. Just the two of us, driving towards utopia but mistaking the roads and ending up in an opposite world. I dream of having *** that will make me feel alive. On the road, in the middle of nowhere, abandoned houses, motels, bathroom stalls and bedrooms that smell of old newspapers and cardboards. My partner scratching me as I bleed. I dream of a him and a her, a ****** up version of me, filled with tattoos and scars, who drown themselves in ***** and cigarettes, and someone who thinks just as I do. They choke me with words, and penetrations. Maybe fingers and wet lips. I always give in, and they are always in control. I dream of crying on their necks or shoulders, releasing my anger and all the heat into their kisses and lust. I dream of him or her, finding me, a little too late, in a bathtub filled with a lifeless and breathless body. And they will mourn over me and join me later on, on the journey. It's sick of me, for someone to think this way, maybe I'm just too ****** up, maybe I need help, but I guess these are my horrible fantasies, of a tragic life I crave for. A world where no one cares and thinks about me except maybe for that person. A world where I dream of killing myself and breathing in drugs to help me forget about the perfect life I am in. But that world does not exist. I live in this one where I am me. I have scars, I smoke, I eat, I breathe, I talk, I laugh, I'm happy and alive. That world is just another one of my desires and fantasies. Another definition of the word "living" n.j.
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7
But one day when futures are bright And school children dress in Sunday best Great Machines will rise above the smoke Great Buildings will rise above the smog Great Minds will remain buried deep in humming labs Scientist and machines Gears and cogs Rusting in the fluorescent Glow Of progress Boys will Girls will Fight the good fight Of human being The Kissing on each other The Drugging with each other Afternoons and jumped fences Just to feel each others secrets Boys will Girls will Be just as wrong And just as bad And will grow to say Good boys and Good Girls Never do those things
0
Oct 23, 2011
Oct 23, 2011 at 4:30 AM UTC
Arizona Missle Silo
lost in the desert of noise eating greasy gobs pain is the penalty of life drugging in the hotel bathroom spitting out the window trashing all there is complaining about the ****** mess screaming no i didn't do this
0
Jan 12, 2022
Jan 12, 2022 at 9:05 PM UTC
your blind 18/6/4
i saw her and she cleared my sinuses and my mouth went dry when she walked up to me and slipped her killer thighs next to mine and whispered softly in my ear heavy fresh breath i smell her winterfresh Bold. i feel it tickle my neck and linger under my lobe her message wasn't that long but she stretched it out like she's stretchin all over me deep in my personal space but i find that i really, really, (really) don't mind she fits me like a puzzle piece makes me feel relaxed almost sleepy but with senses more acute im in a dreamlike state like she's drugging me and i suppose she is high off thoughts of her unclothed promises her lips stick together and words drip slowly from them and waver in the air hesitant to leave those two juicy (those too juicy) lipglossed lemon drops of heaven this girl is trouble-full rather then troublesome and oooooo how i like it she's the bad chick who doesn't mind it when you tell her so and sort of likes it when you choke her throat if just a little she's a force of nature and my favorite kind of riddle
0
Sep 12, 2012
Sep 12, 2012 at 6:07 PM UTC
HeartRacer
Haling down a cab that's going far too fast, standing on the roadside as it's flying past turn and watch the tail lights as the next one's slowing down Picking up the pieces that were left behind Thought that you were broken but I've come to find all these things were welded into something of a cabbie's crown you were cheap, you were easy,going my way, going ****** not the Ritz, hotel cheesy,down in Helluva, that's Hell then you prayed, and you pondered, and at once your sins were laundered now your past won't weigh you down,looks like you're holding up quite well once incarcerated for a job you did spent a year in prison, you were just a kid didn't even know enough to cover up the video the drinking and the drugging and the life you knew da pimpsters and da players with da cooties who left you feeling ***** but I see you've got a whole new show you were free,you were lazy, going my way,going crazy almost pushin' up a daisy,you were halfway home to Hell then you prayed.and you pondered,and at once your sins were laundered now your past won't weigh you down, I see you're holding up quite well Choking on the ashes of your history how you got away from them a mystery the gas was on the burners babe, and someone blew the pilot out so now you drive a taxi for the NYC working nights, you tell me, "no one rides for free" Got to hand it to you, you're a hacker, but you've worked it out you were rough,you were noisy, going my way, back to Joisey going anywhere, but Boise,not just anywhere, but Hell then you prayed, and you pondered,and at once your sins were laundered now your past can't weigh you down, you wear your cabbie crown quite well.
0
Sep 6, 2013
Sep 6, 2013 at 9:51 AM UTC
Cabby's Crown
Haling down a cab that's going far too fast, standing on the roadside as it's flying past turn and watch the tail lights as the next one's slowing down Picking up the pieces that were left behind Thought that you were broken but I've come to find all these things were welded into something of a cabbie's crown you were cheap, you were easy,going my way, going ****** not the Ritz, hotel cheesy,down in Helluva, that's Hell then you prayed, and you pondered, and at once your sins were laundered now your past won't weigh you down,looks like you're holding up quite well once incarcerated for a job you did spent a year in prison, you were just a kid didn't even know enough to cover up the video the drinking and the drugging and the life you knew da pimpsters and da players with da cooties who left you feeling ***** but I see you've got a whole new show you were free,you were lazy, going my way,going crazy almost pushin' up a daisy,you were halfway home to Hell then you prayed.and you pondered,and at once your sins were laundered now your past won't weigh you down, I see you're holding up quite well Choking on the ashes of your history how you got away from them a mystery the gas was on the burners babe, and someone blew the pilot out so now you drive a taxi for the NYC working nights, you tell me, "no one rides for free" Got to hand it to you, you're a hacker, but you've worked it out you were rough,you were noisy, going my way, back to Joisey going anywhere, but Boise,not just anywhere, but Hell then you prayed, and you pondered,and at once your sins were laundered now your past can't weigh you down, you wear your cabbie crown quite well.
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30
Let me be the Bonnie to your Hyde I can be the Z to your Scotty Let's, let's ruin each other baby Arms and fingers locked Drugging the other down We're two gnarled bodies, writhing on the ground No morphine needed We're both about the pain Inhaling you fast You're my line of pixie dust I fly to fall down Faith? Hope? I just need to suffer now. You're the apple tree splinter Poking my eye so I can't see. The mirror on your door is me And the fairest is anyone but you. I'm your painting mr. Gray Hide me in the attic; can't throw me away Let's, let's ruin each other baby Oh wait we already did or do. These brass scales are getting heavy, It's me for you And do you hear that sound? It's our siren lullaby. We crash into each others'arms Tied to each others' masts; Drugging each other down There's the frog and the water-sound. We're one, we're done, well that was fun.
0
Sep 10, 2012
Sep 10, 2012 at 9:51 PM UTC
References
_They say to stop being sad About the same thing Now I'm sad about everything Maybe I don't know a good thing Til it's gone So I try to hold on To everything Everything_ My head is screaming It's screaming to tear apart My heart If I don't let it out It'll continue to shout Inside my head Inside my head Screaming Screaming Not for death? Then for what For what Nobody believes me Nobody sees me Nobody hears me They think I'm ok I just have too much to say Too much to say In a day They ask How can I be sick? You look ok It makes me sick They think that way _They say to stop being sad About the same thing Now I'm sad about everything Maybe I don't know a good thing Til it's gone So I try to hold on To everything Everything_ Nobody sees *** they don't want to believe I'm not cutting myself I'm not drugging myself I'm not killing myself So I must be ok It's simply not that way I've heard it my entire life I've been ignored Told I'm fine Professionals and Family They don't know How they've ****** me To screaming Inside my head Screaming It won't stop Til I let it out This is my healing My art Just like me It's torn apart Ignored Tortured For truth Tortured For attention Never to mention How badly How strongly I fight The urge Every night To drink myself to death To try something crazy To throw myself from the ledge Maybe a needle would help Maybe the guilt Wouldnt be felt Maybe I can be dealt with I try every day As I tear my skin away To be okay I'm not I'm not I'm not ******* Okay I'm insane I know this I rationalize this But it's not Bliss It's not easy Nothing can please me The screaming Keeps coming Until it's quiet When it's quiet I'm sad But I'm quiet I'm alone I'm in bed Stuck to my phone Empty Empty Nobody gets me .... _They say to stop being sad About the same thing Now I'm sad about everything Maybe I don't know a good thing Til it's gone So I try to hold on To everything Everything_ The screaming comes I then become Annoying Crying Buying Lying Dying Until I write I write It needs to be let out I feel I never let the deepest parts Out The right way The right way How can I say it I'm paying for it The lies I tell The way I held Myself up I'm just a silly Goofy Eccentric nuisance I don't need help I don't need felt Listened to Heard I can be Ignored It's in me Swirling all around me Tearing apart my body I want to scream I want to run away I'm always running Running I hate running What am I running to? Sometimes I think Death But I'm terrified Of nothingness I want to release Open my flesh Cut me Shoot me Gun me Let me misbehave Let me show you The cave I live in The maniac I fight I am not winning I'm not sinning I'm only leaning Closer Closer Closer to Pure insanity I fight so hard I get no credit Because I never let it Show Never let it Show I never let it Go Never can I let everything Strand Me Hurt me And I keep it I hold it _I don't know a good thing Til it's gone_ So I hold on To everything But it's wrong Some things Are bad Bad Bad I'm going Mad mad Mad From the screaming But nobody's listening Maybe I should run Maybe I should cut Maybe I should fill my gut With poison Give me one reason Why Why If I don't try to die Die Die Nobody listens to me Cry Cry Cry _They say to stop being sad About the same thing Now I'm sad about everything Maybe I don't know a good thing Til it's gone So I try to hold on To everything Everything_ How can I let go Let go How can I show Show The pain inside The reasons I cry Without hurting myself Without losing myself Without All this hell ? Can anybody tell ... Maybe they can They just...     _Don't care_
0
May 21, 2023
May 21, 2023 at 1:56 AM UTC
Everything inside
_They say to stop being sad About the same thing Now I'm sad about everything Maybe I don't know a good thing Til it's gone So I try to hold on To everything Everything_ My head is screaming It's screaming to tear apart My heart If I don't let it out It'll continue to shout Inside my head Inside my head Screaming Screaming Not for death? Then for what For what Nobody believes me Nobody sees me Nobody hears me They think I'm ok I just have too much to say Too much to say In a day They ask How can I be sick? You look ok It makes me sick They think that way _They say to stop being sad About the same thing Now I'm sad about everything Maybe I don't know a good thing Til it's gone So I try to hold on To everything Everything_ Nobody sees *** they don't want to believe I'm not cutting myself I'm not drugging myself I'm not killing myself So I must be ok It's simply not that way I've heard it my entire life I've been ignored Told I'm fine Professionals and Family They don't know How they've ****** me To screaming Inside my head Screaming It won't stop Til I let it out This is my healing My art Just like me It's torn apart Ignored Tortured For truth Tortured For attention Never to mention How badly How strongly I fight The urge Every night To drink myself to death To try something crazy To throw myself from the ledge Maybe a needle would help Maybe the guilt Wouldnt be felt Maybe I can be dealt with I try every day As I tear my skin away To be okay I'm not I'm not I'm not ******* Okay I'm insane I know this I rationalize this But it's not Bliss It's not easy Nothing can please me The screaming Keeps coming Until it's quiet When it's quiet I'm sad But I'm quiet I'm alone I'm in bed Stuck to my phone Empty Empty Nobody gets me .... _They say to stop being sad About the same thing Now I'm sad about everything Maybe I don't know a good thing Til it's gone So I try to hold on To everything Everything_ The screaming comes I then become Annoying Crying Buying Lying Dying Until I write I write It needs to be let out I feel I never let the deepest parts Out The right way The right way How can I say it I'm paying for it The lies I tell The way I held Myself up I'm just a silly Goofy Eccentric nuisance I don't need help I don't need felt Listened to Heard I can be Ignored It's in me Swirling all around me Tearing apart my body I want to scream I want to run away I'm always running Running I hate running What am I running to? Sometimes I think Death But I'm terrified Of nothingness I want to release Open my flesh Cut me Shoot me Gun me Let me misbehave Let me show you The cave I live in The maniac I fight I am not winning I'm not sinning I'm only leaning Closer Closer Closer to Pure insanity I fight so hard I get no credit Because I never let it Show Never let it Show I never let it Go Never can I let everything Strand Me Hurt me And I keep it I hold it _I don't know a good thing Til it's gone_ So I hold on To everything But it's wrong Some things Are bad Bad Bad I'm going Mad mad Mad From the screaming But nobody's listening Maybe I should run Maybe I should cut Maybe I should fill my gut With poison Give me one reason Why Why If I don't try to die Die Die Nobody listens to me Cry Cry Cry _They say to stop being sad About the same thing Now I'm sad about everything Maybe I don't know a good thing Til it's gone So I try to hold on To everything Everything_ How can I let go Let go How can I show Show The pain inside The reasons I cry Without hurting myself Without losing myself Without All this hell ? Can anybody tell ... Maybe they can They just...     _Don't care_
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245
She's spinning swirling cyclic dancing laughing as she's undermining all her chances slip through her hands and she's still smile - smiling. Hunting hurting rhythmic burning up and under iron churning she sees hell too far to tell and she's still smile - smiling. Loving drugging pear tree smuggling through the leaves and water bubbling and lying there above the ground floating holding not a sound she tips up her head on hold and she's still smile - smiling. Plucking clucking back-woods ******* but she's too gone to know it's wrong her fight is lost the stars are crossed and she's still smile - smiling.
0
Mar 12, 2012
Mar 12, 2012 at 3:51 PM UTC
A Bird in a Cage
Things she's good at... Hmmm, let's see. Talking, and napping, and watching TV, Whining, and crying, and sighing again. Again, and again, and over again. Oh crap, this poem, it's about a princess you see, But so far I've written it about my kitten, Winnie. My real princess is Ashley, Ash, so lovely. But don't make her mad or she might even throw things. Kidding, I'm kidding! Well, I guess I'm really not. But back to the point, where we first got caught. His name was Gage, my good friend of youth. Immature and reckless, he lost her like **** Yeah, that's right, he dated her first.. But with stupidity he lost her, almost like a curse. Or was it a blessing, a blessing you see. Not a blessing for him, but a blessing for me. We met once again, this time a new friend, His name was Alex, and that's where it ends. But that's okay, that story is old, The story of us is about to unfold. We met before drinks, shots to be exact, She took so many and convinced her drugging was fact. Fast forward now, past the times of drunk. To the time where I, well, I thought and I thunk. Girl after girl, I'd dated them all. From Leanne to Lauren, short and tall. Just over two years of stagnation and pain, I found that I actually had much left to gain. Remembering Ashley and the brightness she held, I randomly reached out and all of a sudden an end came to my hell. We texted and talked, sexted and sulked, We found love within each other, something neither of us had felt. And there it was, almost two years exact to this date. That I met and fell in love, with my one and only soul mate. So there it is, the story of my princess, nothing more, nothing less. But now, you see, I have two princesses with me. One's named Ashley and the other Winnie. I'll love them forever, and long after that, my beautiful Ashley and calico cat.
0
Mar 3, 2015
Mar 3, 2015 at 11:20 PM UTC
Princess
Things she's good at... Hmmm, let's see. Talking, and napping, and watching TV, Whining, and crying, and sighing again. Again, and again, and over again. Oh crap, this poem, it's about a princess you see, But so far I've written it about my kitten, Winnie. My real princess is Ashley, Ash, so lovely. But don't make her mad or she might even throw things. Kidding, I'm kidding! Well, I guess I'm really not. But back to the point, where we first got caught. His name was Gage, my good friend of youth. Immature and reckless, he lost her like **** Yeah, that's right, he dated her first.. But with stupidity he lost her, almost like a curse. Or was it a blessing, a blessing you see. Not a blessing for him, but a blessing for me. We met once again, this time a new friend, His name was Alex, and that's where it ends. But that's okay, that story is old, The story of us is about to unfold. We met before drinks, shots to be exact, She took so many and convinced her drugging was fact. Fast forward now, past the times of drunk. To the time where I, well, I thought and I thunk. Girl after girl, I'd dated them all. From Leanne to Lauren, short and tall. Just over two years of stagnation and pain, I found that I actually had much left to gain. Remembering Ashley and the brightness she held, I randomly reached out and all of a sudden an end came to my hell. We texted and talked, sexted and sulked, We found love within each other, something neither of us had felt. And there it was, almost two years exact to this date. That I met and fell in love, with my one and only soul mate. So there it is, the story of my princess, nothing more, nothing less. But now, you see, I have two princesses with me. One's named Ashley and the other Winnie. I'll love them forever, and long after that, my beautiful Ashley and calico cat.
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