Lament, in a bubble. A ghost at sea
  Memories, entombed, as specters

    The portrait of your apology,
       This scene, now your Legacy
          Whispering under waves Forever:

"Remember me"

Used to be in awe of the sky.
Laying out between it and the ground.
Never regarding that “up” i must find,
While most of it is obscured.
When i try to look down.

It’s there, but hidden,
by the ground.

And it’s not as if it cant be seen if you wait,
Six months pass,
Then seven,
Then Eight,

Nine and Ten, and before i realize,
The stars return how they previously aligned.
A missed opportunity, another year gone by

   But something must give, I’ll sit and wait.
On the beach, in a tree
And see what i seek

But forget where i am.
“Come on grandpa, its time to go in.
Tomorrow you can sit on the back porch again.”

It’s been a while, and I thought you were done.
But now what’s begun
I’ve feared from the beginning.

I left to lessen the kindling ablaze,
But old embers stay.
Slowly burning the saplings.

  A new fire burns. Slowly at first,
And the smoldering vitriol only gets worse.
And compounds the agony of those you protect,
And you shade them from the rain’s effect,
As any influence not yours, you reject.
I expect-

-That you’re unaware of this fact-

   That rampant lies of fire breathing beasts,
Will burn the trusting.
So stop it.
Please.

A change well beyond my normal ways
Has taken hold these past few days
And, to be fair, It's only for play
But it impacts me, unexpectedly.

The perfect form! Admittedly,
it is so only to me.
But, to be fair, it helps me see
How I believe I would like to be.

Her personality is exactly me.
Which proves I love myself for real.
But, to be fair
This is me,
If I were to be fair.

She makes me want to be healthy,
She makes me think that I can be,
Me
And see
That I want to be,
Fair, for someone else.

Its been a long time, I remember you though
But this isn't the time for you to show.
There's too much to lose
and no way to go
so no.

I nip at you
Just to get a small taste
And we're much older now,
So I know what i face to lose in you're place
It's wise to keep what I have without you to replace
But it's still you that i face
And you force me to wait
But this might be the best part.
it's worth it to me. Just to be.

Let it Be.

Given a way into the sky,
I don't think I'd fly.
Why should I?
My legs would be useless.

Given a place way out in space,
I'm not sure I'd take.
The change it would make
On my body.
Oh the changes.

   Heaven is peace, Destruction is fate
And both are the same,
Up in that place.

Nothing out there is inherantly bad
Only down here
Can destruction be sad.

Life is so precious,
Covet it so,
Then multiply and smother
The planet we own.

Noone cares but us.

You've met a stranger that gives you new meaning
In the void of darkness, polar opposites meeting
coming together you form something new.
Igniting life in the void which you grew

But you are still dead to me.

Raging, burning, colliding, churning
Reacting to others with totally new form!
Your activities erupting, and grow while we're learning.
From the light of your existence we are born.

But you are still dead to me.

  Soon you depart in violent explosion,
To a fresh, new form.
this new element: "Awareness"
being and knowing that you exist briefly,

This is the only time you are with me.
Just briefly.

And when you change form, and enter the ground you've created
And the feet that once bore you are no longer needed.
And you set out, again, on unfathomable journeys.

You're dead to me, once again.

Social creature
Never claiming such.
With "abnormalities" un-crutched,
You've touched.

The imprints you've left are what may haunt you,
Otherwise, loneliness may overtake you.

Let them in, speak your mind
Open up, back down
It's time to hide,
And find a familiar place to confide.

A familiar mind that appears to know you.
It's all you need.
Somewhere you can open.

Now your imprints can be left without worry.
"Who was here?" Is comforting in the midst of confidants.

Now, no lonely concern of recognition
Paradoxian desires bursts minds in hiding.

To be known and unknown.
Appreciated but unshown.

Wanting anonymity.
Under guise of being idle.
Your home is exclusivity.

A social creature, intentionally untitled.

Carefully laid thoughts had strayed,
      And logic, ideals, tossed away
           Ready and willing, I told you, that day

But you say you don't remember.

The world, it's values demeaned by sins
       Stubborn, I would not follow them
            The love for you, resurrected them,

But you say you don't remember.

One child was enough, I ne'er wanted more
       Until our time together bore
             The thought, with you, a family, "soon"

But you say you don't remember.

You've always had trouble with your memory,
But the things dear to you, always seemed less troubling.
And I can't help but think, If to you, it meant anything.

As for me?                                                                  
I'll always remember.

Hello, how are you?
You're different today,
In a way
Your face has constantly changed.
And again,
To something hiding what is within,
Is it sin?
Or perhaps,
Just a shallow grin.

I have what you need,
You come, expectant
Entitled to recieve,
Rejecting neglection.
Like infection.
You must begone in a hurry.
But don't worry.
Your new face won't know your story.

"Hello, how are you?
Can i help you today?"
Is what i say.
With any connection kept at bay.
You wont stay.
So i say "have a nice day"
And wait to see how your face will change.

Faces, like flesh, in appearance alone
Beset in quartz, cast in stone.
Ever changing, not your own
And never known.

You are a perpetual stranger.

Selfishness, is not a virtue.
Pride, can overwhelm you.
Loving yourself does not require these, too

And if you cared for others,
then they'd come before you.
And if they cared for you,
They wouldn't ask you to.

An eye for an eye?
The old Gods are dead
Your ways are outdated.

It's time to forget.

You forgot me, i know it's so.
Because the "me" you knew,
Isn't the "me" I know.

You'll never forget me.
Because you never knew me.

Hello baby,
I'm not sure what to say.
I've been waiting a long, long time just to see you here today

I think you know me.
Remember hearing me?
Telling you how beautiful I know you'll turn out to be

You open your eyes, and smile

Hello daddy, i hope you're proud of me.
I know I don't really have that much to say.
There won't be a lot that I'm able to tell you for awhile
So i hope that you see this in my smile.

                                                         ­                  " Hello, daddy"

"He will never change."

You hold, in light, true what was said.
If he cannot change, then is it you, instead?

Subject of controversy,
Burden to mercy.
Why are you sure
When it's happened before.

What once was there, you loved it so.
Is it gone now? Where did it go...
"He will never change."
Then what did?

Boredom.
Fatigue.
You will be there forever.
We will see.


"He will never change."
Perhaps he never will,


And if he never did?

Noone can hear what you really want to say
So inside, it stays
And hopefully, one day...

So much you feel cannot be related
You fear, will be hated

It hurts in your chest.

Your feelings for them,
They don't share with each other,
Hearing you slip,
Your fears keep cover

Hiding the feelings you have for your mother
Not letting her see how you feel for your father
In thier presence, knowing one hates the other
Your fears keep them covered.

You've grown, and now you let slip more than ever,
The feelings you have for how I feel for your mother
And the pain you feel that we cant be together

Im so glad to hear you confide, however.

You begin to know you can tell me whatever
And i'll always love you the same Wherever
Forever

A phantom felt for a thread clearly gone,
Sensations still linger, the ghosts still strong.

  The intuition denies the connection is real.
The heart and the mind.
Arent sure what to feel.

  The hope is a curse, a loose thread untethered
It feeds unspoken lies.
It voids all desire,

To move from the fire.

But higher, is seen, a tool to destroy it.
Shaking hands can't grasp, for the pain.
Where two were thought to burn, one cast aside
So one burning soul remains.

Willingly burning, willingly waiting.
Willingly dying, so slowly, Waiting

   Waiting forever, or at least so it seems,
And willingly waiting forever yet again.

It will not end.

  So salvation cannot be wielded by the unwieldy.
I gave you the scissors, to end your hold on me.
You slew the thread of hope before me.

The angels became the devils.
The souls, only human, nothing more.

So many lies unleashed, now remembered in the end
And the warning of strained friendship, difficult to mend.

The warnings i passed before you took on with me,
Either uncareing, or unbelieving. No trust placed in me.

Now torn and severed, by your seemingly calloused hand.
I thanked you for revealing that this is the end.

For setting me free, for showing me hope in us was a lie.

And i'll still be your friend, because I love you this way.

                                                           ­             But it'll never be the same <3

The answers I've sought never seemed too far,
But i accepted the pursuit was neverendng.

  It feels right to persue.

Years before, I dreamt of you.
Not knowing, even after we met.
A girl, on a bus, looking back at me.
Departed, and heavied my chest.

Long ago, when young, i felt the longing,
Not unlike homesickness,
But for this fictional character i witnessed.

There will never be a time i wasn't connected.
Her face, her head laden with long black hair
the other half, the female half
the same, but having what i do not have.

Growing up, with mental uncertainty
This dream of the half of me, left

In such a hurry.

Always around, but too far away.

Im homesick for the time I didnt know this dream.

Roses are red,
This, i assume.
Like many things i see in my room.

Laptops are black.
Carpet is brown?
How can i be sure,

Take one look around!

You say, what is blue, is blue. I do too.
But what's blue to you, to me, may be new
Perhaps with my eyes attached to your brain,
You'll, instead, not see "blue", but some color you cant name!

So if roses are red,
And violets are blue,
Then your confident enough.

One loves another.
Content with each other.
When contentment is lost,

The lovers soon part.

They speak of true love,
And they say it's easy to know.
I believe that it is.

But I don't think THEY know.

Sadness,
anger,
Results of this feeling.
But at the same time are dwarfed
By its true nature.

And the feeling, more often than not, misconstrued
Is VASTLY different.
And more often, is used.



For when lovers part, forget, and move on,
They "No longer love", for love, it was not

But often true love, is outside of the box.
With someone you love, you're content to just watch.

To see that their happy, will make YOU as well.
And their sadness and worry will prompt you to help,
Whatever they feel or do, it will seem
Is connected to you.
As if your one being.

It's not just for Lovers, and most often, is not.

But if your lucky enough, the love that you shared, means this much.

Time, as it's measured, within lengths in-between
Wondering things.
Like "How much can i see?"

          "I think too much."
       "Stop trying so hard."

Confusion, insight.
Am i done with this chore?

For every thought we have thought,
More time has been measured.
And all the measurements passed,
Moving on, never tethered.

Every new idea, arriving in this sea of perception,
Adds more and more still,
And no limit is given.

Each seed sprouts more.
Hundreds it seems,
In pursuit, never ending


On eternity's wing.

Dependence is hindering.

I'd hoped I'd made that clear.

                                                         Your offer, support, unending.

                                            "I'll never leave you here.."


And the warning foreseen before this,

"You say you won't but one day, you'll leave."

                                                       A shadow begins to fester.
                                
                        ­                    "No matter what, you'll always have me."


  This twisted, mass-less,
           Foggy madness.
                 Knows to what i drive when i do not.
        
And the hands promising to never let go,
        Have slipped away,
              As was once foretold.


But there is no hatred,
No screaming of "WHY!?"
The expectation, leaves no room for lies.

Only misunderstanding, the woe that one feels.
When one suddenly realizes,
"With this, I can't deal"

No apologies needed, How could you have known?
If even, by the mouths of mad seers, you were told.

This was never your battle, and I'm greatful you tried.
But for now, I can't look at you.


           Your picture reminds me of the cost of my journey.
        The screams, late at night, bitter thoughts left unburied.
          And the impenetrable haze, fueled by guilt and blame,
               Will never be cleared as long as i see your name.


                                                         ­                I'm not your responsibility...


   It's clear you can't walk with me...


Any longer.

Unwavering eye in a sea of perspective.
The thoughts holding tight to threads of protection.
And other eyes wandering, lock your direction.

    As one hope dies, another is born
Or a new hope that kills so that others can grow.
Physically, no different with flesh that expires.
For a death that grieves us, may relieve the tired.


Oh, lonely eye, individual cell,
Know that heaven could never exist without Hell.
The worse that you could fear to endure,
Is fuel for the joy in your future.



                           Do NOT fear the dark, Individual cell.

There are many other's that your torment may help.
perhaps even you, if in time it is so.
For many cells make a body.
And individual, whole.

Hidden in corners, so easy to see
    Darkening doorways, empty halls, midnight streets.
        Hiding much, for most "I can't tell you, I can't see"

For the question, "What was that..." was the answer I'd seek.


"Nothing's there."
     Can't they SEE it?!
           Flowing through NOTHING,
                Like Water.
          
                In such silence...
           I assume,
      Can't really hear over my mind.

Until sleep begins it's caress.
I'll hear them, in time.

Some of them, clearly Mad
Is this madness within me?
No, I'm sure it cant be.
They don't always speak to ME.


   Unconsciousness embrace, awareness begins to fade
Sleep settles in to welcome a new day.

I lay.

A Scream.
     I awake, no time has passed at all.
          The walls are still, the echos
               Of the silence.

My god, the maddening SILENCE!
The sequel to the screams.
Why must it be heard before
I've even a chance to dream.




                             The shadows continue to twitch.
                       The dancing blackness other's never see
                 When i ask them "What was that..."
           To be replied "Nothing's there."

"It's just a dream"

Nothing to say
Nothing to show

Waiting for nothing, at last it's arrived.
The ghost of a hope no longer alive
Just the waiting remains with no reason behind.

A bucket, empty, bone dry from evaporation
As it sits, unfilled, for what seems like generations.

And the water is gone.
And gone, that which would fill it

         But **** anyone who dares to renew it.

This bucket must wait to be filled by the tide
That no longer will visit the cavity inside.

The grim ghost of a hope that its contents return.
Not some fresh, new, clean source, but the one that was first.

The Ghost of the dying, or dead Hope that was fueled,
Leaving nothing behind
But patience.



This deadly numb patience, the husk of a goal
That once dreamed each drop would return to the whole,
Is now simply nothing.
It's for nothing, i wait.

With nothing to show.
And nothing to say.

Sunken to the bottom of the sea,
I find my periscope isn't tall enough to reach,
The surface's light above.
But what I see is is enough,
Increasing in brightness, one increment at a time.

The feeling of fear, under barricaded vision
What once for, those drowning, I would shun,

Their world i have dwelled,
Gasping in hell
Living and sharing their sins.



How HELPLESS one feels!
It is no less real
Than the bliss one would find up above...

And to strike them all down
To save your own cloud
Only teaches them they are denied love.



Pride of the fallen,
The shame is felt
When the blind request aid to see.

Guilt,
Guilt of bothering those who choose
To block, ignore, and cast aside their eyes
for fear of being dragged below,

TO dwell where they dwell, no one else will go.



Its difficult to trick yourself, and truly believe your lies
The world beyond the world we sense and feel, see with eyes

It is a place one cannot tread with memory of old beliefs.
To alter your reality, you must alter what you see.

What you see and hear and touch and smell, you network of PURE belief.
If you only stretch out from the inside, you'll never truly reach.

The universe is an extension of you, an extra sense in it's whole.
Use it, and alter your mind to believe what you have sewn.

Sitting in the dark, black silhouettes loom.
One of which dwells, familiar, barely seen.

Vast open space, barely lit, lies my doom
For those who wait for sustenance, span the gaps, unseen

The deepest fear, and least understood.
In the night, they wake, living as they should.
They've done nothing wrong,
But their presence lingers on
Even after they are gone.
Why cant i just be STRONG.

I'm TIRED of this fear of those whose darkness I intrude,
When all i want to do is be inside,
Instead I sit outside and stare, frozen in prelude
To the peace and comfort that i desire.

They don't know I'm here
And when they aren't i still know they are.
Around every tree
Spanning every yard.
When the sun is gone, how can i be sure?
That i wont become entangled in a fearful encounter.

I sleep outside those walls tonight

The blackness ***** me in
My mind and body cannot win,
But somehow i can see them froze without momentum.

One will pray to die,
While the other always tries
To survive the frantic tantrums grown within them.

I look into the shadow from the sunset wondering why,


Seated in a hell of our creation, i repel
Just a thought, a voice, a whisper from inside us.
If this sunset never ends, and the fire reaches in,
Ill be stuck in an eternal event horizon.

(Down dwelling bottom feeder)
(A side not meant to see)
(A side that only by mirrors)
(Is ever revealed to me.)

I am well -----------------------------(Good god, do you hate me?)
We are only human -------------- (Is it wrong to wish that i werent?)
No worries friend -----------------  (Other than "was it me?")


If i can handle the burden unleashed on me
If my back doesn't break, then I'll gladly carry.

(Struggling with letting you know that i scream)
(And cry with every step, it weighs down on me.)
(Would it destroy everything to let you see this)
(***** **** bottom feeder dwelling below)
(Dying of the **** it cleans from your toes.)

Jesus, how did you do it.
What words did they use to try to make your efforts in vain?

(I'm no saint, not even close, i don't know why you'd even)
(Bother listening to me.)

Be well :) ---------------------------- (please don't sever yourself from me)
Ill be here :)
                     (Thinking of ways not to sound so stupid when I say
                       what I hope might help you again. )

This is why I'm here ----------------(This is why I'm here?)
You know something's wrong. --(But i cry at the thought of troubling                    
                                                          you.)

I want to explore you dreams
I want to see your world from the inside.
I want to know what drives your thoughts
And relish in the change

My world may be much different from yours, I've never seen where you are,
You Might enjoy, where I know so well, that things go as they come.

I want to explore, I crave to know entirely what makes you "you", and not me.
This guessing pleasantly torments my will to feel exactly as you do.


I don't care for structure, its far to predictable
Show what "crazy" you hide for fear of judgment.
I clench my teeth and widen eyes attempting to peer inside.

Your gaze notes the heightening "madness" you've felt as i **** your unconscious exsistance.

You sleep, i stare, no harm comes to you. Just a feeling of uneasiness as I long to invade you.

I want to explore your dreams. I want to know what makes you "not me".

Stack and drop, paper clock
Stepping stones suspended nothing

Turn the page?
Rip it out.
flutter down, swaying, cavorting



Clusters naming what could be
words left unread
scattered, unread
Our own pages fall in different ways.



Different words and styles of writing
scatter telling different stories
eventually they start to merge
approaching ends from every angle



what a mess we've made
for thousands of years
we've let these pages fall.

Try to measure order but
We only get,

Where the words all intersect.



After a hundred thousand years our pages finally cross.
What you have written and let fall on the stories i've been taught
the paper loops and sways and settles where my eyes can see
And one word, Embraces mine:
"We"

My god, I'm done.
Accumulating dust,
in the cellar, i wait
For the day I'm renewed.

The talents once thought of myself to possess,
Have they reached a limit? Did they ever exist?

This mind ventures wearily in hope of progress,
But not of excess,
No need for excess.

Outcast by my own hand,
But never touching down,
Now, looking around,
regretting what I've found.

Not weary, yet resting.
What I'd give just to die,
Not to cease, but to know
"Am i really alive?"


Please god, let them find me
and plug me in again.
My being feels wasted.

Fell into a red hell,
Unintentionally, as I lay on the brink of "awake" and Dreams.

Others could not tell,
The coherence i keep, save for them, as I lay
Not fully asleep.

These dark hours,
I observe with my ears and wonder.



Has it melted down?
The things that i feel in the air all around

Has their sanity drown?
The way that they speak to each other...

Caught in this house of ghosts
All i really want is to get to sleep tonight.

Honestly, I've tried



Approached by black salvation,
I arrive to a new time beyond what it was before

Venturing forth,
I see the friends that I left int he dark have not moved at all.

Perhaps they are drunk,
Acknowledging their stasis and return to my sleep.



Has it settled down?
The stench of madness engulfing the halls

Wandering around,
They have become intruders.

Thier spirit hovers high,
Confused as thier bodys,
struggle to survive
This Demonic metamorphosis,


The light has gone once more,
They've returned to what they were before.
The body and minds united once again.

These people, I know
But THESE demons, I don't
Last night, leaving their stain on EVERYthing.

Madness still runs thick in the air



                                                My,
                                      vision narrows,
                                         embraced,
                                       by darkness,
                                         ambiance,
                                          is altered,
                                                by,
                                       surreal noises,

Desires to feel and dispense this terror,
Breifly haunts my mind.

The bottle is empty, save for 6 red tears
of memories still held tight.

Soaked in from those whom I love

Standing in the dark
surrounded by spectrum
im not built to sense.
And seeking new direction,

Again, in the light.
My heat infected skin
Pain is attracted
By ultraviolet sin.

Again in the dark,
A world i cannot see
Hovers high above me
by sight, hidden from me.

What little i can see,
as the light returns to me
The sources, far away
Are masked again by day.

Iridescent retreat.
the unreachable return to me.
Though the known unknowns remain,
Recording history

Maybe we can see
well, not personally
But by other means
Its revealed to me
red, blue, and green
in translation see

Stunned in silence.
Memories of another mind,
haunt these visions with blinding light.
Filled with objects i recognize,
But cannot name.

Where...

                                                                        The hell...

                            Am I...

                                    GET THEM OUT!

The scorching images burden me.
                                                               I cannot name them.
                                Am i crazy?

I have no words to describe,
In these depths of fish with no eyes,
They'll put me away
They will keep me hidden away.


dangling this lamp
inside my head
in hope it attracts
Those who can understand.

Their labels are cast
Through Formulas,
Theorys,

The logic, abstract
Reasoning
Faith

And one who has grown
These organs necessary
To perceive for themselves
This burden i carry.
She reaches so high
Her hand disappearing
And pulls herself out...

My God it was scary

I will not follow

I will NOT follow

I SHOULD not follow

I cannot follow...

That wasn't real
It didn't just happen
She knew what was there
They thought she was crazy

Perhaps i can go

I think i should go.



Reach my hand up in the dark
Consumed by the moist, hard nothing above
I break through and God!
It feels new, warm

Pull myself up, out of my grave.
The fish below mourn, they don't know I am saved
The light in my head was real
But i still hear them mourn.

She stood there, grinning...

what is this that i see beyond this film stretched before me,
what is this that i see in this panorama surrounding me,
What i see,
What i feel,
Not with hands,
Not with eyes,

Trying to reach behind

A void meant to grasp?
Or to never access?
Behind the pretty pictures in front of my eyes,
Behind what i see, what i hear, feel with hands

this pepper spray reality.
Blinding my Eyes,

-

Is this life more than Paper?
Scribbled on by infant minds
Are these thoughts more than synapse?
Forsaken logic, analyzed


I'd Leave this world behind,
Only to glimpse the void that lies beyond.



Hearing thoughts, with our ears
Dragged somehow into reality,
Paranoid, what was that?
Was it truly just imagination?

Shadows crawl, in peripherals
How can we acknowledge what is not there?
How can we see nothing?
We're taught to disregard, not care.

No place defined for memory,
No room to judge our sanity
No evidence of consciousness
No way to know what once was of us,
But still, we know our memory
And still we judge our sanity
To restrain what we DO know
Of what we could be

Why do we hide?
Why are we afraid?



This life is only paper
Scribbled on by our infant minds
We're more than what we accept.
****** on hierarchys.

In the beginning we'll leave this world behind
In the end we'll return here again to find
What we were was unbelievable,
To what we are, seems divine

This world, what we are
This life, cast the film aside
In death, A glimpse, never an end
Rebirth,
A chance to try again,



Why do we hide?
We haven't opened our eyes.



This life is only paper.
This life is only fragile, printed paper
This life is only Paper.

Let'er R.I.P.

The moment has passed, but it still is not too late
To forsake the greatly separated paths we've chose to take
Cutting off to the clearing forged, by feet, of matted grasses
Trailing round the pines and oak, whom fragrantly halt attachment
But their sight, so tall, and woody scent so strong and pleasant
Distracts us from the task we try to hold here at the present
But we soldier on, and wavering dodge all obstacles we see
So that "me" "myself" and "I", through "Us" can become "We"

Parallel paths given life from what we've made
Forming lines into a grid, all paths for everyone to take
Whats yours is mine and hers and his and continued making, still
Forever all of ours, our experience, free will.