I don't know why I do this to myself
The racking of my brain is as
loud as a baby at 4 AM
I'm telling myself the obvious
to keep myself quiet and obident.

I don't know if I'm gonna make it
On days llike this when I want to sleep
the world away wishing
I could rest my head where I really
want.

You see we were perfect once
But the feelings I hold close
are too radical to share with you.

You want me to open up,
But I cannot tell you these things,
children's whispers,
Shadows in corners,
You don't know what I really think

No one does.

I sit here depressed at 2 AM
and I can't help but wonder where the time went
when did I go wrong and fall lose off track
of my life, it causes fluttering heart attacks
I feel solitary may bring solidarity
I yearn to progress personally to singularity

But I'm stuck in a rut and mud is taking over
The Earth covers me with blankets, pulls me closer,
A warm hug isn't what I want but what I needed
From all these thoughts my brain is too heated
and I'm scared of what's to come
my friends are gone, if I ever had one

I enter and leave this world by myself
my life just one page in the dustiest book on the shelf
It scares me that I won't be remembered
my words service to see my image rendered
in minds and hearts of those I have touched
And with you the touch was too much

I lay my hand upon your heart
and it burned in, I can see the mark
I'm not a bad person, but who am I?
I take my body and throw it up to the sky
A scar is what I left on you
I can't heal it, not even with superglue

but you will live on, and so will I
and the only thing for us to do is try
march your feet in the onward direction
and at the end we meet our reflection

Perhaps this is exactly what I need
Cause for awhile all I have done is bleed

It seems to me the only time
I can get anything productive done is when my mind starts
to drift away.
The descent into sleep caresses my mind with soothing words
It sets my creativity free, and for an eternity
I am lost entirely within me

Please I beg you,
to end my life,
Squash me with a shoe,
Grab the hunting knife,

I haven't lived long, I know that now,
But ahead I see, infinite ways for my life to flow,
It's all just a stones throw from my sacred vow,
The world is unbalanced, her sobs and her woes

Guide us all to the future, with the past still fresh
her whispers of sorrow are blocked from all view
If we cannot change she will *******, refresh,
and a new species like Dinos, homos, next in queue

**** sapiens burning the bones,
of dinosaurs, once feared and renowned,
we rely on their power, the system groans,
when it disappears, the masses will groan,

A collective groan upwards of seven billion,
lives in the sand, in the grand scheme so bland,
they moan a tune of immeasurable trillions,
that rest within this vicious land,

And it all flows from positive to negative,
and it all seems so insensitive,
Or perhaps a cowards views are Introspective,
But a retrospective mindset requires sedative,

Collector that is why I have this sickening plea
Think what you wish, I am only me

when nothing goes right,
do not ***** your gentle light,
If you look deep inside the flame,
you will know you are not to blame,

people make mistakes, alright?
you have to keep going in your fight,
life is not a soft, promising flight,
it bounces and changes in unexpected ways,

don't fight the flow, everything will be just fine
you will always shine, on all of these days

It's inevitable to be forgettable
no matter what print you leave
it'll wash away with the new
the new generation
will leave you on your ***
asking yourself what happened.
Where did the stereo go?
where did the youth disappear to
underneath the bags in your eyes
the crumbling fingernails
and the rusting nails holding together
plywood.
holding itself together.
Holding
on
tight.

You're definitely a flying pig,
so call me John Wayne.
You definitely stumble over your own feet,
and I talk with grace
You can't seem to stop eating
and I can bench 300 pounds
You're terribly horrible,
and I am amazingly perfect

The first time it happened,
I was young and free,
And then all at once I
could see the universe before me

The second time was not clear,
and there was a foul mist,
A smell and look drenched in fear
And still, it cannot compare to the third

She flew away on that cumbersome day
the wind carried her like an angel
she looked back, but her smile was tucked
under the curtains of pale moonlight

And in the sunset I saw the truth
It all depends on you
We're all floating through space
beings created on an organic shuttle
With only faith leading the way

The most important thing in this life is each other
the human bond, and spectrum of emotion
is as diverse and colorful as the whole god
**** world we live in.
The fever I get when I look at here is one of those things
I just know I never wanna let go of.
She makes me feel things incredible.
Family Matters.
Love is all.
Love is us.

From a young age it's followed me,
with a scrunched back and a shrouded face
like a shadow
it watched me write alone behind the dumpster
cross streets when cars came,
and that time I played chicken it was there to comfort me

My life is the lamest tragedy
I walk this lonely road,
the only one I have ever known
and greenday got me through it back then
but now it all falls apart

we're apart and I don't think there's a remedy
alone through this life is the way I ride
and it may be the last time tonight

I write because no one listened
maybe I'm too emotional
my psyche has gotten out of control
tentacles reach from memories buried
and they come forth to haunt me

I just feel empty like a deflated balloon
used up, thrown out, and so **** blue
I can try to put light where there is darkness
but there hasn't been any light for me

So I will sit here alone at my desk in contemplation
I don't think it will help but I've been
my own company for far too long
so much that I stopped singing my song.

Amber is the color of your energy,
I know I understand you,
bonded from paternal love, so naturally,
A soft melody, Your reasons, a lot of,
times you learned, fueled by experience,
your guidance for me, it's furious,

You're gone now, with a part of me
We can't find common ground,
we agree to burn it down,
We play it like a game,
Too late, we realize that's lame,

the needing in our compass is trembling,
your words hurt, an eminent sting,
Now I see all the futility,
of resisting all these jaded realities,

Don't burn what can't be rebuilt,
your mind is a million miles away,
your heart in the same place,
fix the day, before you separate,

Now I've hit the ground running,
these lessons I find so cunning,
The ice we skate is getting pretty thin,
The water is getting warm, go ahead, swim,

I miss you dad, and this is how I say
goodbye, I know you cannot stay,
The years start coming, and they don't stop,
Anxiety's the worry on top,
I know I let you down,
but I'm just a slave to the night,

I know I gave you hell through the years,
I know you've shed countless tears,
and I know you have countless tears.

But now there's a single truth.
There's you in everything I do,

we're bombarded by the American Dream
but what we fail to realize
is that to dream, you have to be asleep
but remember, your soul is your own to keep

False consciousness runs rampant through the world
Ninety percent of American media owned by the same
five companies makes TV and the news seem so mundane
but when I think, I realize it's all of us to blame

the only power the system has is what we give
we need to let go of hate, and let live
when in Rome you step outside your comfort zone,
and when you expand your horizons,
the whole world can make you feel alone,

what I've come to realize is there is so much more than this
when we die all of our fear gives way to bliss
and on that spiritual transformation we can let go of what we miss
In each of our crowns lies the infinite
and we know that it doesn't matter, all the petty ****

According to Marx, economy is the root of society
and in capitalism, our thirst for money is ironic and funny
We seek to provide for ourselves and those we love
but when we have to much, the hand doesn't fit the glove

In every cellphone, laptop, and gaming device
lies a mineral mined behind our blind eyes
tantalum is mined in the Congo, and in 2000
people were forced from their poor housing
to mine this mineral so you and I
could get a ps2 from Santa, while they barely got by

I've learned even the poorest here,
Have opportunities barely realized,
We can change the world if we dismantle disguise
There is a balance for everything,

You can't have capitalism without socialism,
our social structure is but a prism

These thoughts envelop
me like a blanket
Nurtured by pain,
comforted by death,
with the apathy tree overgrown,
I welcome thee.

Floating on an endless ocean,
clear skies all around,
east, paradise awaits,
below, endless sin,

The apathetic soul does not fret,
closes it's eyes and awaits fate,
because the future is not set,
and it is never too late,

The apathetic soul knows,
but does not care it,
looks but chooses not to see,
the tentacles creeping from below,
slowly wrapping themselves around
the hands, digging teeth into flesh

Soul can feel a tug, sinking in disregard,
it can hear the echos of the eastern haven,
but the sounds of bubbling water feel warm,
against its eardrums,

when eyes open they realize
mistakes of the past cannot be changed,
when you're at the bottom of the ocean
waiting to breathe

The United States
Once, we thought we were so great
But this election....

Write a poem,
A lonely whisper,
It grows louder with each thought
It breathes slow with care,
It lives there.

write a word,
expression of you,
It is yourself, reflection,
just like a candle,
It stands there

Write a rhyme,
beautiful, sublime,
it will reach past your voice,
A monster is born,
A nightmare

One can build a house,
Or even a thousand more,
But still they're a mouse,
Hide under the kitchen floor,
To see above would drive it mad,
The wonders are divine,
The fear numbs one and they're not sad,
The knowledge makes us blind,

But aspire to be,
Know you're small, but stretch sea to sea,
Claiming land you all can see,
But can you all be?

A question old as time,
strikes the clock and we rewind,
Oh no our fates have fallen,
We were grand, but never mind.

If I took a ****
every time it came from your mouth
I'd fill a pool in a day
I'd throw you in with a cinder block
attached to your foot.
Cause every time I speak to you,
I'm drowning in ****.

You've got a real talent
for getting on my nerves.
I can think of six ways
I'd like to deal with you

You're a piece of work,
a true Mona Lisa.
That's if the Mona Lisa were
made of complete
******

Candles lit, I sit in a familiar place.
She walks slow, step by step, with a strong dash of grace.
The lights are off through the room, dimly lit faces.
Not my family, just thoughts in trance for many days.

One hundred billion stars light the cake.

I don't know,
It has been too long now,
with the good still left undone,
I can never finish satisfied
With pride intact.

I stand at the fair
and watch all of the people there
I see a small girl walk by
as she lets go of her balloon
and watches it fly
I walk up to her and ask
"Your balloon, you let it go, why?"
She takes those big blue eyes and looks up at me
she grabs my hand and whispers quietly
in my ear
so no one else can hear
I don't quite understand what she said to me
She just simply stated "To set it free"

What if we could just go?
Jump out, reach forward,  and push on,
What if it isn't so,
Stay back, don't know, be withdrawn,

In a small jar
we count our coins
From Washington to Lincoln
Your habit, over thinkin'

But in the present you are unaware,
The past looks forward with a pitiful stare,
You do not fret, you haven't lost your bet,
Your life is in your care,

You don't wanna look down,
But up is about as appealing,
You're still, a creeping frown,
The silence, so healing

But now you can look forward
and back,
and at once no more of those,
Heart attacks.

It's called common sense
You're supposed to know,
and not be on the fence,
when the wind blows...

... you're gonna be whisked away
you should wear a weighted vest
You're disappearing, will be gone by may
If the gun shoots, do your best

Your senses fade to black
Sight, touch, only within an earshot
Your poker face has a crack
keep your mind taught.

There's a million ways this could go
but with your common sense you're supposed to know
When you try to speak not even a squeak escapes your lips
your life is one among many small blips.

The words we say are not the words we feel
their true meaning lies in a world so surreal
we use our mouths to convey a slice
of energy so warm and nice

but words are merely empty shells
our mouths sputter, our tongues propel
a piece of the meaning we wish to show
where we wish our mouths could only go

Will you be the leader of the broken?
Of those lost souls with cracked hearts and minds?
Will you see the day the monkeys drop their bananas,
and raise their flags?
I have traveled long and far,
seen merchants sell their false wares to naive children.
Yes I have seen the broken,
rise from their graves of doubt and rebel.
Will you have a good wolf and a bad wolf,
constantly trying to destroy the other?
Which one will you feed?
I will feed the one I know you will see at the end of the road.
When are you going to say,
when you need to bellow from the depths of your liquid soul,
filling the cracks and tears in your glass heart?
Addicted to the tears and tears I must remain.
Stained on my hands the blood must dry,
working towards the goals you will accomplish.
Will you reach the heavens you scribbled about in your notes,
those aimless days in class when the spring called out for adventure?
I have battled dragons and demons on days like those,
swinging my shining sword at the fogs.
Will you tell me more?,
for I need to be like you.
No, not now. I need to conquer the great beyond.

"Once again I can visit you old friend.
What may I ask today, no more waiting, no delay.
My hands tremble as I hold this book.
Waiting for you, I need to look.
My destiny is a sham in the eye's of reality.
Now talk, before I bring myself to tragedy"

"What is it you need to know?
Time is not on my side, and like winds and birds I'll glide.
Be wary, a question to me is a dangerous game
The things I could say would drive you insane
Be careful, don't break stride, it will break if you tell lies,
And I will be gone, now that's a shanty strategy"

"You have the information I want, we both know
As you've been here before, I'm not daft
Now when I ask I need you to speak nice and slow
For I am young, still novice in craft
There's a billion ways I could ask this sort of thing
All I want to know is what the future will bring."

"There is no way to say this easy to someone as dear as you.
If you cannot change your ways much of your life is through
There are thrills in the years to come, and obstacles you must overcome
New faces to meet and new things that won't be undone
But the one thing you need to understand about life
All your days, from flowers to knife, you must not live in strife"

'That tells me nothing, my woes are stirred
my anger flashing, my memories a blur
I will fight you in years to come
and we will see what can't be undone
Like a bird I will fly far on
and then I'll smile when you're gone"

"Oh child you know nothing of life,
I have seen it all that you may live,
You're a fly, and I take this light,
you bide my time, my journey is long,
Now goodbye, a glimpse of the past,
You've taught me life goes too fast"

A quarter used to be a bag of chips,
days eye level with countertops,
2000 is a big number
when 5 is all you know,
maybe there's a one on the end like those twin towers,
and the falling man on the TV,

Or maybe it was blow up furniture in the shed with the hose on,
and a neighbor with a hose too,
He was kind, a big kid I didn't know,
Shrek plays on the TV, Only superstars
break the mold,

Mold in the basement,
dirt floor and the smell of summer fills my lungs
but then I'm on the bed with her, and The people's elbow
makes me laugh,
but feeling something else too, something
shameful like what's on the TV, on the TV there are those dead babies,

Dead people from the towers, I hear someone say
at the store, and I have a bag of chips, but my pants are down,
She te telling me to just watch wrestling and relax, but I just
want to know why,

Why am I 25 now but the hose and the wrestling, and the people, all those people on the TV, the twin dead ones,
it makes 25 feel like more
than just a bag of chips

Cycles spin and twist about,
but nothing drowns out the awful shout,
without God's help all that's left is just doubt,
lingers ahead, only to sprout,
drown the cycles, empty the spout,
You know that you're dead, there isn't any way out
;

I can pour my words onto paper
like a storm washing salty ocean spray
onto a boat that's ready to break
I can lt everyone know how I am feeling
when I come here, and resort to this place,

my friends are all gone if they were ever there
and that's okay because like a phoenix I can rise
from the ashes of broken friendships
and move on to bigger and better things

I can't beat myself up for what I can't control
and if someone wants to run from a problem
that's their choice. They're going to miss
all of the places you'll see

Stay true to yourself always, and never let up
The storm will rage on, with a friend or not,
and when you have to tackle it alone,
They can't wear your boots
They can't steady your feet

returned to the same desk,
the same grindstone, the same thoughts,
cyclical patterns of thought and action,
but which comes first?

the will slips, the cracks widen,
and it all floods in, easier to understand,
caught within the same ropes,
you spun from woes of a broken past,

and they were meant to help climb out,
but the grease that bounds the threads,
cannot be grasped by those unresolved,
to the reality they crave most,

Every time
I look inward
I only see the little keychain
that dangled off the radiator when
the vacuum was on.

Whenever I
look forward
All I see is a swirling pond
and I don't know which wave
to follow

Every time I look at you
I feel remorse
for the promises I wish I could keep

Ad I feel myself drifting
I feel myself sliding.
Falling.

Being drunk only helps
To relate to the feelings within
Self loathing is wrapped around me
Like the blanket of a believer

There's only one thing to say
When my heart yearns like today
Believing doesn't help the healing
Everything finds its meaning

The act of desecration is liberating
But self hate is devistating
I can't feel my heart
I hope it hasn't fallen apart

To know us to let go of all
With my drugs I hope to have a ball
But time passes so slow
It all disintegrates with a revolutionary flow

I hear echos but I can't see,
I reach out and nothing is before me,
Not friend, Nor nary a person
Not a tree, nor wildlife is is here to meet,
No stars, No sky, No hello's and no goodbye's,

Oh dear god I think I can see,
But in a non-existent silence I feel
Nothing is there, the end of the deal,
Nothing is aware, Then nothing can be real,
Nothing makes space and time, reality.

And you and I can question why,
but minds together cannot even weather
The rocks buried in our minds,
It won't align but I can tug on the tether,
Now I only have everything to find.

Anyone ever think
About mother Earth and her health?
All the atrocities
Abhorred pollution: neglect

If we're so smart
why is poverty alive?
But us fat americans
can't live without that shopping cart

We belong to Earth
Not the other way around
We better be careful
Cause ego kills

My eyes Crack like dried paper,
onto the desk at 4 am,
I'm not sure if my maker,
is a lion or a lamb,

Stuck between the present,
and the task at hand,
life is rarely pleasant,
when you can see through the sham,

I open the window, ash seeps in,
I can never duck get win,
Friends, my patience is wearing thin,
I know there's places I've been,

Not in the linear fashion of thought,
but inside the sky of my minds eye,

past, present future,
everything that can't be bought

Shuffle forward into the next room,
tell me, what do you notice?
Curtains stained with wine on lonely nights,
when your hand could not steady your soul,
and a bit of wine or your soul, you're not sure,
spills onto the curtains you bought years ago,

They were yellow like you anyways,
and in this memory you see yourself pleading with god
"Help me" you beg, a whisper to the void
but you know no one can hear you
in locked dreams kept under your bed,
in dusty thoughts trapped in your head,

If the shoe fits,
wear it case you're thoughts,
they can't bear it,

You can call it quits
take a breathe, your mind is taught,
taught well and learn'd hard,
A lifetime ago, terrible fits,
Now you know the crow,

The one that talked to you on lonely nights,
the one that walked you through all the fright,
taught you might,
and now you know the way might be winding,
but the wind can't stop you,

The crow chases with a frown, but he seems so far away,
and the cloud guides you both to the new tomorrow,
but you free yourself from yesterday, and its in your head,
you know it, you lose it, and you never choose it,
but it finds you,

and now you're off track,
bring it back,
no heart attacks,
let's put the pen down and unwind,
we'll all be gone in no time.

All I see is gray
it's black and white on the TV
Finally, I'm mad
more gray food for me, give me pills,
No water, just gray

Fallacies contrast
It's a gray sky, no one knows why,
Whine if you must friend,
In a moment, everything ends,
Slowly pull the blinds,

If you shrink, look meek,
don't worry about me, just go,
If needed, run slow
They are candy before us my friend,
Fallacies, two for you, and one for me

A man had a gun for a mouth,
and it was hard for him to see the safety,
his tongue only made things go south,
he could not reach,

He didn't have many friends,
those he did wore kevlar,
None would wait, in the end,
and he dug his own grave,

He worked alone for good reason,
his situation made teamwork unbearable,
he hunted when it was in season,
his mouth, the only thing needed,

He could score a date quite well,
women flocked to his sight,
"What a barrel!", his looks could sell,
conversation was never alright,

His wife was a shield, a maiden of honor,
they worked quite well, nail to hammer,
where she was his mouth, he was her bomber,
ready to strike at the first threat,

His child, the only love in his head,
at birth so strong,
his son had arms of lead,

What carries on is molded by the past,
the fruit grows and ripens,
Until it meets it's last
moment here and the gun gets dim,
God is the creator, but death always wins

If no one hears me
Do Taoists know the real truth?
Talking will not help

I open my eyes and I lay exactly where I would expect
my mind is calm but nothing crosses the river
my bedroom looks the same as it has
but there is a green hue, and the sky outside is purple
I wish to investigate, but my feet won't cooperate
Led blocks carry me to the window and icicles draw back curtains
the royal colors shine over the town
like a wounded animal crawling into a cave to die

On my desk is a mass
frozen fingers set it atop my head
and only wondrous noises pierce my ears
but there is no sound for them to recieve
Crawling outside, everyone is still
Their masks unmoved, they wait for eternity

and I believe this is a dream but how to know?
its not like I can step outside the outside
but whats behind that?
I stare into the black hole, nothing shows through
and I have finally found god
but before I rejoice, the masks stare at me
still, but moving in calamity it all starts to ring true
and then I see
and use my eyes to realize real lies

Staying up just to pass time,
Smoking too, drinking wine,
I can't feel so just say I'm fine,
I can't see where to draw my line,

I hope the future fixes my past,
but winged angels cannot affect from above,
and you need to find your own way, anyway,
you can't use this mortal life for such trivialities.
Focus deep, smile wide, drop your  elbows, new mentality