(Name here )
The things I think about
All have to do with you
They'll never be written with this pen
You're a topic
I rather leave unread
When you come into mind
I tend to distract myself
From everything I feel
Cause without you by my side
Makes this life a bit more of a hell
I'll let all it roam
Feelings, thoughts, dreams & memories
Will flood my mind
But I shall not speak
And won't allow it to be seen in ink
All the things I think
When you pop into mind
Cause it irks me to know
That everything roaming
In head & heart
Will soon be overflowing
the sound of your name
Flashbacks of what was or was not
Drown me inside
Leaving me trapped in my mind
Cause if I were to speak
Or let it be seen with ink
Tears would never stop flowing
Till I could see you again
Just as my friend
Making it easier for me
To feel and live again
And finally be free

Just like the rest
You're obsessed with your ex
Blinded from neglect
You failed to see
I was trying my best
to have you notice me
I failed just like the rest
Because to you
No one could compare
to be better than your ex
And you made that very clear
So I'll just stand clear
& hold back these tears
Cause just like the rest
You're obsessed with your ex
& you'll never have a next

To think I'd let myself die
If it meant saving your life
Ha, i probably lost my mind
If it ever came to that
Cause I'd be better off
If you weren't around at all
To make me feel like hell
Acting like you own a crown
& better than anyone in this town

You're on my mind
Not quite sure why
But I feel like I want to die
With you inside, corrupting my mind
There's no where to hide
From what I'm feeling inside
Trying my best not to rest
Until I'm the very best
Making you mine
Reclaiming my mind
Proving to the rest
That I'm nothing less •••
God bless

Lately I don't know what to think
You make me not okaye
But you make things really great
How I hate you like so
But wishing you were near
As my head becomes clear
No one stands near
I'm left unsure
Is this reality or my little fantasy
I'll wish you the best
Cause this love has got to go
For all the miles between us
Are for the better
At least, I think.

Piercings and tattoos
They replaced all the *****
Out of spots to pierce
Not enough to money for tattoof
Whatever will I do
If I don't get off this edge soon

You're stuck in a rut
there's no escape
you have but little freedom
your mind lost
controlled by a demon
that knows you all to well
welcome to your living hell

About once a week
Since I've been clean
I know not what I think
Or how I should
I shut down
Almost as if I'm I'll
Nothing is wrong
Nothing is right
These thoughts
Thoughts of nothingness
They come,  and stay for the night
Driving me insane
As I strive to stay clean
I don't wish for the drugs
Or to be drunk
I wish I could just , just understand
Why it is I am feeling
This nothing , as I'm empty or dull
What is it I'm missing in my soul
Have I killed the heart inside me
From the last use and abuse of drugs
Why is it once a week I suffer
From this nothingness insanity inside me

Learning to live once more
Learning to love again
How to share my thoughts
Trying to understand why,
Why it is I feel so lost
Discovering who I am
That sounds so lame
But ain't it the truth  
A new life I've been give
A new beginning,  how lucky I am
A life without drugs or alcohol
Who would have ever thought
That'd be the life I'm living today
Seems like I'd struggle
To stay clean and sober
To my suprise & everyone else,
It's been so easy
Sobriety isn't a issue
The real struggle I've had
Has I've been living this life
Is finding who I am
I know nothing about me
My likes, dislikes in anything
At least not as I'm sober
So sad to say when having that first date
"Tell me about you"
When I know nothing of me
Coping is different
Sad, mad, or stuck inbetween
I can only scream
No drugs to remove what it is I feel
No alcohol to block the memories
Everything is so real
All the pain I feel
From years of being blocked
All ganging up on me
How I wish I could just
Just turn to drugs
I've come so far
I must stay strong
But can these thoughts
Can these thoughts just leave me be.
As I'm just trying to find me .

These love poems are all making me sick
Wanting me to go jump in a ditch
Love isn't ****
Why can't you see that
A hopeless romantic I am
But a heartless ***** I show
Love is stupid
Love is a myth
Time to grow up
Open your eyes
See now, love isn't **** .

You make me insane
Like maybe I should blow my brains
Maybe I'm not okaye
But I know
Someday I'll make through the day
With no tears pouring from my eyes
Or feeling like I want to die
You make me sane
Like everything will be okaye
But I knowill
Someday this will all fade away
With no more laughs
Soon it will all just be my past
You make what I wish not
But what I know not of
Cause this feeling is odd
This feeling is all at a loss
To what pain is caused
And the love it brought
You make me insanely sane
If that's such a thing?  
I know not of
Cause these words
These words don't go
& are nothing but scrambles from my mind
Showing what you've left me with
To piece together
what's left of the broken
It's all a mess
Maybe soon
I'll have it pieced perfectly together

I try try try
But all I do is
Cry cry cry
Why can't I get you out of my mind
Sleepless nights
Restless days
Im losing my mind
Why must I miss you so much
Why must I miss you at all
I try try try
to rid you from my mind
But once I'm free
Something so small brings you back to me
I cry cry cry
I want to die die die
Nothing to block my feelings
Nothing to block the memories
I'm living in reality
And all I want is to
Be living in a fantasy
Just to escape the real inside me
So I won't cry cry cry
Until I sleep through the night

I want so bad,
To escape,  
Escape this reality
And just go back
Back to the fantasy
I was once in
Cause reality is a *****
A ***** I'm not ready for

Stay great, stay smiling
feel like frowning ?
Just call me up
I'll do my best,
To turn it around
miss you much,
Take care
I love you
goodbye dear
-r.se

Keep your cool
Put that smile on
Play it straight
Keep your head up
Let out some laughs
The sun still shines
Go ahead & cry
The moon settles your mind
Soon everything will be alright

That first inhale the quick sensation
feeling like I've had 10 cups of coffee
it was a great feeling
once upon a time
and now it's been one week
one week without that thrilling Rush
and I'm still here, not insane
not missing that high at all
our first hello
messages sent night and day
that first hug next a kiss
A one month wait for our first time together
the long cuddles with South Park on TV
The Giggles & deep talks
as the clock change to 4 a.m.
playing that we're asleep as the sun rises one week without any of that
I feel like I'm falling apart
love real or fake it
was the best feeling
That's what I'm missing most
the, maybe, false love
but I'm missing those from you
You're the one I miss most
That's what making me insane
Being Sober is fine
not having seeing or talking to you
that's made me lose my mind

I don't know what it is
Well not exactly what it is
That makes me feel like I
I sort of want to die
Crawl under the rock
Bury myself deep under
Cry a thousand tears
Question whybeg to have you near
Find me ato least
We'll actually
That, that's all a lie
I know a little
Little of what it is
That makes me feel less
Less enough to just die
That is
Well it's you
You've damaged me
So much it's the ultimate struggle
A struggle to be me
Like just
Genuinely me.  
And it hurts
Not being me hurts me most
Not you
Not you being away
Or the lies you fed to me
It hurts I can't be me
That's what
That's why
I feel like I
I just want to die

I'm not sure why
But it seemseems like
Whatever I write
Is only of you
I don't know why
Maybe I've gone insane
Or is it cause I'm just that hurt
I don't know
And no one else knows
Maybe you know
It's not on purpose you see
I try hard , very hard indeed
To write more than just
Whatever I had with you
But that seems impossible
Whatever comes to mind
Revolves around you
It kills me daily
Drains me hourly
I've lost my mind
Don't know why
Love does that
If thatshe what it is
But it could be
The devil in my head
Cause just that
The devil will stay
Drowning me from ever being
The free bee I'm meant to be
Happy as could be
He's haunting me with you
The thoughts and memories
He feeds to me
As a reminder ,
That will never be
Not again
With another human
Will I feel so close to love
Cause I've left the drugs
So it's over now
I'll never be loved
By another
As true as it was
Whatever I had with you .

If not now, maybe in the future
When we're grown, sober even
Loved you through it all
While we were drugged & young
In the future, hopefully
It will still be there
& we can get it to work
Cause I know
You're my person
And I don't know how to be
Any bit of me, without you
For now, i'll grow, alone but free
Till then
We'll just have to see
How things could be
If it's nothing more
But a intoxicated love
We once shared.  

She went insane
No one knows why
Unsure how
She lost her mind
They didn't dare
Ask her how
She never cared
To tell them why
But deep inside
She wanted to die
People walked by
Ignoring all the signs
Silent screams for help
Unnoticed, & ignored  
She lost hope
To each by stander
She became
Just another
A broken soul
In search of who she really was
And what it felt like to be loved.

Can't sleep
Nothing new
So you try everything
To get some rest
Starting with the  
Counting of sheep
Saying your 123's
Maybe try the abc's
Silence your phone
Turn down every light
Lay still
Hands on your chest
Close your eyes
Listen to the nothing roaming your room.
Feel your heart beat
Maybe do a light hum
And hopefully soon
You'll be in deep sleep

This friendship is real
You mean the world
To me at least
I know it's sad
We have to say goodbye
We'll promise not to cry
Say we'll still talk
Keep in touch
That's what everyone always sadly
But I know how it will go
The same as everything else
It wont work out
This is the end
You don't know it yet
But this is it
Our final good bye
Please don't cry
When you realize
Even real dies.

What a fool
To love you
Be attached  

What a fool
To love your
Think you're my human

What a fool
To ignore the signs
And believe it was fate

What a fool
To follow my heart
Ignore my mind
Follow what I feel
And not what I'm told

You told me not to,
It wasn't right timing
Even pushed me away
I didn't care
Still i tried
Giving you my love
Showing you my soul

I knew what you said was true
It's not the right time to love you
I ignored every word
Each action you made to prove
You were no good for me

My heart would break
We both knew that
But still
We never stopped speaking
I'm not sure why
If you knew
My heart would only die

I'm not the same
I've been destroyed
I've gone insane

The struggle I have
Figuring out why
I've become this way
How did I allow this

It was somewhere between
Each different heartache
That removed every bit of me

Those no longer in my life
That easily walked away
Without a good bye
A reason why
They robbed me
Pieces of my heart they stole
That day they walked away

I've gone insane
I've been destroyed  
I am not the same

These thoughts can't be mine
They're way out of line
Smile during the day
Crying at night
Yelling why

I don't know to get by
Each day I struggle
Questioning why
Begging for it to end

Smiling is no longer easy
My laughs are short
I don't speak anymore
Sleeping doesn't help
Neither does eating

Drugs are a remedy
But only temporarily
Even those
no longer help

Laying wide awake
Remembering why
I've been destroyed
What's made me go insane
To make me not the same

The answers vary
There are so many


I'm not the same
I've been destroyed
I've gone insane
There's no way back

The most confused
From only one person
The biggest confusion
One human has give me

Each night
I lay awake
Wondering why
Things happened this way

Reminiscing of our nights
That turned to days
Which we spent together
From laying quietly & still
To whispering our deepest feels
Cuddling closer
Making animal noises
Quick pecks on the cheek
You going for more

Those were the best moments lived
I knew it wouldnt last
Soon it would come to an end
Like all great things do to me

You never said good bye
I didn't know why
It destroyed me to know
It was always a joke
Least that's what filled my head
When you didn't say why

Depression hit
More than I've known
Binging on drugs soon begun
Locked in a room
Not even coming out for food
What was the point
If I didn't have you

1 month pass
You message me hello
Speaking to me
Like you did nothing wrong
2 days later
You're here at my door
It's so good to see you
But I'm hurting inside
Trying not to cry
When you ask me what's wrong
Take care I say turning away
Step inside before you the tears falls

Curled into a ball
Crying as I've done
So many nights before

You've left me confused
Only you
The most confused
I've ever been
How could one human
Cause so much confusion

Each night I fall asleep
But only to wondering why
It all went this way
Wondering why
It ended like this  

Praying for the thoughts to end
As the tears shed
One last breath
Till I'm in the dreamworld

Sitting along the curb
Sun shining bright
I await for my drug delivery

Wondering why
It's taking so long
Oh right
They're on Tweaker time

Texting my guy
Asking how much longer
I'll have to wait

The sun is bright
It's heat getting to me
Thinking to myself
Ill be late to work
***** getting ready
I'll pack a bowl
Light it up
Only 2 hits
Then I better get ready

Phone buzzes
My guy explains
He's sent another
To do this deliver

I don't ask why
Or who it is
Just for him to get to me soon

Pace back and forth
Along the curb
Stressing
I'll be late to work
Why's this guy taking so long

I hear the car
Look up fron the ground
Finally this dude has arrived
But to my suprise
It's you inside

Frozen
Thinking is it really you
Unsure
How could this be
It's been a month since I last saw you
I question why
You're the delivery guy
Call you an ***
For not hitting me back up

I ask for the dope
Give you the money
Step out the car
Not saying a word
My hearts filled of hurt
I rush back inside
Text my guy why

He replies why it's a problem
I explain
We spoke about the situation
That delivery guy
He's not just anyone
I didn't want him to know
I've been using dope
Plus he's the reason why
I do more than I can handle
To void the memories
To void the thoughts
Of everything we once were

It's not fair at all
One month passed by
No replies from you
But Instead
I see you
To my suprise
As the new delivery guy
Of this dope
I don't want it anymore

But I must not cry  
And must not think
Pack a quick bowl
Light the flame
Watch the smoke fill
Inhaling and twirling
Exhale, cool
What was it that made me so sad ?

Smile curl
Phone buzzing
Let's go to work
Rush everything
I'm ready to pretend
Like nothings ever wrong

Tweaker Tweaker
Did you eat any dinner
And Have you showered
Tweaker Tweaker
How long have you been awake
When's the last time you had real sleep
Or is everyday maintained
W/ 10mins every half hr.
Tweaker Tweaker
Do the shadows still appear
Are the voices the only thing you hear
Is what you feel inside your skin
Even real or just made up in your head
Tweaker Tweaker
Do you even care
The ones you love miss you so much
Do you even care
You've lost your life before 25
Tweaker Tweaker
Please get better
Reach out for help
Put the needle down
Drop the pipe, hear it shatter
Blow away that line you just crushed up
Tweaker Tweaker
It'll be alright
Your loved ones are still near
They still care
Reach out for help
Don't be scared
Everyone only wants to help
Tweaker Tweaker
When you quit
The devil will shout
It won't be easy , count on that
It will be worth it
You'll get to live
So try your best
Beat past this, you'll get through this
Slowly but surely
You'll make to 100 days sober
Reunite with all your loved ones
Employeed with a growing family
Is what will come
When you decide  
It's time to end the Devils game
So
Tweaker no more,
but a lady or gentleman
Good for you
You've come far
Keep your mind positive
I'm proud of your sobriety
Congratulations  
You're living
& now you see why
Sobriety was always worth it
Tweaker no more
Lady or gentleman
How was the meal you just had
Was the shower the best you've had ?
Did you finally get some sleep
Were you able to escape
the shadows and voices from in your head
Tweaker no more
Just admit
This is the best you've felt
Since your first time trying crystal  
You feel human finally
There's no going back
To tweaker island
You won't make it out
The second time around
So hide your very best
Keep yourself busy
And talk out loud
When you feel like
you Might relapse back
into tweakers land.  
With no chance to survive another night

2 am
A lot on my mind
Not a bit surprised.
Body aches
Eyes heavy
Can I rest already?
Thoughts roaming
Memories flowing
Mind wide awake
How do I sleep tonight?
Brain hurting
Sleep deprived
Yawning more & more
Slow breathes in
Exhale out
Thump, Thump, Thump
My heart makes
Only sound I hear
Laying perfectly still.
Shadows forming
Darkness becoming darker
Am I awake
Or staring into space .
Unsure of what I know
Dreaming of what will be
Why is it hard to let it all go ?
Body at ease
Perfectly still
Eyes closing each min passed by
Mind wide awake
But empty inside
Looking for my far away land
Journey extended
Next thing I know
Daylight is what's to be shown
Alarm buzzing in my ear
Thinking do I have to awake
Wait....
Did I even really sleep ?
Was it all my sleep deprived mind
Playing tricks on me again?
I don't know
But truth be told
Overthinking
Can destroy ones soul
I just want to sleep
When will my mind be at ease

Hold me tight
Hold me near
Call me your dear

Your arms are my home
Heartbeat music to my ears
Every touch my best medicine

Words so soothe
Healed all my hurt
Removed the anger that I felt

What was I to do
If I ever lost you

You're my only remedy
To everything that I feel
The best medicine with no costs

I'll miss you so much
It's for the best
I understand

I'm addicted to you
So it's time to take a stand
This is where it ends
Never to be friends  
Goodbye my love
I wish you the best.

Calm and secure you always made me feel
Each night we lay side by side
Hand in hand
Sometimes with my head on your chest
It felt right
Two beats in tune
Each breath released as if it were one
Heart aching for what would come
It knew this wouldn't last
Still I went along
Pretending it would all be alright
I didn't expect it to end this way
Not this fast is what I mean
Thought there would be one last time
Moments like this are rare
Wish I could relive
What love you made me feel
The battle to let go
All too real to be told
Demons I fought
As I lost you in sight
The time went by
Never to be as I once was
Jst.moved on
Forgetting that once upon a time
Each night we shared
I once was calm and secure

on a path with no destination
filled with neither love or hate.
each day that passes by
I know I'll get by without you at my side.
on a path with no destination
Filled with neither love or hate.
I keep this smile on my face
embrace every battle I fight
Filled with neither love or hate
This destination will soon be discovered.

I'll never forget the feelings we made up
To keep each other alive, survive another night
Everything of us, all just myth
Medicine to heal but power to destroy
Greatest addiction to be released
Finally at peace
with these unsaid words
This would be our final goodbye
Everything of us, all just a myth
Bittersweet it was, to overcome
the closest thing to real love
I wish you the best as you continue
Prayers for your next love
To be blessed
Nothing like us, all just a myth
Ending with burned pages
But instead
Ending with laminated chapters

When it's late at night & you're unable to sleep  you can become delusional from the thoughts you hold inside. And when theres no one by your side for you to let it all out,  Remember that your stuffed animal friends have always been there whenever you needed to cry it out... I think I've gone mad, oh how I do believe I'll die from the thoughts I hold deep inside.

And so maybe it wasn't true.
Maybe it was all just a myth I wished to be true
I misread the signals & believed every word you said
Ignored all the warning signs & your addicton
How silly of me to be blinded of the truth
To think that i loved you, oh I must have been ******.
Cause that was a just a big joke
Inlove with how you treated me, and the warmth i felt whenever by your side.
How I hated to say good bye.
And every kiss or hug just felt like I was at home. 
But that wasn't real
It was all a myth designed by my first ever intimacy
Oh how would it could have continued
How I wish it could only have been real
But it was a good lesson to Me
What you feel may not always be real
So be careful of what you let get to you .
You may not recover if the damage is deep.

How could I only help you
Blind to what it was doing to me
I knew you would soon be better
Blind to what I was slowly becoming
Assisting you whenever I was called
Ignoring that my calls were always denied
How could I be so oblivious to what was unfolding
You were becoming better with each passing day.
But i, I was deeper into the hole I helped you out of
You felt the sunlight and left without hesitation
Leaving me in this hole of darkness that wasn't my own
Blind to what it was doing to me
I stayed happy that you were better
Blind to what I had become
This dark hole soon became my home
As I could hear the happiness of your better soul
It never dawned on me it was for the misery of my soul in exchange that you could truly live happy.

Tell me, does it scare you?  
The thoughts that creep through your head when you're alone st night tucked into your bed.  Do the shadows still catch you off guard as you begin to drift into a dream
  Oh ****, now you're well awake talking out to yourself.  Don't you wish you could just get some sleep?  You beg the thoughts to end and for the shadows to go away.  You haven't danced with the devil for two weeks now & so they have come to redeem you.  You toss & turn, even turn on a light & you scream " I'm clean, please just got away,  let me continue to be free".  They're getting closer, the thoughts are beginning to corrupt your head.  You're sitting in the corner saying a prayer.  Tell me, did the devil redeem you?  Or have you claimed yourself at last instead?