the remains
of a hope so deep inside
reveal a lifetime of lies
that was fed slowly
and grown with an
impossible precision
by those silly mouth noises
by lust-laced lies
by bold faced betrayals
of hearts and minds


discover cathedrals astride
genuine greed displaced by
***** deeds, any price is cheap
when love like that is led
over and over again
to dead ends.

The routines come.

But they come silently,
and they slither,
and they crawl,
and they sneak into our lives
one inch at a time,
hiding in those missing minutes and seconds,
hidden in hours and days lost to the hubris
of our own sense of youth and permanence.

And all the time we've wasted is held so high,
high up above our heads,
just out of our reach,
just a whisper of familiar texture on our fingertips,
as we dance upon our tippy toes,
as our arms slowly tire
of trying to reach what we once held so easily,
as we look back on the shadows
stretched out behind us
overtop of our ever-lengthening timelines,
and we realize that time is indeed passing
and that the golden memories are just that,
memories,
and these stolid routines that we never noticed
aren't making any new ones.

The routines will come,
but ****** be if I'm going to sit idly by
and let them willingly take me.

She offers me more
than any drug could.
She feeds me her life
through those grey eyes.
I listen her sing and strum,
about how awful she has become
I got to love her in ways
other people would die for.
Now I pray to bigfoot.
Now two thousand four hundred and fifty five miles
just make me smile.
Now I don't know what to say to make her stay.
Now I don't want her to go away.

She breathes fire
but burns quietly.

To get her.
Together.
We're alone together.

hahaha

You'll never read this.
That's what makes it
so easy to write.

Maybe if I write a poem about her
she'll finally listen.

(reads through own poems)

Oh, ****, nevermind...
                                                  ..­.I tried that already...

Cemetery trees shiver
in the snowy breeze,
and cover the graves
with their dead leaves.

Tombstones and bones
lying in the shallow earth,
remind the living that
it could always be worse.

I just can't stop
replaying it in my head
over and over
again and again.

Soaked sneakers and Jesus,
I felt like a god
and tasted heaven
on your lips.

The sweat sheet cleaned
our muddy feet
and then I found myself
in your hips.

Oh my, what a beautiful necktie.
Is that houndstooth, oh let me see.

It's not the doubt that does it.
It's not the second thoughts
nor is it the insecurities.
It's not about the lack of trust
or the saturated lust,
it's not the natural attraction
or the ****** satisfaction.

It's just the sickening familiarity of it all.
The painful realization that I've been here before, again and again,
yet each time expecting something...

*...different.

Maximus IPA

he's pacing under there, cant you hear?

I take my seat upon the couch
and hit the power buttons.

Blue-hued light washes over me
in beautiful cascading ignorance.

I mindlessly flip through channels,
briefly stopping to look at cars.
And cheeseburgers.
And movies.
And Bowflex.
And lawyers.
And jewelry.
And petfood.
And starving african children.
And starving animals.
And cellphones.
And service providers.
And medications.
And disorders.
And maladys.
And sales.
And beautiful people modeling clothing I will never wear.
And stores I won't ever shop at.
And lives I'll never live,
only dream of.

Because commercials are now more entertaining
and more relatable than the shows between them.

The confidence that I gave her
abolished that insidious
shroud of self doubt
she wore about her shoulders,
but now it seems
that when she believes
in herself
I don that cold shroud
and hide in it's folds
of insecurity.

The light I held her in
cast me in the shadow
of her darkness,
and now the brightness
that she shines with
just tends to hurt my eyes
and burn my skin.

I'm happy this way,
cold and afraid,
because though I may lose her,
I know this to be true,
it'll be her turn to find someone
that is lost in the darkness
and make them shine brightly too.

Girl, I love those scars
that branch up and down your arms.
Girl, I see those eyes
that stare daggers and stare knives.

I'll get you to feel again
when you see my fake smile.

I'll get you alive again
at least for a little while.

But at the end of the day
once I've had my way,
I'll leave you just like the last
guy from your horrid past.

Because I don't want to insist,
but I don't care for your happiness.
Because you can't forget once you've learned this,
I only want my name bleeding from your wrist.

I only want to be another tally mark
of scar tissue on your thigh.

I only want to leave you in the dark
and listen to you silently cry.

Shine and dance
as your blessed iridescence
flies in the moonlight
of a brisk winter's night,
as we spin, time slows
and above us infinite stars glow,
the fallen leaves twirl in a breeze,
limbs creak on the naked trees,
headstones stolid in the earth
all grant us a wide berth
because the dead they stand above
endlessly envy our true love.

"Yeah buddy, how've you been man?!"


"Let's forget that, want to talk about the things
we've forgotten?"

He looks at me analyzing, and perplexed by,
my intentions against the blank slate that is my face.

"Yeah! Right? Been trying hard to forget
this winter dude, the snow is killing me!"

Matt turns away, takes a slug and summons Vince over
in order to order a shot of cinnamon whiskey. I turn to
wheel of fortune and start counting letters in potential words
when I say

"I bet I've forgotten more things than you can remember"
"..."


"Excuse me?"

He turns back with fireball eyes and whiskey in his hand and
I'm startled by the voracity of his intoxication. Smiling yet totally
instigated he looks me in the eye, takes his shot and states

"are you ridiculing my memories man? You think you had it
harder than me?"
pointing at my chest
"Anyone can see how privileged you ******* are."

I shut up, turn back to wheel and practice my silence.
He drains his beer and steps out into the suffocating snow.
Beautiful snow.
I imagine stuffing great white handfuls of the wet stuff
into his face for all eternity.
Is the snow killing you now BUDDY?!
Lets talk about the weather MAN!!
Tell me all about it DUDE!

Shots bought by others
leave me feeling the same as if it were my money buying them.

No matter where the drinks come from,
they all end up in the same stinking ******.

Let us take a waltz around the rings of Saturn,
without making a sound as our feet follow the pattern.
Let us sway and forever spin
every day in the solar wind.
Baby don't ever wake up from these fondest dreams
where we needn't make up, for everything is as it seems.
Let us never return to the dead-pet freezers and the bleeding,
haven't we yet earned our right to be together without pleading?


Baby there's a cafe on the moon
and we better get there soon
because I'm dying here on Earth
and a trip to Jupiter isn't what we're worth.

Because that place is a heap,
and the coffee there is the worst.

****, man.
She's got me good,
completely entranced
like I knew she would.

Who's in control?
I know she's all mine,
yet I can't help but fear
that I'm all hers.
We belong here
one way or another,
chuckling listlessly
at the idea of fate.
Fighting through
the tidal waves
of the weekly wait,
and drowning
together slowly
in the shallow
weekend riptides,
our bodies
lost somewhere
in the undertow
of this vicious love,
plummeting deeper
below the unbroken
surface above.


Falling forever,
she and I,
each and every night.

Dumb poems.
They should write themselves.

My fingers are callused enough
to omit the burning pain
for at least as long as need be.

Her smile isn't quite rough,
and with her fiery mane
she's quite the sight to see.

Nevertheless, she's better seen ****
and I don't mean to be rude,
but god her thighs are begging
to be wrapped around me.

I can taste the many years
and countless beers
on her beautiful lips
that hide the harsh truths.

So tell me dear,
what is it you fear?

That your daughter may be
more desirable than you?

I saw someone I knew from high school
as I was walking into the bar.
He was doing shots with some other guy
in a corner booth on the other end of the room.
so I strode over and made myself at home
showing them both how to really drink.

Then I recognized a few of the girls they were with,
well one in particular, and that was all that mattered.
The instant I recognized her I knew it was a dream.
I knew that it couldn't be real.
She was pretty, but I didn't talk to her right away,
I had my fair share of ***** until everyone wanted
to take the party back to someone's house.

I saw her glancing my way,
and vaguely realized I was making her glance.
Making her steal quick looks at me among the crowd.
Making her smile at me.

When I convinced myself of this I walked over to her
and made nonsensical small talk as we walked out of the party.

She took me to her apartment, filled with cats.

She started to cry, inexplicably, and I folded her up into my arms.

And I flew us into the sky, slowly floating between buildings and trees.

"Why does this have to be a dream?" She whispered in my ear.
And I chuckled quietly.

Because I knew it was actually me saying it.

So many women at the bar tonight
30-somethings giving me hungry eyes
40-somethings pleading for my attention
and a 23 year old with sky eyes ignoring me
I see her through the mirrors on the back of the bar
and she glances at my reflection ever so briefly
so I buy her a drink hoping she'll feel like
she owes me something or another
and she comes over and tells me
about her relationship with
her father and her mother

Then I drive home and hit a speed bump
that I've never noticed before

Two days is a long time to have you back in my
digital life, and I don't know if unblocking you
is even worth it.

Because I'll be too scared to look at who
you've become, but I know you'll see my
existence in it's entirety.

I'm afraid of you, love.
I'm afraid of your love.
I'm afraid of love.
I'm afraid.

My eyes are dilated
so I turn my back to the beam of light
shining so ******* bright
through my windows at night,

although a tad belated
I now know the shape of regret
is outlined on the curtain set
in a shadowy Silhouette.

deglue deluge

Oh dear readers, please don't forget
that without you there, wherever there is
all of my words just wouldn't exist.

But I do not fear, and I do not regret
for were you not there to be readers
I doubt that I would ever even know it.

Fire reaching for the rafters, sirens in my ears.
It's burning and spreading, it has been for years.

Fractured glass shatters
each beam of light cast
through my windows at night
from the cars driving past
In the brief illumination
my pupils contract
blinded by light
I'm sent spiraling back
to a time when things
were simpler, not sad
when the glass was clean
not fractured and cracked
and a beam of light
that the moon did cast
stretched across the ceiling to
illuminate my eyes
as it did today
but it hurts
Because i'll never see it the same way.

...