poetry should be you, on paper
in black and white
italic and bold
truth of some kind
or lies told to illustrate a story

doesn't matter, really
since poetry is transparent
opaque, solid or wavering
poetry should be fluid
weaving through the fingers and threads
of the lives of those
who have yet to be truly touched
by their own words

poetry should convince them all
to speak up
and listen

in my mind, i counted down
the breaths until i was almost
gasping, reaching out to exhale
just in time to stay alive, and i am
conscious enough to close my eyes
and describe this feeling as
breathless

short words in each pause, and i am
only listening with half of my heart
but the meanings are not lost on me, no
i am aware of the definition of this feeling
short words joined spell
breathless

call me drunk, call me unsteady, call
the emergency line just in time
to lift me off the floor
but in reality, the more i sink down
the less i need saving, so just
take this as a sign that we should
fall together, call me by anything
other than my name, call me
breathless

breathless as i breathe in, breathless
as my lungs are filled between the words
that form my ribs and crack my skull
and bend my spine, and as our fingers intertwine
the oxygen spills forth from skin to skin
and even my hands are having trouble
staying steady, as life rushes in
while the world disappears
and it all falls apart while we fall in time
with the rise of your chest and the downbeat of mine
and the constant press of carbon dioxide
against my cheek begins to lessen, and i am blessed
with keening, sweet silence
and through the clouds my mind is clear
with the knowledge that there's nothing wrong
with being breathless

In the bag,
you can find a dictionary;
you can find words
like
“alone,”
“gone.”

You can find
a week’s worth
of candy wrappers,
too many empty pill-bottles,
blunt pencils
and ripped pages
and crumpled notes
and band-aids
that didn’t help.

If you looked deeper,
you might find lottery tickets,
forgotten phone numbers
and puzzle pieces
and more empty things,
bottles,
containers,
bags,
hearts.

More words:
“lost,”
“missing,”
“unknown;”

some dust
and pennies
and elastic bands
and plastic knives
and drastic decisions
and

nothing

except
maybe

a few more words

the scratch and scrape against my soul
of days gone by, of words unknown
to my ears
the rush of air across my cheek
hair on end, fingers tingling
unsteady footsteps and too much oxygen
all at once
life comes rushing in

life comes rushing in
and i run into hiding
guess i just don't want to be trampled
guess i'm just not ready
to stand up, turn
and join the herd

the back and forth, neither here nor there
seems like the words, the letters
are never in the right order
it all makes sense to my body and logic
but something's off, something's wrong
it's a puzzle i have yet to put together
afraid to set that last piece in
and see the whole picture for what it is

life comes rushing in
and i hold it back
Moses parting those red waters
my hands, pressing on either side
against the **** tide, against the **** grain
against the refrain of harsh truth and soft air
and sweet breath and smooth hands
and familiar sounds
and safety

i'll stay in danger a little while longer
still afraid to feel safe
still afraid to calm down
still afraid to let the Red Sea wash over me

blue skies wavering above
and i blink them away
i'll stay under cloud cover a little while longer
still afraid of the sun's rays

life comes rushing in
and i turn away, holding it at bay
like Atlas, shouldering the weight
but never looking it in the face

neither here nor there
the Red Sea fades away

feet just tappin’ it all out as it comes along
got this down, inscribed in my mind
findin’ more every minute of the day
feelin’ like old-time slang
like easy chords and lyrics
that just spell out my day like i can’t
my words are nothin’, not even
written down the way i say ‘em
just can’t describe today
the way the music can
and that’s alright, ‘cause i’m the one
who’s gonna put music to it
will you play the drums for me?
just need me a walkin’ rhythm
and i’m good to go

i'm seeing you in bright green and blue
calm, cooling colours
neon against my eyes
full of this feeling, but empty
ready for more

bring on the whole nine yards
every shade of serenity you can find
every familiar colour comes to mind
when i think of you

i see myself in dark red and grey
regal and lonely in muted shades
soft against my skin
every warm, safe feeling comes to mind
when i cover my body in the morning
and when i hide from myself at night
amid a curtain of navy blue
and light starry sheets
above the rooftop

bring on the whole nine yards
from red to blue to sudden violet
to pink across my cheeks
every shade of my existence comes to mind
when i think of you

under a long sweep of colour across the sky
i exist
when i think of you

i guess i just hoped i could wake up
like i always do, only alive
throw the bedcovers from my
aching, beating body
leave the curtains open
because i don't feel like hiding
keep my head up, keep the air flowing
out of breath, but in sync
and through pain or whatever comes my way
feel it all, feel everything

but no
i woke up like i always do, grey
slowly disentangled myself
from the crumpled blue sheets
left the curtains closed
because the pointing fingers are everywhere
kept my head down, kept the air controlled
through my lungs, out of time
and through pain or whatever came my way
i felt nothing