Submit your work, meet writers and drop the ads. Become a member
152 · Nov 2020
All I Know Is Regret
Kushal Nov 2020
I hate where I am.
I hate who I am.
I hate that I live this way.

I hate that I breath.
I hate that I love.
I hate that I feel.

I hate all of me.
I hate that no one sees.
I hate that all I have is regret.
I hate that I am not who I am.
I hate this poem.
I hate it all.
150 · Oct 2018
Feel it
Kushal Oct 2018
Feel the rush of endorphins
As her body presses up against yours.
The warmth of another
Enveloping you as you embrace their embrace.

Smell the scent that lingers on her hair.
Breath in deep,
Not just the scent of her hair,
But her.

Tighten your grip,
Holding tighter,
Trying not to let this moment slip...
Right through your fingers.

It's only a hug,
But it's so much more intimate than the world sees.
The beauty of it lies in that only you...
Only you know how magical this moment feels.
149 · May 2019
Love is stupid
Kushal May 2019
What even is this?

Why do we hold it to such a standard?
Raised atop a pedestal,
A goal that not all are lucky enough to reach,
A prize that not all are able to claim.

Why must some spend life running around in search,
Chasing a concept yet baring no knowledge of its meaning?
Why do we search for this feeling that we have never known,
As if it were something last lost now found.

Somehow, I guess we just know.
Instinctively, we know.
Happiness lies at the end of a 4 letter word.

But love is stupid,
And I'm stupidly in love with you.
142 · Oct 2019
Holding hands
Kushal Oct 2019
Lately I dwell on the idea of holding hands.
An act so simple yet so human in it's nature.
An act of love.

When palms interlock,
Two become one.
We abandon the use of an appendage
For the idea of closeness.

Therein lies our humanity,
Seen in such a simple act.
We are always willing to give for love.
142 · Sep 2019
Taunted and Teased
Kushal Sep 2019
What is it like?
You who lecture me,
Tell me what it's like.

Tell me again that I don't know love,
Tell me that someday I'll have it.
Tell me it shouldn't hurt this much,
Tell me I'm overreacting.
Tell me that I shouldn't be this sad
Over something I've never had.
Tell me I can't be lonely,
Tell me I have friends and family.

Tell me it all like you know the thoughts in my head,
But not once have I ever said,
"I know love."
No, I know worse.
I know what it's like to fall in love,
Over,
And over,
Yet never once have the chance to keep it.
This is a poem about those that have spent life falling in love without having it reciprocated, while watching morons around them abuse what love they've managed to find.
141 · Jul 2019
Okay
Kushal Jul 2019
If they knew,
If they could so how much I'm twisted.
They took too many looks,
But I guessed they must have missed it.

Tearing myself down,
I don't know what now.
Now my heart is aching,
My lungs are paining,
Guess this is how it feels to drown.

I put on a smile,
And leave it in place.
Take my heart and throw it away,
Keep all of my emotions at bay.

So if there's one thing you should know,
When you ask if I'm okay,
I'll say yes,
but I mean,
No.
140 · May 2019
Longing
Kushal May 2019
Take me in motherly arms and rock my soul to sleep.
If I keep going through everyday this way,
I'm not gonna keep.

I'm stumbling, fumbling, hurting because you're just out of reach.
So I drown my sorrows in smoke,
Till I dont have to breath.

Give me a hand like your own,
A hand to take hold,
Make me feel like I'm not alone.
If i could give you my all,
For second,
Just know that i would.
If i could say everything,
Then everything,
Is what I'd tell you that you mean to me.
If you could see how I love you
 then maybe
I wouldn't be lonely.
140 · Nov 2018
Fledgling hearts
Kushal Nov 2018
Fledgling hearts,
Torn from nests of clouds.
Soon you'll find,
What lies through these misty plains.

Flightless souls,
That have never flown,
Close enough to fire,
To burn in heaven.

Fall or fly,
Hearts will raze or rise.
Pray you'll glide among the winds,
And hold a heart between your wings
140 · Mar 2019
Fragile hearts
Kushal Mar 2019
Tread lightly on those with fragile hearts,
Broken before and bare the scars.

Slowly their heads do lower from the stars,
As shattered hearts make love feel barred.

These playful souls will still play your game,
And willingly fall all the same,
Hoping someday their heart is seen,
And someone takes claim.
139 · Sep 2018
In Search
Kushal Sep 2018
I'd like to be found.

Lost.

A concept I have befriended.
The lack of knowledge of oneself
Brings forth thoughts to-wit none but I are privy.

I wish I understood these thoughts.
139 · Aug 2019
Fragile
Kushal Aug 2019
I'm fragile.

I don't like the worry in your eyes,
So I put on a smile and tell a lie.
I care more for you than I do myself,
So I'll hide my thoughts, and never ask for help.

Most of you never noticed the cracks at the edge of my smile.
Those who did saw only what I consider mild.

But for those who know,
Next time pull me in close.
Hold me in your arms so that it tugs too tight at my heart...
And I can let myself break.

I'm fragile.
137 · Jan 2019
For the Fools
Kushal Jan 2019
Take pity on those with fragile hearts,
Whose wounds don't heal,
But bear scars.

Open hearts bleed dry,
When open eyes set sight on the vast sky.

Immortal hearts but mortal bodies,
Soul and heart hold tight as mind and body let go.

Pity the fool who seeks love undying,
But praise those foolish enough to find it.
I can't really explain the logic behind this to you, atleast not yet. It just makes sense to me . The story of those in search of love, and those strugglinf to find it.
137 · Oct 2018
Footprints
Kushal Oct 2018
I see my footprints in the sand,
But you're not there to hold my hand.
These tracks look lonely,
When it's only me.

The sand beneath my feet,
The tide comes in and pulls me deep.
Wash away our prints,
But leave behind my sins.

The cold clings to me,
Nobody to hold me close
And keep me cozy.
I guess this is now where I stand,
Watching our footprints fade into the sand.
136 · Mar 2019
Lost along the way
Kushal Mar 2019
Somewhere along the road I lost my way.
I let the breeze take me through the mists,
And like the clouds I drifted away.

I fell to the mud,
Felt the darkness drench the light of my soul
As the barren trees curled overhead,
And I succumbed to the sorrow down the rabbit hole.

Finding myself in a place most strange,
I stumbled getting up,
Yet soon found it easy walking this way.
Onwards I strode,
And so much further I rode.

As the sun shone down,
I found my way upon this road.
135 · Oct 2018
Forever and always
Kushal Oct 2018
Forever and always,
You'll be my first love.
My first thought in the morning,
my last thought at night.

Forever and always,
You'll be able to make me smile.
You could bring me down with a word,
And make me rise with another.

Forever and always,
I'll talk of you to the world.
Forever and always,
Will you mean the world to me.
Forever
And always.
134 · Oct 2018
Dancing thoughts
Kushal Oct 2018
Walking in the heat,
You can't see my heart as I walk down this street.

I look so average,
Headphones on
And it seems like I'm gone.

But in my head it's like a colourful dream,
Words come through the speakers
And in my head I scream.
Dancing in my head
Through a world shifting to the melody,
Feeling the rise and the fall
Of my mental remedy.

I'm in a music video,
Pouring my soul into a visual daydream.
Time slows as the song goes mellow,
Or hits maximum velocity through the buildup before the blow.

I'm in my own place,
This magical escape of a headspace.
The best part is that in reality,
None of it leaves a trace.
134 · Feb 2019
Ride on the inside
Kushal Feb 2019
I used to listen to the same song every morning.
It made me cry.

Everyday I sat on the bus,
On my face i looked fine,
But on the inside I cried.
I screamed so loud,
Hoping the gods would hear my howl.

"Bleed your heart out," I told myself.
"But when you walk through that door,
Smile."
133 · Aug 2019
Hopefully lost
Kushal Aug 2019
I guess I fall in love,
Take it too slow.
I'm waiting on you,
So I'm sure that you're sure.

Because I can't risk knocking on that door,
If we can't be friends anymore.
Yeah it's a struggle,
I really want love.
But I don't want to be the guy whose loses too much.
Then you'll say, "we're just friends" and such.
And there goes the rush.
Now I'm hitting that clutch.
And leaning into a spiral,
This heartbreak can make me so wild.
And over and over I do this again,
But my faith doesn't run out,
I don't think it ever ends.

And that feels like a blessing and a curse,
Been trying so long that I'm losing my worth.
I don't even know if it's worth it,
I just have hope and sometimes that's perfect.
133 · Nov 2020
I Hate Myself
Kushal Nov 2020
I hate myself for the things I do.
All of it torments my mind,
And hindsight is but a curse for my overthinking.

I fill with fear,
To many thoughts in my head,
So many unseen outcomes that spiral through my eternity.

Nothing ever goes the way of happiness,
And content is a feeling I have lost recollection of.
I wish to try again,
For looking at what I am now...
I hate myself.
132 · Jun 2023
Degrees of Suffering
Kushal Jun 2023
I've become accustomed to it all.
Time ticks closer to the end of a dull day,
All my will
Faded away.

It's been so long...
Am I a glutton for pain?
Tolerating the torment over and over.

Some days I don't need to close the curtains to let the dark creep in.
Some days... moments of sunshine.
It's never the same
Always different
Except the warmth is always gone.
131 · Oct 2020
From deep down
Kushal Oct 2020
I have held in my heart a longing for so long.
Pushed down out of fear,
That someday I would speak
And then you would be gone.

But this spark yearns for fire,
And my heart wishes to beat to the crackle of the flames.
Now I succumb to desire.
Burn against the dying of the light.
131 · Nov 2018
Shattered thoughts
Kushal Nov 2018
Broken.
                                                It's all broken.
                Shattered.
Shhhhh!
                                                 Quiet!
                                                                                      Too loud, too loud!
It's so dark,                                      so lonely.
No           no no!                                               Just let me be!
No more thoughts.
                                              I hate it!
No more voices, no more voices
                                                             no more voices!

Don't let me sleep,
                                                        it's too bright in my
dreams.
But
                                it's too dark to survive here.
131 · Jul 2019
Hold me
Kushal Jul 2019
Hold me in your arms,
Love me like I've never known.
Take all the static in my head,
And clear it to a picture
Where I'm not on my own.

Take with you my heart,
I don't trust it under my care.
For beneath my head of hair,
Is a mind too fearful to dare.

Hold me on cold nights,
When I'm too scared to admit,
Hold me on dark days,
When I'm blinded by shadows.
131 · Apr 2019
Inspirational Love
Kushal Apr 2019
I used to fall in love.
I'd feel every fibre of my being ignited,
Every atom in my body excited,
And in the majesty of happiness I felt purpose.

When I would write,
I wrote.
I felt the words fountain from the tip of my pen,
Like each piece knew what it was meant to be.

Everything made sense on a page.
And I always smiled,
Proud of what I displayed.

I wish I could write on that passion once more...
123 · Oct 2018
Loyal Heart
Kushal Oct 2018
Loyal to a fault,
I'll be at your side.
Words like salt,
But wounds hurt till they heal.

Help on the rise,
And cushion should you fall.
I'll look into your eyes,
And say, "These steps start small."

Before myself is where you lay,
And when it calls,
At your side I'll stay.
When you're looking for lies,
I'll say what's true,
Even if it tears your eyes.

I'll be there.
With a smile.
I'll be there.
Till the day I die.
122 · Feb 2019
On the rise
Kushal Feb 2019
I've gotten this far,
Who's to challenge my place
When I've fought or so long,
And fell victim to this state.

I'm up in the clouds,
The high's have never felt this low.
To reach for the stars,
Yet sit so far below.

I'm falling now,
Falling on the rise,.
Look deep,
You'll see the red in my eyes
121 · Oct 2018
Screens
Kushal Oct 2018
I find myself fearing my computer screen of late.
What I write there scares me,
It’s all too real.

It lacks the rhyme of what I’ve wrote on my phone,
And digs deeper into my soul,
Forcing me to feel.
It is raw.
Untapped in recent days,
Something of which I stay clear of.
Why would I call upon it?
Life got better, could I not just leave that darkness be?
But then it got bad again, life that is.
It got darker...
The smiles from the screen of my phone couldn’t compensate for that.
I felt the words fading as I tried to place my thoughts on a 5-inch screen.
There was no magic in this.
I knew what I wanted to show,
But I couldn’t do it there.

It doesn’t really make much sense,
Words are words...right?
All I know is that in front of this screen,
This laptop screen,
I’m more in tune,
More in sync.
It hurts so much more,
But I ******* love it.
115 · Oct 2020
Daggers to Dust
Kushal Oct 2020
Stab at the heart.
Let it drip till it runs dry,
And no longer can I hold tears in my eye.

Unto dust it all goes,
I pay ode to the pain
I know only I would know,
And yet praise the damning of a blade so foul.
113 · Jul 2020
Plague
Kushal Jul 2020
I've never felt such a wave pass through me,
Breaking me down, and building anew,
I heard the whispers between my ears that lead my heart to you.

In days of unknown I wish to find my place at your side,
For only with you have I tried to change for a better life.
Sealed within a vault was where my heart once remained,
Now under your presence, not even these doors help my restraint.

For my heart sees not the need,
To resist your smile,
But fear rears its head,
And tells me to hide.
I am not accustomed to such a plague,
And it tears me in two,
For from love, and fear,
I wish not to lose you.
105 · Sep 2018
Tease
Kushal Sep 2018
Tease me with a thought
And run at the edge of my sight.
And without fail,
I'll chase shadows into the night.
100 · Sep 2018
How Could I Forget?
Kushal Sep 2018
Remember when we'd sit together in class?
You'd work and I'd try to make you laugh.
The teacher always hated how distracted I was.

Remember when we'd walk around the school?
Eyes glared but that was never what caught my attention.

Remember those movies we saw?
The tales we told over coffee and ice cream after?
I'd sit there captivated by your smile as the time passed us by.

Remember all the stupid things I did?
All the idiocy you inspired?

I remember it all...
How could I forget?
100 · Oct 2018
What if we were together?
Kushal Oct 2018
I'd send you morning texts,
Using a cute yet slightly mean nickname for you.
I'll ask what you're doing today,
You'll saying," Nothing"
So I'll ask if you wanted to do nothing with me.

We'd go to university.
I'd skip some classes if it meant I could see you.
We'd go sit somewhere on the grass beneath the shade.
None of that romantic *******,
Just enjoying each other's company.

On weekends we'd go shopping together.
You'd pester me every time I lifted a sweet,
Sometimes I wouldn't listen,
Other times I'd sigh, "Fine".
We'd get some fast food before heading home,
Standing in front of menus looking for the best deal.

But sometimes I'd take you out.
We'd go somewhere with a dress code,
Where the waiters wore suits and a candle sat on each table.
I'd sit in front of you, mesmerized.
And as I do everyday, I'd say you look beautiful.
You'd smile and blush and it would warm my heart.

Night would come,
We'd sit beside each other if we had the time.
Talking absolute ******* and laughing over the stupidest things.
Sometimes you'd fall asleep in my arms over a movie,
I loved those times.
Sometimes you'd say you have to leave,
And even then we'd sit texting till one of us fell asleep.
But oh how I dreaded the moments I had to see you leave,
Though it made me cherish the moments when you'd approach me.
100 · Oct 2018
Unloved
Kushal Oct 2018
A boy,
Sat in the corner if his room,
Huddle up in his blanket,
His head hung beneath the gloom.

Dreaming of love as love songs played,
Yet feeling as though it was not his to claim.
Teary eyed with a face clung to pillow,
He felt  he'd done all he could, yet none loved him all the same.

With a face shoved in the pillows soft fabric,
He yelled the words to a song, "Give me love".
Praying, " Let me feel this magic!"
Knowing all to well what it meant to love,
But never to be loved.
A feeling most tragic.
95 · Oct 2018
People Leave
Kushal Oct 2018
Nothing remains the same.
No matter the will or wish,
Everything changes.

People leave.
Having served their purpose in your life,
They vanish.
Routine turns to memories of when,
"Good morning"s shift to " I guess I'll see you then."

We'll walk past each other,
Nothing more than strangers.
I'd like to say I knew you,
But I used to say I knew you'd always be there.


At the very least you taught me everything changes.
At the very least you taught me not to get attached.
At the very least you taught me people leave...
So I'd like to say I don't care,
But instead I'll just care till you're no longer there.
92 · Sep 2018
Their shadow
Kushal Sep 2018
They don't understand,
They never could.
They set me on a path,
Now I walk with my head down.
Personification of a sigh,
In a world worse to live in than die.
Tell me,
When last did you see me smile?
91 · Oct 2020
Fire/Pyre
Kushal Oct 2020
Like a fool you make me a grin,
Engulfed in a warmth I cant imagine being free of sin.

Catch my heart aflame,
Then light your arrows in its fire.
Through my soul a barrage beats down,
My shelter now turned to pyre.

And I, too fearful to fight,
Succumb to it all,
Wishing I could not burn,
Or to feel its warmth alone...
Yet all I've known is the searing.

— The End —