Facing the horizon
She walks barefoot
On the golden sand
Into the blue.
A clear sky reflecting
Upon the glass surface.
Using pain
To suppress pain,
She wades into the shards.
Piercing through her
Agony takes over,
Yet she feels alive.
Icy waters of the ocean
She's neck deep in,
She can't feel the ground anymore.
Her head just above the water
She takes one final breath,
And heads toward heaven or hell.
A moment of panic,
As she breathes in, but
They are now one.
Her pain washed away
Sorrow drowned.
One soul, born from
*A poisoned mind
Of the girl who felt alive
Breathing her last breath.
She lived awaiting death.

Deep in her hazel eyes,
There are truths and lies
Lies to cover the pain
Truths of a permanent stain.
She loves the summer shower
She loves the winter snow.
But she doesn't embrace them,
Just keeping to herself.
Striving to hide the tears
And block away the fears.
She has just one heart
Almost falling apart,
But there is a ray of hope
That keeps it together
Like beautiful art.
Spreading smiles
And going the extra mile,
Is how she keeps herself
From the ropes.
Someday,
She hopes
Through the sky she can glide.
Someday, she wonders
If she'll live a better life
Than the one she lives *inside.

Too tired to fall asleep,
I stared at a vivid flickering screen
And forced myself to eat.

1:15 a.m to 4:45 a.m
The hours- I didn't notice them,
But asleep I almost fell.

I dragged myself into slumber
And into a trance I clambered,
The blinding darkness I remember.

I awoke moments later
Under my demons' satire,
Stuck in a crater.

Everything was a blur
Four walls were six saboteurs,
And colours astir.

All attempts to cry for help
And get away from a faint death knell,
Just shoved me deeper into my shell.

Uselessly trying to move around,
My gasps were so profound
And I could hear the deafening sound.

I tasted my own fear
And flung it with tears,
The end must have been near.

The agitation was intense
Sweat ran down by head
And negativity within me spread.

I was trapped inside myself,
To a gust of wind against my chest
I almost succumbed to be at rest.

And then I ran as fast as I could,
Although blind, I said I would
Escape this maddening noose.

Silenced screams were now heard
And out loud I said "cursed"
I was finally free from paralysis unheard.

he sings about a family photograph
in a language i understand no better
than a mathematical equation
and i grasp the strength and weakness in his voice
and the vibrations they send through my wooden table and all its contents
my eyelids flutter open and shut like a dying moth,
trying to be in sync with the music but unable to
i stretch and fold my legs as i hit the replay button,
crack some knuckles and glance around in double vision
as i'm being slowly oxidized to death
i have pictures of a smiling childhood idol
pasted on the wardrobes,
a  series of little pale yellow lights
taped apologetically to the textured, pastel blue wall.
i have writings on my wall in colours i cant find within myself,
and i suddenly pray this poem won't disappear
with the glitches of technology.
i pray to nobody, no god, no spirit.
being the atheist i am, i feel strange closing my eyes,
“please let it be okay” echoing in my head every time.
but these are not my thoughts.
these are not your thoughts.
they simply are.
he continues belting out notes
and i breathe without rhythm.
my lungs are tone deaf.
i get goosebumps on my hairless limbs for a second.
applause resounds, it's a live recording of the song.
short pause, next.
piano picks up pace
and the mellow voice of a different man
of the same tongue fills the room.
a little more lively.
i realize it's not the words you need
to understand what he means.

your silver hair
touched my gold skin
then you decided
platinum matched you better.

you caressed my eyes
and brushed through my lashes.
i was so indulged in
your touch- so soft,
i only realize now:
my sight is gone.

Everything is quiet
Except a faint whisper.
The subtlety violent
Naivety starts to wither.

Everything is calm
Except a growing laughter.
They mean trip and fall
But say, "Live long and prosper."

Hypocrisy stinging every corner
My voice is aching to scream.
I think, "Don't bother"
But I'm already far too deep.

I'll step across that blinding light.
I'll build upon the life that's mine.
I'll yell my dreams aloud at night.
I won't let the colours go out of sight.
I'll try my best to get shut eye.
I'll try to stand up for my rights.
I won't give up the fight so kind.
But forgive me if I falter along the line;
Maybe get drunk or a little high.
Maybe fall in love and cover my cries.
Maybe I'll even laugh some lies.
I'll put on a well-masked smile.
I'll pretend that I'm completely fine.
I'll show the world my pearly whites.
But promise me you'll be by my side
When I finally lose my mind.

In the distance
I see a silhouette.
I know that it's you
'Cause you were my cigarette.

I breathed you in
And blew you out.
Again and again
A permanent pout.

I knew you were destructive
Yet I chose to stay.
I knew I would be broken
Yet I didn't go away.

With damaged lungs you left me
And watched me fight for breath.
Once I regained consciousness,
I could walk, but still a little dead.

I healed the burns
And stitched the wounds.
But they tear from time to time
Because you want them to.
(Or I think you do)

I know every feature
Of the darkness that is you.
Because my love was innocent,
And you showed me your truth.

"Just pull the trigger!" I screamed,
For he means to me more than it seems.

When I fade with wind
And go to heaven or hell
I want to take you.

If I go to hell
You are destined to heaven
To live with the Gods.

I want you with me
Even if heaven summons,
For, I curse you not.

She’s touched
By the burning fingers
Of a man
She doesn’t know.

Her hopes crushed
By the feeling that lingers
Of a night
She will always know.

Her clothes ripped
Her unheard cries,
Her body stripped
To fight she tries.

Her face is kissed
By a stranger
The man, he hissed
She’s in danger.

She is left rotten
As he walks past
Disappearing into the night
Time drags.

She thought she’d die
She believed she would
No one to hear her cry
No one understood.

With shaky fingers
And sweating chest
She wraps her skin
In clothes of strength.

She stumbled across
On to the street
She’s suffered a loss
A tragedy.

She thought she’d die
But now she wouldn’t
She didn’t cry
She knew she shouldn’t.

A girl is strong
A girl can fight
Right or wrong
A bird’s flight.

She walked home
In clothes of pride
Although scars showed
She didn’t hide.

Justice to her
Must be given
A promise to her
Must be written.

A girl is not
A piece of meat
A girl is worth
More than this feat.

A kiss from a stranger
A touch from a finger
A scream that’ll linger
For years to remember.

A girl is much more
She isn’t to blame,
Fire at the core
A burning flame.

All it takes
Is a scarring explosion
From girls sick
Of ruthless exploitation.

**She fights like a girl
She runs like a girl
She hits like a girl
She is a girl.

She's got the strength
And the power
To rule the world
And to conquer.

A different dimension
A strengthening awake.
He realized
His life isn't at stake.
The betrayals are gone.
Someone to depend on.
Opening his eyes
Is no longer a pain,
No more lies
To darken the stain.
He found meaning in trust
Love has value
Not just lust.
His heart has healed
Lips not sealed,
Freedom of thought
No longer caught.
No more traps
No more falls
No more mishaps
No more walls.
Amidst the apparent paradise,
He feels a sting
Upon his hand.
The light diminishes
Everything's going bad.
Agony shooting through
As he looks down at the pool
Of blackish red, feeling blue.
Returning to the darkness
No more happiness.

Your every word,
Every comma,
Every full stop,
Every quotation,
And every other punctuation-
They destroy my demons.

"There was never silence. Always was an endless buzzing of nonsense in my ear.

But you, as I realize now, were not talking about the absence of sound.

You were talking about the soul.
The silence of the soul.
The absence of peace.

Pain.

I've come to think that humans, as a race, cannot write about the subjects that bring them joy."

- Alyssa Rose©

Just a little excerpt
From a little collection of sentences,
Yet the impact knows no bounds.

Every poem that you write (at least the ones I've read),
They hold so much truth.
As dainty as your name,
Yet so much power they brew.

"People we will never meet,
Faces we will never see.
Unbeknownst to us,
Wandering aimlessly."

-Alyssa Rose©

The -words- above
And the l e t t e r s-
My exact thoughts last night,
8 days to December.

Once I get a hold of what you convey,
I find myself unable to let go;
Because the meaning that I discover,
Is not just what I portray.

When I read your work,
I feel at peace;
Like all the chaos within me
Has finally been eased,
Because you, Alyssa-
Are one of my only escapes.

And as I write this piece,
You don't even know
That someone like ME-
An average teenage girl,
Takes so much inspiration
From YOU❤️

Dear God,
If you exist,
Show me light.
If you exist,
Tell me what's right.
If you're real,
Guide me out
Of this vortex
Of false dreams and hopes.

Dear God,
If you are in me,
Cleanse my demons.
If you live within,
Eradicate the monsters.
If you dwell inside,
Overwhelm me with happiness.

Dear God,
If you are substantial,
Help me reach the stars.
If you are existential,
Let me break out
Of my sealed shell.

Dear God,
If you are worth believing in,
Show me why.
If I must be loyal,
Tell me why.
If I must pray to you,
Give me reason.

But, dear God,
If you cease to exist,
And fail to show me
The mysteries
And wonders
Of the world beyond
My fears and obstacles,
I will not
And cannot
Believe in anything more
Than the demons
Inside me,
The monsters
Eating me.
I will be left
With no option,
But to be faithful
To the devils
And cry my troubles
On to their deaf ears,
Only to see
That my worries-
They just double.

Dear God,
I want to believe
That you exist.
I want to be able
To see the truth.
I want to believe
That you are the truth.
I want to be able
To notice your deeds
And be a loyal being
To your blessing.

But, dear God,
I just need you
To show me you are here
And to guide me
Away from my fears.

I know not
Why I'm choked back
By tears in my throat
And my eyes
Travelling into a haze.

But God,
If you hear me,
Tell me what
I want to hear.
Tell me you're there
Tell me you love me
Tell me you'll bless me
Tell me you care.

Please,
Dear God,
Don't let me
Slip into the demon's lair.

the ocean looks so thick
in HDR
but it's deep all the same
once you're in too far.

i don't remember the name of your city anymore.
just that it's 4,483 miles away and i sent you my
sweater in the post four... five years ago.

for seven months we were each others' shoulder to lean on, had each others' arms to fall into,
eyes to get lost inside.

i still remember the way you'd hide your face in your hands every time i looked at you for a second too long
through the blurry webcam.

i still hear your giggle and the way you'd ask why i look at you like that, and the way i'd say it's because
i was in love with you.

the way you'd say 'i love you' and i'd say it back.

it's been years since i wrote about you.
the last time i did, i wondered if either of us fell off
the face of the earth, would we ever know?

and tonight, i write this with a smile,
a little bit of pain and regret,
and my mind going what if, what if, what if.

you showed me what love means even across continents,
even though we knew we'd never really
be able to hold each other,
even though we knew it would end.

distance.
it's what brought us together,
what set us apart,
and what finally broke our hearts.

At the stroke of the midnight hour,
When everything is still and silent
Except the eerie whisper of the wind, oh!
Almost like it's trying to tell you Don't go
Sitting in the darkness
With a constant sharp sting on your fingers,
The red juice spilling out drop by drop,
The pain within increasing rapidly
Those memories, they linger
Haunting you every second.
That moment when you saw
Everything crash and burn
Right before your very eyes,
Resembling a time freeze
Feeling numb, despite the icy breeze
That make the leaves rustle and hiss.
That merciless demon
Devouring your happiness.
That soul wrenching grip you felt
When after all the years of blood and sweat
Came to an end and left you with nothing,
But a sorrowful mess.
Glancing down on your stained floor,
Trying to ignore the whispers of the wind,
You hold the metal to your wrist,
Just about to leave,
Emotions suddenly upon you they creep
Your heart feels heavy,
Your stomach growls,
Your thoughts go hazy,
And you let out a violent, but sad scream,
Watching your life flash before you,
You put your killer down,
Close your eyes, and dream.

It was a sea of red, orange, blue, purple and black. Each inch deeper she dived made her hurt worse. Yet she kept swimming because she was oblivious to the approaching tsunami, or at least she tried to swim.

To drown or to live is the question of her current universe.

He was once all of her galaxies and dark spaces. He filled every gap in her mind, and maybe even her heart. Every string that had come undone was stitched back by his warmth. She felt like she could conquer three universes if they existed, when he was by her side. She felt armed. She felt strong. But piece by piece, he was skinning her alive. She had no way of knowing because she was entirely consumed by the feeling he gave her- empowerment. She felt so secure in his grip that she couldn't feel her bones crushing under the pressure. When he held her in embrace, all she felt was his heartbeat and warm arms. Little did she know, he was freezing her senses in disguise of a friendly fire. When she heard a love song on the radio, his shining eyes, tingling fingertips and every little foregone flaw appeared in the realm of her mind. But her mind was only beginning to unravel the underlying misery. With all these rushes of excitement and adventure, she forgot that the world existed. He was the world for her. She forgot that her strings could break. She forgot that her eyes could cry. She forgot that her body could feel numb. She forgot that his shadow could **** her.

Months later, she found herself halfway out of her shell. She found herself known to the world. And that world was not him. That world was the world that she had forgotten. The world in which hearts broke and memories demolished. She was in a state of numbness. The fame got her no where. The fame that hit her like a hurricane didn't move a hair on her head. Nothing moved for a second. And in that one second she suddenly wondered that if his shadow could **** her, what could the intertwining shadow of his future love by his side do?

i need my inspiration again
where is my salvation
i can't find the chaos
i can't stand the silence
is this hide and seek
or am i blind
is this a child's play
or am i too kind
savage thoughts
with no actions
disoriented mind
or minds
maybe i have 3
or none at all
is conscience real
or is it a delusion for which
we all fall
are memories real
what i wrote yesterday
does it mean the same now?
what i do today
will i remember tomorrow?
it's chaos
chaos alright
but not the chaos i once knew
no this is not it
im going insane in quest
ugly old ensemble
throw at me yourself
blanket me
consume me
this clarity is clouding up
and you're the only way out.

When you're falling down,
Call an angel to the ground;
Help each other out.

Won't care if I'm shot for being your shield,
Because you're the one I really need.

Won't cry if I'm stabbed for holding your hand,
Because you're the one who helped me stand.

Won't be afraid if I'm lashed for being there for you,
Because you showed me how love felt-* *true.

and i'll wait for you
I'll wait
till my teeth fall out
and skin rots.
it's no trouble, dear rose
for my heart
is eternally comatose.

to heal is to rage
to heal is to be confused
to heal is to feel the wrath of sorrow and how it can turn a smile sour for seemingly ever.
it will be ages before you go gently into that good night
spending dusk to dawn wondering
wondering why and wondering how
how you let something so precious break between your fingers that were holding it so soft, so dear
a broken videotape in your mind replaying replaying replaying every time you could have done something, said something different but didn't.

healing is cruel, tearing every fibre out with no mercy - you are unlearning
unlearning and relearning over and over again
and surely enough, you're back on your feet, feeling ready to take the world on one more time.

but somewhere you start to stack bricks around your heart hoping it will hurt less the next time around (secretly hoping there won't be a next time around)
and maybe it'll work, maybe it won't
but every time something slips through your hands, the panic while it hits the ground and breaks into a thousand pieces remains,
no matter how gentle you are or how much you care.

She sits on concrete
Turning her head
Facing the setting star
The sky is turning red.

A silent expression
No cringe no smile
Just peace
No sunken lie.

Glory glory
Her skin radiates
The girl by the sunset
With waves in her hair.

It hurts knowing
I can't hug you once more.

It hurts knowing
We won't be painfully close.

It hurts knowing
I can't ignore your face.

It hurts knowing
I won't be a mess again.

It hurts knowing
You won't hear if I call your name.

It hurts knowing
I can't let you go.

It hurts knowing
That you still have to go.

It hurts knowing
I won't hurt anymore.

Pushing away the clouding negativity
Because they belong to
The "minority".
He loves his partner
And he loves him back
Family and friends taken aback.
Suddenly being in love is a crime
Heart's content is criticised.
They're against them holding hands
Branding them names
And a disgusted glance.
Emotions they are unable to curb,
Contemplating if they should leave
And bring everyone peace.
By and by the days drag on,
Hiding inside, left alone
Alone but one
One love
One heart,
Beating together
Creating art.
They show the world
They need not provide
An apology for loving.
Amidst cruelty and hate
They shan't give up.
Take pride in loving each other
*Heart's content is all that matters.

Mother nature,
Creator of beauty.
Destructive mortals
Beasts of the city.
An equal share
Of good and bad,
Only a past
That used to be.
A present dilemma
A crux for all,
Piling the burden
On sinless souls.
Creatures of the wild
Never the harmful brute,
Unlike the beastly mortals
Who aim aimlessly
And shoot.
Daunting innocent fauna
Depriving them of flora.
That's not all
Us barbarians do,
Pulling apart kin
And slaying them too,
For the avarice
Of paper and its power.
Embracing beauty
Is what we miss,
Falling into a dark abyss.
Why can't we see?
The future will hold
None of this.
None of this to give us power,
Carcasses over which we'll hover.
Nothing left to destroy,
No more dark joy.
Vandals like us
We want to live,
Living in peace
Is what we desire.
Little do we notice
The world is our empire,
And us its unjust rulers.
Amongst ourselves
We spark two fights,
One for humanity
And one for pride.
Of bloodshed and peace
A puzzling paradox,
Never seeming to cease.
Tranquility
Or no harmony?
This is not equality.
I foresee a future dry,
As we utter
Lie after lie,
Making the world
Increasingly bitter.
Since truth alone triumphs
In the end we all succumb,
To pain and desperate cries.
The darkness within the mortals
Reflecting in her eyes.

Walking through a busy street
The sound of hurried feet
Nearly drowned out
By fast cars and their rush.
Walking for a while,
The zipping slows down
Hurried footsteps calm.
Reaching a dark alley
With piles of rubble high
Leftovers of the incomplete
And youngsters so angry.
A place that reeks of hunger,
The hunger of freedom
The hunger of love.
Lungs exhausted
Of the blackness
That dwells within.
Eyes red from the false ecstasy
That lurks inside the unhappy.
They play with lightning
Giving no care
As they risk their lives.
Only light can destroy darkness,
They have a soul
But hiding in their shells
Illumination is captured within.
Consumed by demons
They don't fight back
Surrendering themselves
Trapped in the devil's lair.
Content with faux joy,
Or at least they exhibit
All they need
Is to believe in
Lost trust and lost love.
Their lungs may be black
Eyes red,
But their soul is always pure
Ready for a new life
Accepting of cure.
Momentary pleasure
Is the head's high, but
"Love and freedom" says the heart
"is mine."

Crazy in this city I tell ya
Wild girls and hungry fellas
Insanity in the non binary.

From sunrise to sunrise
Living half truths and full lies
Breaking through the mahogany.

Laughter and rants
Dresses and pants
No one makes a fuss.

Born and raised in the urban
Soaking now in bourbon
Love is blind.

No labels
Except on bottles
Driving through the dark.

The rebels are glitter
We don't contest to be prettier
The world is not black and white.

Escaping into hills and highways
We've got days
Life is brilliant.

no god to save us,
no angel to descend from above.
no hymn or prayer,
no superior to call Greater.
humanity is the only faith I believe in,
no heaven or hell to decide sin.