Little cottage
In my dreams

Wait for me…

Under the stars

Large windows letting in the breeze
A vast garden
Some willow trees

Sunny days
And some spots of shade
The nights may be dark
But I am not afraid

A few squirrels
And a little cat

So fluffy you might think it’s fat

Me and my someone
Spending our days there
Just us, the trees, and the quiet air….

A stolen childhood is irreplaceable

Lost in the fuzzy static of camcorders

I am a book
worn out and torn
read so many times the pages are creased
many have heard my story
few have read it all
but each word is meant for me
to speak before I fall

I am so in love with you
that I am afraid to lose you.
My heart races each time I think of what might happen.

A car crash? A fire? A police officer holding too much power?
How can I let you out of my sight when so many things threaten our happiness.

I am so afraid of loosing you
I think because I've lost so many.
Not through death, but through neglect, through years waiting to feel the love I thought they would give.

I am so afraid of loosing you because for the first time something is mine. Something that is so perfect and warm. Something I thought I might never find.

I am so afraid of loosing you.

Please don't leave me.

I find myself in your gaze

I see all that I can be while you hold my hand

Every touch grants a new vision

Of the life I wish to live

Laying next to you I dream of our future

I know that we are different

Our personalities align

but when we walk down the street holding hands, it’s not me they’re staring at.

I wonder about the things my ancestors did that I cannot undo,
I’m afraid to know.

I wonder how yours suffered because of mine

So much hate runs in my family line

I cannot undo it, I cannot take away the fear you feel when it’s getting dark and we’re in a small town in Oklahoma.

I cannot feel what it’s like to be painfully observant of your surroundings, carefully watching those around just in case

I cannot take the burden off your shoulders that rests so heavily

But

I can hold your hand.

When they stare at you I will hold you tighter

When your eyes grow tired and your shoulders weary I can help you rest your head

When you feel distant and remember the things you don’t speak about, I will listen..

..to your words and your eyes, turning purple in the light as you look back into your self.

When you are unsure of yourself in a corporate world not made for you, I will take your hand in mine and encourage you to step forward

Even when you are alone I will stand with you and love you wholly

I cannot change what has been done
I cannot take away your burden
But I can help you bear it if you’d like
I’ll hold your hand so tight!!

I know I like to talk
But for you my sentence stops
For you I will listen to your mind, your heart, and your soul
I will hear what is said and what is unspoken
and I’ll take it all in, in silence
So I might hold your sorrows and feel your pain and laugh with you when you feel joy and cry when you cannot find tears.

I know that we are different

But I will always hold your hand

Sometimes my eyes cloud with anxiety
Everything feels so imperfect
I try and connect with you but I’m in another world.

Sometimes you are lost in your thoughts
silent and observing
I told you I need attention, but you cannot always provide it.

Our insecurities manifest themselves
into our thoughts

Even on those distant days where I am sad and you are far away
I remind myself that my feelings are not always what they seem

I pick myself back up and learn to breathe on my own
So I can hold your hand again and you can let your thoughts be known.

Turns out monster boy has issues

Some of them make sense
Some don’t.
They’re learning.

Gears are turning.

I’m not special needs I just have some disabilities

See me for who I am
Not for my weakness’

I thought you should know
What I notice about you.

You pull me close when you notice I’m quiet
and when I’m too loud you let me shout.
You rub my back and stroke my hair
even when your eyes are tired.
You drive for me when I’ve been smoking
and tuck me in to bed.
You breathe for me when my lungs stop working
and hold up my head.
You wipe my teary eyes with your hands
and remind me who I am
You give yourself to me despite your fears
“I’ll love you forever” you whisper in my ears.
I’m so thankful that you’re in my life
I hope to never leave your side.

Piece by piece you took me apart

Beginning with my sanity,

then my loved ones

I watched as you took them away

Next my thoughts, no longer my own

Piece by piece you robbed me of myself

I looked in the mirror but saw someone else

Who had I become?

What have you done?

I began to collect each piece you stole

I gathered them up and arranged them like so

First my lungs so I could breathe

Next, my eyes to see, more clearly

Then my hands to hold on to theirs,
I couldn’t do it alone.

I may have put myself back together

But I am not who I was.

I waved goodbye to the self that I once knew,

To welcome the one that knows my weaknesses

Broken to the point of no return

Built back up to be who I am.

Tears fill my eyes as I watch your shadow fade,

off to fulfill its purpose, I let it leave.

Although my heart followed you, my body stayed.

Once again I’m all alone, I grieve

left to wonder how I might fill the hole in my chest.

An hour goes by that feels like forever

I close my eyes, not to rest…

but to picture me and you together.

How can I bear through this pain?

Whisper to me when you miss me

When will I see you………again?

I’ll carve our initials into a tree and pray to god that one day he’ll set me free.

Im not sure why

The king chose to hurt me

Not with his sword

His words, blinded me until I could not see.

A lot of my drawings have blindfold’s
I think the king put them there


Once I ran away,
I took the blindfold off

At first, the lights were too bright
Burning my eyes until I couldn’t think

But a part of me liked regaining
my sight

I often still feel the kings presence
Even when I’m alone.
Sometimes in my closet
Or behind me in the mirror
His evil stare
Judges me
Even there

Now I must face him again
But with a new perspective
I can see, and he could too
He just refuses
To be new

I don’t think he ever was a king
Only an old man with a crown

Now I’ve become a knight
I’ve been training for this
With every piece of me I gain
I fight.

I don’t think I’m afraid anymore
How can you fear someone lost in their own head?

I found my light.

And he chose a blindfold.

Dear Lady Moon,

I can feel your pearly white gaze,
It fills me with inner warmth

Your imperfections; your craters
They make you unlike any other

I find myself looking up at you quite often these days
I think she’s been watching over me with her midnight rays

She comes to visit me at night
With her moonbeams bright

Her light of comfort puts me in a starlight daze

I see her and she sees me
Her light shines gleefully

My protector; the watcher
I’m thankful for
my night time stalker

With you I share my faults

I whisper stories of who I once was.

I close my eyes while I reveal my weaknesses, hoping you don’t leave.

I speak the thoughts that have gathered dust in my head.

Each word that falls from my lips
more anxious than the last.

Your arms pull me close so I know I’m safe

You listen.

I saw a little car today
zooming past my window

It was so small
yet it moved so quickly; unafraid

a bigger car approached it
swerving just before the crash

but there it stood resilient
waiting for its turn to go

and all I could think was:
how do I be more like that?

Little lump of coal

In my stocking

I must’ve forgotten
how to be human

Santa saw me crying on the floor
Screaming and rocking
Back and forth

I forgot how to feel Christmas cheer
My reflection looks so tired
surrounded by my own fears

My mind is crippled
Shaken so hard
I malfunction
Too often

I suppose I’ve strayed too far
Away from god? Too far for Santa’s reindeer?

Nose bleeds and therapy
At least we have a Christmas tree?

I don’t mind coal
I can use it for my sketches

Maybe I’ll light a fire
Watch the flame flicker
Until it settles
And my eyes tire

This little light of mine
I guess I’ll let it shine
With my little lump of coal

My heart finds it’s own way
To feel full

I used to think we were the Little Women

Louisa May Alcott wrote about

Meg was the oldest, responsible and kind

Jo was the middle child, passionate and determined

And I was Amy, stubborn and young.

Now I see each sister in myself and in them.

My eldest sister has the drive and intelligence of Jo and her independence, yet the softness of Meg, the soul of Beth. But the beauty of Amy.

The middle sibling, is a romantic like Meg and fiery like Amy, she always knew what she wanted. Like Jo she never gave up and chose what was right for her. Like Beth she finds solace in her home.

And myself..

I still bear the bluntness of Amy, her stubborn realism. But my writing is of Jo’s spirit, free and adventurous, words dancing across the page. I love like Meg does and strive to be like Beth, she appears in my homeliness.

We may not be the girls Alcott wrote of but our stories live on in my script. Our childhood selves saved away in the corners of my mind, waiting to appear on a page, preserved.

One day I’ll write us, our story, our lives


But to me we’ll always be my

Little Women.

Hello again
It’s me
Soph-ie

Tomorrow I’m going to therapy
I’m really nervous

But I’m gonna do really well
I’ll be comfortable
And maybe make new friends?

Help me through this if you can

But either way I will do it
And I will stay strong

I’ve been working on myself
And they will see

As I approach this new year

I will put myself first

Self-care
Consistency
And keeping those I love
Close to me

I will find success in everything I do
I will grow my wealth and my knowledge

I will follow my intuition
And continue to use my abilities to help others
Growing my spiritual gifts
So I may see

I will use my passions to create beautiful things
I will make a difference in this world
I will be an advocate for those who cannot speak up

Above all I will remember to take time to myself
I will listen first, then share
I will show them I care.

I am protected and so are my loved ones
No harm be done
And blessed be

Did you notice I was gone?

Missing lemon boy again

Turns out he’s not always so sour,
despite his shades.
I can still see his smile
I hope it never fades

With every passing hour
He crosses my mind
I wish I could see him
I miss feeling, intertwined

I wonder if he’s thinking of me?
or maybe
reading my poetry?

Falling asleep
in your sweatshirt

It smells like me now

I wish it was you instead of some fabric

I miss someone I barely know
Watching the clock tick

Until I see you again

But it’s like I’ve met them before
The boy next door?

I can’t wait to be around him again
Holding me close while I fall asleep
Breathing together
In - sync

I can’t wait for more smiles
Lemon boy said he’s making lemonade
I want some
I hope we can trade

Even the rainy days
I’ll be there too
We can splash around in the puddles
Or stay inside
Warm and dry
Do some puzzles?

Only a few days more
Until your mine once again
We’ll pick up where we left off

See you then

**

Moon river
wider than a mile

I'm crossing you in style someday
(someday, day)

A dream maker (maker)

My heart (you heart) breaker

Wherever you're goin'

I'm goin' that way

A little beauty goes a long way
Especially in the beginning of a new day

I stretch and climb right out of bed
Only to find a mess upon my head

I turn to find your greeting
Your eyes meet mine and a thought occurs
If only fleeting..

The birds begin to sing
As the sun peeks through our window

“Let’s go back to bed” I say.
You stay underneath the covers and respond, “Okay.”

A little mouse crawling out of its hole
Starving for air
Thirsting for freedom

Green trees and shimmering dew drops

Sun-rays dancing

The forest floor feels cold to the touch
Soft after rainfall

The first steps of independence
Taken methodically
Smelling new life and rich soil
One step at a time

Until the beast appears

I’m tired of hiding

But I won’t come out for the unworthy

I wish I could run away

Too bad I don’t have a place to stay

Maybe I’ll spend the night in my car?
Is that too far?

We’re not in the movies

But when I look into your eyes I see blue and purple static

If I stare long enough I get lost in starless pools of deep blue

I could drown in them if you’d let me

My love is a privilege

please remember that

I’ll write you poems

when you run out of words

when you can’t breathe

I’ll offer my lungs

to you I give myself

I ask for only one thing

If you could just love me back

I don’t need a ring.

My past is like a storm cloud following me

Lightning strikes my loved ones
So all they see are my mistakes

Thunder rumbles loudly
So all I hear are my failures

Rain pours down on me
So I can not see clearly

The cloud trails my steps so I can never escape
So I relive my regrets

Harsh winds blow in my direction
So I can not move forward

And my storm cloud stays dark and grey
Above my head, my happiness at bay.

I welcome the new year under a foggy sky

Warm breaths glowing in the cold air

Bright smiles never lie

I hope I can teach myself some self-care

I hope I can try

I welcome the new year under a foggy sky

in the middle of Oklahoma

Nights in Princeton

The trees watch us wander
The wind follows
The darkness creeps slowly

Surrounded by new friends
I don’t know where to look,
the trees,  
or their eyes

Hi again,

I’m sorry I avoided you for so long

I’m sorry I hid from the past

Sometimes looking forward is easier than facing the present

For so long I’ve tried to forget parts of you

The parts that I’m afraid of





But to be my whole self

Means looking at all my pieces

Even the ones I tried to loose


I’m sorry I hated you

I’m sorry I stopped caring

I’m sorry I stopped thinking I was beautiful


I hope you can forgive me

For all my imperfect actions

For my ignorance

And for my fear



I hope you can love me again
Like you used to


Do you remember?

Tiempo told me I was like alcohol
Good in measured amounts
but really a poison

I suppose in some way Tiempo was right
Even if their motivations were more from a place of resentment

I’m a lot
And most people can’t handle me

I try and give them measured amounts
But I can only hold myself back for so long
Before you know it I’m just me
Walls down

I guess most people don’t like that
The genuine words spoken
Are taken like a dagger
To their hearts
When they were meant to
Heal
Their open wounds

I suppose I’ll never get it right
I can’t fix the already broken
Even when I know what they need

I may be alcohol but I don’t have to be poison
That’s up to the drinker

I can be soft and sweet and help slow down a chaotic day
I can make you laugh and smile
Even cry when you need.

And when your done I’ll be there to get you through the next day

Some people abuse me
Through the way they use me

But I don’t think I was made to be drank
Poison is meant to be kept in a bottle
It’s pretty
But you don’t touch it

Do you blame the poison?
Or the hands that opened it?

I hope Tiempo reads this and writes me a response.
I’m awfully invested in their thoughts

I hope they stop seeing me as something to drink
Instead as something to admire
After all alcohol can be a nice beverage
I love a good wine
in measured amounts
I know how to handle myself

Do you?

"Well it’s over now"

is
what
you said

While you stared into my haunted green eyes

as you spoke
my heart broke

"It’s over for you,” I agreed.

An unusual kiss

from an old friend

I didn’t think
this is how it would end

My reaper stole me away
before you could hold me

resting in my coffin
Permanently lost

One hand still open,
searching for what couldn’t be

Cursed to sleep
in my misery

I fall
just like a child,
in and out of melancholy

I climb a mountain every day
but I feel as if I I’m sitting at the bottom dragging my feet

I search for contentment,
for inner joy
in temporary doses of serotonin

My therapist is teaching me to love myself
I didn’t realize how bad it was
I asked her why I hate myself so much

I can see myself as a child
small and afraid
in need of someone’s hand

Now I reach out to them
I hold her close
and tell him the words I wish I had been told

There still within me
deep in my soul
behind all these years and avoidance
They still need me

I don’t have to prove myself anymore
I just have to be kind
and say the words I wish I had been told

I’ll pick up my feet
and take a few steps

So I may find myself
and forgive my faults

So I may reach a peace within my soul

So I may love my whole self and move forward