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JSL Oct 2019
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My heart is a weapon.
To all my boys.
2.
JSL Aug 2018
2.
Beautiful and lonely,
brilliantly both.
To James
JSL Jan 2016
I burn myself enough just to lure,
but I'm wasted here.
No one ever stops to warm themselves,
they only add to the fuel.
do i look good in red
JSL Nov 2014
You dawn upon me as perfectly as you are
and your morning eyes see so many worlds
and your waking lips are hopes
and you whispering my name like a confident fire
was all it took for me to succumb to my desire
you are a constellation
you are the birthed child of perfection
you are a forever
and the sun will rise every morning just for you
and I keep falling in love with you
and the nature of this beast will enslave me to you
It's an imprint of pleasure
I want to learn you
I want to bend to you
I want you, impulsive
I want you, compulsive
you are larger than galaxies
nothing contains you
nothing out-supremes you
nothing
nothing but you
and everything but you
you... oh, you.
To Cody.
JSL Feb 2016
He kept hurting me and I finally asked why.
Imploring me out of the blue forever of his eyes he replied
"Cause baby, pain looks so good on you"

I smiled.
I want to play.
To the blue eyed boy.
Bet you didn't know I was a *******.
JSL Feb 2015
and when he left me my world turned upside down and knew only of chaos and i had to fight to survive in a body with a heart and mind that tries to die.
Cody did that.
JSL Apr 2014
I loved you once and twice
all for the devil’s asking price
a tender torture longed-for
the graved regards, cold war
JSL Apr 2016
You exist softly between the tender rain and warm candles that burns unto the cold night. You're too delicate for me to touch with my fire hands.  You're too beautiful for me to ruin.

But I want you so much, I need to see your blood. To break you til the point of beauty. To study you in pain. I set fire to the things I like and if it burns bright then I'm all game.    

But you don't deserve this, and you don't deserve me.
So I'm letting you go because better creatures can love you.
To Hugh. I shouldn't hurt you.
JSL Oct 2015
People like me when we drown we don't swim. I'd rather have the weight of heaven so I can die within you.
JSL Aug 2016
I left on a cold night,
to a city that wants to break my heart and forget me.
Look at my heroes of hurt in this cruel city light.
Oh, how beautiful they'd look wanting to hurt me.
Hello Melbourne.
JSL Oct 2019
The red rumours of your ocean lips,
And the infinities in your eyes.
Your softness, and your power
To stop Earth's old and weary cries.
The fetish, the chase, the hunt, the high.
And I thought this was how I die.

Alas, you were never close enough for even a whisper.
And, I shall grow old, and this is all I'll ever know.
Not a taste of the years I would have given you.
Not a laugh once more.
I sighed.
To Shannon. I curated it too perfectly.
JSL Feb 2016
You could give me all the love I don't deserve.
But if I don't bleed, then you don't win.
To, Rory. i'm unguarded, flesh's soft, pick your spot. make it bleed.

update: I jinxed myself. he did. he won.
JSL May 2014
I want to be scared
of how strong I feel
for you.
I want to love you
too hard.

Do you know how deep this root of
love,
lust,
must,
and desire
goes?
To the deepest of the suffocating depths
where gravity defies its purpose and
surrenders
to a greater pull.

I love you
with nothing,
and I hurt with everything.

I love you,
once and twice.
I love you,
each by each,
all in all,
entirely and absolute.
it's a curse that's almost beautiful.
JSL Feb 2017
I can't be beautiful in happiness.
Because I can only love Death;
and, O, my gentle, you don't **** me.
Michael wanted a poem.
JSL Jan 2019
And I've been weak, and I'm so sharp.
And I'll love you into oblivion,
And you will tremble.
T
JSL Aug 2016
There's a way in which I break for beauties like you. It's a performance piece, not of the egoistic sort, but rather a birthed love-child of servility and altruism. Here's my recipe, if you ever wanted to scrutinise my path to death.

First, i stare. And marvel in awe at the carved beauty of you and wonder how many cities you've inspired.

Second is initiation. A delicate dance to either be executed from a carnal desire or a romantic want. I choose one or another, seldom do I pick both; tho they end the same way.  

Third is the burning period. I will saturate myself with unwarranted loyalty at this point. I morph to their warmth and this is where it gets sick.        

Fourth: obsession. If you look into my eyes you will see a longing to drown and to go back to the ocean that is you. It's potent enough to drive me insane. Consuming.

Fifth, i surrender. I'd ask you to take off that fire. I want you to still exist but to go burn somewhere else. To be a forest-fire that inspires rather than to maim me insolently.

Sixth is penance dressed masochistically. I torture myself for reasons he wouldn't understand or is justified, but I somehow think it's salubrious.

Seventh concerns with the cycle of death. I die for you, over and over again. I choose to do this.

Eighth is where my pain becomes stagnant and transition into ghosts with names.

Ninth better itself to be the point of moving on and building graves on reverence for even having a taste of perfection.

Tenth, I repeat this whole process.
Dedicated to myself. For once.
JSL May 2016
Do you know what gentleness you've killed just by existing? But where else could I rest but in your hurricane.
H.
JSL Mar 2015
Give me that burning flame,
give me a scar to proudly claim.
And if I'm to burn to your name,
I'll make sure you'll feel the same.
Cody. You're not the only storm around here babe.
JSL Aug 2017
I once met this French man.
Just a brief encounter; but towards the end of it he looked at me
with almost pensive eyes,
slowly he said "I could love you".
I laughed aloud.
Was it cultural differences
for him to have said that so casually?
Or was he just the brave sort?
I mocked him, of course.
Condemned his lionhearted statement even.
His eyes never left me, all the while,
they looked like a sad storm now.
Like somehow he already misses me.
And that was the last time I saw him.
Despite him asking to take me out to my favourite restaurant.
Despite him asking to take me camping underneath the stars,
Or for a midnight swim.
All the things I like, really.

A year later, and I'm still thinking about this
beautiful, brave French man.
And what could have been.
Haunted by his sugar heart.
But it wasn't my colour to romanticise happiness,
or the feeling of being wanted.
But he was right and, I was wrong.
He could have loved me.
I just didn't let him.
Wherever you are in the world,
I am sorry.
I hope you have a good life.
Epilogue: after a few months I wanted to give him (or myself, rather) the chance for this. I try to reconnect and contact him, but by that point he has already moved to another country and I was never able to talk to him ever again.
JSL May 2014
The nature of the beast yet the passion in the slow burn:**

Love is like a beast; ferocious and wild. We are powerless against it, we can't control love just like we can't control a beast wanting to be untamed.

But love is also insidious in the way it hurts. It burns you slowly and passionately and because of this we bleed from deeper wounds. The careful art of pain that love expresses is a passion that is almost beautiful.
someone's way of pain is my way of love.
JSL Jan 2016
You should see the way I let myself drown within you. I've always had a terrible weakness for beautiful but damaging things. But I've never seen my love this red. I am desperate to burn and let the heat of my death be the fire that mocks the sun. And I'll take my abuse slow to let you know I'm here to worship you.
Liam, this one's for you.
JSL Dec 2014
You were specific in the way you wanted me killed
But I also have my own specifics:

**** me with the care you never gave
Bath me in the tender torture I longed for
Put the weight of forever on me
Look at me and say "I will burn your heart"
Break all my bones, make me feel hollow right in my middle
Heal me to death
Lie to me with venom and leave it unattended
Become my hero of hurt and tell me how ugly my kind of greed is
Promise me the beauty of depths, death and your whispers that I never get to hear because you're never close enough
Knife me with nothing and let me bleed with everything
Love me.
I like how carefully he's killing me, but I have my own method of endings.
JSL Nov 2015
I have a sick obsession with pain. I always try to find different flames to feed my blood to. Bleeding frees me. After so much misery the soul just somehow develops a taste for hurting. The potency of pain flirts so well with the heart when it's despondent. Like a spark of fire in the lonely night. So I go out to the world, searching; for any sublime beauty that's greedy to hurt me. But after all the wounds, deaths and scars, you have always been my favourite to bloodlet to.
To the Great Fives.
JSL Mar 2016
Look at you; a carved beauty.
How patiently were you made?
Did you know the star cries for you?
Did you know the skies bend to you?
Are you lonely?
To be at such height no one dares attempt.
To be burning so beautifully.
To be fire.
To be the lion of everyone's heart.

I'm lonely too. But of a different kind.
You're alone at being perfect.
I'm lonely to be the thing you don't want to ****.
To the boy from Amsterdam.
JSL Jun 2016
Don't look at me with your curious eyes and linger. I was your fleeting beauty; and you've had your chance. I was never meant to stay, to build a house and live there, to be content and on fire for you. No. You are not the type of beauty I suffer for. You have no weights. And I don't need your demons, or the broken heart you gave me to fix. You tried to **** me that night but I found closure in my own warm blood. It's funny, I took you in with no grand desire for salvation, but only to ease the guilt of never having tried.
This will be the last poem about him.The fire you've started once, is now burning out. Good bye H.
JSL Nov 2018
I picture you standing there.
Leaning your back against
the door to my balcony,
holding a glass of gin,
looking at me,
knowing me.

And in that transfer of light,
from dusk to night;.

I would have needed you more than love.
To Christian.
JSL Nov 2014
Your fire breath is on my neck,
exhaling ecstasy on to me.
Your phantom heat never leaves,
but let it be, it sets me free.
and suddenly i'm the one who can't stop, go on, keep breathing on me. To Simon
JSL Jan 2015
I'm waiting for the day when it'll hurt until it doesn't,
but I'm at the point where I'm letting pain define me.
I'm hoping to die and dream us into reality,
but I better hold on tight for this is all I can ever be.
Cody.
JSL May 2014
There are things metal made-of,

my heart is not one of them.
so treat it caringly, softly, but sensually and completely.
JSL May 2017
Explain to me why I dance to blood,
Look at me when I hurt too much.
Tell me why he painted me black,
and scrutinise my high when he doesn't love me back
Christian
JSL Oct 2019
Maybe if you didn't have a bad sleep?
Maybe if I had wore a different jumper?
Maybe if you liked your coffee differently?
Maybe if I didn't listen like that?
Maybe if we didn't get into the National Gallery for free?
Maybe if I was less interested in the Terracotta Warriors?
Or more? Or if I didn't miss you pointing out that ***?
Maybe if you weren't in a relationship.
Maybe if I wanted one.
Maybe if you also ordered the ceviche? You nearly did.
Maybe if I drank gin neatly?
Maybe if you wanted me, like you said you would?
Maybe if I wasn't so greedy for the romanticisation?
Maybe if you didn't think I would break this beautifully?
Maybe if I didn't think I would break this beautifully?
Maybe if.
To Shannon. Keep it going, don't let it die.
JSL Apr 2014
Blood, bones and scales
with you and your sneath
Sail me to death
and tell them my tales
JSL Nov 2014
I loved you through skins and into your within,
how dare you shame me for my proudly presented fins?
I will burn you, I will drown you, I will breed pain in your bones.
To condemn your inner core and send you to stones.
For this hurt I'll return worst, you tempted my thirst;

I am your curse.
JSL Nov 2014
From the depths she called home,
the scaled-she ascended her realm.
She saw blood, bones and skin;
fell in love, forgetting he is without fins.
He loved her not and of air he'll stay.
She whispered in an almost mournful way

"I'll make the way you drown beautiful"
JSL Dec 2015
I almost knew what love was; but it killed me before it danced with me.
JSL Jan 2019
My heart woke me up crying.
Poor thing.
To T.
JSL Nov 2019
I've built a house for me and him. We both loved the ocean so naturally our nest was always going to be water bound. A sharp house of Japanese cypress, with a metallic accent, and minimalistic in style to mirror the en vogue interior trend. We have a library together, which you've coordinated according to size even though I liked your previous system better - arranged by colours! The kitchen was the heart, I always cooked for you, and you ate with an efficiency and joy that could only be described as a talent - that made me more full than the food ever did. Summer was my favourite; salty hair, and sun-kissed skin (Also! The taste of sugar plums always benefited from the seasoning of the heat). The languor of us watching each sunset became so safe for me, and I felt as warm as the red wine we drank, and I think everything was perfect, and you were what I needed.

But don't look too closely,
I'm scared
You'll see that our bed is too neat.
From the fact that
He has never slept here
With me
In this house
That I've built
For us.
To Shannon.
JSL Mar 2015
Sometimes I appreciate pain. It is the only gift from you to me.
Cody, you're so ******* generous with your gifts.
JSL Nov 2015
crawl inside of my body,
navigate through all the broken bones,
acclimatise to my blood to make me comfortable,
and find the delicate part you like about me.
then set it on fire.  
i like it when lovers leave scars.
to the flames to come. To Jackson.
JSL Apr 2019
I don't think you understand how stunning I am as a predator. I sleep on the ocean so cruelly and fierce, it kissed me and left.
T.
JSL Oct 2016
I craved your soul but you wouldn't let me have a taste.
I was looking for a place to burn but you wouldn't let me warm myself.
I was after someone who'd appreciate my dying heart but you're too beautiful to care.
I would cry in the comforting disconsolate of your callous heart but I am too prideful in my worth.
I could have done anything for you.
It's never good for the heart to suffer this way but I believe in the price of penance I have to pay to find Nirvana.
I could of, would have, loved you; to allow the patience bloodlet that only demons can inspire.
But.
I wanted to love you more than I could ever love myself; so imagine my hurt when you decided I was the worthless, cut-flower ornament to your perfection.

To leave me bleeding.
To let me die.
To **** me with the care you never gave.
TO DAIN.
JSL Apr 2015
let death becomes,
as night and beauty hypnotise,
I realise,
that death became.
Cody.
JSL Jan 2019
Time killed itself so it can be with you.
Time stop to exist around you T.
JSL Jun 2016
I break my own heart and i'm going to be yours tonight. Please come and hurt me i'm unguarded, begging to bleed, and lusting to serve. And by the end I want to be bare and bruised but able to say losing hope was freedom.
To P-boys.
JSL Aug 2014
It's ironic how you're never meant to have the thing you need in its entirety and fullness.

If a plant receives too much water, it dies.
If we breath too pure of oxygen, we die.
If an animal over-feeds, it dies.

Then I guess it's a good thing that I don't have the whole of you.
But then it doesn't explain why I'm dying when I have none of you.
I want to have my murderer. I want the full knife.
JSL Jan 2016
I miss you but only in secret,
as a whisper,
it lives darkly within me.

It can't be strong,
only a quiet tide.

It can't be known,
because you don't belong to me.
I miss Liam.
JSL Oct 2014
I can't touch you,
a fire so content lives on all your parts.
You looked at me and even said
"I'll burn your heart"
the light, the heat, I am complete.
JSL Jul 2016
Look at the cities you've inspired, are they broken now? Who created you like this? Too perfect. Your beauty yields nirvana like it's a second breath, and even winter kissed you and left. Do you know what salvation you've killed just by existing? I need to be the thing you want to ****, but my grand desire exhausts itself in the net of reverence. But I believe in the forest fire that you are, and I know that one day the fire will pity me enough to be gluttonous.
To Josh M.
JSL May 2014
Morbidly wishful
of unloving you.
Drowning while I burn,
this is the death I've earned.
JSL Sep 2014
There is so much fire to him,
and I'm burning... but man I'm in awe.
The way he looks at me; I see infinities.
In his eyes were wildness and all my desires.
I could see the hell in my doing but I could feel all the heavens.

His touches were absolute and forever,
His lips were futures and my full.

I love him so abyssal and with too much universe,
with my all
and in completeness,
through death
and beyond that.

I love him
perfect and finished.

I love him,
through and through,
forever till ever,
wholly and entire.

I love him.
To him
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