Feeling torn down,
just waste on the floor,
is when I feel my safest,
because,
it’s these times
that I actually feel human.
Being stuck on the floor,
bare and sopping with tears,
let’s me know that I matter to myself

Condensed vapors and precipitated storms
Raging thunder and wind transforms
Swings rocking back and forth in parks
Leaves swaying to the rhythm of the wind

Clouds wander off
Subtle beams of light
Fresh dew marks on vivid green grass
A light screen of sheen on the window

Step out

Breathe in
Breathe out

I disappear
right here, in the adorning light of the sun

and the clouds go on,
gently tip-toeing up, up,
while we stand, watching

It's a bright new day,
There's dew on the grass,
The sun is shining,
A slight breeze rustles the leaves,
It's not too cold,
And not too warm,
One might say it is a perfect morning.

Yet why don't I feel it,
The joy and peace of nature,
Why do I,
Who has trained his soul,
Who knows his soul,
Who is one with his soul,
Only feel the darkness,
The sorrow and the loneliness,
The depression.

One might say there's something wrong with me,
Indeed, maybe there is, but would I know?
I would not,
Because all I see this day,
Or éveryday for that matter,
Is that you are not with me,
That you do not want to be,
And most painfully so,
Not for you, but for me.

You said,
     "If I leave him now,
      He will lose nothing."
But this could not be further from right.
Shall you leave me now,
I will lose you.
Which is to say,
I lose everything.

Please, come back.
You can make it,
This I know,
For I shall be your strength,
You needn't move one step.
I shall go to you,
Just hold on a couple more nights.
You needn't worry,
I will relieve you of
Ev'ry trouble.

We will be together,
We shan't say goodbye yet,
We will have our time,
And we will be happy.
For you have said you love me,
And I, even more, love you.

I'm laying here
As the sun goes down
And asking please
Take me to a different night
Where the moon
Shines so bright
It takes away
This pain inside

I close my eyes
No more sky
And ask to dream a dream
Where I won't cry
Where I can fly
Beyond the stars I've seen
And then maybe
It'll set me free
And I will be
A better me
Than I will ever be

I'm begging now
As I drift away
Into some other place
Just let go
No one will know
And I'll be gone
I promise you
Before dawn

As I feel the heartbeat through my body a constant reminder of an inner hobby a thing that makes me a person maybe not so free a constant relief of tension to redirect the emotion to bring distraction to a constant reminder that your not here all it's ever done is endive fear who am I to turn away run again who am I to leave again to bring myself to run free again who am I to just give up and leave behind a whole life of love who are you to walk away leave me here for another day I can believe that I'll stay when I just wanna run away to my dismay you run away so far away to leave behind what I am but why I tried I cared I cried for you to see what inside me... But not enough I must grow tough to run away and leave this place.... As tears come raining down my face

I woke up to a morning hazy grey
And drew a shaken breath beneath your ghost-
It hangs, a husk, upon my bedroom wall
A shriveled flower, tinier than most.
It's tangled in a web of woven cords
That maybe I will see you in my dreams
And when I do, my consciousness recoils,
For love is not as gentle as it seems.
Last night I saw your sparkling eyes again,
And woke predawn with tears upon my cheeks
I hadn't even noticed they were there
Contented as I was to be asleep,
But when the dream was shattered so was I
And lying there alone among the dark
I heard the rain tap softly on the glass
And I struggled, quiet, not to fall apart.
And just as I was curled into a ball
To calm the ragged hole inside my chest
I caught a glimpse outside of shining streets
Where winter ground was by the summer blest.
I had thought you took rain with you when you left-
It hadn't fallen since you flew away
I thought you took the warmth, as well- bereft,
I'd gazed out on a thousand bleak white days,
But here outside my window was a gift
A burnished silver street spilled on the ground
And golden branches reaching from the trees
And fine white mist billowing all around.
I peered out from the safety of my bed
And saw the world transformed beyond the pane
Your footsteps have not graced this ground for months
And yet it had been silvered by the rain.
And for the barest moment I could breathe
Although you may have cast my love away
A peace descended, gauzy like a shroud
And silently I hoped that it could stay.
The plant beside my window sighed its blooms-
Jasmine blooms at night, I'm sure you know
And in the blackness white flowers festooned
The pillows and the sheets like lacy snow.
And in my questing fingers they were silk
In contrast to yours, brittle on the wall
They still smelled sweet and, suddenly compelled,
I forgot my tears and gathered up them all.
Their perfume sticky on my hands, I prayed
For the first time since the winter months began,
"Let me find my happiness somewhere,
Let me feel it to remind me that I can."
I prayed to thunder, lightning, and the storm
That rages in my bones, chaos and light
I prayed to the cold clarity of the rain
That trickles through my veins, blindingly bright.
Something heard me as I whispered there
The wind spoke back to me against the glass
And I reached out my hand to feel the cold
Of water, loneliness and ages past.
I always wanted to become a storm,
I've always cried much easier in dreams,
Admiring the freedom of the fall
As droplets pelt the sidewalk and it gleams.
This morning I slept peaceful, just the once,
That sweet low rhythmic murmur overhead,
And the ache of missing you was not severe
But neither, for the moment, was it dead.
Good morning, darling, I've forgiven you
Each day of silence gouged into the walls
And today I breathed my own forgiveness too
Beneath the falling rain's hypnotic drawl.