That moment when you just feel so alone and unwanted that you basically beg to let the tears roll down your cheeks but can't bare to let them.
That moment when you just wish the ground would swallow you up and let you be alone.
The time when everyone is together except you and you feel so unwelcome that you just leave.
When you're in a room full of people but you feel an empty breeze and barely notice the looks on people's faces because you're too lonely to look at them.
That moment when people think you're a snob because they're too intimidating for you to talk to.
When they think you're stuck up because you never strike up a conversation, yet they can't either.
That moment when you just feel unneeded by the world and finally think about really leaving.

Placed on the spot, People walking by
Eyes shift to my direction,
Snickering and smiling
My anxiety rising
Trying to grip reality,
My superficial temple artery starts pounding, as my heart rate rises.

I can't take this any more I must find the door.

you're nervous
'take a drink, it'll calm you down'

you're nervous
'here, take a hit, a little **** will do ya good'

you're nervous
'come sit next to me, I'll make sure nothing bad happens to you'

now you're drunk
now you're baked
now you're being touched, felt, caressed

but it doesn't matter.
you're no longer nervous.
you can't feel.
you don't care.

you're exactly what they want you to be
no longer timid
no longer shy
no longer *nervous

"I don't have the time."
The words I muttered when you
Locked your nervous eyes with mine.
They flowed out of me, they came without effort
But to you, each word cut deep, but you're used to being hurt,
By busy minds, fleeting affection
The generation of instant gratification
No one has the time.
Not for you.

A day recedes,
     I'll chase down one more night
A lamed and hobbling Spring
     tries to outrun the tide
of all the misspent months
and all this wasted time

          The northern breeze sings cold,
          it sighs through tattered topsails
          sea of questions waits.
          schools of unanswered voicemails

My footfalls share the sidewalks,
                                          steady,
sure­. Still young but glimpsing old and stumbling

Walking outside
soaked lungs need some new air
I'm nervous and shaking
fold the map, don a blank stare
my days wearing on
               fill 'em up with a fool's words
               I'm saltwashed, stuck and
               peeling paint off my memory
               for now.

A day's been seized--
          a metered length of life
Can't place a price on Fall
          and can't outrun the tide
of these layered seasons
as his time unwinds

          The eastern wind comes hard
          and shreds through mended mainsails
          river of answers dried
          so ask the waving cattails.

His footfalls know the sidewalks
                                        leaking
down sidestreets' asphalt tributaries

Walking around
A hitch in his slow gait
A ghost of our town
shuffles on with a fixed gaze,
his days playing out,
               As he strides down the sidewalks
               his life plays a film,
               flashing bright on glazed eyeballs

And I'm southbound,
4 p.m. driving Orange Street
completely drowned--
               --swore I woke up in Gimli,
                Manitoba January
                seared into my youthful memories
I'm freezerburnt
                Autumn heat, don't leave me
I'll hold your hair if you're feeling sickly,
then drive back home.
                Autumn heat, don't leave me now.

                ...Autumn heat, don't leave me now.

Sunday will come
Just a few days from now
An eternity to wait
To say what is long overdue

Sunday will come
And we will confess ourselves
Fear will hold us
Hope will push us closer

And on Sunday
When we both shake in emotion
My hand in yours
We will find a way to work through

Our honesty is incomplete
though strong in it's own landing
We never lie
but words unsaid
Leave partial understanding

It makes good sense to hide the truth
An open door is dangerous
A criminal
Could come and break
The trust that long has bound us

Congratulations!
You have convinced me to speak first.
And though you are the winner in this game,
I feel like a winner too.

Congratulations!
You've managed to make me brave.
And though I was pushed, shoved in the general direction,
I believe I made me too.

What a wonderful celebration!
Maybe now we can be together.
I hope they were right, I hope this isn't a mistake.
How awful it would be
To think
After all this time, all that has been said
After confessions, after comfort
To think we may not ever be.

Congratulations!
The bridge will soon be crossed.
And though we may fall in the water,
I know we will not drift apart.