I'll write everyday
Even if I write about nothing
but what if..

I'll write everyday
Even if it isn't the least bit good
but what if..

I'll write everyday
Because silence is compliance
but what if..

I'll write everyday
Because they haven't broken me yet
but what if..

I'll write everyday
Even if no one reads it
but what if..

I'll write everyday
Even if it makes you mad
but what if..

I'll write everyday
Because I need to let you know
but what if..

I'll write everyday
Because my conscious tells me so

but what if.. I will be here no more?

#DarkThoughts

cuddle the moon, kiss the moonlight, hug the night.

only random thought that isn't random is the capacity of your random in random time you created with another random person which randomly screeches you to random burning ground is one among your random thought you want to get randomly rid off.

How can I love you 24 hours?

"I can", He said in a very low voice.

dreams are surreal
anxiety inside me isn't

Lips softly trailing down her spine,

as my fingertips were tracing road maps of goosebumps on her skin.

Hearts started dancing on a strong beat,

Like petals throb when dews fall.

Started with a flickering kiss,

Then intimately, she lead him to ecstasy.

she fulfilled and satisfied each of his desire and fantasy.

let's start with going to places, starting with your neck

Thought of you
everyday

thought of you
to tell you what you meant

thought of you
to express what i feel

thought of you
and then to end myself again

thought of you
i remembered us

thought of you
i remembered our screenshots you on call

thought of you
i look for you in my sunsets

thought of you
but i am dead to you

thought of you
how easily you moved on

thought of you
why it didn't work

thought of you
we were supposed to last forever

thought of you
you sleep great and i have accompany by darkness

thought of you
then i remembered

thought of you
you dont care

thought of you
i still remember our future together

thought of you
i remember what i am next to you

thought of you
i cry sadness and love

thought of you
i am empty broken

thought of you
you made the decision to be apart

thought of you
i spill art of sorrows and lust for death

just
thought of you

How was your journey? She asked.

It is going good. Just watching the mirror and i am looking hot.

She: wow :)

------------
Everything was true untill watching the mirror.
He was missing her actually.

Some people long for a life that is simple and planned
Tied with a ribbon
Some people won't sail the sea 'cause they're safer on land
To follow what's written
But I'd follow you to the great unknown
Off to a world we call our own
Hand in my hand
And we promised to never let go
We're walking a tightrope
High in the sky
We can see the whole world down below
We're walking a tightrope
Never sure, never know how far we could fall
But it's all an adventure
That comes with a breathtaking view
Walking a tightrope
With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
With you
Mountains and valleys, and all that will come in between
Desert and ocean
You pulled me in and together we're lost in a dream
Always in motion
So I risk it all just to be with you
And I risk it all for this life we choose
Hand in my hand
And you promised to never let go
We're walking a tightrope
High in the sky
We can see the whole world down below
We're walking a tightrope
Never sure, will you catch me if I should fall?
Well, it's all an adventure
That comes with a breathtaking view
Walking a tightrope
With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
With you
With you, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
With you, ooh, ooh, ooh
With you

Ok love hear me out, I know it doesn't matter anymore but I am writing this message when I have no hope left or whatsoever. You have your reasons to be I had mine. For a time I thought by forgetting the past we can move on, these past days felt exactly how I wanted our relationship to be. I never said you or made you realise how much hurt was I at times and I was okay with it because I had you and I will always put you first over anything even if it means work, yes work and at times you knew how much you meant to me over anything. I find myself in the scariest places I have put myself through the hell of trying to win this losing relationship but i feel it's been going nowhere at all as you have made up your mind cause that's what you asked me, in mind it was okay if I lose. there's no purpose in living i feel when I can't even feel anything I have been dead inside before and I know how worse does that feel, lately my emotions are detached and i feel tangled up like wires, chaos within. Our call that night, thank you you were there with me but that's how I feel exactly every moment, dead.
On that video call where we didn't talk I was looking at you and I don't know what your eyes usually tell others but right then you gave away a secret I learnt to say "I know". I will be always be with a tagline 'Let me feel again, Anything. Everything. Please. I will take it all.' and you understood me. 2020 has been a struggle as you can say, but for me, particularly, it's been a struggle everyday. I believed in you with my everything and I don't blame you for anything. Last time I needed time I sat in a place of peace and sweetness, and my thoughts about you and us became poetry but, the moment I came back it was too late and you were gone. Love, I write this to say that I love you and always will, and to prove it, I could end myself but  it's not that I'm scared, but i would end myself, not knowing, if you smiled, when you knew, i loved you more than myself. Love, I have to thank you for everything everyday no need to go into detail and you know now without explaining I am what I feel. Currently empty, like a plant left over. Love, you are my sunflower, warm, yellow blooming joy infectious as sunshine which puts a smile over my face, golden in the light and my perfection. No matter what you will be growing through my heart, warm with happiness and love. You were my sigh of relief and now you're gone and I’m sitting here gasping for air. My eyes have dried with the tears I've cried and now I am empty, I've got nothing to give and now I am done, I've got nothing to look upto. I'm fine, if not completely at the moment, I will be, sometime later. I love you and take care, Yours soon to be unknown.

that sleepless nights

where i am in your eternity

eternity where we are together

& forever
but forever?

only if time could heal anything, it seals what you were going through.

only if pain could vanish like that, you just adjust to live with it.

And later I realised

She
was
the
Diamond
and
I
was
the
Case
just
a
case
Supp­orting
her

scar(s) worth the pain
to not feel pain

The only time you realize you're addicted to something is when you try to quit it.

Remembered to be
forgotten

Gira ke mujhe in andhero me mera guzra waqt
mere hi saath he yu chala aaya

Ajab shaqks hai vo bhi
katal bhi kadar se kiya, aur gale bhi yu
choom ke sar mera lagaya

rakh ke mujhe kahi kisi paimaane me kehta hai
Dekh maine tere liye paani ka diya bhi jalaaya hai

Teen baras/ saath janam maano lambe is waqt me
yaad teri aaj bhi waqt bewaqt hai

me musafir ki trha kuch dhundne ka chaata liye
nikla to hu n par guzra hua waqt bhi bhala
kabhi kal ban paaya hai?

Now
I
Am
Looking
For
An
Interior
Designer

*But for soul

she's the kind of scar you would love to get hurt again and again.

No matter how much evolution takes place, we would still be taking people for granted who care for us.

Cause
In
The
End
There
Is
No
Point
To
Die
Alone

Twitter: soundhumor

What is it like to have a purpose in life?

Well i am fool and i wake up everyday with a purpose to feed my hunger and soul.

waiting for
                   someone that
                                          will never
                                                          happen.

I am not all that
but I am enough

Often staying low in the crowd
But often awake

Not comfortable but i try to be
thoughts start to come in and
Starting to question everything
and regret my every sin

So it starts with
Like what will I do tomorrow
But as time passes by thoughts escalate
Till I'm drowning in my sorrow

Remembering all my failures 
Even details of what I did wrong
After hours of recalled pain
convincing myself that I don't belong

Ending up feeling isolated
like the silence of my night will never end
I feel like I will never escape
There's too much I just can't mend

Everything Everyone's
Tearing me apart
Just needs to ask myself
Why I can't I put myself back together

Put myself in the crowd, but I am
Often staying low, in the crowd
But often awake
Battling myself
Battling thoughts
Each time
Every day.

So, I am Often staying low in the crowd
But often awake

Some familiar voices are irritating me. Like they sound so loud. But they've always been so loud. What's different today? You know I wanna write for you. But right now, I'm just too tired playing a role of a savior for the world. And it's not necessarily a role I'm playing for you, it's something I've been playing for myself. What's the use of an existence which isn't doing something significant or adding some value to the world. I'm also peripherally hoping that this letter adds some value to your life or just your day. But when it comes to my frontal attention; I also don't care. I had a bad day. And if you're here, you probably are one of the people who know me (or my writings) closely, and I'm so grateful for you. I can't write anything that doesn't feel true, you probably know that about me. So I'm really glad you're here to have a glimpse into my honesty. Thank you.

Some familiar voices are irritating me. I don't know if it's just today or it's been happening for a while & I was too busy to notice. I used to have a best friend. I know 'used to' hurts. For a whole lot of us. Um, It doesn't hurt me anymore. But I know that she probably would notice the grammatical mistakes in this letter/email/whatever we'll name this in the coming days, if she reads this. When I think about it, I've been wanting to write this for so long. But I also wanted her to read what I write. I wanted to write this for so long, but I've been super scared. You know, she had been one of those people I really wanted to impress. Not with my looks or achievements. But with my authenticity. Yeah, I wonder too if it's really authentic if you're trying to be authentic. But, she was one of those people I really wanted to impress because I had felt her love once upon a time, and I wanted to feel it forever. Or maybe just enough to find that love in my own self. That look in her eyes which showed I was so loveable, was one of the key moments when I felt a sense of 'I am'; of an alive existence. I've been too scared to write because she has been invisibly here forever even though her physical presence has left me long ago. How do you forget the first glimpses of affection you ever felt? Have you also tried to gain attention and affection of a long lost love (even if it's just in your head)? I know I haven't been consciously doing it. I mean, honestly, I don't want to be loved by her. My practicality shut my cravings for being loved, a long time ago. But today is one of those days when I'm sitting down and writing because I'm tired of putting off the process of getting into myself. It's a very startling and unsettling feeling to realize that all you've been doing was to be loved by someone, anyone. Not adored, not admired; loved. You think that you want to be noticed or crushed upon or get famous or contribute a lot to the world and live a meaningful existence, but really, you just want to be loved. Because in its purest form, when love knocks on our door, we can't belive we deserve it. It's the most significant validation of our worth. And when we get too proud of our lovability, it starts slipping from our hands & bodies, until we're lying on the floor questioning our worth all over again. What crazy things we do(consciously/unconsciously), just to be loved a little bit. I've been wanting to write this for so long, but in my head she has always been reading my unwritten writings, and judging my worth(to be loved), and not chosing me because I'm too sensitive, too philosophical, too 'in my head', too impractical for this world.

We looked
             like many
                         things, but
                                       in the end
                                                 we were none.

I kept asking about her
and she slit my throat open

You turned out heartless for sure like you always said,

You are sweetheart for sure, like I always believed.

Lost count of days
But you are all that I miss

भूल गया हूं ये दिन रात और ये सवेरा भी, पर तुम ही तो थी जो याद बहुत खूब थी

There is nothing
                   I'm left with, to say
I am all silence, darkest nights
                   and lost words.

Whats the point of writing love,
When stopped hearing

What's the point of bandaging a wound love
when you stopped looking

I am disappointed by dreams
of a better time and place
and wonder why they hide
from the daylight

then how to stop writing love
the sadness is too deep

how many times do I have to die love
before I am dead again

tell the sunsets to wait for me cause
you are more than I imagined love
I loved you a little better a little more a little forever

I have loved you all the way to here love
and it only hurts when I am not
with you and

it hurts all the time

somewhere i believe we are lovers
wild, free, unrestrained

again, whats the point of writing love..

#whatsthepoint #love #hurt

And one day Michael Scott from the Office once said,

No one can hear me,
because I am terribly terribly terribly alone

Girls be doing hot girl **** and will break up with their man and destroy him, talk about games.

It's like
you held on
to us

to let it go

A little less than everything is nothing.

Granted you to let in my heart,
and you broke it million times.

Told you once it pains, but
nothing compared to the love i have
for you million times.

You chose hate over my love
You chose guilt over happiness
Someday, You will choose someone else
over me.

I hold my heart
in my hand
delicate enough
to be eaten whole
strong enough
to hold the world
but it holds
only you

you don't feel now
how quick was it for
you to move on?

may this 2021
bring her back