I have had too many instances in my life where people have tried to take my voice from me and take my choice from me countless times .. I wasn’t able to fight back all this years ago when I got jumped in that bathroom and I wasn’t able to say no when I was under the influence coerced into what to this day most would call ****.. I should be stronger I should be saying **** everyone I should scream I’m at my breaking point…& my wits end with so many different emotions left to fend .. I’m a good person but I’m afraid I’m gonna go OJ Simpson once I’ve reached my limit . I’m tired of taking other peoples **** I’m tired of being too nice, some **** is really unacceptable, unnecessary and unforgivable. Who cares what other people think or feel when they have hurt me too? I’m tired of feeling for others when I should be worried about me . I’ve unpacked and healed so many traumas but there is a pattern that I’m attracting that needs to cease.. I’m scared of my true anger deep down cuz it can get crazy if it isn’t transmuted correctly but I got this. I know this , I need to express myself and have no regrets. Some people don’t think but surely I do . Surely I’m two steps ahead and above them at their ******* games but why do they choose to play games? This is real life not a movie .. they’re insane and I’m done blaming myself for other peoples projections they need to work on themselves. Shadow work at its finest. my ancestors and spirit guides always are gonna look out for me I’m a goddess not a Harlot so above all people should watch what they say or do to me. God gonna spin the block for me✝️

Lately I haven’t been feeling like myself and lately I’ve been wondering if certain things are still worth it. Does my man understand my worth and appreciate and accept me for who I am? I shouldn’t have to question myself every week about this. I want things to get better and I want us to be better but I don’t know what’s meant anymore . All I know is that I love him with all my heart and at this point my heart is hurting. It was too open too available for him and now it is just an open wound that only I can heal. Only I will know how to heal it and in time I pray things will
go well . But only god knows if we’re meant . I would never want this to feel like  waste of time on both sides and I don’t want to give up either. He wants to be mentally stimulated and apparently I haven’t been that for him. It doesn’t matter how much of a intellectual I am if we cannot see eye to eye . I’ve been a ride or die but if we cannot move forward we can’t fly high. I just have to trust my intuition because it always knows best lord knows I’ve been put to the test...

If I was to leave you right now I don’t think you’d mourn my loss the way I do yours.
I don’t think you realize what you have a lot of people wish they had.
I don’t think you know the amount of stuff I’ve decided to put up with to stay with you.
When you barely put up with me.
When the going gets tough you leave.
I’m too much to handle and that’s too much for you.
My emotions are high because you put me on this roller coaster .. I’m walking on eggshells just to get by.
But I love you so I chose to stay... I continue to stay because I feel you’re worth fighting for . But this emotional distress I keep going through will go on no more ! Because I will be out that door..

How could you end things so easily?
Was the love really ever there ? And
Did you ever really care? My heart
Is broken once again. Not once not twice but thrice .. you left me again. You’re
Verbally abuse and I’ve took this for long
Enough. I have to be done I have to get rid of you emotionally mentally and physically.
You just wanted to be done so bad over a
stupid argument .. shows your true colors
Shows me who you really are .. I deserve better than this.

Will I ever love again?
Or be afraid to fall .. all the love is in me and I give it to myself but to keep holding back how I feel in case of a mishap I wonder if I’m safer that way
I know myself and I know I can get attached easily so In order to protect myself I have to detach a bit not get my heart fully involved if the person can’t commit. I always know what I’m capable of and I don’t know about others . I’m still young and I’m still learning ..

Is it wrong to..
Feel too much
Do too much
Like too much
Love too much
Trust in your gut and your heart and soul trying to find control.
The balance between lust and fate
Love and hate . Searching finding loving learning ..
....wanting needing getting having ..

The energy surge I felt , is that even real? you’re wide beyond your years .
Soul ties , soul connections you get rid of my fears .
You bring me tears of joy , unless the kind you would Employ .
Do I love you yet? It’s too soon to tell you asked me it once I figure .. we do but we’re not there yet and will we ever be ? I don’t know but I feel it coming...

I’m more than just a pretty face ,
a pretty body,
a pretty taste
I’m a soul you can’t erase
I’m style
I’m grace
you can’t replace me
Let’s face it I grew on your heart
We’re almost never apart
Shooting for the stars just to land in front of one, maybe I found the one, maybe you’re my number 1..

I know the truth is my feelings had me sprung and even now it’s just hard to move along why can’t I forget about you cuz you’re almost always there the feelings I had for you it isn’t even fair . Had to detach myself when you said don’t get attached that’s my problem cuz I feel like I’m being attacked . For having strong emotions and not knowing to let go it’s easy for men whose feelings never show while women’s feelings continue to grow . Continue to blossom into something you’ll never know.  Never had a real male friend that didn’t like me things got awkward and I cut them off most likely .

Live your life , enjoy your life, love your life . I don’t wanna die knowing I didn’t live my dream and was all that I wanted to be in life . It’s starting to become more clear to me that if I don’t do what I love and what’s meant for me I won’t be happy . I’m never happy doing something I’m forced to do you shouldn’t feel forced you should want to have a certain career not be forced into it and hate it and waste your life etc I know I love to sing , act and dance I know that’s always been in me it’s my dream . What I need is a manager someone who knows what they’re doing , someone who has connections . Connections are important in this industry . I know I’m gonna make it if I keep trying at least I can say I never gave up . I’m never giving up on myself or my dreams again . **** dreaming I’m trying to manifest and create my own reality .

Why do I always tend to feel a way when it rains , either really ***** or really sad . Makes me feel as though I’m falling into my depression again when I was just getting out . A dark and stormy cloud surrounds me no doubt . No one can ever tell you’re crying when it rains because it all looks the same . I’m tired of my life being mundane it’s driving me insane . I’m tired of being in constant pain . It comes and goes it comes and goes as the ocean flows as the wind blows and as my broken heart gets sick of these hoes.

Why you gotta be so fine ?
But you can’t be mine ..
You’re just wasting my time
Sending me mixed signals like a mime
Boy you ain’t sublime
You should know, I’m a dime ..

When I don’t know what to say don’t take it the wrong way.
I’m puzzled by your mind , you’re so fine and so kind.
You’re so sensual but yet you think I’m so ******.
It’s mutual .
We’re here we’re there we’re everywhere.
The things I’d do if you were mine but need to find the time.
Can I get a thousand more kisses that’ll last an eternity.
Can I be your personal teddy bear while you help me figure out what to wear ?
I can see that you care and obviously I care.
Obviously I shouldn’t hide the way I feel even though it’s so soon.
Why did we have to **** under the full moon.
In the dark the place I feared the most you made me face it and change my perspective.
I’m no longer afraid of the things I cannot change and I’m no longer afraid that I was meant to be this way.
I was meant to be me that’s all I can be even when there’s so much more to me.
I’m loving this new bold side of my personality I’m not shy and I’m not insecure.
I’m here I’m aware I’m assured.

Our hearts divine
What’s yours is mine
The connection so deep
I think about you when I sleep.
I’m ready when you are to take the leap. The love that no one has yet to speak about but every right to feel. What’s the deal, is it real?.

I know when you’re online but you’re ignoring me
I know when you lie
I know when you hide
I know when you feel dead inside
I know that you can’t confide
I know your emotions aren’t on the surface but wandering through the tide
I knew this whole thing was fake
I knew the love I had for you was only on my side, only inside, and outside of me but for you it could never be said .
I know I can’t get those words out of my head!
I knew you were damaged I wanted to help ..but you left me broken and depleted you were deleted then I retrieved it.
I know I must move on ..
I know I’m tired of singing this stupid song
You knew you were wrong ...