Under a tree he sits and sings,
strumming away to his heart's desire.
A man with a thought,
And a heart filled with fire.

You can hear it in his voice,
Both the pain and the pleasure.
The roughness from his throat,
As he tells you what he treasures.

You'll never see him without that guitar at his side.
He may lie when he speaks,
But there's no mistaking the truth when he sings.

Late night texts and conversations,
These heart to hearts that break expectations.
Everybody thought that they knew me,
They take one look and think they see through me.
I know that I taught you different,
You finally saw what everyone else was missing.

But it'll go too far ,
I'll get too close.
I'll fall for you hard,
And hope you never know.
I'll break my heart to keep you.
I never really told anyone about my fears.
How scared I am of losing you,
Because it wouldn't be the same without you here.
Just hold back the tears,
Pretend I'm okay.
The boy searching for love,
But never having it come his way.

I guess I'll just wait,
Pray for a love story that doesn't come too late,
Or not at all.
I guess I'll just wait,
Because falling in love with friends like you
Is just a recipe for heartbreak.

Dressed in red, you approached me.
I dare say you impressed,
Yet I expected nothing less.

You lifted your hand and I took to a knee,
Kissing it gently.

"I love you," I said.
And back you whispered words that need not be spoke,
The same words I had.

This palace is grand.

Roses lined the roads that entered,
And a crisp green carpeted the plains that lay beside.

The marble columns rose to the sky,
Their sharp white sending glimmers into the distance.

Warmth filled the rooms,
As too did the scent of Maplewood crackling within the fireplace.

Mould grew spotilly on the ceiling above,
It complimented the flaking metal of the bedframe.
A hole in the ceiling dribbled water onto the damp pillow.
Drip.Drip.Drip.

This palace is grand.

I rarely get any peace.
There are some moments,
So brief in the grand scheme that they seem like nothing more than a dream.

I struggle to breath,
Always feeling kept beneath the voices in my head as they try to speak.
My head hurts as it weighs so heavy,
And as my balance falters,
I fall.

All I want is to keep that feeling that I know,
To take it everywhere I go.
I know peace,
Yet so rarely have I felt it.

Why don't I get a chance?
The lonely lost lover looking for a bit of romance.
The poet, the writer, for love I am a fighter,
I keep up my hopes,
But the fire isn't brighter.
It dwindles,
Now I'm sinking so low,
Been alone for so long,
I don't even know where I'm supposed to go.
And how am i supposed to know,
If all I've seen is tv shows,
And none of it has lead me down the right way.
" You're a great guy," they say,
Then why am I alone as these ******* walk away
With a girl that they don't deserve,
While I'm out here proving my worth.

It's been 20 years.
Never had a girlfriend.
Never found love.
Just fell in love.
Had my heart broken.
So many times I lost count.
My friends cheer me on.
I don't need false hope.

I see all my friends with a smile on their faces,
They found someone but I still don't know where my place is.

Excuse my drunken heart and the words I say,
Excuse the slips of my tongue as my mind slips away.

Sorry for the thoughts you won't understand me slur.
Sorry for the lines that don't make sense
because I speak without context.
Sorry for the truths I told
that were never meant to be heard.
Sorry I made you worry...

I finally found a place to escape,
Where i don't feel like there's an axe about to strike at my nape.

I know the executioners name,
Because when he pulls of that mask,
I just see my own face.

They say that everyone has a purpose but I just can't find my meaning,
I look out into the vastness of the world and I'm screaming,
But nobody hears me,
And that's what scares me.
Screaming into a void not empty but hollow,
They say if I want to make it, it's my feelings I have to swallow.

"Focus on the money,
So you can support a family,
Go nine to five everyday,
That'll make you happy."
But I can't see myself at a desk,
Just writing lines,
That lack all meaning,
But fits the bottom line.

I'm sorry I don't subscribe to your definition of happiness,
Sorry that I have a different view on what happy is.
Sorry that I don't want to be a doctor or an engineer.
Sorry that I'd rather write words than do mathematics all year.

No, im not sorry.
You told me to live life.
That's what I'm doing.
This is how I live, through my work and my art...
This is how I want to leave my mark.

Fall to the depths,
Away with yourself!
You drown and try scream,
But not a soul hears your cry for help.

Sinking into the abyss,
There is much solitude in this.
As above, so below,
We remain alone.

From the void I pull myself,
As only I can do.
Yet as I surface,
So to do I begin to sink once more.

They say there's pleasure in pain,
For me it isn't the same.
I find the pain in the pleasure,
Go too far without a tether.

From a dark place,
To this heavenly space,
Then back again,
Lapping in this hellish race.

I break free but it doesn't last long,
Soon I fall in love,
Try write another song,
But I no longer get surprised when it all goes wrong.

I know all too well what it's like
To feel sidelined.
Walking on the outlines
Of the portrait of a lifetime,
Part of the background,
With muted sound.
Feeling like there's nowhere to look,
But down.

I get it.
Feeling your heart beat,
But your hearts don't meet,
And you wish the feeling was not this sweet.
Your mind tells your heart to retreat
But it's not as simple a feat,
And as you walk away
So to does your mind stray,
Till you can all but see the light of day.

It hurts to be the watcher.

It's the tiniest things,
That match a picture in my mind.
Little pieces of a puzzle,
That complete me.

It's the silliest things,
Things we can't believe we both do.
I love the way we laughed about those
Like the weird ones in the class,
With an inside joke that noone else got.

It's the most relatable things,
You make me feel like I'm not alone.
No matter the madness of the idea
Or the terribleness of it all,
With you I feel like I'm not alone in it.

It's the best things.
The time I spend with you...
It's just the best thing ever.
No matter how long or short,
I'll always crave for a moment of your time
To enjoy a little piece of perfection.

I don't know what to think anymore...

How do you hold on to the faith,
When faith has done nothing but laugh in your face?
Tell me if faith knows my pain,
If heart to heart isn't something on my lane.

So many times I fall and recover,
But over and over it's taking it's toll,
And sometimes I feel like I can't keep my hold.

My mind is a mess,
The overthinking and the stress
It's all got me depressed
Then you throw in my heart, now I'm face down in my bed.
I wish someone noticed the tears that I shed...

If I choose to be happy,
Will I be?
Will the world morph from darkness to serenity?
Till tranquility becomes my reality?

If I choose to be a cynic,
Will the world still be able to bruise me?
If I lose faith in joy,
And leave it behind,
Will I find peace in the lack of pain?

I’m tired of being hurt.
I no longer know where my faith lies.
I no longer know if I should believe.

Demons walking through my head like it's a playground.
Carelessly they tear me apart as they mess around.

Tormenting me,
They slide down my tears.
Whisper in my ear
With a voice that I fear
Always reminding me they're here.
Knock knock.

I swing back and forth inside my mind,
I hold onto the ropes as I watch memories rewind.
And demons come and whisper
"you're alone"
And as I carry on swinging
I feel the urge to let go

What's in a name?
Oh I can tell you that it holds some heartbreak.
When you here that name that's not yours,
And then your heart aches.
Shakes me to the core,
I don't want to be here anymore.
I just can't bare these tears,
Maybe if you could see my heart
Then you would understand my fears.


So please don't disrupt me,
I'm thinking and losing my mind at the same time.
I'm trying to piece together, the pieces that broke, my heart is intertwined, with all these thorns stuck at the side
Of a heart still beating,
So I hurt whenever i feel the high.

I don't know what to do this time,
Just know my heart is not just mine,
For I would not poison myself with a potion so potent it makes me die.
But i do whisper truths to those at my side,
Little did I know that when the sun goes out they run and hide.

Please don't leave me to my own devices,
I fall fast and I spiral,
Till I lose track of what life is.
I need someone to watch my face and I hope that they know,
Sometimes you'll see me cry, with not a tear in sight.

Would you be willing to pay for a smile?
For something that blinds you of pain for a while?

Would you be willing to fit the bill,
To feel atop the highest hill?

Would you be able to take the fall,
When it all wears out,
And your demon's call?

How long will you pay to keep running?
How long before your time runs out?
How long before what you snort in,
Can no longer pull you out?

All the while with a wide grin,
He'll stand at the sidelines and sell you a sin.
And you'll breath in and hold another hit,
Then one day you'll breath in...

And that will be it.

Let loose were the strings that held down my heart.
Gone was the fabric that enclosed these speakers
That dared to blare out loud.
And so my heart sang songs so soulful,
To a tune so delectably delightful.

Yet a song sung
Is not always a song heard.
And a song sung
Is not always a song that should be heard.
But merely whispered in hushed tones to oneself
Under the solitary grasp of darkness

But nevertheless,
A song will always be a song
Regardless of whether it is sung
And thus, under the night sky
As I hum the words over
My heart plays, a silent symphony

Nothing could ever make me love you less,
Yet somehow everything you do makes me love you more.

The wind blows,
I hold steady.
The waves tug,
I refuse to budge.
The flames ignite,
I'll withstand the burns.
The earth shakes,
I'll find my balance.

I will never yield
To the forces that try to bring me down.
Noone ever won,
Without standing their ground.

There it is, can you feel it?
Again and again it beats,
Over and over,
It reminds you that you are alive.

It tells you that you should be burning.
The spark that lit the fire,
And set no less than the world ablaze.

Again it beats,
Over and over,
Only another reminder of how far we've gone.
It reminds you that you've gone nowhere.

It tells you that you should be burning,
But you were barely a flicker,
Put out by the rain.

What if the only burning you ever faced,
Was what brought you the most pain.

Imagine a warm sunset,
The orange glow upon the furthest wave,
Or the burning sky,
From a forest glade.

Imagine the breeze against your cheek,
Where all remained silent,
And not even the trees dare creak.

Imagine the stars,
The way they sparkled in the sky,
And when you turned your head,
You saw the same in their eyes.

Imagine ...
If all you could do... was imagine.

I love you
With every strand and fibre of my being,
Every ounce of blood in my veins.
My happiness and pain,
Yet for you I'd suffer the strain
If I could bring your heart to my domain.

Oh the flowers blossom and bloom,
Yet my eyes don't wander from you in this room.
You with a smile so tender and true,
That it hooks my heart,
And forever I'll fall for you.

I love you...
But I cannot pull those words from my throat.
I love you, so much...
But the voice in my head says, "don't."

I'm just too tired to do this anymore.
It hurts too much,
Seeming to me as if this painful journey isn't worth the destination,
No matter how beautiful.

Why risk a broken heart,
When i know that I'll never be given the chance.
Why step closer,
When i know I'll never get one dance.

It pains me,
That I should say love would not be worth it.
But it pains me more,
To have never had a mended heart.

Standing steady as the wind blows,
Holding back the storm,
Keeping the calm.

Unnoticed as it goes,
Fading away as the world beats upon its back,
Sheltering those unaware of its kindness.

The wall in the wind,
That slowly withers away.

I had a dream last night,
Didn't want to sleep through it.
Wanted to wake up,
Hit me hard and I had enough.
Why do the bad ones stay etched in your memory,
It's like the bad thoughts surface saying, "Remember me?"

Leave me alone,
Give me some peace.
I want my head on the pillow
And getting some sleep.
All of these thoughts are so deep,
But I don't want to deal with this pressure,
So let me be and I'll find my pleasure.

It's hard to keep at this game
When day after day
I feel myself slowly drifting away,
Because I prefer different rather than the same.

Maybe it's because i have a different definition of love.
What I want is a rendition the world around me seems unfamiliar with.

I look around me,
Kisses without meaning,
"I love you"s that only exist in the moment,
A surface with no texture.

I keep searching,
My heart breaks
As it keeps yearning.

I haven't found it yet,
I haven't found her yet.
It's hard to keep hoping.

Find me bliss for this emptiness,
Hollow from the demons that feast from inside.
My cries echo louder,
Yet a vacuum carries no sound.

In the darkness I squirm violently,
Lunging at my own throat...
If only I could still breathe here.

Soon I yearn for release
Rather than rescue.
Free me from it all,
Suffocate my soul.

I push it back as it rears it's head.
Each moment it tries to consume more and more,
Taking chances as it sees me slipping.

I try, I try so much.
Keeping that voice at the back of my head where it's presence is muffled,
And yet it finds it's way out.
In a moment,
It takes me.

I concede to the beast that looms over my soul,
"Let's be friends."
I want to see the suffering of others,
See them burn in pain and watch with excitement.
I want to hurt people, but not physically.
Give them a thought and watch them tear themselves apart from inside,
Till their minds give in to insanity,
Till nothing but pain remains.

Now get back in the box.
Be silent.
And from the back of my head it gives a devilish smile,
"Not long now. Someday you won't want to put me back."

Held to my heart,
A secret tearing me apart.
Words kept silent,
To prevent all of the violence.

I don't want to see you walk away,
I don't want to hear say,
those words I know you'll say.
So I'll keep my mouth shut,
Keep my heart at bay.
Because I'm afraid that it'll lead us astray.

I'll keep this love to myself,
Not willing to risk this wealth,
You make me feel so rich in love.

I'll keep this love to myself,
Don't want to see you go,
Don't want to lose you so
I'll keep my words in my chest,
And I'll do my best
To be there always.

Sometimes I want to start a war.
Burn to the ground all that lays on this plain,
Till nothing but ashes lies in my wake.

Is it wrong that I relate more to the Villian than the Hero?
That when I think of power,
I think of control?

Is it not scary...
That when the rage subsides,
I'd still stand by these dark thoughts?
I want to burn it all to the ground,
Myself included.
Then maybe it all can begin anew,
And none to come will share these thoughts.

I have a fear
That I'm not good enough for anyone.
It terrifies me.
The thought that I might always be the guy who helps his friends find love,
But can't find it for himself.

I have a fear
That I'm not right for anyone.
That despite all the love stories I've seen
And all the songs I've sung as prayer,
I'll still be the one without someone in their arms.

I have a fear of loneliness.
I have a fear that I'm all I have in this.
I have a fear that the world will continue to pass me by...
And all I can do is watch from the sidelines.

Unhappy with the choices that have been given to me,
Like I'm missing something essential to me.

Say I've got to work hard
To put in the hours,
Make money in a job that holds power.

Why is that the goal you have in mind for me?
If you could see me looking down in a class
that makes me feel trapped within a boundary,
Would you choose my future so blindly?

Understand I don't write as a hobby,
I don't create as a pastime,
I do it as a part of me.
I refuse to be robbed of that

I learned that this is not the place where you find yourself,
But the place that makes you realize you are lost.

When last had I seen you?
Frolicking across the burning sand,
Hand in hand.

Oh sweet Summer,
When last did you grace me with your presence?
What did I do to deserve this sentence?
Or is this my own penance?

Oh sweet Summer,
Is it you that bars my entrance?
Oh cruel Winter,
Is it you that will not let me go?
Or is it me,
That keeps myself alone?

Through the glade you'll find a place,
Where the first of a trail is laid.
Run it over mountains to summits atop,
And back down to the canyons below.

Through the forest ammased with the skrawny remains of the trees that once reigned, yet journey on a path of gold.
Over bridges, where blood and bones run below,
And monsters sit in darkness and smoke, waiting till the time their presence may be known.

Follow the trail,
Sets sights not on the bread, but the path ahead.
A Gingerbread house with icing upon it's walls, only a facade, it'll be too late to see before it falls.

Feel it in your bones.
It's less like a rage
And more like that point where you're at a stage
And ready to turn the page
To the next chapter,
Take it all with a bit of laughter.
Pain comes and goes,
And that's how you know the progress matters.
Take the highs from the lows,
Don't sink too low and get too high,
Because you get nowhere with the latter.
So when you hear the pitter patter of the water over your head,
You never sink too far,
Rather be outside than in your bed.
It's all about 1 word,
"Instead"
What if I did this , instead?
Then take that question and leave it as said,
Do it all so you never dread the times you missed out,
Because there can't be any.
Ask me where my joy comes from,
I can't tell you cause there's too many .

Sit down.
Look in the mirror for moment.
Your life is not a tragedy,
Take a moment to realise,
You're the only one who can be your enemy.

"Folie à deux,"
I'll take it to mean,
"The madness of two."

With you I'll be crazy,
You make me let go of the fear.
I know we're not normal,
If only they could fathom the happiness of the insane.

I cherish every moment.
Every smile, every joke,
Every dumb tale or story we've ever told.
I'll let go of my mind,
But onto those moments I'll keep my hold,
And I promise I will never let go.

I don't want to miss a moment of insanity with you.
So I'll give you my heart,
And then we'll have two,
And till the end of our days we'll have
Folie à deux.

Out I stepped,
The grass filling the spaces beneath my toes
As the fresh scents of nature mingled beneath my nose.

The wind blew steady and the flowers swayed in the breeze,
And as I stood beneath the shade of the trees, a lone flower did blow to my feet.

A Daffodil.
It was a little odd though,
As the garden did not show its kind.
Yet here it was, at my feet, and now on my mind.

I glanced around and off to the side, stood a plant on a table,
Embraced beneath the sunlight.

It took me a while, but soon the plant was in the ground.
Daffodils bobbing in the wind,
The flower that only knows 'begin'.

Watching friends crumble to tears,
I see a reality built from my worst fears.

Hearts no longer whole,
As if missing a part of the soul.
I see tears run down the side of a face,
Over shoulder, now wrapped in another's embrace.

I see the broken hearted,
I see the scars left from those departed.


I've yet to experience such strain,
As I have never felt this precursor to pain.

Where do I go from here,
When I'm standing at the edge of my fear.

Drowning in an ocean of regret,
From this dismal course I've set.

Restart...please.

The mists are beautiful at night.
They hold you in their cool embrace,
And crickets songs keep you trapped in this place.

You must see through these clouds of smoke,
That veil horrors of which you can't cope.
Those who control the vile smoke machines,
Are those with hands all but clean.

Most people don't see it,
Most people don't want see it.
But some people ...
Live to expose it.

If there's a god,
I hope you hear me.
I'm accusing you,
Present your testimony.

You torture me,
Cut me then watch me bleed.
And all around,
You're rubbing salt in the wound.
I see what I don't want to,
Everyone else found what I was looking for,
And I'm still left with nothing in my hands.

I don't want to be patient,
They say good things to those who wait,
But I think you're a little bit late.
Oh god,
Why do you torture me?

I pierce my heart with my own ambition,
A predisposition of a boy with mission,
To find a love story and make his own rendition.

He believes in the stories he sees on TV,
And to a fault he’ll let love lead.
His life dictated by the end goal of love,
Shown the world yet deprived of it all.

The pain of the lonely lover,
Who hands his heart to those in need,
Taking it back in pieces,
But believing one day it’ll be returned whole.

Walking this earth with a heart of woolen steel,
He finds himself always lonely,
Although never alone.

Lately I've been sleeping more,
Close the curtains and lock the door.
Frankly life just seems like a chore,
When I'm awake it's just such a bore.

I'm waiting on something to stir me.
Waiting for something to purge me,
Cleanse me from these dark thoughts
That rouse demons from my heart now.
I'm trapped in a cycle  of negativity,
And I need something to pull me out.

I'm waiting for good news,
But nothing ever goes my way.
So I put down my head like I do my hopes,
Because it's not as disappointing this way.

You can't be let down if you never raise your hopes too high,
So I'd rather stay on the ground than risk  falling from the sky.