Heaving chest
Blood leaking from heaveans mouth
Scared shacky hands
A forienger to this strange land
Of shadowy plains
And rip shattering pain
Eyes so brave
No tears in the blue pools
Strong soul
Ready to escape
The cage your body holds about it
Whisper in the nights wind
Just be silent my love
Hold on to me
You'll be okay
And the bombs blast in the backround
Of his cries
As she, his love dies
With a note that she had carried through the
War feilds
My love ,
Hold your tears for another day
I am brave
I will not be scared when my
Light
Shines in my eyes
And my reaper takes me from this
Land
Of breathing
I will not be afraid to
Face what lies before me
I am strong my love
Be strong to
Fight for our will
Fight for me to
Always hold my love with you
As a token of grattitude
For all that you have done
And will do
And in my last breath.....
I love you

As I walk through these
poppies in an unending field

In a small village
In Afghanistan
A place of people's dreams

The one's who live there
Want a better life

The one's who don't
Want what's produced
From there crops

***** they make
That's in pain pills we take

Herion on the streets
Was once my dreams

This flower is known to be
A flower of God

It helped Alexandra the Great
To conquer this world

It's is only a flower
That helped define this world

There a lot of history
In drugs throughout this world

I miss the look on your face when you saw me
I miss the smell on of the smoke on your skin
I miss the small, silver camera you held in your hand
I missed you the moment you'd taken me in
I miss the long drives past rolling corn feilds
I miss the tissue crumpled in my hand
I miss the trailer sat 10 feet from your porch light
I missed you the moment that I knew I can
I miss the family that I'd never known there
I miss my neices blue eyes, curly hair
I miss when Aunt Nikkie painted my nails green
It started chipping, but I didn't care
I miss the fireflies that I couldn't catch
I miss the movies you forced me to watch
I miss the ashtrays all over the house
I missed the jokes I continue to botch
I miss the grapes that you stuck by my bedside
I miss the feel of my neice on my lap
I miss my cousins attempting to drown me
I even miss Tristan, whom I wanted to slap
I miss the day that they took me out shopping
I miss watching movies with them late at night
I miss winning money on Grampa's 10 slot machines
I miss how hard those mosquitos would bite
I miss the day that you bought me a pizza
I miss the way that smoked everyday
I miss the drive to the airport that morning
I miss your face, as you drove away

Atlas shrugged &
shook the brains  
outta Tuesday's baby
about noon
on a Kathmandu doomsday.
the Berkley Tribe,
all the like & kindly rivals
was all in an uprising
over the missing peace
& meanwhile
The Big Evil cavorted on
in the east
of everywhere.

and the They was distorting real reality
to tickle their own fancy
& pawn overpriced romance
novels off on the populace.

nevermind the **** ***
boiling over on the stove top.

foiled again in clover feilds
& the poison only yields
it never stops completely

**** for pysche
forcefield shield
of freedumb fighter
white knight
izard-*******
grand wizards

winner gets the glittery
7 minutes in heaven
with the blister queen
licking scissors
shiva shiver
ego wither &
sizzle in a cigarette flicker
**** a filter
my lungs aren't black enough                                                         
& this isn't the end

filthy tongued
french kiss misery.
    
he's that crass.
& he wants to be a *******, so
Charlie did himself in the chapel&
got laughs when the rats
came to have at the maggots
in his skin
he called em both his children
& loved em unconditionally.

Only figured
he address the issue
by ******* bout
the situation that faced
him & all of us
instead of
setting things in they place.

*have grace

I.
Please give me shelter
from the rain and snow
Give me a place
where I may grow.
I'll mend you up,
make you look new.
Strike a fire in your hearth
and make those coals really glow.
All I need is some solace,
and a place of sanctuary.
I dearly need to get out
of the rain and snow.

II.
Grant me to watch the roses
creep along your stoney walls;
you look so ravishing
sitting abandoned in these feilds.
There is Perfection in your windows,
Triumph in your thatched roof,
Wisdom in the worn walkway
leading to your door.
I see love in your sturdy structure,
And as those roses grow up you,
you grow more upon me....

III.
The seed of my affection
becomes a burning infatuation.
I've plummeted into a
great sea of flames
contorting and licking and biting and twisting
pulling at me like the waves
caressing your near by shores.
I long only to stroke the stones
of your existance, to run my hands through your dirt
and through your grass.
I long only to exemplify you, worship you
To me- this home, this shrine, this temple,
you are omnipotent.
To be held above all else,
a treasure to be beheld by only myself.

IV.
As time creeps along
your walls commence to crack.
Your straw turns soggy and brown.
You are leaky and drafty.
and your door hangs crooked
as you begin to slouch and decay.
Yet, I shall stay.
I wrinkle and become stiff and grey.
I will not leave you, I refuse to stray.
For you've given me shelter,
you protected me from the snow and rain.
So for you, my love shall never wane.

will you pass the shilling test?
your life is the slamming
of typewriter keys
to paint with crafted words the world you would dream
the world she would love you in
your life is the desperate holding at bay the hours evaporating
into a future you cannot
comprehend
into a land as foreign as another world
into a mist of unknowns
my leather bound case and trench coat
bible and cookware
a shilling for the ferryman

but fret over
like the wringing of sweaty hands
pacing the hall
small bald fat men
with neatly pressed brooks brothers suits
but fret over like the well greased
plans and carefully laid designs
of another mans futures past misgivings
will you pass the shilling test

another day and far away from such
musings i find myself at odds with
myself over the course i should follow
on this days misadventure
i have known deep seasons of love
and iv known vast feilds of emptyness and fear
these days are a mystry to me
i cannot see my way

how likely am i, to be what i am
then how likely you are to be  but a scar
I am Not A steryotype,
i am archaic in my design, so fail me not in my attempts to justify myself
but allow me to traverse the insantity of my delusion ,

delinquint similarities rattle us to the core, yes.
but thou hast taken to devouring my being
i know i prolong my suffering with intermitten relapses
but my storm in a tea cup is just chaos incarnate,
dont devour my soul , but take my heart, let me love you like only i know how
in a fashion that only you shall recieve


my dear you are not one of thousands, or hundreds or dozens akin
you are only one, and one only for me
dont despise my loss of time, or addiction to the unsavoury,
but take me to a place i have not seen, to see a part of myself
yet unseen
you think i am disposed and discovered, traversed by all manner of explorers,
not true,
you are the first to try unravel how i have formed, geographic mountainscapes carved from a violent and reactive past can be cut down to feilds
just pull me a part one pebble at a time

Numbed spines, turn-table minds of froth and iron, we shook-
Holding the flashlight while he wrenched at engine and rubber in the rain. Ward of the physical touch. When it wasn't too wet, we'd paint the windshield to match infinity then get in and drive. Drive, just go! As we
Implode.

Or lie in feilds. How many they are, numerous as stars, grassbeds sprinkled with violets and clover. -So similar. So same. The roads (we'd race, tires screeching, screaming, outrunning, false) and clouds that look like bedroom windows.

Anything's better than home when you don't know you're sick.

Sigh
I wish he was here

Sigh
He won't leave I fear

Sigh
You wont believe what was said

Sigh
It's easy to slander the dead

Sigh
What it is to be warm

Sigh
To feel without scorn

Sigh
The need to be safe

Sigh
An embrace that chafes

Sigh
Where are we now

Sigh
No feilds to plow

Sigh
Wrap yours arms around me

Sigh
We'll  be what we want to be

Laugh
Happieness, a piece

Laugh
Freedom of release

Small holes all around in the underground
built by humans trying to survive the sound
of mounds of earth and rock being blown around
with a deaf'ning shock, the after thought of the
nucular bomb, that one, the one and only
Lonely Atom

Surface dwellers bones blown apart
vaporised and locked in hells cellar
at the center of Hell
unable to escape the firey skies
the invisably cloaked radiated drape
Bombs falling all around
earthquakes rattle and are quick to
dismantle any structure left on the ground

Sound and safe in a hole, a cavity, a cave
my private underground hiding space
Locked and sealed
while millions lay dead in the feilds
Radiated cities and towns
people digging deep down
to be safe in the underground

Like stained glass in a chruch window
The people slashed my face
Red ignorance formed tiny droplets of isolation on my grimace
Dug deep into every inch of nail bed and hair folicale of my was the horrifying visions of authorities and friends continually brutalizing themselves in a twisted insanity
Ants oblivious to the impending massacres above them
To scratch out ones eyes and ears we must depersonalize
Drifting in the wind behind my body
Hazily hovering between battle feilds of disturbing emotional connectivity  
Playing the lottery with my own neurological chemistry
I obtained several steps away

Coffee coffee a delacasy with a
tasty dehydrating quality
Farmers worked the feilds
where there once was a beautiful yield
Why the hell is my tongue all pasty
whatever cause that was Fuckn tasty

Chuck the paper cup, disrupt they all add up
bite your plastic shrunken lid lip
take it, grind it, its best brewed with a slow drip
this thing we speak of, it desires
the minds insatiable crazy love fires

Black or cream and with a little sugar
to some its a dream
ya sure theres water or h2o in there
but the caffine doesnt discriminate or even care
Substance abuse
people and nature swinging from a noose

My patience is the wind blowing in endless feilds of grass.
My joy is like the sun whos shine will fall away at last.
As gorgeous as the sky,
When blue or dark as greed.
My brothers cut down trees,
Instead of planting seeds.
I wish that mine would grow,
Then maybe i could show you.
How special some can be,
Deep in the ground below you..

Dont dance with me my sweet heart
Liqour pulses in my veins
Dont dance with me my sweetheart
Youll find the steps a pain
Ive cradled my waltz.
Into a foxtrot filled with faults
And lined up my dancing soldiers.
To march  like lightning bolts
I tuned every broken instrement
And muddied the clean floor.
Now i skip through mine feilds.
Never fear about the gore,
The path i dance is a riddle itself
One that can be answered by nobody else
I find the longer i dance to my solem tune
The longer i despise myself

theres an unabridged sorrow to her voice
an open and silent feeling behind the
winter feilds of her eyes
their tilled rich soils
plowed under to a uniform dark dead brown
as her hand rushes through her wheat hair
like a skyth
she sends you to her fathers farm
on the north road on the grand island

her picture on the shelf in her
childhood room
smiles with a green toad
another picture of her lesbian lover
one of me

juxtapose the tread of the man
come to wrench the breath from
the bird at nightfall
his ***** hands are silent
and his thick red jacket a muffed rustling
as the gasping goes on and on
the terrible need for ceasing the desire to flee
his hands slowly stop their motion
and he steps away
you are left in the room
with this now silent dead creature
this signifigant kiosk in the chapter of your travel
this strange night
he brings you his wife
and the two of you drive back to town
i will never forget that
small creature in that room
its silent death a reproach
to us all

I'll always remember my trips out east
I loved the winding roads and how green the grass was
No mosquitos, only fireflies.
Glowing in the air, twinkling like low hanging stars on a clear night

My grandfather is dying now and the next trip i'll take is to say goodbye
I don't even get to say goodbye,
only a "see you later".

My mother is torn apart.
bed ridden and overcome with emotion

I'm unable to process the emotion
unable to cry
going on with my life effortlessly
but going home to see my mother quietly suffering
losing her hero.

I'll miss the trips out east. I'll miss the big houses and the feilds of green.
I'll miss the kind people,
people that aren't here.

I'll miss truly being free and being myself with people that don't know who i am.
Now i have the west, oceans and sun and relatives.

But it'll be nothing like out east. My home away from home.

Dust travels in soft tones through your eyeslids
a face of remarkable joy
hidden in between my fragile fingers
lingering waiting for you to hold
come by those old feilds
where the rumors use to grow
and breathe with me
to help me forget everything I now know
in places where we smile
places I never go
I hide it all undreathe conversation
its good conversation though

When you were mine
I always saw specks of blue
In rivers, oceans, and spread across the sky
On butterfly wings, blue jay's, and flooding feilds of blue bonnets
Yes, within my lovers eyes that blue was mine

When you walked away
You took that color with you
And once again my world was monochrome
I thought I had found my colorwheel
But now I've found the spectrum to be larger than that pitiless hue

One day I will find
Someone who will make my world explode
With a kaleidoscope of all these colors that I've never known
As if their very breath gives life to such sights
And in my view they will stay, for this I'll get on my knees and pray

say to her that is right
or you must go wide

she ordered him at bright
the river is blue as her eyes  colored

she told again as she was in fight
the sun as her face is white

she told him you listened at my guide
he nodded his head as her hair was as a flight

her hair was yellow as wheat at feilds side
she was angry, her face got red for fight

he got sweat as her smart so clear as white
milk that souped in his heart to get tide

to calm, but she ordered to go wide
he smiled and said," i will after i had my fine

if one sees that smart so near no so wide
his heart will certainly bow and say at right

as the sun appears at a day not at night
your smart prisoned me and i can't fight

Understanding the stars to your galaxies
Made of past and future complexities
Is the path we took made of possibility
Which ended in us walking separately

Though we're broken and bruised feeling further apart
With moments that'll never silence my heart
I still look for you in the ocean of people
But I know it's your stars that'll only show

Though I won't forget the tune you played
When you tugged at my heartstrings
You brought the music back with memories we made
When you tugged at my heartstrings

Seeing shimmers of blue starting back at you
A reflection I will never unsee
With feilds of gold glowing in the dark
I hope they'll remind you of me

Building moments created by the smallest of things

If I could touch a song.

I would want it to have your face.
I would want it to touch my heart.
I would need it, my saving grace.

If I could hear a dream.

It would laugh lightly with shining eyes.
Running feilds of gold and crimson.
Running thoughts, in a racing mind.

If I could taste a miracle.

It would sweetly linger on my lips.
Sugar and forbidden fruit.
In the passion of a longing kiss.

If I could see eternity.

It would end in strawberry hair.
Emerald gems that stare at stars.
Skin so light, skin so fair.

And if I could sense a heart beat

It would be hidden among the roses.
The gentle red of silken petals.
The thorns, and the promise that it poses.

All these senses I have told confused.
If I could say it and be true.
But if I could write a poem.
I would want it to look like you.

im lost
i dont want
to be found
i want to
explore this world
i want to be
running through
flower feilds
singing on
top of my
lungs

Heavy foot steps and lead laeden words.
Trying to create sense of this emergancy of birds.
Predators hiding lurking in the laminate
sealed in with a kiss the layers are feeling permanant.
Clear obsidion mixed with volcanic ash.
Crushing down on me, im gasping for breath.
Shaking like a mountain just before the eruption
trying to remove myself from this plastic corruption.
Daisies die in feilds..
Deers burn as the air horns call out the catastrophy.

You all need to run from me.

Silence in my self, I am no longer seeking
i need to break free and sing just as birds sing.
Calling out the warning; shaking up the evergreens.
its all interconnected.
Hyperspatail turbulance im screaming in my bed
im worried
im afraid
im trying
its working
i think that the plastic might just be burning
the toxic
the posion
its all gassing off from me
dont breath me
i feel like its something.


I could just be werid. Relaxing in turbines, i think im just trying and poems lead to calm minds.

Make sense of me. Make sense of you.
And you.
And you.
Im caought up in the subterfuge.  Capracioisly grapsing
for what im not sure.

Cattawompus canyons are cut into my heart. Im so confused information on piecharts
, the values dont match
the legend is misleading.
God seems to be warrenting this healing.
Kicking in the door
creating a dizzy storm.
Cyclopeon rage
stolen from days of yore..

Its time to let go.
Its time to grow.

Just understand me . just for a breif moment. I am harmless. I am less. I am lost. I need rest..

A bunch more words too honest too painful. I write poems to unleash all that is shameful.

This hurts.

This is needed.

I am bleeding.

Just so I am.

Just living.

Just leaving.

Just kidding.

Just bidding.

Betting.
On when its all ganna explode.
On when the subroutiunes will need a defrag machine when the bios gets corrupted when the system wears down when i will stand in the light looking like a ******* clown.
Because i trusted.

Why is this so hard?
I am 24 years old and cant drive a mother ******* car.
Fear is a disease that i can not squah on my own
a whole battallion of star ships need to warp into my home and disrupt the radio frequencies that speak to me
in dreams the nightmares unending the face grips and rending my cheek bones are tensing my teeth are condensing milkbones and raw tones

This excitment inside me
burns out the live feed
darkness envolopes mailed sent by trumpet
these echos of my thoughts
repeat the words taought
like liar and loser you dumb ******* ****** acomplish not nothing but your something is ******* just so god ****** worthless they all wait for your face to turn to a frowning grimice of you drowning you floundering ****** you sociatial ****** you cautious cat crawling as dogs get the tasties of life while your wasting your time just complainging this echo echo chamber needs to be ******* obliterated. A star dust deconstruction and rebuilding of the most primitive functions.

Take me from my own head.
I made my bed.
Id lie in it. But. Its made of my own meat and guts.

Friends
.. I need your ******* help.

Just.
Be you. Perfect.

I trust you. Despite what these echos say bouncing in my brain.

Just.

This is too much.

Just.

I think im just werid..

Just.

Please dont run.

It feels like just yesterday i was

laughing and running through feilds of

wild flowers with friends.

But now im just in an empty room,

flipping through photographs of what

life used to be, it feels like it was just

yesterday, but sometimes it feels like

its been so long that my hairs gray and

my skin is so worn it should break

apart at any moment spilling my

insides all over this empty room, blood

droplets staining those past memory photographs.

snake eyes bleed through i can’t lose a ******* thing can’t speak can’t blink can’t breathe can’t sing can’t write
she stops at the edge of the hallway, she pants knowing or not knowing my name
sweat and tile and stage lights are adjacent and malcontent
horribly irritable grass and pavement
but i swear to god, gold silken hair and deep deep sapphire eyes make me forget what i really should’ve remembered

i get stanza and timing and slipping
but for god’s sake i see nothing
like kids drawing on a wall
together we dream dog dreams steak dreams camel dreams travel dreams god knows where the ghosts go


i will never live on a river too low
too flat
no violenece
cutting up rocks and such
i want to **** everything with rocks
beating it to death like a race-horse with a abounded knee
i’ll meet you there on the killing feilds

you are not so outrageous
you are all right here with me
they make our casings
grind our meat
look n’ say
“all that’s ready to dance, dance!”

they drown in it

everyone is van-gogh
some of us are picasso
whoever you want to name

I’m still here scrolling through ancient tomes
she doesn’t want to die just yet
the banshees will always screech.
not yell
can we nurture this,
can we do into our own end

so now at the brink of all existence
i need you to take me up there to show me around
i’ll drop names and cutthroats and push and pull till your pale skinned daughter ***** up the one air in the single person coffin.

As it were,

Were we ever as?

As happy,

In all things we were?

Were we ever to recall,

a time for us to play in the feilds of memories grand in scope and adventure?

Were we ever too engulfed,

Enwrapped in ourselves that we lost the venture  to bend,

and not break?

Can we as people truly grant ourselves a place to play,

a place to behave,

a place to render the us into a oneness of nothing ,

a nothing without one another?

Were it a way,

a mother may i?

a red rover to send a better half right over?

were we in ourselves ever,

that lucky clover?

To be found and wished upon in a moments notice,

of embraced grace,

as to for a mere chance,

a thought in flight so foolish in its romance,

were we ever to dare to be or capable in a slight of hand,

someones lucky, lucky place to be?

I dont know about you, but for me,

that place i have graced all but the simplest of fools as me.

one of a kind, yes, i am indeed,

that one  of a kind that i failed to grace such a safe and wonderful place to be.

Interesting, how we seem to do this to ourselves.

yet i find that in this moment of sad and comforting of pains, a truth,

that you and so many others have been held higher and precious more often than the me of myself.

I can only guess that this is a finding that many of us find of ourselves.

And this, i find a far better thing than a sadness could ever bring.

For if you know what it is that i mean,

then dear friend you too, are truly important to me, and the best part of being human it seems.

here is to not being at the top of those wonderful things, as safe play grounds of our souls highest branch, and a place of beauty truly indeed be such a silly little tree.

For to me, is such a place i find the you in me.

She was every star that lit up the night sky
She was the grass that grew over feilds of green
She was the moon that brightened the darkest hour
She was the rivers flowing over rocks like nothing touched them
She was the trees growing upon the forest
She was the ocean tides changing with time
She was the soul of a tiger with a heart full of fear and love
She was the love that filled the morning air

She will be in our hearts forever till death takes us over and brings us back to her.

with in me and then butter flies.

You never even know

i move out ward like wind chimes sing across feilds in farming states.

I am unified like a thousand black birds moving in a storm.

Feel me, I am waves and vibration.

The wind moving across the earth pushing you.

I am the effort God puts in to life.