I told a boy about my heart once
He had held me like I was going to break
And looked at me like I was star dust
Like he held a piece of heaven and wasn’t quite sure how he obtained it
I told a boy about my heart once
It ended with me on the pavement
Tears streaming down my face
He stood over me, pain in his eyes  
Not quite willing to touch me
Not quite willing to walk away

I tried to fool myself into thinking that the burns on my arms weren’t from playing with fire
That the bruises on my lips were from love
and not the hazy frenzy our numb minds allowed
I pretended not to have hands to hold anything possessivly
but in the end it was my legs that held you tightest
Closer that anyone could be
Too close for me to ever scrub your scent from my skin it seems

I’m special in the same way that those other girls are.
Beautiful and individual.
But there’s nothing special in me that would seperate me from them and make me the one you choose.
And you have chosen not to choose me.
Because you chose us all, and sat on your throne of lies while we paraded around you.
And I won’t parade anymore.

Everyday, hate forgets to find me,
Like He forgets to know me,
The sky, only blue when the sun shows face,
turns grey and forgets when she falls from her place,
So He lives, asleep to how I move,
And I move, awake to how he lives.
If his memory would fall from my heart,
I only pray my heart would not fall from his memory.
Though I know, in the same way the water is displaced in the river,
He holds nothing forever.
In constant flux, only real when together.
So as hate forgets to find me
And hope forgets to claim me
I live in pursuit of my own pain
Charred in my desire, that ever burning fire.
To simply forget
His Name

His words told of old gold and the colours of kings
Of fabled tales passed through bloodlines
They never followed the pattern of the well trodden path
the cliche guidelines
The aligned stars or divine signs
Instead, his words told the stories of something older
Deeper
Darker
Of hidden secrets and unsung melodies

New sights, state lines and new frames of mind
Buildings, kissing skylines like mother and child
Paintings of people I’ll never meet nor know
Their eyes speak of things they never said, never told  
I can see what they want
I want the same
Their humanity saturates the colours of the paint and their veins
They had their secrets, but now I have them too  
Polaroid cameras, toothy grins and breaking the rules
We’ve never been so far from home
But we’ve never felt so free
Dancing on cobblestone beaches
And staying up well past three
Board games and liquor
I can’t feel my face
Is it my smile or my cup?
Or the sweet velvet taste?
My lips chapped from the cold
Your lips waiting my return  
Life is good, life is wild
And I’m well ready to burn

Thunderclouds clash in flurry of lightning swords
In a fight that causes their blood to fall
In the life giving form of rain

A child in need
Some peace we plead
A hope for a better future
Together we cry
And all die inside
Then trust it'll end with your call

The world needs a drop of sunshine
A dribble of molten gold
For in this barren wasteland
Kindness stands out in the cold
If your heart is wilting
And the sunshine far and few
Keep blowing on your flickering light
Because for someone that drop is you

You were here.
Your dishes are in the sink
Unwashed, like you always leave them
A coffee cup, grey with a white handle
The one you always use
Without even a sip, the flavour ghosts on my tongue
Strong, sweet, and black
Though now cold, I know it was scalding
The way you always liked it
Your scent still lingers on my couch
A wave of sweetness with an underlying dark note
Just like you
*But it was the one I always loved

I am thankful
For even the smallest snippets of time
Spent laughing with you
Because they are mine forever
No matter how few or far between

An endless supply of words held me together
Strung up in a line to keep stringing me along
Perhaps I'm fooling myself to believe the muddle of letters
Or it's just natural to want to not believe what you've known all the time

To think a few words could keep the flame flickering is amazing
That the smallest notion could move the ocean
Or that time could reverse a crack in the shell of a heart
Maybe one day the walls will stop building themselves to let something in
And the tide will finally flow again, bringing you with it.

Your weight left an imprint on the couch
And it haunts the high ceilings
Now it's fading slowly like a feather bouncing back
Because you are no longer there to renew the stamp
And so it will fade, until it is but a ghostly memory

So many hearts breaking
So many souls shaking
So many people lost
Lost and looking for a home

So many tears they're crying
So many wish they were dying
So many being crushed
Crushed by the weight of the world

My heart aches for their losses
I cry out for the crosses
Scraped across their arms
Arms that were never meant to bleed

I wish I could reach them all
I wish I could hold them all
All the daughters who think they are worthless
All the sons who think they cant make it

My hands are not big enough
My heart is not wide enough
I know One who is..
But how can I make them see?

Sitting on the park bench
The one with the little etches
Names of forgotten loves
Encircled with a heart that's probably broken by now
My hands are warmed by the cup between my fingers
I sip it, savouring the heat it brings my soul
My favourite beverage, Happiness
Checking the time, I figured he should be here soon....
But he wasn't..
I waited in that spot for years
Sipping on my drink until I was suprised and dismayed to find it empty
The sun was going down, painting the sky and the streets in fiery colours
Setting everything alight but me
He never came....
He said he would but he didn't...
My own Future stood me up.

Take each day, just like a step
Carefully placing one foot then the next
Watching closely, all the words
Hearing hidden meanings behind all the verbs

Chocolate mint lullabies
And vanilla streams
The sweetness that used to coat
All my childish dreams

Staying clean, its a messy affair
Watch the explosions they fly everywhere
Shards of broken loves, they stick into mine
Injecting the broken fears that causes decline

No longer afraid, no longer alone
Because I am a child of God
Saved and rescued, I'm finally home
Because I am a child of God

Pine tree forests stretch
In the middle of nowhere
And I'm without you

You ran thinking it was with freedom
But really you just ran away from everyone who ever loved you
Cursing every hand that tried to pull you from the dark abyss
Ignoring every word that came to comfort you and give you light
You ran and you ran and you ran
Out of breath, stumbling, crying, gasping through the shards of your chest
Because you think, "Surely this pain is better than pausing to feel the emptiness."
But when you stop running, your brokenness will still be there
And you will be so far away from anyone who knew how to fix you

I am pieces of those I love
Woven in an intricate pattern
It flows and falls and starts and stalls
Ever changing.

And part of you is in my smile.

Either my world is ideal,
With true loves existence and fairy tale endings
A world seen through sunshine's golden eyes
Or its a dark desolate place,
With whispering voices of "you'll never be enough"
Oh sunshine sear away the tar that holds the ocean down

Stand upon those tables, as a conqueror would his land.
Fall into the ocean, then let its shores clothe you with sand.
Listen to the wind as it whispers to you its secrets.
And know that all it tells are stories that'll leave you speechless.
Breathe in the life, the silken air, of freshly fallen rain.
Eyes alight and smiles aglow, free from last nights pain.
Cuz vivid memories, ah its true, hide mostly in the dark.
So torch a flame and burn the gloom, it only takes a spark...

Blue took the gold and the warmth turned to cold,
Silhouettes all wrong and nothing like your frame of mind in view,
I miss you,
Thousands of miles between your smile and mine,
Connected only by green shapes and black lines,
I wish your dishes were in the sink,
Your coat hanging by the door,
Bits and pieces of you to be seen and to feel you close again,
Weeks are far too long,
But I know,
You are too far gone now.