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Lucy Tonic Nov 2012
Infancy, not remembered
Newborns with original sin
Mother is a vessel
Baptism should come later in
Life
Waves of temptation
Bring the proud to decay
The divine is given to evil men
Who value Greek gods and prey
Upon life
Racing against the depths
Of unforgivable time
We push death out
Of our minds
With true love

The stormy ******* of human life-
Wonderful and forgettable
Hayleigh May 2014
And me i wait down the weight,
of the past
by leaving my plate,
Untouched.
Instead i devour the self hate,
And compensate
for the thoughts in my head.
By pacing along a path,
that'll only lead to my death bed.

But me,
I already died inside,
Many years ago.
And my heart it may slow,
But it does not show my ability to swallow
Mouthfuls of regret at time.

And me,
I combine,
Thought and feelings,
With actions,
I have no sense of attraction,
When i stare at my reflection
That screams rejection,
And i pull out a fraction
of the person i used to be.

Because me
I am 100 pounds too heavy,
80 pounds to heavy,
Every single pound too heavy.
And this weight loss is steady,
And these burdens i carry,
With this thinking that refracts me
Prevents me the ability,
To see any positive trait, or quality,
I drown in a sea,
Of unforgivable mistakes,
I break, crack, smash
Into a thousand pieces.

And you,
You try to iron out the creases,
With therapy and weight gain,
And to you,
I am a piece of paper with a name,
And my tiny frame encompasses
Years of self blame,
Disdain.

And me,
I slip through the cracks in the earth,
As i claw and clasp for an inch of
Self worth.
I try to ride and surf
This tide,
But the feelings inside,
The thoughts in my mind,
Do not allow me to find
Acceptance anywhere.

And me i exhale rotten air,
As i stare at my past,
And i try not to feel,
But this pain is so real,
So me, i skip a meal
And refuse the next,
I filter through the net,
Stomach regret,
And maybe one day yet,
Ill be ready for freedom,
Excited and apprehensive about the person,
I have the potential to become.
But for now,
My meal is undone.

And me,
I run
in fear,
There is no life here,
No beauty near.
And the sheer idea,
That maybe,
Just maybe
A number shouldn't dictate my self worth.
Shouldn't cause me to hurt, myself
That i am worth more,
The idea of closing the door,
Too much to bare.
So in silence I'll stare,
I'll restrict and starve,
And lose my hair,
And don't tell me I don't care,
Because it'd be impossible
For me to care any more,
But can't you see
There's a fire inside of me
And Im burning at the core.

And i guess that makes me a coward, a quitter,
But i can't see anyway fitter,
And it tastes so bitter
Chewing on the past,
And the taste it lingers
And fills up my glass.

But until you've walked in my ever shrinking shoes,
Do not judge me,
Or the choices i chose,
Do not question the freedom i lose,
This body i abuse.

Do not remind me
Of the sanity i could find
For you have no clue
Of the hurricanes
That run wild within my mind.
Kristen Apr 2013
Little unforgivable creature now.
Grime of the Scottsdale mellow.
I never belonged here;
not in this magnificent, foreign place
where they grew;
not in the calm and relaxation
their family, wealth, and happiness offered.
Not me.
Family history: poor and dysfunctional.
Personal background: self-destructive and anxious.
Still I was offered an opportunity
to become someone better,
a step up from the wasteland I knew,
and most importantly,
a new home without memories.
I clung to this safe haven
and hid myself away.
thinking I was clean,
I built walls in my pretty new refuge
to keep the tarnish away.
I wasn't clean then.
I'm not now.
I brought this filth with me,
under my nails and in my clothes,
in my memories and between my toes.
It festered and multiplied,
perfecting this chaos in time.
Now again, I seek escape,
from all these mistakes
that were made along the way,
to any foreign world...
or sanctum without a cage.
I thought I was better than this!
...And yet like a snail,
I have left a trail of slime
all while mistakenly thinking
I was leaving it behind.
.
Riley Ayres Jan 2014
She is evil,
her manipulative ways have warped my mind,
she is evil,
she has caused me to commit an unforgivable regicide,
she is evil,
her heart is stone, and it calls me to be executed,
She is evil,
her lies have made me lost, my sanity to be disputed.


I am evil,
this story has twisted me into a monster,
i am evil,
my body taken over by a ruthless imposter,
I am evil,
corrupted by my blood thirsty hands,
I am evil,
in my wildest dreams - these werent my best laid plans.

He is evil,
my best friend, who fears i have played foully,
he is evil,
isn’t what i’m doing sick and cowardly?
he is evil,
the father who brought out my fatal flaw,
he is evil,
silence! he speaks no more!
Little Bear Feb 2016
The windows broken, shattered in wrath.

The doors marred with holes were fists landed.

The floor tiles hold such sad memories..
such unforgivable, unspeakable things.

The corner of the room where I was beaten.

The bedroom where bruised skin and pain was normal,
the bed flipped over, the cot smashed.

The garden heard the screams of hate.

The living room where the ornaments flew, the tv smashed,
a knife held to my throat.

The front door where I was pinned and battered,
stopped from leaving.

The phone ripped from the socket, no calls for help.

The place in the kitchen were I cowered and
our home was ripped apart.

The kitchen tiles where I was made to scrub the floor on my hands and knees for over an hour, while my head was held down, banging it on the floor...
the day before my daughter was born.

The unforgivable words that broke my heart.

The day I knew I would eventually be killed...
and my children.

But, those days are now over.

And I am glad that they are.


Because today, that same window, it frames the prettiest bunch of daffodils.. and a cat...

The doors now hold the name plates for the happy children who's bedrooms they are.

I have washed that floor more than a thousand times and slowly,
it becomes clean.

That corner of the room holds a beautiful bookshelf with scented candles, flowers, my favourite reads piled high.

That bedroom is no longer mine.

The garden blooms with flowers and the grass grows, it is the place where I think the best. Where the birds feed, where our two bee hotels might need an extension...

The living room is my favourite place, such bright colours adorn the walls. Filled with art, music, books, more cats and the occasional dog..

The front door is where we leave for work and come home,
tired but happy. I have my own key.

The phone and number replaced, for when I call my friends and family. For when my children call home.

The kitchen floor, wood covers those scars, the floor will always be ***** no matter how much I scrub. My daughter is 14 and happy.

I cannot yet forget nor forgive the hateful words.

Everyday I know I was right to leave.

We are here...

We are happy and have begun to heal.

And so has our home.
Time eventually heals all wounds. And for the scars that are left behind, well... they must become the reason you move on and find happiness again. The things spoken have been the hardest to get past. I find it hard to trust anyone, but it is a work in progress... that too will come in time. We decorate our home with flowers, art, laughter, pets and music. It heals us. And it heals those places in our home that bare the invisible scars, the ones I can still see.
Elizabeth Nov 2013
There are dark times upon me,
While I stand here a victim of your unforgivable actions.
I feel the repentance of our love as a knife through my stomach, as it sinks deeper beyond the dermis- feel its blade turn horizontally whenever you return into my thoughts
I become nauseated by your presence,
Not of disgust-
Rather from the suppression of tears, fighting back weakness knocking at my chest cavity.

I'm angry,
I can't help but weep
I remember the times we danced, and we laughed,
And the aching feeling of confusion overwhelms my sanity.
I break when I see your unmistakable smile, your intelligent glasses I remember you despising but me adoring.
I swoon as you don your best clothing, for I remember you trying so hard to look your best
For me.

You threw me out like Wednesday morning garbage. I wonder if you weep as I do...
                  
                                           That's a lie,

I know you never would.
You have more important things to fill your head with-
***,
Beer,
Oh ya, and education.

Thanks for putting me second, you ******.

I totally understand after a year and a half that you would treat me the same as a disposable diaper.

I get it...
Dana C Oct 2013
When my body turns to dust,
I want the earth to know it.

My knees will filter sunlight,
sparkling shards of broken glass
to feed the turned, fallen leaves.

From my hands will rise a steam,
lost from ghosts of wilted dahlias
and pulling beads from snail shells.

Softening footsteps in numbing silence,
my scalp will take root in boulders:
a lichen stretched anew.

The crunch of my nails will lilt,
a filling sound which bleeds the heart.

My heart, itself, a rotten composition
(spoiled as tender and cloying fruits)
will slip through Her fingers,
drench Her purpose in richness,
and swallow my searing in depth.

My skin, taken first as appetizer,
breeds microcosms of tiny dancers
and will never forget that feeling.

Collapsed and empty, one lung and the other
will cease to feed themselves,
twisting from entrepreneur to altruist.

Other sundry organs, bones, hair and ligaments:
a donation of retribution,
payment for what was stolen,
recompense for an unforgivable abuse.
It is all I have, and it will be everything.
BertJane Perez Dec 2014
I cry in September because I want to restart!
Every single moment, even the ones that broke my heart
You were my all, you were my Autumn!
You were my Fall, but I think you've forgotten...

I cry in September because there's no longer an "us"!
We broke each other's hearts and broke each other's trust
I'm willing to bury all those seeds of regret
If you and me both agree that we should forget...

I cry in September, I cry each and every time!
We both know that we committed an unforgivable crime
To break this relationship is exactly like committing a ******!
We both need to understand that we both did this together...

I cry in September because this seems like the end...
I not only lost a lover, but also a friend...
I'll never forget all our moments together...
Because of you, because of us, I cry in September...
Patricia Drake Feb 2013
An anarchist atom
Assaults the atmosphere
With anger and aerial arson
Bringing, begetting
Brutal and ****** battles
In my brain
Initiating chaos
With charges
Of chemicals.
A disection,  distortion
Diversion of dedication
And direction
Causing eruptions
Emissions
Of erratic, electric elements
Of ego.
Ferocious fires form
In filaments, firmaments
Feeding the fantastic
Forces
Which grow and gain
In greatness in gravity
Grave, gory, gorgeous
Gloom.
Henceforth hidden horrors
Harrowed in a hollow heart
Instantly interact with
Intimate ideas
Initiating irregular, irrational
Irreversible
Irrelevant
Intimacy
Jealousy
Jumbling of jinxes
And laws of the jungle
For kicks
Leading to lies
Leaving love for loneliness
Loss.
A massive moral meltdown
In my mind
Negating, neutralising
normality
Orchestrates an open
Onslaught of order
And ordinary
People's principles
To pursue passion
And perfection
In a poetic periphery
Quite queer to some
And quaint to those
Not acquainted with
Rushes of ramblings
Received and reciprocated
Or radical ridicule
Of rascals.
Synapses send,
Signal every sinew
Simulating similar signs
But transmitting treacherous
Tingles
Teasing,  trapping thoughts
In terror, temptations
To commit treason
Unforgivable,  unforgettable
Us
Vivid and vibrant
But also very
Woeful
Wishing we were wild
And willing to walk
Our wishes make wonderful
Wells of
Youth
And creative zest.
Star G Mar 2015
I'm
sorry,
I
didn't
mean
to
hurt
you.  
This pain is too great for my fragile heart...
Penthesilea Nov 2016
She spends countless of hours teaching herself to forgive, but she cant because she's unable to forget.
Another excerpt.
Rita Feb 2012
I've never stood on this side of "unforgiveness" before.


A whole different kind of pain that I've known nothing about, ever, in my lifetime.


A place, I never dreamed I'd end up.
I'd never done anything unforgivable before, to anyone.
But here I am in this.. Place, time, diminsion...


A place so sad and Harsh, uncaring and cruel that it  rips apart my very worth, a day at a time.
Leaving all of me mangled, on memory's cold, dusty floor.


I see myself through your eyes and even I despise myself.
I'm locked inside inaccurate details that somehow become hard lined truth and fact without reason or exception.

Only worthy of the harshest punishment.


Truth doesn't live here in this tortured place of long halls of funhouse-like mirrors created by your mind.. imaginary demons distort even the purest memory of who I really am, and what I was to you.


I should simply no longer exist like this, in my Un-pardonable grave of disgrace.  
Non-deserving of even the smallest shred of mercy.


Through your eyes I am a worthless *****, a liar and manipulator and heartless...
Or worse...


A faceless, nobody that you never knew.


I hardly recognize myself in this distorted view.
But who am I to defend my own worth to one who once saw me worthy to love?


I'm not worth fixing now or worthy of defending.
I'm  just a unforgiven act that can never be redeemed.


You can't hear my screams or my telling you that this isn't ME!
It truly isn't ME!


I whisper "I'm sorry's" into the dark, until even I'm tired of hearing it.
Helplessly and hopelessly I fell into places I've never been before.  
The darkest side of hate and disgust.


I'm not worth your words anymore or worth hearing.
Scarcely worth a thought.
Cast out and banned far away from you.
Nothing more than garbage beside the roadway.


I am no more, my feelings are muted.
I'm out of sight and mind, therefore I don't exist.


I am in fact.. Nothing.


Your thoughts of hate so sharp that it penetrates my shattered heart.
I can't even feel myself breathe anymore.
Not dead, but not alive.


I wish that I could bleed or die, but that would give relief that I don't deserve.


Untrusted, unloved and carefully judged and sentenced to a silent hell of hatred and death, that no human should ever see or feel.


I used to love seeing myself through your eyes and now I have to close my eyes because I'm too scary and disgusting to look at.


Doomed,  better off dead, am I, than to live unforgiven in this dark, silent torture..
Hated by the same heart that once loved me before my fall from grace.
Unable to plead my case before the judge who charged my sins.


So cold and unfamiliar that I don't even recognize the heart that I once knew as the extension of my own.


Now banished to a
literal hell without a door.


Copyright protected
Sa Sa Ra Jun 2012
Sore’ us
Ooze
‘da poor ‘ust ones
Black scotch and de’wars
**** ‘um is fin’er
As I run from life
‘a from any at all.
‘dis ain’t ‘dey party
Fa’ de’ parted departing
It’s just ‘dey way
Of getting ‘duh deed done
It’s not mystery
Nor ‘duh chance.
See?
Pure despair
‘nings discernment
Evils low ruse
Vindictive benedictions
Pleasures ease
Smell’s clear
While here
Something’s sick
’nings’ fatale
‘ah a‘traction
Sum treacherous torture
Of sentenced de jour…
Jeer’us!
Infectious disease’us
Runnin’ rampant
Of spells complete
Consumption ‘us
Divergin’ opinions ring
Must be sick ’o
Is pathetic delusion ’o
Imagine
Is just imagining
Flashbacks of ole
Smackums’ hymn
Kind’a makes me laugh
But truth is too
Much to rash
That woman’s
Complete
Abusive…
Trash!
Got the world?
Or her wrath
Taken out the best…
Mother Natures Son
Everything he cares for
His family and chill
‘da heir
‘dey run
Only pain and death‘ eruption
Ultimate relentless destruction
Her kind of fun
Yeh ‘dey disorder of disorders
Kin‘da be a gun
Yud luve to be swift
For such ‘da gift
That takes you from ‘dat world
She’s so horrid
From hell they’d tried to bar ‘er
They’d hope to have starv’n out her
But souls she’s quick devour’n
Takes you out
To bear pain upon ya’
Despair, would you’ve joy
Preparations of
Desperations…
She’s suicide!
She’ll get ya on her dream sensations
Thee unforgivable debts
War crimes kinda’
You’ve got comin’
Lest her best compensations
U’d try n try to escape
Marked for pain
Marked not to make it
As prey unto desolations
Of the desperate
And ultimate violations
(She is Suicide
Kind’a be a gun)
(Spring 2010)
I actually considered this a blessing to be able to write this!!
Not legally separated, the Power of Persecution, Control and Manipulation,
Magical Understanding of Wounds, Weaknesses in the most Vulnerable Ways!!
Yes I have not been immune from suicidal thought yet as a notion I am Done!!!

I was ever wrong
for ever a wish
to leave for
now I am
where
we all
<3
:
B
E
'
L
O
N
G
!
.
.
.
http://hellopoetry.com/poem/forgive-me-all/

I was nearing 2 years towards with what I was hoping,
to be an end of 18.5 years Suicidal Idealization!!
So this was a gift for record!!!
Sure I had Lyme Meningitis, opportunistic within HS neck injury.
Though nothing like relationship issues with spouse and now,
with 3 kids who really mattered beyond myself.
Myself who took things like 'Dark Nights of the Soul',
as worthy conditioning till such point!!

I no longer prescribe to such notions...

We can do all this self realization with self honesty only,
and All Self Love Gifts found within then also,
With True Love, Joy and Fun!!!
<3<3:):)!!!R!!
Brokk66 Jun 2018
she ignores me still,
the wonderous girl
who stole my heart.
she said...
she would love me forever,
no matter what.

she lied.

I am living proof,
that lies are believable
for I believed...
in her...
and in us.

she failed me,
and let me down,
when i needed her the most.
******* i needed her!

do not believe
that love is beautiful...
for it is false,
and indifferent,
and malignant.

i believed,
and look at me now...
telling all of this to you
strangers,
who don't care.

she lied, and i suffer.
she betrayed our promise,
and that is...
unforgivable.

need i say more?
Brandon Barnett Nov 2012
walking out the door to score the first pour
or headed to the store to buy more, more, more
alcohol slides over my lips and burns my gums
look out depression because here I come
unforgivable and dumb
my decision in choosing again to succumb
to filling my throat with hateful *** just to go numb

unbelievable the cost of the lines I’ve crossed
the hours and days I've lost
the vicious shifting of minutes across
the abacus rods to the side of loss
the moments of my life I accost

my happy endings sent marching to their deaths
an insult to the true preciousness
of every one of life’s next breaths

I stop and think of all the terrible acts and hate crimes
that I've committed since the addiction in my lifetime
my steady, self inflicted decline
and the horrors that have come from my anebriated mind
the sickness embodied in drinking, thinking it’s not filth and grime

one of life's few real truths
is that we have so little of it in our youth
we have so little of it to define ourselves
it doesn’t halt, it doesn’t pause it can’t be contained or stored on shelves
it will never refrain from moving along
with or without your happiness time moves on

writing this down in sobriety now
or reading this later aloud
drunk and probably too loud
for a crowd of one person not proud
I’ll wonder how
how I do this to myself again and bow down
to a voluntary disease that only brings storm clouds

I've been taught better than this
I've been treated better than this
I've been shown and really seen clearly my life’s gifts
so why do my actions always need forgiveness

how is it I burn the pages of my own plans
how is my touch capable of the murders of a killers hands
I don’t know how an able body like mine can
refuse to stand up like a man

I’m dragging myself to an inevitable end
with every sip I take and every bar dollar I spend
and every gushing wound I refuse to mend
everytime I choose ***** over the company of a friend

i can put the vitamins back in my body
and pretend my ledger isn’t red it’s just a little spotty
and that I wasn’t that bad I was just a little naughty
and say that I make everyone laugh when I’m *****

but those rows of abacus beads on the wrong side that I tossed
tell a different story of a war fought and lost
and a power that remains with the victor unchanged
and a coward carrying a bottle like a cross

and every day there is a line drawn, and then right now is gone
with or without my happiness, time moves on
that empty desert land filled with memories
all lost in the storm
cast me away
throw out my warmth
1000's of long lost emptiness filled by the love I once i had for you
now cast away over that deserted desert land
empty inside
nothing left
am i just another one of your wretches
am just to be fooled with
thrown away in the ditch
broken down
just another ******* in your web of lies
say you love me than curse me away
lost memories fill the sky
fill my heart with unforgivable lust  
lust which I've cast away
never to be spoken of again
see my dear friends love is not one to trust
it will seize your heart and tear it apart
makes you feel like you are in heaven
but really you only exist in hell
it might come at a force so strong u cannot control
try to break the bond
try to get away
but you are already a victim
a victim to its lustrous smell
its deceivable warmth  
makes you believe you are special
and no one else has felt this way
than it takes it
take that feeling
makes you feel worthless
takes everything and leaves you broken
on the floor you are crying
regretting everything
every word ever spoken
but you can't go back
can't erase the past
so now it haunts you
you were just some man's *****
his one night stand
his perk of the night
you swear revenge
swear to get it back
so you become the very thing you hate
a demon to the style of hurt
.....a slave to love
Nat Lipstadt Oct 2015
~~~

set aside
the 31st day of every month,
even if not on Gregory's calendar,
in actuality,
it's an always monthly revelation

this 31st day
of everyones life,
is a set aside,
to

set aside

the regrets that
Halloween haunt,
those overly generous ghosts,
goblins, too eager to remind and provide,
the tainted candy aplenty of
failed past deeds,
and worse,
the misdeeds

- the quantity insufficient
of unuttered "I love you"

- the lost, unrecoverable bidding of farewell finales failures,

- leaving unsaid that which
weakness delayed,
sadly now, a ticket voided
by an eternal expiration moment

the lost boys of opportunities
who live in the endless hell of
isolation in the Never-to-be-Land

- the right course we chose to
unsee

- that person we should never have
let go of

- for the easier, less costly,
charm of the error self-deceptions

- the damnable accursed if-onlys,
visible only in the rearview mirror of dreams
that with nightmare blended,
now can only go
one-direction,
forward

- attempt escaping,
both slow and quick,
from the maximum security prisons
built to be inescapable,
where you offer yourself
daily meals of only the stones of pain,
hopes skin-scratched off
as irretrievable lost,
poisonous diet of radioactivity

you own these regrets and
do not deny,
letting them go to partial freedom
even harder,
even worse,
now, when compared
to the bitterness of the
of original errors past committed

no absolution-complete,
these persistent insanities,
found in our possession,
unable to be defeated

and yet,
the thought,
a passerby muttering,
perhaps
by sharing, ours, yours,
mine,
we will uncover where the yellow brick road
to redemption commences

~~~
have oft confessed

the sadness of the
loss of living children, ex's,
who cannot forgive mutual trespasses

wasted anger that won't cease,
bile-ing and piling up,
like ten pound weights ankle permanently fastened to
the bitter buds of your tongue

the security of every wrong fork
incorrectly chosen,
calculating, over-valuing,
safety over risk

for within the chances untaken
lived the far better possibility
of a life without regrets

struggle everyday to
not allow the days
tween the first and the thirtieth,
to infect
the 31st day

this monthly maker reserved for
confession and atonement
and forgiveness granted by pardon
by you,
the one absolute ruler

for sentences that already deserve release,
if only for time served

all ready for forgiving,
and if yet still deemed unforgivable,
be eased by the the finer quality of
the humanity of
the overlooked blessing
that in the
never forgetting,
are deep buried in the roots of
caring...

~~~

October 31, 2015
7:10 am
NYC
http://blogs.webmd.com/art-of-relationships/2015/10/burdened-by-regret-how-to-break-free.html?ecd=wnl_men_102615&ctr;=wnl-men-102615_nsl-promo-4_title&mb;=zNOFoqgNPBRY1krNNKlXzhXFE73IOX1cv%40KF%2fM%2fVd7s%3d


You carry the weight of a regret – maybe even a bundle of regrets – that you just can’t seem to put down. Perhaps in your more honest moments, you think you don’t deserve to let it go. By carrying it around, you feel you’re doing a kind of penance. But somewhere inside you realize that carrying it around is not doing you or anyone any good. It’s not making the situation right for others. And, it’s not making you a better person. Still, walking away from the regret seems impossible and, perhaps, irresponsible and uncaring.

This dilemma is more common than you might think. Being human practically comes with a guarantee that you will do things you regret. Even if you haven’t been able to move on, others do. They find a way to come to terms with their regret, freeing them to enjoy life. You can do this, too, if you choose to face your actions and the human error behind them.

If you struggle with regret, you may have already taken a step in the right direction by taking responsibility for what you did or didn’t do. It’s important that you acknowledge this responsibility – or “own up to it” – without making excuses for your mistake. It’s okay, and even important, to understand the reasons for your actions, but that does not excuse you.

At the same time, though, it’s important to balance “owning” your actions with acknowledging and accepting that you’re simply human. Everyone has limits. There are some things you can’t, or simply don’t, know – that’s just part of being human. And even when you do know better, you will sometimes make errors in judgment. You will, at times, act emotionally and irrationally. You have weaknesses and flaws and you will make mistakes.

Think about the friends, children, or other family whom you accept and love despite their imperfections. Your acceptance of them as human is the same feeling you need to practice for yourself. Because, in reality, your mistakes are a testament to your humanity, not your failing as a person.

Even as you come to terms with your regret, you will still feel upset about it – whether that means you feel guilty, sad, or some other emotion.

Here are 5 steps you can take to help you start working through those feelings.

1. Don’t deny or suppress these emotions. Allow them in. They are part of you. Just as you would soothe an emotional child, choose to soothe yourself.

2. Tell yourself that you will be okay. Act compassionately toward yourself. You might go for a hike in the woods or take a long, hot bath.

3. Reach out to a caring and supportive friend who can help you feel better.

4. If you can, make amends. Say you are sorry. Do something kind for the person you hurt.

5. If that’s not possible, you might commit to helping others in similar situations. For instance, if you realize that you haven’t been there to help loved ones through troubled times, you can choose to help those  in need now.

Maybe those you’ve hurt will forgive you. Maybe not. Maybe it’s less about what others think and more about your own disappointment in yourself. Whatever the regret is that you carry, you are ultimately responsible for lightening your own load. You must see that you are more than just the mistakes you’ve made.

You may never feel good about the thing you regret. But you can still feel good about being you.
Joseph Mar 2019
I am in this prison, no escape can I find.
I have been convicted – punished, for another man’s crime

There are many things which I am guilty of – in denying, I would be remiss
For those I should be charged – another man’s crime, absolutely not— not this!

I didn’t break your heart – why should I do the time?
I didn’t  make you cry – why should I pay the fine?
I didn’t cause you misery – why should I go to jail?
I didn’t leave you lonely – why should I be in this cell?

For the many wrongs I’ve done, I would gladly pay for them all.
But for another man’s crime – I walk this justice hall

I stand; -- boldly proclaim –not guilty! – My innocence plea!
I was not at the scene of the crime – mistaken identity.
What heinous thing has he done – what unforgivable act?
What was the crime – I am charged with accessory after the fact.

Tell me what I have done and I will gladly make amends
Don’t make me pay, forever pay, for another man’s sins

I was not there when he did you wrong – wasted words that I say
I was not there when he rejected your affection – your trust he did betray
I was not there when he turned your world misty blue- it was him and him alone
I was not there when he left you broken– that deed is his to own

Why am I impaled for an unknown deed – ignorance is no defense
I throw myself on the mercy of the court – may I approach the bench
He committed the prefect crime – walks away scot-free
Enjoys all the benefit of his wrongdoing –I get the third degree.

Debtor Prison, is my sentence – yet it should not be.
I am an innocent man – yet, you grant him clemency
He forsook your love, took what he wanted, and walked away
But I am the one sentenced-- his debt I’m forced to pay.

When I am holding you -does it remind you of his embrace?
When I am kissing you- do you still see his face?
When I am loving you- is it him you that you miss?
When I am caressing you- for him do you reminisce?

You were a victim – now you victimize.
Creating more damage than you realize.
Because of one man’s wrong, you create wounded of your own.
Perpetually they pay for a crime, for which they can never atone.

It is easy to hurt other when you can’t feel any pain
Yet I pay the price, the one led away in chains.

How can I fix – what you refuse to say?
You want let me close, I’m always keep at bay.
The time may have come for me to throw in the towel.
The jury has been fixed – it’s an unwinnable trial.

Before my leg irons are put on and I am forced to go…
Let me speak now, let my record show,
I gave you my all –it wasn’t good enough
I gave you my best –never gained your trust

I only wanted to hold you and never make you cry
I only wanted to make you smile, girl that’s no lie
I only wanted to please you, but it was not to be
I only wanted to make your happy, the laugh’s on me.

Time is running out, there’s not much left to say
You shut me out, you push me away.
I hope you come around before too long.
Or you’ll wake up-- old – lonely- -all alone.

What I’ve been through- just not right.
I surrender - wave the white flag– no strength left to fight.

Hurt—pain – broken trust – you’re not the only one
Don't end your faith in love because of what he's done

He still controls – your heart – your soul – your mind!
My heart grows heavy –lost hope of your being mine.

Yesterday –gone – present - wasted – future - there’s time
Don’t make every man pay for another man’s crime!
So what if I'm outspoken
My hearts been broken
I'm not jokin,
           my mind is awoken
Soul is stolen,
               must be an omen
Words unspoken,
       open and golden
Not what I would have chosen

***** the heartache,
      now I'm awake
Looks so opaque,
           you were fake
It was a mistake just to partake
Do a double take,
       no more heartbreak
Time to remake and fix the break
Give and take,
        now I'm awake

Was so miserable,
     unforgivable
It's criminal,
      be an individual
So predictable,
           you're an imbecile
It's unthinkable,
         not unconditional
Unintentional,
      you're unemotional
Not original,
        be considerable
It's so pitiful,
          not traditional
I'm rational and very visual

You ought to not get too distraught
You got caught tied in a knot
Like an afterthought,
            you fought
And brought the plot,
         overwrought
Maybe you forgot what you taught
But I'm not distraught
Over what you brought
Just
     some
         food
     for
  thought...
Dougie Simps Jun 2013
He wakes up at seven but doesn't go in until eleven
Daily routine is to brush his teeth, get dressed and visits the house of heaven....funny cause his spiritual insight wasn't always so pure and right, at one point he followed the wrong path and he and god were in a fight...turned to his dark side, never the light, dropped all good people that came into his life...He chose to do bad and hang out late at night...this man was a sinner, a veteran, no beginner, he was struck a cold heart...neighbors said he was bitter, followed the wrong people, once ambitious now a quitter, this man became violent, then became a hitter.......
Stacy went out with her friends following a lie, knew she had no choice otherwise she could die...her friends hugged and kissed her only to notice she had cried...her one friend asked "stace, what the hell happen to ya eye?!...she said that she fell, yet following up another lie...Stacy was blinded by physical love so it was easy to deny...black and blue bruises up and down her thigh, as her friends asked one question and that was "why the hell you still with this guy!?" going back to that man who we find ina funk...watery eyes and blurred vision only means he's drunk...callin up Stacy to see where she gone at? She picked up and said she stepped out and would be right back. He lost his cool and in an instance snapped saying terrible things like she was a " worthless *****" and a "good for nothing piece of crap!"....something come over Stacy she couldn't take it and finally screamed back! He said "are you serious!? If you were a man...I'd be done! a ****** rap!, ya sharp tongue will only get you hurt and ******* slapped!" (hang up)
Stacy broke down...said goodbye to her friends and stormed out, feeling life's pressure of pain at its highest amount...
She closed her eyes, reached for the sky, and screamed "GOD! I'd rather die!"
"I can't take it" her hands shakin she needs to find a way! she needed strength given to her in the worst way...she glanced down at the water to see her reflection...looked at her eye and said "when the hell will I learn my lesson!?" she said "right now! I'm getting out! It's time to plant a new seed and watch new life sprout! shes ready to bloom, she can feel it coming soon...says it time to over come my fear and make a move...her phone rings and it's the same man, she looked at the ID, closed her eyes and pressed END...got back up dropped the phone only to never see it again...the man located stacy's phone, only to see his missed messages and voicemail tone, he now gets it...Stacy finally got smart, he stared at the phone and the mans sadness over came his black heart...a sharp object feeling in his chest like a shooting dart, and said "time to change and time to restart"...till this day the man has her dead phone...10years later and he is still alone, works a simple job with an empty home and with one flower he planted a year ago, that has never bloomed, he uses these symbols as a lesson to understand..that he's done a lot of wrong in his life as an evil man...now hoping for forgiveness he started to follow faith...hoping to cleanse his whole body of drugs & past hate...when he gets home he sits at his computer and logs onto Facebook, searching Stacy's name to see how she lives now and then for a simple look...but couldn't find her for anything
No matter what it took. A month has past and the man decides to check one last...sure enough a message in the inbox called "blast from the past" it was Stacy years later writing " dear man I could never forgive, I found you before you found me but blocked you because of what you did...simple info now I'm happily married, a CEO with four kids and I hate you with everything in me and that's just how it is..I see my scars everyday from all your hits and my final question to you unforgiven man is...has karma been near? And have you been through what I was? Living life in fear!? These questions aren't for a response, just for you to think on..I pray for you and let god take you on, Goodbye and so long"..and like that stacy was forever gone...
the man cried, broke down and couldn't believe what he put her through, knowing the past was gone and history he couldn't ever redo. Wrote her back a message heading "one last sorry to you, knew it meant nothing he still typed "P.S .....I will always love you, my sins are unforgivable and for that my heart will always stay black...I got diagnosed with cancer now...so I guess...god has got me back. I only have a couple months to live so that is that...I'm so sorry Stacy...glad to see your doing well, goodbye and hope before time is up you write back"

Life makes the puzzles pieces come together and always has a plan, for Stacy it was painless freedom...and a lonely death for the "Unforgiving Man"
-Dougie simps
#LostLove
Pauline Morris May 2016
Your soul's obscene
The worst I've seen
Your soul's to putrid
It's been polluted
Your soul's turned rancid
It's stagnant and placid

You are a travesty
An unforgivable tragedy
Stick that needle in your arm
Anything that harms
Pop those pills
You have no self will

Continue doing what you do
But you can count on this, I'm through
The smell of death surrounds you
Your choices are growing few
I'm tired of being on the wall, the fly
Just sitting here watching you die
kris evans May 2014
...............................................  on the.................................................
            ­                            moth eaten pages,  
                                                   i pen
                                            the discovery,
                                                i dread
                                             my existence
                                             in this world.
                                in the abode of black men,
                               among the filth of mankind,
                        scattered in those dimly lighten ghettos
                            relaying an unforgivable legacy
                                                i stood
                                   as a moss covered relic
                              silhouetted against the light
                                             a moppet,
                                born in this tabooed world
                                    a scar upon my kins
                                who likely preferred a boy
                                                biped,
      ­                           standing alone in the moor
                                          beheld a future
                                        turned into debris
                                                like flies ,
                                  swarming around a glare
                                  many a cold hapless eyes ,
                                                   i met
                                        hovering over me
                                      eyeing me - a hellion
                                 and soon they drew my fate
                                                every door
                                         shut upon my face
                                                forcing me
                                        to creep in to corners
                                                  and live
                                          under the shadows
                                   to defy them proved grim
                                        only to be hugged
                                    often by heartless whips
                                 or burnt by cigarette thuds
                                          thus like a ****
                                      amid st the bean stalk
                                          they uprooted me
                                             from their lives
                                      and thawed my efforts
                                           to seek the world  
                                           after all who am i
                                                     a girl
                                                  yes a girl
                                                   a taboo....
                                               or a disgrace?
                                                 i was killed
                              murdered...in my mothers womb
                                            my blood spilled
                                            before i was born
                                            before i could see
                                         before i could breath
                                             they choked me
                                                   to death
                                                   from life
                                                    from
                                                       me ....
though female infant mortality rates have gone down in the past couple of years there a still thousands of babies who are killed before birth.......
Esther Sep 2023
i met you when i was 14
and like an addict with their first dose of ******
i had a taste of you, liked it
i grabbed and hooked on to something
way too soon

i met you when i was 14
had my first kiss on a train in the sunset
something so strangely intriguing
it was beyond perfect, felt like home
and i thank you for that

had my first kiss on a train in the sunset
i gave my body to you
i thought that one day i was going to marry you
your fingers and lips traced every inch of my skin
our love was naked and raw

i gave my body to you
you were there in my room
we shared a playlist of stolen lullabies
i could see you up against the closet door with me
i closed my eyes as the moonlight washed me through

you were there in my room
i reached for you and you pushed my hand away
in the darkest crowd of the busy station
i saw you cry for the very first time
as the unforgivable words slipped out of my mouth

i reached for you and you pushed my hand away
we danced under the christmas lights
we never made it 'til the season
the decorations were put up too early
just like us

we danced under the christmas lights
you left me like my soul had left my body
phone call, 19:35
i guess you were relieved
but nobody else would care for me the way you did

you left me like my soul had left my body
i was a **** mess
no food, no shower, no friends, no life
i couldn't leave the couch due to my fear
that even seeing the littlest something would've reminded me of you

i was a **** mess
you had blades running down my skin
we were toxic
our love had both of us walking on a tightrope from the very beginning
i guess you fell off first

you had blades running down my skin
i found myself
you stold my highest passion - taylor swift
we were going to see her show later this year
but i was left with a spare ticket

i found myself
i was getting over you
sleeping, crying, dancing
until the music came back into my life
until i saw the sunrise for the first time in 6 months

i was getting over you
in the end, you were just another poem. i don't want a man who became 11 stanzas. i want a man who's my end game.

@3:39pm
06/10/18
Candlelight is romantic, unless
you're in a dungeon.

Context changes everything.

Context makes you look down
at the bridges you build and realize
they are plywood: thin, cheap, but
soggy enough from this rain that
they're impossible to burn.

Realism is a myth. Everyone has a lens.

People believe what they want to believe,
or they believe the worst. Sometimes they
alternate, tense and relax at all the wrong
moments, a sigh of relief before the crime
has been committed.

Everyone loves a hero until they are up
against them.

The unforgivable becomes forgivable
in the right context, ****** as self-
defense, or in war. Fear and arousal
provoke identical symptoms in the body.
Sometimes the boundaries bleed together.

Sometimes ethics surrender in the face
of love.
Ember Evanescent Dec 2014
Listening* to them
Arguing
Swearing at each other
She criticizes his every move
He can't do anything right
He screams unforgivable things at her
She cries
And he never cries
But he leaves
For hours
Grudging
Clearly upset
I inherited her inability
To ever let things go
And when I get angry
Just like her
I scream profanities
And say what's on my mind
Letting it all out
I also inherited his grudging nature
I never forgive
I leave when I am furious
And I don't come back
I never accept an apology
I never give one either
Both traits I inherited
From each of them respectively
Are horrible characteristics
Will I be twice as bad
When I am married
If I am married
Will I fight like this
Say hateful, awful things
And never say I love you anymore?
I don't want to end up like that
I know it won't be sugarplums and glitter
I am not that delusional
But I believe
I can make an effort
To keep the romance
Alive
Even when
I have promised forever
And I hope
My relationship
Never descends
To what they have
because what is worse
than hurting
to one you are supposed
to
love*?
I can't take listening to their arguing anymore.
Batya Sep 2014
If it shames you,
If it shocks you,
If no one ever cared enough
To brave it through for you,
If that's not how it was done-
                                  Then run.
Shirk responsibilities,
Hold on to old hostilities,
Ensure a future
For your daughter
Full of mistakes you've already made.
             Do not grace her with faith,
Do not bestow your care upon her-
Let her think it was never there.
Cigarettes, alcohol,
                   Heartache, adolescence
Just ******* and
                  Regular flirtations and relationships-
Don't tell her to say no.
Just make sure she knows
                  They're unforgivable, all of them;
(Make sure she knows both shades that life can offer,
Raise her awareness of the wonderful choice
Between white and black.)
                 Fabricate the pretense that in this 21st century
                 She'll never come across them, not once.
Tell her that safe *** is not
Something she should know about
Because she will just not do it
                               Ever, period
And experimentation with substances and heck,
Even with people, are crimes
That only criminals commit.

And she will learn despite you.
And she will do things to spite you,
And one day, she'll grow old enough to hate you
And she won't care or feel the need
To explain her side of things
Because she will find happiness in her way
And she will have survived long enough
To have learned how to cut you from her heart.
And she won't even have to see you,
And the day will come
When you've become
Just a subject of her art.
Katrina Wendt Aug 2011
I remember
exactly the way
your voice sounds
even though I didn't
realize until I heard
someone else's.
I remember
just the way
it felt when you
held my hand
with our fingers
intertwined
and how I longed
for them to stay
that way forever.
I remember
that look in your
eyes when you
were looking at me
and I felt like
the most beautiful
girl in the world
because of
that look.
I remember
the sound of
your laugh
and how even
if I didn't know
what caused
it I still wanted
to laugh right
along with you
because you sounded
so happy which
made me so
happy.
I remember
exactly the way
your arms felt
around me holding
me and just
being there
comforting and
strong and how
when I was in
your arms I
never ever wanted
to leave them
because with
you in your
arms I felt
whole and
complete and
perfect and
that is funny
because to
me you are
the one who
is perfect.
I remember
just the way
your lips felt
when they met mine
because there was
and is and will
never be anything
quite as wonderful
as that feeling
when we kissed
and everything in the
world was wonderful
and I knew just how
much you loved
me and cared about
me and just how much
I loved you.
Remembering hurts.
It is a ***** that
never fully leaves
and always comes
back to bite when
you least expect it.
Remembering hurts
but forgetting...
forgetting would be
unforgivable
because I think
if I were to forget
everything
I wouldn't be able
to live with myself
knowing that
somewhere out
there supposedly
there was someone
for me who would
be perfect for me
and not knowing
that they were so
close.
2010
Reilly Cole Jul 2013
Forever bonded, blue dark ocean
nothing can compare, icy embrace
sweet salty lips, carress mine
fine white, deep sea dive
lost forever, bonded and lost
wet eyes, soaked to the bone
rotting ship, netted trap
pull me under, take away the pain
Love unbidden, not unwanted
Ocean blood, love unrequited
smooth sensation, unforgivable
I love you, my dear sea god
Green ocean blue, lips of salt
Kiss and carress, love and lust
forever bonded, blue dark ocean.
Ember Evanescent Feb 2015
The venom in your snake bite glare ties my pain in knots, Knots

don’t come undone

Every time you yell I smell smoke

You’re burning us, you know

You’re burning us.

And I’m drowning in the fire.

You’ve got your magnifying glass in hand like a detective,

And I know you’re searching for something better

I know you’re searching for clues that we could make it better,
between us

But you always look in the same place, you always look through these
piles and stacks of Anger that we’ve been collecting and you haven’t
looked anywhere else, you know, no matter how magnified that
Anger is, it won’t change what it is.

You’ve been standing in that same spot searching for too long, and that
magnifying glass is burning us

And it’s not that I don’t still think you’re made of stars, because I do

I still do

I still need you, mom

I need you to breathe,

I do.

You’re my oxygen, you always have been but

This Oxygen is suffocating me.

Do you remember that story I told you so many times? About that day
in kindergarten when the craft table got new materials? When there
was nice

Purple

Shiny heart shaped box and I wanted it

So did everyone else, but I got to it first

So it was mine

I had it in my hands

I had it

But then the other little girl spent all morning talking to me about how
she wanted it

She wanted the pretty, shiny, heart-shaped chocolate box so that she
could make a pretty gift for her mommy and I didn’t want to give it
up, but I finally gave in to the guilt and gave up that box to her

Do you know why?

Because I thought about how I had the best mommy in the whole wide
world and I wanted to give that pretty box to you because I loved you
so much and I thought maybe that little girl loved her mommy the
same way I loved you, and I understood why she would want to give
her mommy a pretty thing and to this day, that time in kindergarten
when I gave up my pretty box that I wanted to give to you is one of my
deepest regrets, because I loved you so much and I wanted to give you
that pretty gift.

I still do, you know

I still see you as the duct tape to fix what I broke and the hands that tie
the back of my dress in a bow for me on Easter Sunday, sure I still see
you as the lullaby I fall asleep to because I used to replay that
recording of your choir solo you downloaded on my very first IPod for
me every night before I went to bed one year when I was in elementary
so that in case I died before I woke up, the last voice I ever heard
would have been yours. Or in case you died at least I heard your voice
last. I always romanticized death back then, but now I can see how icy
the frosty fingers of death really are when the death of our old bond is
staring me right in the face, Mom!

Do you remember that one month I spent making absolute sure the last
thing I said to you before you shut my door and left after saying
goodnight was: I love you so that the last thing I ever said to you
was “I love you”? Same logic, mom. In case you died before the next
time I saw you, at least that was the last thing I ever said to you I never
wanted you to forget, and yes mom, I still see you as the stiches in my
torn up nylons but I don’t see you as my blanket on a cold day,
anymore.

I can trust you to save me, I can trust you to love me overall, in the end

But I can’t trust you to comfort me and you tell me to call you when
I’m sad, but you wouldn’t get it.

I can give you ten reasons why you and I need you to stop chasing me
into pain’s open arms and all ten are on my hands, balled up in fists
that are bruised from fighting, I’m done fighting with you mom, I can’t
anymore.

I’m too tired.

You start every knitting project and never finish it before you start a
new one, and I don’t want to become just another unfinished project of
yours, the daughter who left home and never sent more than 10 emails,
one for each finger after that because it’s not that I don’t love you, it’s
just that we’re growing so distant now that when we fight, the “I love
you” is no longer implied and when you get angry, you’re scary

You call me worthless, you swear at me, you say some awful things
mom, and so do I, I know,

But then you demand in irritation why I consider myself worthless as
if I’m seeking attention or something when I admit to you how
worthless I feel, well if you would quit calling me useless and
worthless and I quote “The stupidest human being alive” maybe I
WOULDN’T FEEL LIKE THAT MOM!

Maybe your mom, who is supposed to be the over-sized, comfy hoodie
you can come home to when life is getting too complicated is
constricting you with her harmful words it’s hard to find any good in
myself anymore maybe I’m just really hurt that you would say that to
me.

My sisters came along and they STOLE you, I’m sorry if that sounds
like a selfish, angry six year old but I need to say it because I don’t care
how unbiased you think you are, you never show me the underlying
kindness you show them because mom, I don’t want money every time
we go to the movies, I don’t want two pairs of Lululemon leggings or
expensive boots I just want the Love I feel like you’ve lost for me when
you didn’t have enough to give to all three of your children I just want
you to Love me, mom. I’m scared that you don’t anymore, and God it
would be so much easier if I could hate you but I can’t bring myself to.
I wish I could say I hate you, but I don’t. Every time I cross the line and
scream something unforgivable at you, when you cry, I can hear every
teardrop that falls from your eyes crash to the floor and shatter, but I
feel like you can’t hear me even when I’m screaming, even when liquid
pain is pouring down my face mom I love you, but you can’t hear my
tears and I feel like you’ve lost the Love you used to have for me.

I wish you would come back to me, I wish you would spend just ONE
night without insulting me, or yelling at me because I’m not
exaggerating when I say you haven’t.

Mom, I’m asking you to help me fix this.

We are not going to find the answer to the Cold between us in this pile
of angry, so please lower your voice and lower your magnifying glass,
just stop burning us and help me rebuild our old bond, okay?

The venom in your snake bite glare ties my pain in knots, but knots

Can come undone

Untie this pain with me?
just a really bad relationship with my mom, and I kind of broke down crying listening to spoken word poetry that relates to having a ****** bond with your mom and I felt I needed to express it somehow. I know it's ******, I'm sorry. Anyway, yeah this is a spoken word piece that will probably end up in the trash.
My life is a fraud
Posing greatness, I go home to empty bed
I remember a girl
It was heavenly lying next to her
Talking, walking, being with her

Countless fissures fitted, amazing minutiae
She was the one, paradise once
Dilapidation is order of the day
Death dwells among the living
Seeped deep in floorboards, forcing hands

Death is more real than God
Death is God
Why is this night different from all other nights?
I rouse from anxious nightmares
Awakening to truer horrors

What is believable?
Her lips were the best
Scattered into tiny unrecognizable pieces
Where she licked
I didn’t realize it was all her New York City connections

I thought it was simply
Her eager tongue
One last remark
This is not poetry
Who am I to utter

Ice-cream truck ***** broadcasts
Tomorrow guarantees new beginnings
To an unforgivable forgiven past
I miss her presence
My life is a frog
Cadence Jun 2018
6/21/2018

The night is alive with possibility
The suspense is killing me
Lightning strikes a pose
And thunder comes to me
deeply
Seeping through atmosphere
Home is here
Home is where a gaze holds you safe and a shoulder keeps you steadfast
Cognitive dissonance
I cannot live with this policy ripping through my arteries, this image won’t stop coming to me
A 9-months old baby
In an orange jumpsuit
In a cage in a city
Unclaimed, unwritten, undocumented, unforgiven for the sins of colonialism
Unforgivable
Where were you when ****** branded the Jews?
Then you are accountable too
Comfortable at home, wishing I could do more to end this insanity. Call your representatives please
If Idolatry is such an unforgivable Sin,
don't build such ******* huge Temples
and print such ******* grandiose Books.
I can't justify these incongruities in my own head;
I must be a heathen occultist infidel barbarian.
Tonka Mar 2016
I died today
Not in a violent way.
I gave up, I decided it was time to quit
“Oh man, I’m just tired of this *******.”
Moving forward has become a chore
Everything I once enjoyed is now just a bore.
I’ll lay in my bed from morning till night.
Staring at the ceiling with no lights.
Memorizing the cracks and the blemishes
The unevenness of the paint and plaster
A monochrome filter over what once was beautiful.
I’ve lost my talents and now I’m completely unuseable.
I see no more hope, I see no redemption
I am ready to choke, until my end in damnation.
Ayeshah Nov 2013
Sadly I think of you & wonder if those green eyes remember me or if you think of me....
I bet you don't.
Do you miss me even a little bit...
I doubt you do or could care less,
I seen the affirmation in your wake of destruction,
to my home & very soul...

I'm sure your happy now since you've destroyed this home, stole and thought it'd be fun even funny, I hope the temporary satisfaction fills you in those lonely nights and days where I once use to dwell.

I pray my scent still lingers in the air where ever you go and all over your pillows, leaving you craving me and still yearning for my lustful touch, kisses and caress...

our legs entwining, our body's moving in sync, your green seductive eyes staring at me with love shinning through as you make me your lady, your life and someday maybe your could of been wife...
We shouldn't of ruined "that" because "that" was the best part of us.... Or so I keep trying to tell myself.
I cant forget or forgive you for the negative names that came out your mouth- towards me and they are so so unforgivable, yet because I love you and still care.

I guess, it's best for me to forgive some of the disrespectful ways and things you've said plus done to me & not just me but my children.

I hope your happy really I do, I feel if things were so completely different  we could of been steadfast in working things out.

I seriously miss your strong arm wrapped breathlessly and so very tightly around me, and that's ok, it's ok to miss you, to crave you and at times still need you.

I know that us being apart is for the best, least that's what I'm telling myself...

the healing I've allowed me to go through will one day help me think back on what we shared as a fond memory.

The growing that's taken place, tells me that, for me- my chapters not over and the pages that once were us sadly was a tragedy, but these new blank pages and those canvases over there are ready for me to start a new book and paint again....

Sadly thought I'm so used calling you when I have a issues problem or need a pick me up, sadly I'm used to going over & climbing in your bed, having you fill me up with your intensified love making.
And sweetly but sadly- how you used to hold me for no reason at all or even when you scooped me up right in the middle of walmart screaming "I LOVE YOU" as loud as you could...

I pray the next one you meet you realize that if she sticks around when your broke,broken and penniless, giving you all of her love as you lie and abuse and give reasons for your deceit that you hold on to her.
I pray you don't lie cheat or steal as you've done to me...

I was there if you'll recall, when no one else was, and would of still been if you didn't damage my home and my life or that of my children if you'd realize that, there was no need to play games with me to win...

There was no need to demand and abuse or lie and cheat, there was never a need to try to manipulate or any need for control not over me not with us,

no need to force my hand and or the love i carried with me every where, since it was you who always owned the key to my heart!

To those "green/hazel eyes" which haunt my days and wakes me from sleep with nightmares of what once was a beautiful tragedy of ..........................

um........................US!


(Sad­ly I miss you & sadly I still love you too)

Always Me Ayeshah ®
Copyright ©
Ayeshah
K.C.L.N 1977 - Present YEAR(s)
All right reserved ®
ShFR Dec 2016
State of union
as we're unified, we're lateral
parallel,
paraphernalia in our religions

to add to this televised broadcast
forecasting short cuts and short comings
Sure—
I'm running out of excuses tongue-loosened painfully,

but who thought,
the chief that is,
invited everyone to our ghost dance
they stand and applaud,

Me at the helm of our podium
they **** and they gawk,
you at my breast plate
the air I drink is futile I cough,

But Is it kosher?
Nova Scotian landscapes supplementing dinner,
The candles on your dessert,
 reminds me of our fire,

We once had, We flicker,
Once singular now plural -- yes adulting made us thorough,
through the rigours,
I feel different

YOU'RE TRIGGERED,
them posts traumatic symptoms I remind you of
frequently,
I listen

I sin again, I sin again
Differently,
You take me back,
Religiously,

And say,

meditation is key,
Khalad would be proud
emotionally I'm wolverine --
Untouchable,

But that was yesterday and I'm trynna say,

Sorry
I'm trynna be unguarded
as a point guard off the inbound,
Pointing to your tilted crown — Adjust it to your coils

Flag a waiter down,
Beef is not what I wanted
nor pleasant to your palette
major key — take the salmon

Overall I think we're better now,
I asked my mom about you
and my aunt about your culture
What you really need is closure

Instead of asking for permission,
settled for forgiveness,
you sweep your pride away in the name
the victim,

Treat me like I treated you
Treat me like you're bullet proof,
Treat me like those systematic flaws --
Unforgivable

You left me?
© 2016 by S Fraz All rights reserved. No part of this document may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise, without prior written permission of S Fraz

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