If Napoleon had read
Lawrence's 'Lady Chatterley's Lover'
he would stay in bed all day long
with Josephine instead of waging war in Russia.

i'm sorry.
the leftover pizza
hidden in the back of the fridge,
just looked so tasty.

- the smell of pepperoni still lingers on my shirt.

Oh by all means
Please do go on!

When I asked how things are going,
This is how I hoped you respond!

I wanted to know your recipe for chicken tenders.
        No ****? Coconut flour, huh?
                Well I’ll. Be. ******.

I wanted to know that you’re just trying to get through the doldrums of Day 11 & 12.
        I’m just trying to get through this conversation!
                We have something in common!

What I wanted to talk about? What I wanted to talk about was Weight Watchers.
        I only have 13 more points left this week!
                Have I told you my recipe for air “fried” cauliflower crunch bites?

Ah the perfect boy

Mushy and gushy, all human like, with normal human skin, and smile

Scratch that

Heavy body armor, brandishing a sword, born in the mid 15th century

Hmmm, no

Aluminim for hair, copper in his head, lack of understanding of any type of human emotions

That's not right, no

How about
Scales?
Not possible
Gills?
Smells fishy
A being of pure light energy?
Sigh, beyond my comprehension

I guess I'll just get
A pet rock

This morning
Was a metaphor to my current way of life
For the first time in years
I woke up early enough to watch the sunrise
And I almost missed it
Because I had to take a ****

WhOoP De DoOp

tHeRe GoEs My LaSt BraIn CeLL

Walked through a field full of llamas
Wooly babies, papas, and mamas
But these llamas were purists
And spat on this tourist
Turning excitement to trauma

well i didn t buy the large french fries cause it was not bigg enough forr mi

Elliot, please add to the HP rules:

Caution: Don't drink and read!

He has no hair
upon his head
but down the sides
it seems to spread
Hair care seems important
to some
We feel much better
When it's done
A penny a hair
is what it cost
but a little trim
is all he got

London Bridge is falling down
    oh, my fair lady Olivia
    I can't take you to town
    I'll stay with your sister, sweet  Sylvia.

"I'm an open book"
She says

Written in
code.

it’s the first day of March so beware
with a hint of sweet spring in the air
you might be tempted
thinking winter has ended
only to be caught by Jack Frost, unaware

A new day has dawned, the clocks have changed
Lost an hour sleep, and my body found it strange
Now on daylight savings time
Confused this wee mind of mine
Why not leave it alone, it confuses people's brains?

Wet paint!
Well it is.
Obviously I'll try
The sign was right
Now,
stuck to my hand
the colour green
I facepalm!

Collided with you on my way to work,
No, it wasn’t a sign, wasn’t destiny’s quirk.
A swollen temple and a bruised nose
Do not herald a date, a wedding, or even a rose.

Dropped my books on my way to class,
Our fingers brushed when you knelt on the grass
Music blasting from the dorm on the second floor
I nodded my thanks and walked through the door.

I know they say it’s divine intervention,
But it’s more just my lack of hand-eye coordination.
I know you believe we were meant to be
But I need spectacles more than a relationship.

Now my scarf’s stuck to your wrist watch,
My hem’s ripped, your buckle’s botched.
I knew I shouldn’t have bought the lace
Oh ****! Did you think this was decreed by fate?

Spilled my coffee on your shirt front
****! Was it Ralph Lauren? Peter England?
Here’s a coupon for a dry-cleaning discount
Just tell me you don’t think this counts.

Look, I’m not saying you’re reading too much into this,
Though that might be an accurate analysis.
All I’m saying is our future looks accident prone
So maybe invest in an insurance plan before a wedding loan.

Do the bathmat shuffle
To the closet in the hall
It's never very graceful
But try not to fall

No towels on the shelf
Must be in the dryer
Do the bathmat shuffle
But now you’ll do it slyer

Shuffle down the hall
And hope no one's about
Or shimmy like you don’t care
Shake, dance, belt out

Do the bathmat shuffle
You’re nearly almost there
Made it to the dryer
But the towels are elsewhere

Do the bathmat stumble
Your quads are feeling tight
Eureka in the living room
The end is now in sight

Do the towel toga boogie
Time to celebrate
You could put the towels away
But maybe you’ll just wait

NCL April 2019

I bought an interocitor and put it in my phone
Now I'm getting messages from galaxies unknown

Klaatu said Gort is broken down and waiting for some parts
From beyond the outer limits, not found on any charts

The Borg said they'll assimilate, 'tis futile to resist
The Thing said it would vegetate upon my groc'ry list

Teenagers from outer space we're in the Twilight Zone
The Blob said it could split in half to make itself a clone

The Robinsons still lost in space, forevermore to roam
Outer space invading soon, and ET phoning home

Arrakis said the planet Earth must meet the Guild's demands
Or Dune would send its giant worms to eat Saharan sands

For fear we'll be invaded and my body snatched away
And all the dreadful thoughts I've had, it's time for me to say

I've put my cosmic calls on hold because, for what it's worth,
I'm getting all the flack I need from good old planet Earth.