How we see
changes
what we see..

We need not lose the love,
when those loved are lost.

To comfort me
You judge before you listen..
advise before you understand..
the rush to share
your challenges & success stories
because you’ve been through worse..
and now, you know it all.
So very admirable, no doubt!!
But wait.. you were here to comfort me,
not blow your own trumpet!

All those who do good
are not good nor
are they automatically bad.
All those who do bad
are not bad nor
are they automatically good.
We are insanely complex beings
who need to see each other
beyond good or bad, so
humanity & peace prevails.

Always , my darling
how you feel..
what you think
is ultimately
a choice, you
are making.

With individuality & togetherness
With independence & belongingness
I crave connections deep and free

Some days I think I love myself..
Some days I think I’m trying to love myself..
Some days I think I’ll never love myself..
Under this Oscillation ,
burning at the pit of my stomach
is a constant awareness-
I’m yet to, truly love myself..

Everyone has been hurt.
Everyone feels hurt.
We either suffer, check out or
make meaning,
As pain is inevitable.

Today marks one month of sobriety.
I’m happy with myself I’m staying clean.
I’m experiencing first hand why getting clean seems like an insurmountable task,
why it’s inherently formidable.
It’s not because of the task of getting clean itself, its because of everything that’s in my face while I’m clean-
the trauma, the distressing emotions & thoughts, the self defeating conditioning. It’s all clear as day, it’s inescapable now.

I was afraid..I continued to be afraid..
I tried to bury it..I tried to fight it..now,
I’m learning to let it be. Regardless,
the fear is too deep..it’s so familiar..
I believe I’m right, because it compels..
compels me, to escape freedom itself.

Let’s stop saying we understand each other.
Let’s show each other that we understand.
We understand only when we perceive each other without our pre-existing expectations & judgements, however sane & just.
We understand only when we accept each other with all the brokenness & inadequacies, however insane & unjust.
Only when we understand each other we can help, support & positively influence change in each other.

Don’t dwell on being the best
Just focus on doing your best

People are expected to view & treat this pandemic times as the NEW NORMAL while keeping in place OLD NORMAL ROUTINE, especially in terms of academic & professional responsibilities.
With new normal has come HARDLY ANY REVISIONS in responsibilities, demands & requirements to live or merely survive. NOT MUCH has slowed down, relaxed or waived off.
Lifestyle has incurred UNPRECEDENTED CHANGES while life is EXPECTED to go on the OLD NORMAL WAY.
Being rooted or let’s say TIED DOWN to one single place, people are expected to MANAGE ALL ASPECTS of their life WHILE also COPING with the mental TRUAMA this pandemic has brought upon all of us.
So much has changed & Coping with this pandemic is a FORMIDABLE TASK by itself and as if nothing has changed, people are expecting & are expected to DO IT ALL.

I wonder if this is the NEW INHUMANE.

Ill know I've truly
attained inner peace
when it's neither about
prevention or cure..
when its about living  
through it all..

To live a truly satisfactory life
Its vital that -
We discover our own terms
We become our own person
We live for ourselves.

The time is now,
moves forward from here..
never have we heard of
Time pausing or rewinding, have we?
Time is ticking..
tick..tick..tick..
Aching to relive the past or erase it..
Longing for an awaited future or absolutely dreading it..
Time is moving forward,
despite what state we are in.
Time is ticking..
tick..tick..tick..
While we’re thinking of dos and donts, hows and whys, ifs and buts..
Time is moving forward,
despite all odds.
Time is ticking..
let time not pass..
Let’s pass, through time..
make time count..
Make time count by living in the moment..
Live in the moment for what the moment is..the moment we certainly cannot change, now that time is already here.

Listening to each other and
understanding each other is a
priceless gift to give each other.

I think about you.
You smiled at me
when I couldn’t smile at myself.
You saw the light in me
when I saw no light in myself.
Darling, I deeply wish I didn’t look away..   You are the one I let get away.
I don’t know what we could have been,
I’ll often think, if even just for a moment, we should have been, something together.

All through out my childhood
My dad was there, he was great.
When I look back now, It’s conspicuous
He was there, just not there for me.

He was there, just not there for me.
I grew up to seek someone like him
to be there for me.
To be there for me, to feel valued & worthy.

Fact is trauma repeats itself, I felt unvalued & unworthy all over again.  
Little did I know, someone like him will again be, just like him.

They play a role
in my life,
that i assign.

When we view our lives
through the same magnifying
lens as we view others..
uncanny revelations are guaranteed..
much needed revolution, there will be.

Feels less like love..
the more you love,
at your convenience..

I notice im making little changes
Little..little,such a big deal to me..  
After being resistant for so long,for reasons that have now become known to me.
My own belief, no matter how many times I positively handled , the deep dark belief kept taking over me..pretty much telling me to *******-
its too much, its too late , it’s not worth it , I’m not worth it.
So Im fully feeling the little changes as a big deal..feeling good to me..feeling good to be feeling good to be me..aah..it’s liberating and enlightening..  stay forever,
You wonderful feeling!