it was a disaster from the start
but we concealed our banter
and tried to heal our hurt souls with each other
but we should have known
that two broken beings
could never in the end
win with both our demons defeated
only one of us won
while the other was weakened

confined
confined in my mind
confined in this 4 squared wall of mine
confined with chains
confined with no way to escape
confined till i take my last breath
till i meet my death

many people have died
and their loved ones have grieved

i have also died
and have also grieved

for the girl i once was
who is no longer with me

self hatred is like a seed
that has been planted  
that grows very slowly
without even realizing
you have watered
and let this tree grow
the tree
it towers over you
into darkness
and hides the sun
that radiates love

i am not lazy
im just a little hazy
because lately its daily
where im drained

i am not lazy
i am just gloomy
cause its so lonely

i am not lazy
im just drowning
all i hear is shouting
all i see is frowning

i am not lazy
im just crying
im just dying

i am not lazy
i am just stressed
  pressed
depressed

your voice
was like a lullaby
that put me
into a peaceful sleep
every night
but now
you are an absentee
but
i sleep unperturbed
because my lullaby
is the only one
that i need

you gave me a flower
as it bloomed into a beauty

my flower was beautiful
it shone brightly under the sun
conveying its beauty to everyone

my flower smelled so sweet
that even the honeybees would come around
thinking it was a treat

but soon

the petals on my flower
began to darken

the petals on my flower
began to wilt

and finally

the petals on my flower
fell off
one by one

reminding me that
something so beautiful and sweet

will always be temporary

crying out for help
just for no one to hear
leads me to think
dying out of despair
would have no one care

i smelled your rose
and thought of you

you smelled my rose
and thought of her

i grabbed your rose
grasping onto the thorns
not caring the blood that flowed

you held my rose
and dropped it
as soon as the prickly thorn
poked your soft skin

you dropped it
and grasped hers instead

you let go
of your balloon so easily
not even looking up
to see where its gone

i grasped onto my balloon
until it slipped from
my hold
i followed it
until i could not see it
any longer

a flower has bloomed.
you cherish it. you water it,  give it so much sunshine.
you give it all of your attention.

but as time passes this flower has begun to  change color.
its losing its beautiful bright color and is becoming dry.

could it possibly be dying?
no you won't accept it.
it will not die, as it brings you so much happiness.
you will not let this flower go.

but despite all of your efforts, one by one, each petal falls.
until finally, there is nothing at all.

you cry.
you mourn.

how could this have happened?
you watered it and gave it all the sunshine it needed.
why did it not stay?

it knew how happy it made you but still
it perished
but one day you witness another flower bloom
one that was exactly like the last

but could it die again?
will it make you so happy for it to one day just die?
you don't trust it anymore, as it broke your trust last time.

it left you.
it hurt you.

how could something so beautiful just wither away?

this is why i don't love.
because one day it'll die.

just like my flower.

60% of me is water
i am drowning in myself
40% of me is you
and you are doing
a beautiful job
at bringing the air
back into my lungs