I can feel your heart beat under my palm
my mind finally goes calm
while you fall asleep
under my wings
things that were previously done
don't need to be spoken of
I can almost taste that skin of yours
so fair
I can smell the coconut air
I can choke on your hair in the night
and I'd be alright with this
I could take it around my fist just the same
play a game
or just lay here and sing your name.
Wrestling the invisible line that separates our flesh
wanting more but nothing less
I couldn't wait for that moment when it came
you
me
a fluid wreck
a liquid so sweet
don't say thank you
nor apologize
I'm so amazed, lover, to be with you
to be alive.

I've helped you help me process my addiction
your conviction to your faith
or lack
my conviction with the law
the smack
the tall walls fall around
I have found myself on many grounds
your voice rang no sound
all the evil within
cut away without forsaking your skin
sin in complex ****** addiction
in addition additional additions conveyed
swept away
easy
not ******
saves my day
I speak with nothing in the way
convey my wish for more has been gone or delayed
relayed admissions of guilt
of the many tables I have tilted
still I have my bouts
doubts
God?
Can you help this ******* out?
hurdling hurdles under me feet
can He feel this beat?
Stumbling upon piles and lost at the four way
...street...
un-ended
my God is not offended.

My creativity has created this creation.
The outcome of my creation reflects only to the Creator.
The inner Narrator narrates a repetitive monologue.
Believe me, I've seen the films, and I've read that ******* blog.
Long logging of nights.
Internal.
External.
Fights.
Anger lasts.
I employed that past to take power away from fear.
Aware now of being here.
Consciousness.
Humbleness.
This doesn't come from admission.
Remission of a previous mission.
My dispositions constriction from speaking up.
**** that.
That cup.
That rig.
Spoon.
***.
Drug.
Love is what I need.
Love is what I give.
Creating only a creation to love to live.

Across my eyes
                Black, sometimes red
    Through the phone lines
          Empty, words unsaid
          Powdered on glass aligned
    Exciting I find
                Into my home
Provide.

Faced with disapproving faces
Glazed gazes dazed hazing my faces
Fascinated by my inappropriate places
Amassed masses ****** and passed by me
Watching the voices; noises, you'll avoid
Our inside turmoil recoil and reclaim
Property that wasn't properly yours...
to claim
Sprinkle a double dandy shot of disdain
Hand and hang myself in your vision.

pushing...
it....
me......
                                      ­                                                                 ­  o
                                                           ­                                                  v
                                                           ­                                                       e
                                                           ­                                                           **r

You, I,
      polymorphously perverse
           your hand covers my mouth
                   voices adverse
            Liberation, but in reverse.
Submit and admit...
                    Or
               disposed to oppose...
I want to beg, plead,
      submerse and disburse
               I burst in silence for my cursed thirst
             first, be more covert,
        I'd prefer if we
                  don't
                                       converse
I'll sing you your pleasure without
            a
                 single
                          verse.

1/6/09

Liquid *******!
rigged outfitters
folkstar [protected post]
I sit in a crowd of people, I don't know which ones to trust.
I sit beside her, but look away, and dissapear into the dust.
Her expressions are animated, and her look is pensive.
She talks right to me, but it's always so defensive.
I try to hide my thoughts, and I stare blankly into space.
But everything's forgotton with that look upon her face.
Will last year come back, and will love repeat itself?
This hope in a bottle, sits neatly on a shelf.
I'll have a drink, if you'll share one with me...
I'll give you love, if you'll share love with me...

I told her I'd be there for her. I told her don't drink for me. I told her I would help her, if be there for anything she needs.

Here I am away from her. Ignoring her. Oh selfish me. I'm just as bad as her disease. Full of empty promises. Empty energy.

Actions speak the loudest.

She's ******* screaming.

My ears bleed.

screaming.

Trying to forget, but it always comes back. Like ****** on a stressful day. Like El Diablo when I take those fancy colored tabs. Pull back, Push in. Pass it to me. Pass me on. Pass out.
Time to remember.
Psychopathic symbols, symbolic static, stares, start seeing....
Something?
Happy Birthday to me.

Floating through my friends body.
Say you need me.
Come inside, my angry friend.
Say you love me.
Sit beside me and remind me why we are here.
You.
Are you here for anything I can help you with-
  are you here because I let you in-
      because there is no where else to go-
          for some unreachable goal-
              who are you now-
                   -then-
Guitar strings strummed - slammed.
No sound, just strings. Playing hard. Pressing chords. muted.
Pick that note. Dropping it is just as easy.
   Easy is like a *****-
      giving, taking, faking, *******, freeing, fleeing-
          baby girl, you've been down before-
              down on your knees
                   -deep-
Throat is sore.

Happy place of mine - where are you tonight?
I need someone right now to hold me tight.

Walk away, walk away.
They don't give a **** for you, they never do.

Happy place of mine - where are you?

Take a number, please. Don't cut in line.
We've got plenty of time, to pay, for our crimes.
Our dues are owed. To the "man" we sold to, and, yea;
we've got plenty of time to pay for our crimes.
You had better stand right here next to me, and;
don't let me know where we are.
I just want to know how far I have gone
Then take me home.
Leave me alone.
I don't want to go.
I don't want to know.
Anything.
Anything at all.
I don't want to be here, running away.
I don't even know your ******* name.
I don't want to go home, just make it all go away.
I don't want to be here, just want to run away.
I'm so sorry.
Please, go away.
just go away.......
I'm so sorry and go away.

This ****** garbage I put on the screen. Screaming for some sort of definition of what I am. What I feel. Fear  - what I say. Said.
Tears that are like fire drops bleeding down my salty cheeks. Too pale to see the Sun. To weak to see my son. Develop - Grow. Live.
This mistaken luck has been put on a microphone. Grabbing it -- to drop it. I murdered those words. I killed this mistaken life. Left.
Explode your lyrical database on my inverted abdomen - woo me. Her. You don't seem to take notes on the spherical (re)cycle that drives your automated mobile. To nowhere. But here.
******* lover. Or did I? Did I ever... or do you always?
Tough.

Re: Your Availability
Is it this yours or mine? Only time will define the kind of charm that you chime when you're dropping your line in my ears

I will find.

A favorite color, too bright for my eyes,  a
  favorite food.

A fruit left longing for a rhythm
   a rhyme.

Sit down and ***** with rinds under nails
  smelly.

Citrus acid and sweet juicyness drips down
   my hands.