every time i see your headlights come up the road
and pull into my drive
my stomach turns and my heart races
just like the first time i saw them

You are the stars I see in my dreams
Not like the ones in space
You are brighter and bigger
And light up the sky more than the sun

fragile aren't you
no more running
no more walking
your bones have lost their strength
your mind has wondered off
will it return?
do you remember the simple things
like names
and numbers
or the color of his eyes

breathing together
you and i
all in one motion
we are one
i feel your fingers on my skin
mapping the sky on my back
adding each constellation
one by one

and then my mind goes back
to the simple things
like the first time my hand fit gently in yours
or how your lips felt on mine the very first time

in my head i remember your whispers
the little things you say to me
and how i get that feeling in my stomach when i think
about how you give me goose bumps

i have never felt this way
but i am sure glad
this feeling won't go away
the feeling of you and i

i do not understand
why you only see your flaws
when you are so wonderful in my eyes
i watch you perform
i watch your eyes light up
and i see the smile on your face that is rare these days
you may think you aren't good enough
but if you could only see how wonderful you are
how you continue to inspire me and all of us
how much envy i hold when i see your talents
i wish i had your confidence
and the ability to do what you do
i hope one day you realize the wonderful things that you do
are not just for others
but for you

"no no no"* he said
and he tuned his back away from me
and grabbed his backpack and jacket
in one swift motion
he was out the door
and he was destroying everything and everyone in his path
including himself
and soon
he had nothing
he had no one
and he wanted it all back
but he never said a word

and as she saw his face amongst all the others
she wondered of she would ever see him again
her curiosity got the best of her
and she followed him down the road
through the other hundred faces
and she started running
faster
faster
and when the path cleared
his face was gone
just like it had been for years

i can't help but feel like i am partially to blame
for everything that happened to you
i left when you needed me
and now when i see you and you smile at me
i know it is out of shame and pity
and you try to say hello
but i hear the shaking in your voice
and i saw the signs
and i saw the markings that lead you to where you are now
and i think about what i could have done to change this
but remember you didn't want to be changed
but i tried to hard

and i heard you crying for help
but why didn't you accept it?
was it attention that you wanted
did you get what you needed?

and i heard you screaming and swearing at me
dont look at me like that
how could you
and i know you were mad because i intervened
but i couldn't let you waste away

although look now
where have you gone?
where will you go from here?

i passed you yesterday
and we looked at one another
and then we looked away
not saying a word
not even a smile
or a wave

Dear you,
It is only the first few nights
But I am already so alone.
I know it will be a while before we meet again,
But I don't know how I am going to go on with you gone.
I miss you every minute and think about where you may be.
I am wishing you the best.
Please do not forget me, for you mean too much for me to lose you.
Please come back soon.
But Dear you,
I know you are happy, miles away from me, but please just don't forget about our times together.
I hope you think of me often, as I think of you.
And finally, Dear you,
On your journey, as I hope you don't forget me,
I also hope you remember who you are.
Love me.

I wonder how you feel.
You, a stranger walked into my life.
Unexpectedly making me smile.
Maybe I think this is something it's not.
I wish you would take a chance on me.
That way you will know...
You will know all about me and what makes me laugh.
You will know about the heartbreaks I once faced.
You will know about the losses I have had.
I want you to know who I am.
Not who I appear to be.
Take a chance...
On me.

he left


so i did too

So here I lay in bed at 5 am.
With a pain in my chest that I have only felt for you.

I've been awake for hours now wondering the truth.
I cannot ask you myself.
But will you ever tell me?

I want you to be happy again, and if you say the words, maybe you can be.
I've missed your smile I used to see.

So here I lay in bed, now 6 am.
The pain still lives in my chest.
Why am I so upset?

Screaming your name couldn't be heard through those paper thin walls last night.
It stopped.
Ringing...
A painful ring that has yet to escape my mind.
Thinking about you has never hurt me so much until now.
I pace through the halls looking through the windows of the doors, asking myself "where could you be?"
You walk into a room with those bloodshot eyes, as I search for what may be going on through your unsettling mind.
Alone
Scared
Anxiety has consumed you.
"Where you talking to me?"
Where you talking to me?
Where you talking to me...
You are lost, but you don't have to be gone.
Please don't be gone.

Save You

The first time I saw those blue eyes,
I understood that this was no ordinary friendship.
Your smile turned my world around.
And your laugh made my cheeks blush.
Never did I see it coming.

The naïve girl I was,
Did not see the mask you had placed upon your face.
The face that could cure cancer with that sweet smile.
The face I wished to see every day.
That slowly faded into an unpleasant frown.

I swore to myself that this wasn’t happening.
I wanted to believe you were okay.
Then I knew
I needed to save you.

But I couldn’t save you from destroying yourself.
You wouldn’t let me in.
I couldn’t save you from tearing yourself apart.
Not then, not now, not ever.

I saw your life ripping away, and you had no control.
The words you spoke were tired, and lifeless.
Like what you had become.
How could I save you?

Now you never smile, and when you do it isn’t really there.
You drown yourself in the smoke, the pills, and the suffocating regret.
You aren’t happy, although you say you are.
But is this what happiness is to you?

Now we talk as strangers, and I wonder if you miss the love we shared.
That smile that once made me laugh has made me crack.
Those baby blue eyes have transformed into a distorted grey.
I didn’t save you.

You walk alone now, and I hardly get a glance.
But you still mean the world to me.
You didn’t want me to change and I haven’t.
Because I couldn’t save you.