....
Absence came and hid the cracks.  
Wasn't she suppose to make the heart long?
she said fonder, bolder, tighter, closer...
She lied. She formed habits designed to hide.

I took a plane and a train to come find you.
you said "take a nap, we've got time"
and I said, "no thank you I'll stay awake,
lets take a walk instead."
six miles we went.
I, trying to avoid the jet lag
but really just scared that if I shut my eyes,
days will disappear like stars when night gives way to the day sky or
like warm cookies from a cookie jar.
You, laughing because you missed my laugh.
Later on,
As I sat in the metro
in a city I didn't know
trying to find my way back to your house
I wished I had the power to stretch a second into an hour
an hour into a day and a day into forever there with you!

The secret of life
Is simple and nice
She said I’ll tell it to you twice
Just so you know it ain’t a lie
     The upward battle
     The downward tumble
     The fight to finish
     The race you started
And days maybe getting darker
Time maybe ticking faster
Love maybe turning bitter
And sweet maybe turning sour
But life always has a controller.
     To hopeful travelers
     There is a road to take
     So baby don’t you cry
     There’s hope for you yet
And life maybe getting harder
Days maybe getting shorter
you keep waiting, waiting longer
Your heart beating, beating faster
But life always has a controller.
     So baby don’t you cry
     There’s hope for you yet
     The secret of life
     Is underneath your chest!

I saw a girl playing alone
many of her toys scattered around
there was only one she bothered to pick up.

A paper kite that was broken
with edges folded and pieces fallen
she tried to fly it but it was for nothing.

I didn't see how long she tried to fly it
but I prayed she won't become crestfallen
when most things in the world seem broken.

When I wanted to care
  I couldn't.
If you caught me yesterday
  I would've.

Hot weather and humid air
friends that love you and care
talking all night above the covers
eating pizza and drinking cold drinks
           Stairs creak when it's time to go
I will miss this place
and the memories it holds
Do I want to leave? Not really, No
But sometimes leaving is necessary to grow

I did not appreciate you
when I had you close
now you're everything
I can't recall.
Like, was it blue or was it turquoise?
when we hanged around the river til the sun rose.
And roses were red, yellow, and pink,
we were warned not to touch them for we might bleed.
But we didn't care covered in dust
we held the world in our palms,
and we drew on them with sticks we found
in the neighbors yard.

I did not appreciate you
when I had you close
now the scenery is everything
I can't afford.
Like, willow birds and fast paced steeds
grass evergreen and trees that could sing.
Hiding from the moon that was trailing us
in search for treasures,  gold and bronze
So we can trade them for paper ships
to sail across the the rain oceans...

Now as I am glancing back
at my fractured past history ,
I wished I captured your essences
to last as lifelong memory.

I'm new to town
I don't know how
to hold my head sideways
yet
you flash a smile
your pearly whites
but they disappear like lightning
and
I'm learning fast
to be a fraud
how to counterfeit my laugh lines
though
the time will come
when this faux attire
will be worn like my coat of arms.

There are days when I strongly dislike everything
And I mean, EVERYTHING
From the way I wake up to the sunlight outside  
From the way I brush my hair to the way I walk
From the coffee I drink to the reasons I can't sleep at night  
  I think you get the picture of my dislike season
   And it seems to me my dislike is for no reason
  Once in a while I feel like I don't belong here but-
    It stands to reason
  If I don't know where I belong
    Doesn't it  mean I just belong here?

I was writing about a river
then the pictures I run over
crossed my mind like a hangover
the hesitation ever so clearer
but it helps to start over
a side of aspirin the answer
to hurdles I need to crossover
to put my life back together again!

Fairytale true
I would die for you
Then I found my self facing
           The fountain of truth
Fairy tell true
I guess I lied to you
And fairies don’t play fair
        When you break the rules

droopy eyelids
lazy smile
slowed down thoughts
words... I can't find!

The sweat
The tapping
The squeeze
The timing
The breath
The holding
  then comes -
The inward mapping
Draw in, breath out
Pull in, jump out
A chance, a dream
A dance... a resolution-
Romance;
A rose, purple or violet, followed by a trumpet
that says- good, not perfect.

It was raining
yesterday,
light shower drops
falling away.
The leafless trees
with open arms,
welcomed the drizzle
until midnight.
I stayed awake
because I could;
The soothing sound
told me I should -
write to you
one last goodbye
till I see you
Next winter time.

Life is but chance and a few rain drops
granulated what if's and why -
knots us in a circuitous march.
With trumpet sounds that blur the lines
between ups and downs and lefts and -
writes no formula to sojourn by.

Tears,
crystal clear like the springs
Pouring in downward motion
salty like the ocean...
I want to go up and away
anywhere from today
Because
I feel sadness echoing  
    my thoughts trolling
      my sprit crawling  
I am back with the sad songs again
     dancing with my demons again
        whirling through emotions therein
I think life is,
twisting me up like a chord and
minor chords keep playing in my soul.

Feels like I'm running in place
sweating, but the treadmill is limiting my space
I wish I could but I can't see the future
and if I did,
I probably hate it
find myself debating
with the voice inside my head
                       and that's absurd
Because I'm sane
completely sane
yes, I know, I hear sometimes some chattering
but it's usually because I'm dreaming

But I'm still sane
I mean sometimes,
I feel loneliness creeping up my spine
like a spider with eight legs, wrapping itself around my heart
squeezing my soul and refusing to let go
But I'm sane

I feel fine
I know... I know  sometimes,
I feel the need to shout aloud
in the middle of a nice restaurant, in front of a crowd
the need expands until I just have to run outside
but I'm still sane

I pray to find peace of mind
and pray to those who asked me, 'how was I'
I find a few friends to unclench my soul
and take a deep breath to ward off feeling alone
I say, I'm fine  and  I'm good,
I'm not lost, just momentarily confused
But I'm Sane, completely sane
You know how I know?
Because when I look at you, I see the same Pain.

Remember,
You’re human
And
You falter
But
It’s Okay!

Joe was a guy with a great smile
In fact, every time he smiled
the whole world shined.
His warm brown eyes,
sparkled bright
they made me think,  
I was the only one around.

But Joe scared me
he got too close
He would ask all these questions
about who I was
   Where do you want to go?
        Who do you want to be?
            What do you dream about
              when you go to sleep?
                  What do you fear the most
                    can you tell me?
                       What's your future like
                        do you see me?
Joe patiently listened
at my attempts to answer
my replies were broken
kind of lackluster.
I didn't know who I was
I mean ...I still don't
and every time Joe looked at me
I just felt lost

He would call me in the mornings
and to say his goodnights,
But no matter how much I liked Joe
I was not yet where he was at.

So I said goodbye to him,
and proceeded my life
Leaving Joe behind me,
while he shined somebody else's life.

"There is no guarantee you will be born into this world, but after you are born, there is a guarantee you will die."
Old-man Sol told me that, and I find his words to be true and wise because he ended with, *"so live life and be thankful to God."

All I want is to roam
The skies like the hummingbirds birds do
Yet,
    What’s out there that
     I want it more than
     I want you?
      Freedom,
      perhaps?
    Freedom...Freedom.
However lonely, Freedom.

Brilliant...
I thought I wanted this
secludedness,
but most birds don't fly
without their flocks.
Repeatedly,
I am taking off.
I'm journeying to mountain tops.
I say my dears, I'll be back
When I find the shell
that hides my prize,
only to wonder why I am lost
caging myself from  
passing life.

He will love you when
you're a tree in the winter
    bones without flesh
when you're not yet a butterfly
when you're slowly learning to smile

She will love you still when
  you're summer without the rain
    a boat without the sail
when you're a train-track without the train
Incomplete but love still remains

Melancholy Tuesday
Please comeback on Friday,
This weekly march
is somewhat fraught
with tempestuous waters
that make it hard
to surface from -
   The lake of blah-ness
   The sea of staleness
   The nights of - no word sadness
I call it, Melancholy Tuesday
I’ll ask you to please...
     Don’t leave me yet today.

Midnight summer rain
When I can't sleep I stare
and think of all the things I could be doing instead.

If I had the money I would
come visit you today
I won't care that it's late
only that you're there
We would walk hand in hand
and maybe start running
Splash through the puddles
as people start staring

Midnight summer rain
When I can't sleep, I ---
close  my eyes and think, "I could be doing a lot around this minute."

If I had the courage I would
leave everything I had (it's not much)
Board a plane or a train
and be a vagabond
Anywhere, any place
is the destination ahead
To be a face in the masses
but with purpose in my lens....

Midnight summer rain
When I can't sleep...I dream of -
capturing life's very fleeting moments instead.