I,
Am lost.
Lost in this world
Of chaos.

Yet my mind
Has soothed me.
Like pretty skies,
And blooming daisies.

Feel warmth
Through hazy dreams.
Leave burdens
To die in sleep.

Birds pecking softly
Through greenery.

As I can only see
This world as futile,
And bleak.

But I,
In my mind,
Can live in peace.

Her lips,
Are mine.
Her eyes,
Sublime.

I think of her all the time.

She listens to my voice,
Her smile,
So nice.

But to my surprise,
She laughs with another.

My heart
Is torn,
Pushed down in the gutter.

Sharing happiness with others,
Is beyond my advice.
As this rachet jealousy
Is burning like spice.

But one can only learn,
For she knows I am right.

I live
In false reality,
So they say.
A world of 'nonsense'
And 'immature play'.

A world where one
Cannot be torn.
No heart to break,
Nobody to mourn.

For here I lay
On my bed,
To breathe.
Creating a creation,
Only known to me.

As Stars and moon
Begin to shine.
Through world of wonder,
That is only mine.

And this little truth,
Is truly divine.

If only one,
Could show me the way.

Without toxins
Circling my brain.

Without slurring
Words that I say.

Without praying
For my last day.

Without digging
An awaiting grave.

Without feeling myself
Wither away.

But today is the day,
I put this all at bay.

As I travel to the land
Of safe haven.

That is where I will stay.

'Come alive',
They say.
'Take these pills twice a day'.

'Activate your mind,
Leave thoughts to stay’.

‘But doctor,
I fear,
My thoughts are
Difficult to bear’.

'You think too much of it,
Dear'.
You say.

'Take your belongings
And go home today'.

Look at me,
Full of frills.
My milk skin
Gives you thrills.

Spinning around,
I show my treasure.
I know quite little,
But you,
Know better.

I obey and play,
On the bed I lay.
In your arms I sway,

On the shelf,
I stay.

My new lover,
He treats me well.
Highly captivated
By his spell.

Smart and slick,
He mangles my mind.
Though not a lover
Of any kind.

He loves me,
Myself,
And only I.
For I am a trophy
In his deep blue eyes.

Temptations
Of the weak,
I fall to my knees.
He is hard to please,
Though easy to tease.

But my honesty
Has seized,
My words have frozen.
This man is poison,
Numbing my emotion.

As my new lover,
He is unkind.
A cruel robber
Of the heart and mind.

But I am fine,
I truly am.
For all is worth it
To hold his hand.

Here I lie,
Sweetly by your side.
Hands intertwined ,
Melting in your eyes.

Can we stop and
Stay?
Life is content
When I feel safe.

My mind hushed
By your gentle touch.
Wishing the fire
Would hold our gaze.

Cosy and rosy,
Delicately dozing.
My eyes drift,
Closing for the day.

But in the midst of night,
I wake with a fright.
The chair,
Half empty.

For you have left me.

How unfortunate
One must be,
To breathe air they cannot retrieve.

Such thought
Makes my body fall weak.
Yet here I am,
Sitting by a TV.

Screens flick faster
Then measurement of speed.

Eyes roll back
Into a restless sleep.

I beg for dreams,
But I cannot see.

I am blind to vision
Of a life made free.

And here I lay
Still,
Uneasy.

For in the dark of night,
I am haunted
Continuously.

I reach my hand to touch the sky,
As I create a version,
Better than mine.

This life I live,
Is not for me.

I wish for something
Broader,
A big as can be.

To fly through skies
Like a wondrous bird.

To step out from curtains,
And finally be heard.

And how absurd,
This life I live now.

Through the mind
I live instead,
Somehow.

Chores and rules,
I cannot choose.

I have no voice
In this house of noise.

But alas,
I bring hope.

It will guide me to cope.

If I could
Be one with the mountain,
Or one with the sun,
I would.

If I could
Send love
To flowers,
Bloom them for hours,
I would.

If I could
Cherish the waters,
Clean them with my bare hands.
Count every grain
Of undying sands,
I would.

For nature,
Is given.
A present
Tied gently with a ribbon.

As the beauty of living,
Is seeing Earth's vision.

I am useless,
Clueless,
Naive
And foolish.

I am a child
Of chance.
A night of romance.

I am an early-morning
Call,
A surprise to all,

Aren't I, mother?

One that can use no tool.
A waste to the teacher,
Within a school.

Aren't I, father?

A child
'Out of control'.
Seemingly 'too old'
To be consoled.

But alas,
You wish for connection.
How should I know of it?

I am prone to rejection.

Subjection,
To your own mistake.
A choice you made.

The icing on the cake.

But now I am far
Away from your pain.
For I live in worth,

As you live in shame.

Mother,
I am scared.
Life is cruel
And unfair.

I want to escape
This world of hate.
To lessons and dates
I fall astray.

Mother,
Please,
I cannot commit.
Not in this world
That I wish to exist.

I want to go
To the Neverland.
To fly so high
With Peter Pan.

But Mother,
I beg,
Don't leave me alone.
I am old,
I know,
But young in the soul.

For a mature thought
Is locking my heart,

I wish to feel the way I did at the start.

The light,
It caves into me.

Chirping birds
And buzzing bees.

I feel free
Of sickness,
Sadness,
To the highest of degree.

The light brighter
Than the sunshine we see.

My joy
Taller than the tallest tree.

Yet it still grows,
Up it goes,
As it perches behind me.

As I sit
Beneath the meadows
Of yellow,
With children bellowing
Sweet melodies
Around me.

I believe
And receive,
Life's joy through my body.

I am in light,
And full of delight,

That this is what life can truly be.

The feeling of neutral,
Is bleak and bland.

For I cannot fathom
This life of random.
This feeling of doom,

It is present
Yet seldom.

It is static
And paralytic.

I feel erratic.

Yet I am calm,
Content.

But my mind,
Unresponsive,
Perhaps braindead.

My sanity,
Decreased
To the thinnest thread.

As this feeling of neutral,
Has emptied my head.

Cease
And release me.
The fire
Burns freely.

Eating me
Slowly.
Fists open the
Walls of my sanity.

Hot,
And heavy.
Breath rapid yet steady.

It hasn’t left me,
Internally,
Destroying me quickly.

For you,
Do not notice.

But only when you do,
I am a monstrosity.

Resistance,
It is all I know.
Forks and spoons
Are all for show.

My taste buds,
Numbing.
My senses,
Succumbing.

To bitter truth
Of my body,
Crumbling.

My stomach,
Rumbling.

This is torture and divine,
All at the same time.

For I am blind,
And my body is weak.
Crawling with little energy,
For no meal shall I eat.

I will wait and see,
Who finds me,
In front of my reflection.

For sustenance,
I welcome rejection.
My body,
Now filled with injection.

For you mention,
That I
Am a section
Of what I used to be.

Leaving me
To feel like rotten meat.
But you,
Scolded my body.

Isn't this what you wanted to see?

The world is spinning,
But I lay still.
Wrapping in thoughts
I wish to ****.

I question
And wonder,
Of a life
Given so sad,
And sombre.

'Why bother'?
I ask,
For fate
Has flaws.
Dark dreary days,
As the night calls.

For I feel it all.
Of my body,
In agony.
My anatomy,
It falls.
Yet so statically
It stalls.

Death is my father,
And I,
His daughter.
We bond like no other,
Thinking of each other.

My soul,
Punctured.
My heart,
Ruptured.
May life encourage me instead?

For my body is alive,
But my mind is dead.

As the world is spinning,
All becomes dreary.
Consumed in thoughts,
That finally **** me.

These little monsters
Follow me around.
I need to run,
Outrun them now.

They run miles,
But never slow down.
Living in my head
Until I am dead.

Shall they follow me
To the grave?
Six feet under,
But there they lay.

Would they
Still have life,
If I am to die?
Would they still speak whispers
Into my mind?

For they are infested
Into mine.

But what am I thinking?
My enemy is me.
I am unkind to myself,
Left my senses to flee.

They are just a small
Depiction of myself.

For I am not them,
Nor anyone else.

The road is long,
But I run
Faster than the sun.

I leave a note
On my bed.
Minds fill with dread,
Questions asked;

'Is she dead?'.

No mommy,
But I do not wish
To come home.

I feel too alone.

The road is long,
But I run
In the blink of an eye.

But where does it lead?
To peace?
Shall I run back
And cease?

No.
I shall run more,
Leave the others to scorn,

So mommy knows
My heart is torn.

But now
The road comes to end.
Sirens,
They fill my head.

They run with me.
Those men.
Chasing me
For fun and glee.

But they finally catch up,
They sound much louder.

For I see mommy,
Looking quite sour.

She brought me home
Near the morning hour.

I lie in a daze,
My mind is a haze.
I wake up in bed,
With the sound of rain.

But today's the day
I do it again.

In goes one,
Head hung low.
Arms in a fold,
Hands deathly cold.

Stares and glares,
Across the room.
Panic emerges
As they hover
and loom.

Small pleas
and prayers
Leave their mouth.
But no sirens heard
When they begin to shout.

A shout becomes a cry,
A cry for a guide.
Somewhere to hide,
Feeling ready to die.

But no guidance
They recieve,
All alone and weak.
Waiting for nothing,
Responses are bleak.

No comfort to share,
Not a word of care.
No genuine meaning,
Just simply speaking.

No heartbeating,
Mind leaving,
As you rot
In your own mistake.
As your soul,
Once young and bold,
Now ice cold,
From another life
Not saved.

Now in goes two,
Bodies hung so small.
Words spoken in tired voices;
'We are the ones that made the call'.

Just because
We are bound by blood,
Does not mean
We breed the same love.

We do not share
The same view,
Or see eye-to-eye.
You ponder in confusion,
Always wondering why.

Allow me to explain
These words of pain.

We do not
Share a connection,
We are not bound by the heart.

We are torn and broken,
Millions of miles apart.

We are fluent in fighting,
Storms and lightning,
Arising,
As we crash and burn.

And we turn.

Face the opposite direction,
Lost connection,
As we accept the truth.

Mother,
Bloodline is bound,
But I
Am far from you.

My life
Is a lesson,
I study alone.
Quietly at home,
In the dark of night.

I stroke my hand,
As I ponder
On my own.
To what love
Can I show?

I have recieved little warmth,
From the place I call home.

For no tutors
I had,
That aided my confusion.
I am forced to attend
The lesson of exclusion.

I waited on love,
Patience,
The beauty of binds.
But alas,
I am not equipt
For such a class.

Too difficult to pass,
Too harrowing to last.

As I sit here,
Unguided,
For my lesson has ended.
Another one begins,
Leaving me broken
And unamended.

I am who I am,
And that is who
I shall be.
Send love to our souls,
And acceptance of our body.

Stop wishing for more
Of what others may hold.
For our body is a temple,
Made from the purest gold.

A human can lie
To the heart and mind.
Sending an image of repulsion
In front of our eyes.

We scoff at the mirror
That holds no truth.
For what you see
Is not the true you.

Hearing words from others
That begins the game.
Our minds so bothered
By ones with no name.

No remembrance of them,
With faces of nothing.
Type faster than lightning
To just hurt something.

And that something,
Is us.
Our vision,
Lost.
For these souls should be pitied,
Bitterly,
With no sympathy.

And how pathetically sad
One must be,
To not find bad
In this treachery.

But our beauty
For one,
Shines brightly in disguise.
But one day,
Our vision will wake
And arise.

We shall look in the mirror,
And see the truth.
It is you,
The true you.
Not somebody new.
For beauty
Can only be envied,
By the artist
With no tools.

I am who I am,
And that is who
I shall be.
For I have no apologies,
As I am truly me.

You.
Turned to lust.
My soul,
Turned to dust.

The time is ticking,
Striking every hour.
But you
Become louder,
Seething with power.

My heart is
Poisoned,
Becoming reborn.
Intoxicates my body
Inside my form.

I am tired,
Lost,
And full of desire.
Fed with lies,
Fooled by disguise.

You have soiled me,
Openly,
For I choose
To ignore.

Flame arises through my skin,
As I burn to the core.

Here I stand,
Wrapped in dark cloth.
Time slipping slowly,
Heads bowing lowly.

Hearts in a toll.

I cannot recall,
Words spoken,
From ones
That ‘all will be well’.

Heaven has a place for you,
But this feels like hell.

Music plays low,
My brows furrow ,
For I cannot glimpse
At the doll who lays low.

At the edge of my feet,
I stand in defeat.

For you were my one,
But alas,
The light has come.
The angels have sung,
And have summoned you home.

My darling,
Sleep tight,
As this day
Has turned into night.

And now your soul shall roam.

I see it,
I feel it.
At last,
I believe it.

I watch
The shore break,
Peace,
Relief.
I feel the
Calm waters
Beneath my feet.

Lost hope
Regained,
Seeing faith
In close sight.
Through
Day and night
I reach
Closer to light.

Story of old,
Left untold.
New writings
Unfold,
Covered in gold.

Back to the start
I go,
Fresh welcomings
Mend my soul.

A sunrise
Through sour season,
A true welcome
To peace,
And freedom.

I feel it,
I see it,
And at last
I believe it.

I am delicate
And fragile,
My heart,
Made of glass.

I will shatter,
And break
From the life
Of my past.

My skin,
Snow white,
Not a hue in sight.
For I rest wearily,
On this cold night.

But I wonder,
And ponder,
How we seem weak
To seek.

'How 'soft' could one be?'
They say to me.
In times of hurt,
Anguish
And true defeat.

I turn to face
The ones of deceit,
As they look upon me
With disgust and grief.

'You are not as strong as you should be'
'Life is not full of roses and buzzing bees'
'It is indeed tough, but you must perk up'
'You must come into life , ready to fight'

How can one
Being,
Tend to agree?
On a life
In stone
And utter cold tone,

For one
Like a flower,
Will blossom
Like a tree.
Will flourish
And nourish
The ones
In need.

Will save the souls
That are lost at sea.

I am delicate
And fragile,
And that is who
I shall be.

The stars tonight
Rose high in the sky,
From paths I walk
Through quiet night.

For animals they crawl
And bugs they bite,
Not a moment I would wish for
That would feel this right.

For who thought my mind
would feel so mellow?
Passing fields of green
And flowers of yellow.

Joy fills my heart
Through this hazy meadow,
Greeting others with a smile
And a sweet 'hello'!

For tonight is a night
Of joy and no sorrow,
Leaving worries and woes
Until tomorrow.

We are
Born and bred
Into a life of dread.
We are oblivious
To concept,
Shaken by
Small upset.

We rely
On a human touch,
To feel at ease,
A pure ecstasy
To us.

A gentle hold,
Small movement
To and fro.
Whispers of gold,
From the depths
Of a human soul.

But we grow
And learn of self
Love,
Yet still yearn
For human touch.

But some
Do not recieve.
They must suffer
Neglect,
Lack of affection,
As one to another
Is hurt by rejection.

How purity
Is seen as weak,
Bleak,
And tossed by authority.

A desire so
Ravenous,
Brushed away
By whom we thought
Established us.

For one cannot live
In this manner of such,
As a soul becomes empty
Without the human touch.

Nothing hurts when I'm alone,
As I drink the sweet poison
That empties my mind.

How unkind,
This substance can feel
So fresh and fine,
Without a thought to mind.
As I run for fun,
Through streets of unknown,
Not knowing who the ones are
Vibrating my phone,
As they text and call me
To come back home.

A smile creeps on my face,
As i'm restless and dazed,
In a hypnotic haze,
For one can only suffer
The very next day.

But alas,
The day has come,
And I for one
Awoken by a
Frosted memory,
Of one late night,
Turned into a horror sight.

Was I there?

As I meekly glare
At the ones who care,
Standing before me,
Beginning to stare.

I hear silence in the air.

Not one feeling I remember,
Not one feeling I forget.
I wake up in a cold sweat
Of utter guilt and regret.

You.
You are parting to the heavens,
Leaving thoughts embedded
Into my mind.

How unkind,
That death must welcome you,
To hold you before I do.

This cannot be true.

How alive I felt.
Your smile,
contagious,
And how outrageous
That you're being taken.

As you now awaken in a land of clouds.

But now,
My heart is aching,
Thoughts are racing,
I miss you now.

I miss us two.

My lips,
Quivering
At a thought only one can dread.

'You are dead'.

As I lay
Sitting in pain,
Grieving,
By your bed.

Our minds are fragile,
As life is a play.
Some break
If let go,
Some break
If thrown away.

I did not know you,
For you changed each day.
You were a victim
Of judgment,
And a bait for prey.

Your presence was cold,
But your
Comfort was soothing.
Your quiet
Yet violent,
And I was
Slowly losing.

As I knew
To you,
I was less than nothing.
How cruel,
But true
That you were
Truly something.

Back to the start we go,
Life is a constant flow,
Of ups and downs,
Smiles and frowns,
To all the memories
we know.

Back to the start,
We say
As we become
lost and astray,
Tired and drained,
At the tasks thrown at us today.
Or perhaps day one
For some,
Feeling less than alive,
We sink and thrive,
All at the same time.

What a strange way to survive.

Back to that feeling,
We pray,
That it goes away
one day.
Or perhaps not,
As we sink and rot,
In the wounds and woes
Life has thrown and tossed,
To make us feel lost,
And truly unknown.

Or perhaps we are content
In life as it is now.
How wonderful it would be
For all to feel the same,
The relaxing happiness
That we strive for each day.
We pray and fret,
And live to forget
Of the thoughts that keep us
locked in
And afraid.

But as humans we grow,
Live through the flow,
Of light and darkness,
For the awaiting goal.
To finally feel at home,
Content with the flow,
Of constant changes
To our mind and soul.
But we live and thrive,
Breathe and survive,

For what a strange way we live in this life.

I enter the room,
As I begin to stare.
I am enriched
And enthralled,
By your hypnotic glare.

Your hand begins to run a slow
Movement down my spine.
Tingling my senses,
Feeling so sublime.

How does one contain herself?
I ask myself in shame.
As you stand there
Patiently,
Speaking out my name.

You come closer
To listen,
As my breath becomes heavy.
I swallow
As your glare is
Driving me crazy.
So hasty
Taste me,
This love that we're creating,
Makes me shaken,
Awakened,
Stripped completely naked.

Your hot breath begins to
Soak my trembling lips,
So close,
So intimate,
I can now taste your kiss.
Your lips meet mine
So soft and divine,
Your breath,
So seductive,
And just so sublime.

I look into your eyes
As you glare into mine.
A glimmer of desire
Sparks flutters
Between my thighs.
'You are mine, all mine'
You whisper throughout the night.
As we go and flow,
With no clothing in sight.

Touching my form
As we speak no more,
We go and flow
Keeping lights down low.
Whimpers of love
And utter delight
We lose track of time
We lose track of the night.
As we crave and desire more,
Love from the bed to the floors,
Creating er0tic  melodies,
Behind closed doors.

Dear all,
A life lived is a task
No man can carry alone.

Life is a choice,
A choice we did not make.
But alas
We face the burden,
Once created and shaped.

We only make a turn
When our minds are at stake,
When life becomes hate ,
When happiness arrives late.

Some we lose
In the crisis of thought.
Dropping their weapons
To the battle
they have fought.

I understand you
Lost one,
For your vision is clear.
Your understanding of life
Is getting harder to bear.

Life is a challenge,
I shall not disagree.
But you are strong and willing
To trudge a treacherous sea.

I promise you lost ones
That life is a story.
One that will provide you
With an ending of glory.

Put trust in yourself ,
As you have given your all.
Life will reward you,
But we must take the fall.

Life is no straight road,
It entails many bends,
But listen to my words
Sweet souls,
As you have not reached your ends.

For you I would take a bullet
Shot straight from the gun.
I would stand you aside
While I usher you to run.
I would slowly die
In a cloudy haze,
Knowing your the last thought
On my dying day.

For you I would bear your woes,
Until my mind goes astray.
Until my heart can't take it,
But for you I would stay.
I would take your hand
And place it in mine,
Hold my other to your skin
And stare in your eyes.

I would hold you gently,
Until you trust the touch you feel.
Put my hand on your face,
The other to your waist,
To show you this is real.

For I would do more than you imagine,
As these words speak no volume
To the passion
That I would give.
I would do more than words,
My sweet flower,
For no man like you seems to live.

But alas,
My lover,
You and I must wait.
As our lives
As we uncovered,
Are ten thousand miles away.

A mirror tells a thousand lies
Says I.
I see a vision
Of the unknown,
Of the confused,
And alone.

It bewilders me
Says I.
I cannot fathom
Who
Or what stands before me.

Perhaps a lie
Says I?
My skin,
Pale,
My soul,
Frail.
I beg for it to stop,
But to no avail.

I am not who I see.
For the vision before me
Is a lost soul
Between a treacherous sea.

A monster
Caught between a
Nightmare
And reality.

This is not me,
This is not me.
But where could I be?
Who can locate me?

I begin to breathe
In and out
Rapid
and loud,
As my lungs yearn to shout,
My body begins to pass out.

But I realise,
Between two shut eyes,
That this reflection,
is truly me.

Creative,
Joyous,
Carefree.

A life of a child
Is nothing but a mix of the three.

For when a child grows
And speak from their souls,
Connection is lost,
Becoming unknown.
Leaving the child to bear alone.

We mimic tradition,
Refuse to listen,
To the little ones who
See us as reason.

And as your little child cries,
You spew great lies;

'You have no place here in this family!'

You have abandoned them,
And Ridiculed them
To the highest of degree.

But all for reason,
That they are not the vision
you wish for them to be.

At last,
I reach the long-awaited shore.
I lay my body
On gleaming sands,
Rested,
Landed.

I open my arms out
As the skies greet me with
Glistening stars
Greeting me with their gaze,
Lying lost in a star-stricken daze.

Water begins to flow,
Aches begin to go,
Letting my thoughts calm,
Letting my heart slow.

Waves begin to break,
Body shivers and shakes
Though not for reasoning
Of pitiful heartache.

At Last,
I am mended by the sea,
Leaving my mind be,
Finally,
A wave to the soul I come to be.

At Last,
I leave the burden I once had,
Screaming cries for help,
Never heard or sought,
As I painfully fought.

Fought for love,
Fought for a souless sinner,
Fighting for life,
Living,
Coming out as a winner.

Never once did I cave
Nor leave no soul to save.
Never once did I writhe
In my monstrous cave.

But here I lay,
Ocean to bay,
I am free to roam.

I am finally home.

Lord,
I cannot fathom myself.
I cannot contain myself,
I cannot behave myself.

Your breath,
Hot and sizzling,
Burning my skin.
Your Pain,
Rich and thrilling,
I am your sin.

Lord,
I am blushed and bruised,
Ashamed and used,
Contained and confused.

Bound and held,
You whisper quiet words
Into my ear.
A melody so deafening
I forget to care.

Lord,
I feel ravenous.
My burning hunger
so pitiful,
So scandalous.

Your soft kiss,
Turns lush pink
Into lustful red,
Blood pours down my chin
Onto our bed.

Your eyes meeting mine,
Direct and aligned.

Thoughts colder than frost
My heart begins beating,
Limbs are weakening,
Feelings are deepening.

My mind is now yours.

For now I see
A point of no return.
I seethe and writhe
As our souls bind and burn.

The fog begins again,
Circulating through
My living system.
It is grim,
Driven,
Lasting longer than breathing.

Attacking my lungs,
I'm Heaving,
Still living,
Crawling,
Weeping,
Repeating,
It's not leaving.

Grim,
Driven
It crashes through my system,
Leaving me stiffened.

Grieving,
Weeping,
Leaving it's thoughts to deepen
Creeping,
It's not leaving,
But I am breathing.

I am breathing.

Yet so
Grim,
driven,
I am still living.
I am still learning,
I am still winning.
I am still yearning,
All is forgiven.

All is forgiven.

Beginning again,
Head spinning,
So Grim,
Driven,
Yet I am still healing
I am still breathing,

Leaving,
Healing,
Am I still grieving?
Teaching,
Forgiving,
Living,
I am still winning.

I am still winning.

You look at me with a sharp gaze,
Mouth salivating with the taste of wonder
Of what a human can create
Make and shape
Into the palm of your hand.

You lose your breath
Panting begins to escalate
Glares begin to infatuate
Your senses onto my own fragility.

I speak no words but
Just shape myself
Into the form of which you cannot surrender
Your senses onto my own fragility.

Soon the clock strikes
Your senses spike
and no less than a minute
That your touch is wandering my form.

I speak no words
Just brace myself for
I am simply made of clay.

Oh heavy heaving flower,
Come and feed from my light.
Let me flourish your dying roots
And replenish the life you were given.
Your petals fall slowly my rose bud,
Drip and drop they go.
A bitter thorn begins to grow out of you
And slowly attaches the water I have given.
Oh bitter flower,
You are swarmed by insects that endure your sweet scent.
They suckle off of the pollen you have left
Though without caution they ****** the energy you were given.
Oh heavy dying flower,
You finally close up with darkness to aid you.
Your life has slowly faded into solitude and shame
As you bend your head in the name of the torn rose.

Fire.
It burns inside my body.
Cold water forms my newly born tears.
Regret lingers through my decaying mind,
As I stand,
And wait.
A word spoken from you,
Shatters my glass body,
And crystalises it.
I mend myself,
As you too begin to break me once more.
My resistance to your fatal touch becomes weaker.
But still I stand,
As I turn to you.
I still pleasure you with my pain,
My faults,
Myself.
You begin to laugh at my disobedience to your immature requests,
And I breathe a sigh.
A sigh of lost hope
As I run up those steps to safety,
And weep,
For now I know that you have won.

Light becomes bright.
Curtains drawn to reveal the scene.
Creaks of footsteps
Pass my wooden doors.
I sit patiently,
On a cold bedded floor
Looking from the window
So far away.
I grasp specks of dust
Surrounding me like soft glitter
Or so I thought.
I hear the door handle being motioned
Rapidly and frantically.
My body becomes frozen
As a window appears fully open.
The floor becomes ice
Burning my skin.
Paralysed with fear she enters,
But I float away.

I shot to the ground
From a bullet,
With no mercy.
I crawled along the waste line,
With no words I could speak.
I felt your arms around me,
But I could not see your face.
Every movement tore my body apart,
And every word you spoke,
I could not erase.
Your body was made of pure glass,
Now shattered by an action
I could not undo.
I continued to crawl helplessly
As I heard your cries.
And no life did I endure
But only the end of it.

Nothing hurts when i'm alone.
I begin to drink that sweet poison,
That empties my mind.
Nothing hurts when i'm done,
As I run through daisy fields,
Of artificial happiness.
A smile caresses my face,
As my mind fades into blinding light.
Time flies by.
My heart races.
Not one feeling I can remember,
Not one feeling I can forget.
I wake up in a cold sweat,                                                           ­  
Of utter guilt and regret.

I walk an empty road,
I'm lost and confused,
And all seems dull and dreary.
I walk an empty road,
Not expecting much left,
Nothing to do,
But to ponder and accept.
I walk an empty road,
And stop.
I see light beneath the winged oaks,
And breath in the beauty that stands before me.
She was so beautiful,
With eyes reaching my weary soul,
She welcomed me with open arms towards me.
Never did I feel this before.
Never did I feel that sweet love,
That I felt with her touch.
Her smile made the darkened road shorter,
As she took my broken hand into hers,
And took me to a place of comfort and joy.
Home.
She was my home.
As time flew by,
We both laughed and cried,
And helped each other through treacherous roads.
Her name is music to my ears,
And her heart beats out gold.
She took me out,
And led me in.
I wish this existed within others,
But I have her,
My angel,
And that's all I need.

I fell through the air,
Not once did I hit ground.
Headache corrupts my heart,
And pain into safety.
Dark light up my feelings,
And demon hold me so tenderly.
World slapped out by greed,
Complied by smiles of strangers.
Carry me down the mountain
And save my soul below water.
Tear struck by the lake of grey,
Scattered with wilted leaves.
Be patient with me, darling
A thousand days and the moon will shine.