it's either black or white, there's no grey in between
it's either cut until i cry or stay completely clean
you love me or you hate me, no matter what i do
leave me bleeding, broken, alone or be my superglue
hold me when i need it, or let me be in peace
put the knife up to my throat or make my hand release
love me until the day i die or don't love me at all
don't deceive me, tell the truth, i'm waiting for your call

You don't deserve to rule my head
Or be my nightmare late in bed
You cannot taunt me anymore
I'm not a thing to be ignored
I loved you once, but now you see
I don't need you to be free
You walk your path and I take mine
We leave each other back behind
I don't regret the times we had
In fact, honestly I'm glad
In moving on I was able to see
Nothing will last permanently

My friend and my enemy for so many years
Bringing me constantly back into tears
Holding me back, taking control
Watching and laughing while taking her toll
Making a home in the back of my mind
Discovering secrets that no one could find
Giving me feelings like never before
Quietly whispering, not anymore
Satisfaction as you waste away
More and more bones everyday
Deceiving and lying, warping your thoughts
Leaving you dying, shaken, distraught
And after your life's been too close to hell
She moves on to the next, without a farewell

I hate the way you seem to sit inside my every thought.
Dripping from my poetry and making me distraught.
Your presence seems to haunt me and fill my heart with grief.
And even when you're gone, I still can't find relief.
Your words are like a poison, I drink until I'm numb.
And to your addictive voice, again I shall succumb.
You're merciless and painful, but wear a soft disguise
You broke my bleeding heart in the time of my demise.
I miss your open arms, to which I used to run.
I was all set to die, so you handed me the gun.

You wake up in the morning and hop up on the scale.
Ana's looking over, waiting for you to fail.
The numbers start flashing, you're more scared than you should.
The number stops, you stare.
Two pounds down, that's not good.
You feel Ana's presence, her disapproving glare.
Your hollow stomach grumbles, but now you just don't care.
Another week of starving, counting your single meal. But when you have Ana around, she says that's the deal.

Gather up every single one
This is our day to have some fun
Both hands are free and lips untouched
No need to impress, no need to rush
Keep your money, leave the rose
Don't be ashamed if everyone knows
No need to shower or do your hair
Because you're not going anywhere
***** your manners, just be you
Let's face it, what else is there to do
No staring across an awkward table
No 'boyfriend' 'girlfriend' typical label
Forget a mushy gooey Valentine
Or all the drunk ***** with their fancy wine
The perfect Valentine for me
Is on my couch, warm and comfy!

Raised me like I'm one of your own
Teach me the things of the world unknown
Built my foundation, strengthened my core
Gave me an abundance of joy to explore
Then you took it, my joy disappeared
I was locked in a realm so very unclear
Didn't know what went on, nowhere to turn
The lesson at hand is a hard one to learn
Sealed me with an iron sheath
So nothing can penetrate beneath
Guarded and cautious, but stronger today
Pain is the price of living to pay

Life is not a storybook nor a fairytale
Instead it is a beaten path a lost, forgotten trail
The princess doesn't find her prince
She learns to save herself
The prince is not a noble man with castles and much wealth
Dragons, trolls and other beasts do not plague our thoughts
Instead are visions, crushed up dreams that leave one quite distraught
The little damsel in distress is not what you'd expect
She could be hiding in her room, both wrists left unchecked
A hero doesn't come your way, you pull yourself back out
Through the sharpest twists and turns along a different route
A mighty sword you do not hold, nor a trusty steed
Though the darkness seems too harsh, no warnings will you heed
There is no certain happy ending, no perfect princess bride
When you fight the path called life, with death you may collide

Way back when in Bible times,
Being a ***** was like a crime.

But you'd think with today's many advances,
We'd offer more people second chances.

Today we have lepers all around.
But no one helps them stand their ground.

They come in different shapes, sizes, forms.
Black, white, yellow, orange.

Homosexuals, transgender, maybe different than you.
They're all human beings, respect them too.

Don't hate because they have darker skin, being yourself is not a sin.

Don't hate because someone is in the wrong clothes.
It's not your choice, that's just how it goes.

And remember just how lucky you are, getting married at the altar.
While maybe two women or men somewhere near.
Are living together with one great fear.

You can get married, so why can't they?
Why do opinions get in the way?

Just tell me what's wrong with accepting everyone?
Do you think war, prejudice, and tragedy's fun?

Change can be hard, but change can be good.
Make the world become what it should.

Apology accepted
Trust denied
You'll never wipe my tears
'Cause they've dried
My warm heart is guarded
By prisoners of war
You were accepted
My decision was poor
Said you were different
That you were my friend
I hoped it was true
But good things will end
I needed a hand
A listening ear
I wanted to feel you drawing near
I thought you could take it
Your outside looked strong
But deep down inside
I knew I was wrong
I'm sorry I'm sad
Lost and upset
Being your friend
I'll never regret

I may be young, but i know a lot.
I may be frail, but i'm strong.
I may seem really smart, but i'm not afraid to be wrong.
I may think i have it under control, but inside i'm a wreck.
I may seem like an "overachiever", but that just keeps me in check.
I may be a role model, or a success, when actually i'm a big, ugly mess.
So here's the lesson i'm trying to teach, it won't take much longer
It's perfectly fine to have off days.
They only make you stronger.

A lonely little girl, so thrown off track
Too far gone to be pulled back
Scours the trails searching for love
Or maybe a sign from far above
Gray and weary, crawling along
Listens closely for heaven's sweet song
Lies down in a patch of of sweet green sorrows
Preparing for endless todays and tomorrows

Not so sure I know how to stop
When I look at you I feel my heart drop
You weren't my partner, you were my friend
I knew someday it would have to end
But why did you leave me when I was down
My entire life was turned around
I was falling hard with no way out
There was too much **** to worry about
I'm sorry to say I was in love with you
Though there's all the pain you put me through
You hurt me more than ever before
This much hurt, I hoped not to endure
I love you more than I've loved anyone
And I can't bear to know that we're done

I notice when you're gone
I notice when you're here
I feel my heart skip a beat
And know that you are near
When you're feeling sadness
I can feel it too
I'm not being dramatic,
It's just something that I do
I love you with a passion
That no one can replace
And while I sit here by myself
I'm picturing your face
My heart was far too open
I'm sorry you slipped in
The pain in there is hard to take
It won't happen again
But now you've gone and vanished
My bleeding heart has died
I hate the way you hurt me
But I miss you by my side

I endured my most horrific times alone
Apart from the world, dying unknown
I don't need your help, I don't need you here
I fight for myself and that should be clear
But if I say, I need you right now
It means that I want you in my life somehow
You must understand, that is quite rare
And if you leave me, just be aware
That you will have hurt me, and I don't just heal
The pain hits hard and the wounds are surreal
I get too attached and will love you so much
I know I'll feel better just by your touch
Now you are gone and I slammed shut my door
There's no room here for your **** anymore

I let you see my biggest secret, confessed my greatest fear.
You saw all of the things no one has gotten near.
Countless secrets, agonizing pain; i shared it with you.
Whispering words, holding me close, was any of it true?
I reached out; about to drown. You pulled me from the sea.
Brought me back and saved my life, just to ****** me.

When you're feeling broken
Do not blame your heart
It's your mind and your head
That's ripping you apart

When you're feeling lonely
Like you want to die
Signals are sent to your brain
And make you want to cry

Those times you're feeling scared
And don't know where to go
You recognize a familiar face
Hoping that they know

When you're feeling hopeless
Like you've already died
Your mind can be a weapon
Show you how to hide

When you've been betrayed
And left a thousand times
Your head knows to protect your heart
And build a barrier of lies

I'm sorry to say that I'm falling for you.
After everything that we've been through.
I'm sorry there's nothing I can do.
The love that I feel can only be true.

I'm sorry that I have to say
You always take my breath away
I want you more everyday
But how many times can you betray?

I hate to admit I miss your touch
Your nice warm hugs, they help so much
When  all my heart has been sliced and crushed
Your presence gives me quite a rush.

It kills me to see that you have gone
Abandoned me for far too long
I want to hear your soothing song
Although I know that this is wrong.

I'm not prepared to give up yet
I'm falling hard without a net
There's none like you I've ever met
Loving you, I can't regret.

I've always hated math, yet numbers take control
The number on the scale, if I reach a goal
I don't really eat food, it's just a number now
It all happens so fast, I just don't know how
Measuring and counting, tracking everything
Feeling satisfaction, instead of suffering
Pain turns to success, that number coming down
Wreaking havoc, turning your life around
Nothing really matters, all I want is bones
But everything's inside, and no one has to know
What starts off as a simple, 2 or 3 pounds
Can leave your pile of bones, rotting in the ground

Goblins, ghosts, vampires and ghouls
The "scary" things we thought as fools
Blood ******* demons are awfully real
And the pain they cause no one can heal
The howls of longing of hurt and despair
The aroma of death lingers still in the air
Creeping through the darkness and haze
Wandering through this unending maze
And on this oppressing, bloodthirsty eve
Keep your eyes open, it's not make believe
And maybe when you crawl back into your bed
You'll be one of the lucky ones who didn't end up dead

Do you know a three letter word?
The simplest thing you ever heard.
Can always turn your day around. Doesn't even involve a sound.
This gesture is stronger than any word.
You may think it's just absurd.
But these tiny letters h-u-g.
Have always had a big affect on me.

Alone in the dark is a dangerous place
The demons and voices come face to face
United together with one goal to end
The pieces that were trying only to mend
Fear of the emptiness and lack of care
Alone in the dark is the place to dare
Lost beyond words and then come the tears
Knowing yourself is one of your fears
Finding the knife is easy enough
But leaving it be is really quite rough
Sitting alone in the dark listening
To what the next sunrise could possibly bring

In frightening silence, hiding in wait.
Hoping to strike, deciding your fate.
Wearing your patience, and self-control.
These consuming thoughts have taken their toll.
Slitting each wrist, draining red crimson.
Mesmerised as it flows, sparkles and glistens.
Heart beating fast, shaking so hard.
Nothing can stop it, no way to discard.
Feeling lightheaded, stumbling around.
Landing softly upon the cold ground.
Wrists still dripping, time's running thin.
Life pours out of the veins from within.
Lying and wondering when death will grab hold.
With evil, dark hands, and a piercing cold.

I am going to stop cutting.
It's done absolutely nothing.
I didn't know i could; never thought i would but now it's turned into something.
Whether an addiction, or a style this behavior is not worth while.
Part of me wants to stop.
Satan won't let those knives drop.
I am really going to fight because God has taught me wrong and right.

I'm sorry I couldn't save you
I'm sorry I wasn't there
I had to watch you struggle, but how would I show my care
I thought you had gotten better
I saw you start to fade
But in denial, pushed it aside and for you I tried to persuade
I knew things would improve, you didn't see the light
So that fateful time a year ago, you disappeared into the night
From that day on I promised, to remember why I live
Not always for myself, but so there's something for me to give
People will sometimes love, but as humans we also hate
Will you continue to fight? You're the one to choose your fate.

Something so small and invisible, can't put up any fight.
But little do you know, it's bark is not worse than it's bite.
Once it has control, it can warp your brain.
Usually thought as innocent, it's driving you insane.
The toxins have taken over, your breathing starts to slow.
But there's no mercy; it takes awhile for your body to go.
Breathing becomes shallow, heart begins to skip.
Inside, all your muscles and vitals are taking a dip.
So as your body goes rigid, and the last of your air escapes.
Remember your killer's watching you die, but you never cared to look at their face.

We look on the outside, judging much too fast
Not realizing how we repeat the past
More people are dying, there's still so much sin
Killed for simply loving or the color of their skin
But amidst the pool of evil, there's a shining light
Standing by your bedside, as you try with all your might
Just accept your neighbors, your family and your friends
I promise there's no need to succumb to such a violent end
Progress is what we call it, but little do I see
The crumbling nation that this has come to be
Today marks history, "equality for all"
Ha! It only takes a couple hundred different men to fall
But this changes nothing, this world is full of hate
Love is not a simple thing, but to appreciate

Constantly hurting both outside and in.
Nothing is worth it
How long has it been?

Now sleeping and eating come with a price
No more peace, just endless nights.

Tired of barely living at all.
Pain always lingers
I hear its call.

Not always worth it
I can't get  a break.
If this is a dream,
I'm ready to wake.

Come little child, need not you hear
The words of unimportance near
Come little child, stray afar
Past the light, where only we are
Come little child, listen to me
There's so much more for you to see
Come little child, don't wish, but dream
Nothing is quite as it may seem
Come little child, don't hear their word
Much better things that can be heard
Come little child, be never weary
For the clouds will cast both dark and dreary
Come little child, stay close to my heart
Let not the dark world tear you apart
My dear little child, sing out your own song
Each note, each sound cannot ever be wrong
And child, as rings out the very last verse
Remember there's never such life as a curse

Unlike anything you can buy,
The only thing to satisfy
Gives the feeling like nothing else
Not gold or jewels, or any wealth
Not alcohol, or any pill
A type of drug now if you will
Just a simple little thing
But caused me years of suffering
Left me with scars, and tears and shame
I know I'll never be the same
But even though it's overcome
It's a constant threat to see who's won

Why do I always feel so weak
When I know that I am strong
I pile on problems and deal with them
Yet still I hobble along

But when heavy sadness weighs me down
Until I crash and burn
I get back up and go again
Because I never learn

It's impossible to understand
Why I care so much
I know that if I save someone
I'm able to get a rush

Now my shoulders have grown too stiff
I can't support this weight
But I don't want the hurt to spill
Because it's much too great

It's never fair that I can carry this tremendous amount of pain
Then I'm left drained and empty
Relying on myself to regain

I hate it that after all I do
I'm completely hollow inside
And then I start all over again
No way to be revived

The things I would do for a knife in my palms, slicing and slitting away
Hoping for blood and hitting the vein that keeps all the demons at bay
How I miss the feeling of thoughts never to be found
Heart in my head, pounding away, the beautiful, thundering sound
Ages its been since I felt the sting followed by a pause
Like a thousand daggers ripping away the hurt that you have caused
A smile slithers over, seeing the crimson stained upon soft skin
In the end, you understand that you can't ever win

I feel a chill run through my body
Knowing that it's you.
My heart skips, flutters, turns
Because we both know what to do.

Our eyes settle locked tight
Gazing straight ahead
Your warming hands melt my skin
And send me down to bed.

All stretched out, you see it now
Before your very eyes
Pure, untouched but beaten down
But to only you, a surprise.

What was untouched by human hands
Was touched by sharpened blades
Cannot be healed in this short time
For that's not how they're made.

But now look past the broken surface
That mended back to one
And see what lies within the depths
That hasn't been undone.

These eyes have spilled sorrow
This flesh has dripped blood
Two hands always there
To pick up the unloved

This heart has been opened
And drained to the core
Running on empty
Can't take anymore

This voice is quiet
But never unheard
Speaks from the soul
With eloquent word

But this being is fragile
And takes hits so hard
Yet never does show it
Easy to discard

Take deep breath and look at yourself
Don't bow your head in shame
Look at your face, look at your scars, you'll never be the same
But don't be sad and do not cry
The past is in the past
What you've dealt with for so long, I promise it won't last
Look at you, every inch
Unique and only you
There's not a thing that should be changed, or else it can't be true
Be proud of what you've overcome
And never hide again
When you finally be yourself, you can always win

Remembered when i was 6; didn't think my life would turn out this way.
Wasn't supposed to go through situations, but new lessons are learned each day.
Reaching confirmations, lines, fake friends, and half-hearted smiles.
Innocent kids become murderers, even pedophiles.
The good becomes limited, but please don't get out of line.
There's so much wrath and hatred, and we don't have a lot of time.

Isn't it crazy how one decision can change everything forever?
Like having that extra test at the doctor.
Who knew an endoscopy could be the difference between life and death?
No one was expecting anything to happen.
Just routine checkup.
This would be everything but routine.

A tiny little cancerous polyp cost half an esophagus plus part of a stomach and spleen.
Years of recovery, sleepless nights.
Feeding tubes, coughing fits, at home nurses.
Building up strength just to walk into his own home for the first time in weeks.

That tiny cancer would've spread.
On this day, we could've been mourning instead of celebrating.
Cancer took a hell of a lot from us, but look what it gave us.
My dad turned 48 today.
Without surgery, I wouldn't get the privilege of spending this birthday and many more with my dad.

I fought so hard, I didn't stop, I still survived the farthest drop.
And at the bottom, there you were, hovering until I'd stir.
And when I did, you saw me breathe, I wasn't dead so you'd just leave.
There I was, left on the ground, unable to hear a single sound.
Picked up my feet, pulled up my weight, endured the pain that was so great.
Saw you and fell more in love, while you flew by from above.
You're just fine and I am not; ****, I miss you quite a lot.
And now I'm up, I climbed my way, I didn't need your **** to stay.
It's over and guess what, I won, so you and I are over, we're done.

What you see on the outside, the shy, nerdy little girl; is only the surface; underneath is a whole different world.
Just listen really well and you can surely tell the silent screams can now be heard; the volume begins to swell.
You realize she's been ignored; now as her mind is being explored; everyone can see her path is one she simply can't afford.
If she kept going the way she had taken.
It would be impossible for her to awaken.
Once her body hit the cold, hard floor, she would be greeted by heaven's open door.

Lock all your doors, throw out the key
Hide everyone from the demon called me
Cover your windows, pull all the shades
Let no one see the sorrow cascade
Block all contact, don't pick up the phone
Protect yourself from the vast unknown
Forget about feelings, the problems they cause
Remember we all have countless flaws
Nobody's worth it, we die in the end
It's never safe to call someone your friend

It has been said that the eyes are the windows to the soul...

Maybe that's why our pupils are black...

A soft thud stirs in your head, but turns to screams and wails instead.
Every day and every night each side puts up a fight.
One says yes, the other says no.
Which side is right to follow?
"Cut, bruise and eventually die."
"But you have so much to live for; why?"
Part of me knows which path is right.
The other stays wondering through the night.
As i think about my life, i can't help but catch a glimpse of the knife.
Then i think, what if i did?
I'm not important, i'm just a kid.
Each day, every minute, i wonder which side will eventually win it.

See no fading scars, remember no pain
Let out your feelings as free as the rain

Remember those loved, respect those lost Lives came to an end at too great of a cost

Think of the child, with curled locks of hair
Her innocent face with complexion so fair

Look at her smile, look at her dance
What would she do if given the chance

Forgive her of wrongs, relieve her of doubt
Tell her there's a much better way out

Imagine her smiling and dancing again
Happy little family, hand in hand

So now my children, listen to me
All can accomplish recovery

Alone is not a thing to be seen
But a state of mind
A treasure chest full of secrets
That two can never find

Alone is being with yourself
Once was a desolate hell
Now the harrowing sights once seen
Are in the past, don't dwell

Serenity and quiet thoughts
Trickle through the night
A different kind of darkness
And a warming kind of light

Alone has many meanings
All aren't great places to be
Being alone and feeling alone
Are different as you can see

Roses are red
Violets aren't blue
Nothing can stop me from caring for you
From the setting sun
To the rising stars
There's no way we'll ever be taken apart
During the sun, the rain or the storm
My love for you will never be worn

It's been more than a month, when is long enough?
When blades are blades and knives are knives,
Rather than relief for when times get tough.

How long do I wait, for dark scars to fade?
When will the urges be something to evade?

Why isn't anything innocent anymore?
Just new methods of pain, waiting to be explored.

How can I stop wishing that when I hold an edge,
It would slip, just a bit and I can have revenge.

But for now, I have to be patient,
And keep myself away.
From all the edges, points and harm that taunt me every day.

Love used to have meaning, but now it's a casual word.
Used with strangers, celebrities, it's getting quite absurd.

When someone says I love you, this is what it should say:
I will be beside you, and take your pain away.
I promise I will hold you, when you're sad or scared.
I promise I will fix your heart when it needs repaired.
I'm never going to leave you, I'll never shed a tear.
I'll do my best to be brave, and hide my every fear.
I'll mend your broken pieces, and patch them up tight.
Hold your hand and be a shield when you have no fight.
Never will I betray you, never will I lie.
When times get too hard to bear, I'll be the one to try.
If you're feeling lonely, lost and unaware.
Crawl into my open arms, you'll be safer there.

When I say I love you, that's the promise I make.
So if you say it back to me, be sure it's no mistake.

For someone once lost and all alone.
Beaten and broken, heart hardened as stone.

A surprising escape opened secret doors.
Wandering across untrodden floors.

A whole new realm of brilliant minds.
Letting go, leaving the past behind.

Connecting with souls like never before.
Plenty of new works to explore.

Unlocking passion, unknown to man.
Stumbled upon, was not the plan.

Locked in a world, where raw talents flow.
Like ink on paper, where will it go?

Where people accept what others will say.
Trying to take their pain away.

A place that has saved me much sorrow and fear.
And boosted my confidence when kind words were near.

A wise old owl sat on an oak.
The more he saw, the less he spoke.
The less he spoke, the more he heard.
Why can't we be like that wise old bird?

Remember the day you came into my life?
Wiped all my tears and took that sharp knife.
Told me that you would always be here,
Just a phone call away, I knew you'd be near.
Hugged me and said that I'd be ok.
Nothing was taking my life away.
What you were to me, I can't express
You alone dragged me out of this mess.
In doing that, you lost your grip.
Your fragile patience began to slip.
And in order to keep yourself in one piece
It was me that you had to release.