Love
It’s a curious thing
Wanted so much but wasted when you have it
If you have already it don’t waste it
Embrace it, cherish it but learn to let go if it’s no longer firing your soul.

That’s the hardest thing about love, the letting go

You can’t replace the love you once had but you can learn to make a new one

Each will be different
Each love will make you feel totally different
Learn to love a new love, accept it for what it is and how it makes you feel

Love
It’s a curious thing

I'm missing you so much tonight S, the memories from yesterday
dance behind my eyes, are locked in my mind, the way you kissed my lips, nuzzled the nape of my neck, traced the curves of my ******* and my body with your tongue setting off a tremor inside
When our bodies are joined it leaves me breathless. I'm addicted
to you . Its the only word that describes this feeling inside and just like all the other times my mind and body are never at peace until
I give it chance. So right now, I'll give it chance to explore those feelings again, alone. Close my eyes, take myself back to
our union, breathless and hungry for each other. Body to body, never wanting those moments to end. What a sight to behold. How you loved me, how I loved you how we became one with each other
It was beautiful. And I will always remember each moment shared. I never want this to end, loving you, wanting you
I want this forever and I hope you do too S

I had a sudden memory of us together
while I was walking home today
I had to laugh a little
And wondered if my face
Gave the game away
Conveyed my thoughts
At the smirk across my face
Lips curled at the corners, the ones
You’ve kissed
So delicately
So passionately
It was so vivid, felt like you were there
Then I remembered I needed to go shopping later!
**** reality for shoving it’s **** in my face!

I have too much on my mind don't I?
Feel too much honesty too soon
Too soon for you?
Possibly
I apologise

I apologise my way through life, always
Its just how it always is
Has always been
But I won't apologise about my feelings for you
I can't
I won't

You make me feel this way
You must own that
I own it, I own my feelings now
I'm not afraid if people know
(about us)
But its not the right time
Just now
I know this

And that is what's so hard
Having to contain everything I feel
Just like a ball in the palm of my hands
I'm so afraid if I let go
I'll never get to hold it again
It will roll too far away
Out of reach

And Someone else will pick it up
Take it for their own
I'm not good with sharing
I don't want to share
Not you anyway

My mind is hindered
Words hard to fathom
How to convey?
Just let the words flow
From pen
To the paper
Connect from the heart
I'll tell you these things, S
I've never felt such as this
For one man,
You
Vulnerable
Yet strong enough
To tell you how I feel
But unsure if you feel the same
Meet my gaze
Feel my touch, my fingertips
Buzzing with electricity
Across the earth to your soul
Static fills our bodies
Embrace the energy we create
Light from within
Will guide us
To a place
Just for us
And us alone

Together again
truly happy
I smile
Your face illuminated

Our bodies know
That time will run out
soon
Furious intensity of
potent love
sates each others passion

The night disappearing
towards dawn
we slip into sleep
exhausted

I'd rather give you
real ones
and real kisses
and real love

We could make it real
one day

Black is my world
Black contains me

White is the universe
White, far from my reach

Grey is the void
Grey waits to be filled

As this wind blows around me
I find myself standing cold
I wait for you
without a coat
because I know this storm
will pass
and you will bring the sun
to keep me warm.

Its the worst feeling right in the lowest pit of my stomach missing you like this. Too many days pass without you, but my mind is engulfed by you, every moment of every day. The eternal void I constantly dread, that one that longing commands. Dates pencilled in when you come to town seem so far away, yet move ever closer and each day is more tangible than the last but so much further than the next. Our time is fleeting yet all encompassing but one blink and its gone. I wish tonight you were here next to me, just like I imagine every night. A cuddle, a kiss, a smile as we drift off to sleep. Internal landscapes we walk together. And upon waking in the glint of dawns first light, we share the day's first kiss. Fingers wander, tantalized by our warm flesh and pull each other close, hold on tightly never wanting to let go. And maybe I'll hold on too tightly and not let go. But that time will make itself known, when our bodies have to let go. I'll have to let you go again. I'll wait for the days to pass, moments which turn to hours, hours to days, days to weeks. So slowly they will pass. But my heart will beat just a little faster, a little stronger when I hear your voice and I know it won't be long S, until we can be together again.

Unarmed and
Alone

I'm not going to be
foolish

Don't manipulate me
I'm tired, uneasy

I tell myself
I'm taking a big risk

I'm far too deep
To surface in time

Tinder boys
With your head up high
Your camera down low
Us girls
Don't always
Want that
You know?

My soul needs to burn
Needs heat
To keep it alive
Otherwise it drifts on the wind
And dissipates
Into nothing

So why bother wading through diluted water
to only half wet your feet
when all you want is to be
submerged

Alone
yet also not alone
'It's Complicated'
the statement of choice.

I don't want complicated,
who really does?
But like it or not
that's what this is.

One man,
one man for me
to give my love
I made this choice in you.

One woman,
one woman for you
to give you love.
Make that choice in me.

What we have is something good
so take my hand.
Who knows where this will lead
but I want to follow.

Thinking about you
Always

Playfully
you love

Each time
I feel intensity

Resistance
between us
I doubt

I let go
Of the joy that hurt me

I let go
Of the  joy that broke me

I let go
But I’m still broken

I let go
To be me again

I let go
But I have gone

This, this, just ******* this
whatever the **** this is
In my head
Its running round in circles
Leading me a merry dance
stamping all over me
Cutting slices to my core
and i can't defend myself from the attacks
because there's nothing physical to push away
its noxious and suffocating
and maybe its just better if I let it take me down
but it surrounds and smothers me just the same
why can't I fight it
I'm so tired and ashamed that its stronger than me
whatever this headfuck is
a grown woman
I should be strong
not right now I'm not
but maybe tomorrow
but I know I'll get headfucked again at some point
and I'll be as defenseless as I always am
******* headfuck

How many miles travelled
How many days spent apart
How many lies told
How many cruel words spat
How much blood spilt
How many pills swallowed
How many tears shed
How much anger unleashed
How much love lost

How much will it take to be happy again?

For

me

A person
who feels the same
feels the same
intense fire
in their soul as I do?
A person that needs the fire
as much as me?

You

Always you

You
Keep the fire distant
Till it almost dies out
But glows
in the dark

Gently

Together

we force life from our lips
Breaths entwined
Rise the fire from the earth
As we stand
Together

But

alone

the most dangerous
drug of them all

My heart is alight
By the words spoken
From your mouth
Tantalising my being
I feel hope
That I was never wrong
And you feel
The same way I feel

Last night was spent
for the briefest of hours
held in your arms
Exquisite movements
filled with breathless longing
made in unison
Until the inevitable time
which always brings dread
I wish you could stay
I'm not sure you know how much
I yearn for your embrace
each night
We could soothe each other to sleep
and the darkness which surrounds us
would no longer keep us awake

Oh how time passes
Yet nothing appears to have changed
Yet maybe it has
And I am deranged

How do I control these urges
Of wanting you
To feel you
Need you
To make you need me

To quench the inner thirst that I drown in every day
When you're not here

Dripping down and slicing through my soul
How I yearn for you

An ache so intense
I can't fulfil by myself
No matter how many times I try
My imagination wanders
But it's not the same

Only you can heal this
Make this ache recede
You can heal
The hurt
I feel

I don’t miss...
waiting for you
to tell me you love me
Just before sleep
When it wasn’t hard for me to say it to you at all

I don’t miss...
Being angry that you paid me no attention
That you never touched me like you used to
never smiled when I kissed you
let alone kissed me back

I don’t miss...
Running into the darkness
To find a light of my own
To find a space in the void that would welcome me more

I don’t miss..
Crying for the mistakes I made
When all I wanted was to feel what we had at the start

But our start has now become our end
And I’m learning to begin again
Even though the pain is greater than before

Sometimes
I sit here and think
wouldn't it just be good
to not have to go through
yet another day
feeling the same?
Not to feel
empty inside anymore?
Not to know
what the future hasn't got to offer?
Encased within
these magnolia walls so bleak
with nothing to say
unless I say it
to myself
no-one to share the hours with
to close my eyes
and never see them again
would be a blessing

We met one night
Unaware at the time
Preoccupied with lives
Unhappy and unknown

Time has passed
Feelings grown stronger
Our bodies willing
But time denies

Hope gets stronger
Each time we meet
We'll be preoccupied
With only each other
Happy and known

You’re
in my head
Still

You
never left
though

Yet
you are never
here

I
Begin to see
Clearly

Yet
Still I
Seek

Never have I wanted someone so much
Never have I felt so alone
This is all I know right now
And it’s everything I don’t want to feel

I come to you
With nothing

And I leave
with exactly the same

You take away the pain
Of every hurt I feel
Consuming my mind
Looking to heal

The outlook is blind
Future dark
Present does not exist
Makes me tired

I try yes I do
To right the wrongs
But always reminded
That I can’t compete

You, you are elevated
I look up and see
Yet here below
I admit defeat

I'm angry
But I relieve him again
Its my weapon
He's at my mercy
And I feel good