Knowing you has been a song,
familiar silence,
as we become aware of existence,
but no form of friendship,
complete empty instrumentals,
the start of us.
beautiful vocals set in,
in anticipation of what's to come,
as I fell for your smile,
only then do lyrics form,
as our story unfolds,
our song isn't finished,
but it's so distorted,
so empty now.

Close your eyes,
I whisper in your ear,
when you think of forever,
what do you see my dear,
or rather who do you see,
right through your tears,
through the uncertainty of time,
and the path you will take,
who is your partner,
your guide as you are theirs,
I asked you this question once before,
a rainy day on the second floor,
tell me your answer once again.

Oh, my fair lady,
what a surprise,
the angel of thought,
may meet her demise,
love is her savior,
love is her crutch,
love is the one,
that's broken her trust,
will he betray you,
how will you know,
love is a cruel mistress,
beautiful though.

It's my only friend,
when the others leave,
I never sleep,
for the water never ends,
My friend is crying,
So I try and clean his eternal sorrow,
I sit and listen,
There is no other way,
No other place,
but here,
by the river.

Even when I'm lost,
I come back here,
to these pages,

I tell them about you; my love,
about me; my lust,
write down my thoughts; my loss,

so even when I'm gone,
you can always,
find me in these pages,

hear my cries; my tears,
share my lies; my fears,
feel my love; my dear.

What do I see,
in the clear mirrored,
a shattered image,
not a reflection of who I am,
a mask,
weaved from the lies of a scared child,
a poor shield from judgement,
the mouth twisted into an infinite smile

Tears streaming down,
her hands tracing them down to my neck,
fear,
my mistress,
it seems you ended my torment,
after an eternity,
however the chains of my past still bind me,
to you,
she traces my jawline,
a knife,
that I now wield,
The mask shatters.

What do we see,
a lone child,
scared and misguided,
blade in hand,
defiles God's temple,
out of hate for himself,
loved by some,
who are blinded by love,
respected by others,
who can't see past the mask,
hurt all who believed his truths,
an evil thing love is,
worthless to all who believe his lies.

The boy longs to cry,
tears flow no longer,
the boy longs to bleed,
until blood flows no longer,
he should die,
we should all perish,
for the sins of a dreamer,
can never be atoned for,
for even now,
I love you.

Alone
For the first time
you're a bit too distant

Oh, my fair lady,
I think you must know,
The path you will take,
will cause you much woe.

Oh, my fair lady,
don't go with him,
maybe just maybe,
he still loves her within.

Oh, my fair lady,
he did not see your worth,
he will come back,
as you were his first.

Oh, my fair lady,
beware of a man,
you may be so lonely,
confide in your friends.

Oh, my fair lady,
he may be the one,
he's taken you places,
you've never gone.

Oh, my fair lady,
prophecy fulfilled,
he confessed his feelings,
are you so weak-willed?

Oh, my fair lady,
you feel betrayed,
this is how stories,
of unfaithfulness are made.

Oh, my fair lady,
he offers his help,
maybe you  love him,
the feelings you felt.

Oh, my fair lady,
he's lead you astray,
seems like this time,
he came to stay.

Oh, my fair lady,
angel of his thoughts,
I pray he won't hurt you,
hope you have a plan,
one that's well thought.

Oh, my fair lady,
I think he loves you more,
you both are not the same,
as who you were before.

Thank you, my love,
I wish you were mine,
my heart longs for you,
alas, there's no time.

Went for a walk with the love of my life,
dreaming,
thinking,
of all the wasted time,
coping,
loving,
we laugh but eventually cry,
regretting,
forgetting,
what it's really like,
losing,
hoping.

Hey,
what's up,
it's not the same,
this way,
I can read what you're saying,
I can hear what you're saying,
but I can't hear you at all,
the look in your eyes is silent,
the pain in your voice is silent,
your laugh is silent,
I can't love in silence,
I cry when I realize that,
I may not hear you again.

What is it about sad poems,
or poems about love,
which are often melancholic,
that I love so much,
well for a non-alcoholic,
I need an escape,
cause I sin,
and I bleed,
and it's always my fault,
but when I'm writing,
my pen bleeds,
and these lines don't judge,
the page has no choice,
but to love me,
why would I come here when I'm happy,
no need to comfort someone with a smile.

Will it weigh on your mind,
will it weigh on mine,
what happens when unfaithfulness goes unpunished,
it happens when you love from a distance,
couple that with time,
do feelings remain?
probably will fade,
you'll love another,
forget about me,
don't lie,
I've seen it happen,
multiple times.

The noise of the river,
tells tales of love,
he says it's fake,
like all things of the heart,
but there is truth in his lies,
and lies reveal the truth,
he hurt those he loves,
love is a beautiful thing,
but is death's disciple,
he thanks her for the feelings,
and the memories,
but hates her,
for they are only memories.

The noise of the river,
tells stories of lust,
he says it is a welcome enemy,
for it tempts him,
lust is of love but love is whole without it,
the stories are accounts of dreams,
for lust does not love him,
not anymore,
he is chasing after her,
looking to atone for his war crimes,
in the battle of love,
his hidden wounds **** him slowly,
he dreams a happy nightmare.

The noise of the river,
preaches about salvation,
his says his old friend awaits him,
loves master,
he wishes to see me too,
he gives an account,
of our beautiful evil that awaits,
I stand up,
my distorted reflection,
portrays me clearly,
but not at all,
I smile,
                           pure
a low life does not deserve this,
**** it all
as I shake his hand
and plunge into the river.

The feel of the river,
reveals true sorrow,
I envy the river,
for he has a plan,
had a purpose,
I failed,
so they all left,
they are upstream,
smiling,
I wish to take their smiles away,
as I let the river take me,
I lost my way,
the river is all I know,
he will help me achieve my dream,
of unleashing beautiful carnage.

The noise of the river,
and myself,
we are one,
                                        we always were,
I understand you now,
my friend,
you taught me about hate,
this world is just to spite you,
I hate it too,
you hate me now,
because we share a conscience,
not for long,
now I am the welcome enemy,
the river still flows,
with all its trash.

The field was all he'd known
admiring the flowers
the butterflies
the snakes
they poisoned the field
the snakes.

The river is all he knows
Listening to the hum
of the river's flow
the trash
it polluted the river
the trash.

The field is all he needs
longing for the rich harvest
Of knowledge
the snakes
do not scare him
the snakes.

The river is the one in pain
the fish mourn
their home is dying
the river
it must be cleansed
my river.

My old friend,
the omniscient moon,
do you still chase the Sun?
you should settle for the stars,
they sing to you,
if you cannot see,
I selfishly ask,
guide me on the path,
to the treasure I seek,
that hates you so.

This melody; these lyrics,
I know them word for word,
from a love-time ago,
for it tells a story of you and me,
not through words,
or melodies,
but through memories,
beautiful in of themselves,
but poison me with painful nostalgia,
I hate these songs,
they smell like you,
make me think of you,
deleting them from my playlist,
was the first step towards,
making new memories,
and singing new songs,
without you.

How can I love you?;
                                       Teach me.
But I leave you;
                            im back.
                    Now
In the water,
you are  swimming with me,
                                                    where?
Dr­owning beneath the waves;
                                                        I beg
                              Water
I am dying from thirst.

Alone he sits,
in the field,
waiting for the birds to migrate,
from an eternal winter,
he hears their song no longer,
except when she smiles,
only when she's around,
does the sun fulfill its duties,
warms him,
for he is cold from the rain.

They all hate me,
                                     fear of the unknown,
She'll hate me,
                                      wait,
She hates me,
                                     Love,
She'll leave me,
                             ,         ask
She doesn't need me,
                                        You need her,
They don't need me,
                                       make them need you,
I should go,
                       Stay

FOR THEIR SAKE

I thought they loved me,
                                           fake,
I think she loves me,
                                            think back,
I thought she loved me,
                                            infatuation
She said she'll never leave me,
                                                        LIES
­I need her,
                                             SHE DOESN'T NEED YOU
they WANTED me,
                                                             ­     NOT ANYMORE
You said I should stay,
                                                           ­                  We were wrong

You should go,
                                        FOR OUR SAKE.

Tell me why
When I’m drunk
And alone
Your name keeps me grounded

What did we talk about,
before,
before you forget me I need to know,
know,
know you want him though it's none of my,
concern,
concerned bout how you're doing,
though,
I know you're more than ok and that,
hurts,
hurt by the things that I told myself about,
you,
you're the same girl I've always known but we're,
distant,
distant in the sense that I'm running out of topics to start a conversation with,
you,
you and I used to flow,
where has our river gone?

Silent letters to you,
empty messages,
hoping you'll get them,
with no clues,
cause if I tell you I love you,
as I've done every night before,
I'll realize I love you,
more than I have before,
so spare me the torture,
and acknowledge my games,
since we're not the same,
my writing must change

What do you see?
when you look at me,
is it the same as what you say?
Tell me what you saw,
that made you love me,
or not,
Tell me,
girl of my dreams,
maybe it was true after all

What do they see,
when they look at me,
I wish I could hear what they said,
I just know it's not the same as hers,
I hear no love in their voices,
love,
is the difference,
they are blinded by the evil,
but what is shrouded in mystery,
born from fear,
shall stay hidden,
I wish I knew what they saw,
It may be true after all.

To the one that disturbs my peace,
the angel of my thoughts,
your smile a constant reminder,
of our brief infidelity,
it was enough to fall in love,
unknowingly,
it pulled me back,
after I hurt you,
I came back,
After he killed you,
I'll save you,
if you let me,
I warn you,
of nothing at all,
I hope,
you are ok,
I'll wait,
I know you love me too,
I wonder what you see,
because
I am not him,
or them,
or us,
or me,
I will show you my truths,
that's what my love is.

The day I met you,
was the beginning,
of my endless dream about you,
where the taste of your lips,
is magical,
and your beauty,
the result of wonderful imagination,
is this a dream,
this is a dream,
or a nightmare,
since i still lose you in the end,
lose you once again.

She lives in my daydreams,
stealing me from reality,
from the one that looks like her,
that is her.

You can sink deeper,
deeper in my mind,
as you drown in my thoughts,
drown in this thought,
hold your breath,
follow the signs,
follow the sounds,
you'll hear your name a lot.

I can imprison you,
have you in my heart,
am I the prisoner?
bathe in my love,
lips say I love you,
out loud,
heart says I need you,
need you around.

Why do you love the dark?
and run from the sun,
it does not make you shine any less.

I wish you were a full moon,
can I see all of you?
So that I can show you all of my love.

Why do you say I shouldn't wait,
You always come back,
in pursuit of the sun,
I wonder,
when will I be your sun again,
you promised,
it will be night again,
I can bask in your light once more,
when no one is around,
and the rain makes me feel,
show me your blood,
show me your love,
it's all the same,
you shine,
whether you acknowledge the sun or not.

The rainy night
The sun light
When I close my eyes
The feeling of longing
Multiplies
As I wonder if you dream of me too

No one knows me,
like the pages of this book,
the tears that fell,
the tears that wanted to fall,
the meaning,
the feelings,
in each letter,
the intent,
in every word,
the surprise,
in the end,
good and bad,
poetry,
is my escape form life without pages,
because I don't know when my story will end.

They are around me,
Their love surrounds me,
I know this,
I loathe this,
I can see them,
clearly,
at night I can not feel them,
clearly,
when I live in fear,
of myself,
when my thoughts make me shed tears,
for myself,
I feel like,
I wonder,
I wish,
I hope,
I am truly alone.

I Melt my eyes
My flaws don’t exist
In a separate dimension
My vices thrive
There I am perfect
My envy runs rampant
My pride unchecked
And I eat to my heart's content
But my soul starves

I’m damaged
I point to my wound
Yet cover my pain
I’m fine.

I outline my scars
Each with its own story
Yet I refuse to tell
I lie.

I reveal my trauma
Only to you
As I deceive those around me
With nothing but a smile.

There are times when I’d hold you
But your air was cold
You haven’t taken a breath in so long
My love
Are you my love,
Is this place in your heart for me?
Perhaps for her,
Perhaps no more,
Maybe let inside,
Renovations and furniture
Amendments and repairs,
You look to the future with hope,
Hope for us
Our children,
I hope too
That I am your plan,
You’re one as you are mine.

Sometimes we heal,
Disingenuously,
How does one know,
If they're ok again,
Or it's a scar,
waiting to reopen,
unhealthy addictions,
I'm waiting to relapse,
Disasters in waiting,
So I numb the pain,
with substance,
One of the worst lies ever told,
this alcohol isn't clean.

I take a moment
To thank
the authors authors of my soul
As everyone we meet,
Contributes at least a word,
Others have chapters
And some our main characters
In the story
That is my life
Only our mothers
Only my mother
Has been a part of my story
From the prologue
To the penultimate full stop
For that I thank her
For my story would be forever be incomplete
Without my mother’s love.

I refuse to sleep
I’m enslaved to my emotions
Hurting myself however I can
I’m tired of it all.
I stay in fear of my tears
The river flows endlessly
Out of respect for my blood
I stop the never ending bleed
I stained the carpet
Stained our love
Stained all that was sacred
With the sins of my past

I fell in love with her,
cause I got lost in her world,
that she creates with all of her words
and everything she writes,
so when I look into her eyes,
realize that she must be mine,
A future with her,
A future with more,
maybe house with three living there for free.

I came to the realization
Shocking as may be
I’m not a kid anymore
Despite how it may seem
The rain comforts me
And Santa’s but a dream
The tooth fairy’s retired
And so is my innocence.

My mind taunts me,
with memories of once was,
a love song I once knew,
that ended in heartbreak
and heartache,
two souls too kind to let go,
too foolish yet they know,
every second with each other,
without a lover,
hurts.

My memories stab me,
with pictures of what once was,
a painting we once drew,
that depicted heartbreak,
in its purest form,
of bliss,
a time that I still miss,
the time that we both missed,
yet we knew what we both wanted,
believing it was all enough,
every second I spend regretting,
bleeds.

My dreams torture me,
with ideas of what could've been,
a story we once wrote,
that ended in date nights,
and wedding vows,
a story of love and lust,
a story unfinished,
a story blemished,
by the realities of the world we created,
we are happy,
together in a place,
a place that never existed,
and that,
kills.

I say I'm trying,
more like hoping I'll be ok,
I know I'm trying,
lying in everything I say,
I promise I'm trying,
end up thinking about you every day,
I swear I'm trying,
to **** myself every night.

He wears many faces,
and tells many lies,
and I don't end up sleeping,
and I waste all of my time,
thinking of all my choices,
now that you aren't mine.

I felt no longer,
cried out no more,
I hide my cuts from the world
I bleed internally.
The cuts got deeper
I pushed it myself
I hide them from myself
there are no scars
for my wounds never healed
I bleed eternally.

I still hear your name,
when I'm in a dark place,
comforting to think that
I'm on your mind,
wishful thinking,
without action,
I can't say I love you,
left of my own accord,
so I write silent letters to you,
with no postal stamp,
no to,
only from,
your one and only,
I still write numerous poems about you,
knowing you'll read them,
hoping you'll feel them.

Dreams where you're still here,
living through,
sadness that cripples,
anger towards myself,
I bargain with my conscience,
depression hurts my health,
I've accepted our dying love,
mourning our fallen love.