If I did not travel to that country,
If I did not attend that class,
If I did not take that job,
I would have missed out
on the best moments of my life.
But as grateful as I am,
I sometimes wonder
how many people I never met,
all the places I never went
if I had chosen a different path
and all of the memories
I would have instead.

If I would have known
I would have called you more often
and make sure you were never forgotten.
If I would have known
I would have laughed extra harder
and made sure to smile even wider
If I would have known
I would have thanked you for being you
and being there for all we've been through.
If I would have known
I would not have taken you for granted
they way you made life more enchanted.
If I would have known
I wish I had opened up more
after all that's what family is for.
If I would have known
I would have hugged you even tighter-
yours had a way of making life lighter.
if I would have known
I would have told you that I love you
and this grief I wish I could undo.

If you ever think of me
think back on me,
on us fondly,
and with
warm
memories.

if you were
a flower
then maybe I’d learn
to garden.
How glorious it would be
to spend my days getting
your love underneath
my fingernails
and watching euphoria bloom?

You and I,
Hand in hand-
we are one.
There is no distance,
no time, no fear,
that keeps us apart.  
We love without consequence
and we are free-
oh, how free we are.

I wasn't prepared to be right-
but I knew you would find
someone else
and I knew you would be happier
with them-
even happier than you were with me.
I knew you wouldn't miss me anymore
and I knew you would move on.

She owned two cats
and a heart full of sunflowers.
we listened to the Wombats
and talked for seven hours.
She lived across the sea,
in a life unfulfilled.
I hope she does agree
that we have much to rebuild.

I’ll get by
With a broken heart
It’s always been this way
From the start

I’ll get by
With heavy eyes
This exhaustion doesn’t
seem to die

I’ll get by
with a cluttered mind
where my anxieties always
leave me blind

I’ll get by
with a lingering shame
the one that turned me
into what I became

I always
do

Sometimes I wake and
remember you like a sunflower
remembers the sun on a stormy night.
Indeed, your sunlight blessed
the garden of my soul and
left life and joy in its wake.
The warmth of your touch,
the illumination of your smile
blooms a thousand sunflowers
that make up this soul.

The only thing we
should depend on is ourselves.
Everyone else is just an illusion-
do not fall for it.
So live life your way-
there is no other way.

I love you during rain or shine,
and everything in between.
I love you in my solitude
no matter how distant I seem.
I love you in my absence
even across the land and sea.
I love you when I'm anxious
even when it's taken my autonomy.
I love you in every country
from Vietnam to Turkey.
I love you now and forever
and for all of eternity.

I’ve waited a long time
to hear “I love you” echo back.
Maybe I should say it again,
or better yet, never again.
Maybe I should trek deeper.
Maybe “I love you” got lost in the woods.
Bouncing off of trees, falling down,
and spraining its ankles.
Maybe it’s afraid.
Maybe it’s lost in the shadows,
finding refuge in a deep, dark cave.
I’ve waited a long time for "I love you"-
perhaps I can spend a few more
in search of it.

The distance
and the darkness,
the absence
and the silence,
is too much for me to bear.
I miss you.

Hey kid,
I am missing you
more than usual tonight.
It's cold, it's dark, and I am sitting here
watching the winter storm all alone.
It's pouring out there-
it's heavier than the night itself.
Distant thunder bellows in the distance
but it's sure to be at my doorstep soon.
As for me, I am warm-
I can thank the comfort you give me
and your joy you radiate for that.
I am missing you
more than usual.

The loss of a love,
now but a distant memory
still lingering in my mind;
It hurts, but I’m not sad.
A thousand deaths,
whether it be from this world,
My past or my present;
It hurts, but I’m not sad.
The pain upon my brain,
In my heart and in my soul;
It hurts, but I’m not sad.
Yet I still throw myself
at this life, at this world
and the broken thing always
comes back with a smile on it;
It hurts, but I’m not sad.

Still in between
waking up on a
crisp Sunday morning and
these dreams of you.

Truly, my favorite
time of the week.

Every moment we
have spent together will
live in me forever.
These moments are ours,
and mine alone,
living in between each
heartbeat and behind
every smile until
the end.

I will plant you
fields of sunflowers
that spell out your name
if you promise to
keep them
in bloom.

You are amazing,
aren’t you?
A field of sunflowers blooming
in the softest of flesh.

You are the
field of sunflowers
that I wish to
bloom in.

Maybe
you will be
the unexpected
message in my inbox
tonight or
maybe it's just
more wishful
thinking.

Whether I am sad or lonely,
or as happy as can be,
I still think of you.
Even though I am surrounded by joy,
it will never feel complete-
no, not without you.

I miss you.
I wait for your
sunflowers to bloom so that
I may feel your warmth once again.
Do not blossom away from me
ever again,
I have dwelled in this darkness
for far too long and
it is your light that I
held onto after all
this time.

I can sense you
in every sunflower-
in the scent of every petal,
the sweetness of the pollen
and the colour and light
you radiate.

I keep our love alive by
Finding you in every sunflower.
It is in them that our love blossoms-
every word, every smile, every touch
held in every petal and
every seed.

Grief is
inevitable.
Everyone will pass-
they will turn to memories
and all you can do to prepare
is make sure you made an
abundance of them for
that inevitable day.

Acknowledgement does
not equal attachment and
most of the time it is inevitable
to get lost in one or more
of these states of mind.
It is inevitable not to miss
what you once attached
yourself to.

I wanted you
to be right for me
more than anything
else I could want.
We could have forced it,
maybe,
but it wasn't right.
To this day,
I still think about
what could have been but
I always remind myself that
we would have only
been delaying the
inevitable.

You know,
I don’t blame you.
And how could I blame you,
when it was me?
I get it, I'm not the easiest
person to be around,
let alone love.  
I admire you for trying-
it must have been exhausting.
But that's okay,
I don't mind being alone-
maybe I'm the only company
that can tolerate me.

The needle dances
across my skin,
again.
Writing memories
upon my body
like postcards from
another time.

Who are you?
I do not know you,
yet you come to me
in my dreams and leave me
wanting more.

There is a sunflower
in the centre of my heart
and it blossoms
in your love.

She knows how
to sit me down and
shut me up.
She puts me in my place
like no other can and
I adore it.

I miss you
so much that
your smile has become the
sun in my sky and your voice-
the wind that gently flows
through each and every
one of my days.

Some of us are living in
our own little battlefield,
fighting to survive an inner war.
We are broken, we are hurting,
fighting for those missing pieces
that prevent us reaching peace.

We are all born
with sunflowers in our chests.
It is up to us to nurture them
and let them grow and guide us.
Let love's sunlight and
the rainfall of life
provide you with
all you need to keep
the flower firm.

I feel too much-
I know it all too well.
I hold on for too long despite
knowing when the flames have smothered.
My heart is in ruins and I am left
wandering through embers of
all those long lost memories.

Insomnia-
I don't mind it
if it involves making
memories
with you

I am longing for the night-
wishing for nothing but sleep
but when the night comes,
I lay in bed,
awaiting a serenity that
isn’t so imminent.
A restlessness stirs within me,
not realizing its still hours
until dawn.

In the end,
I have no one
to blame but myself.
I ruined me-
I did it myself.

In the end,
you either leave
because you are not loved
or you stay
because you love too much.

We were born alone
and we will surely die alone.
So in the meantime,
won't you hold me
close?

The devil must
live in the ocean.
That is why the costal cities
are nests of sin and squalor.

The devil must
live in the ocean.
That is why the costal cities
are nests of sin and squalor.

My soul still searches
for you from time to time.
Sometimes it finds you in the sunflowers
in all its beauty and aura
this world has been
blessed with.

When life gets you down,
there's always that one person
who will be there
day after day.
So what happens when
they fade into
the night?

I am
invisible
when I
am all alone.
Sometimes,
I am
invisible
when I
am among them.

Your eyes were
as warm as the sun.
To this day,
you still have me
chasing the horizon,
chasing that warmth
I felt with you.

I don’t fear getting lost
in your eyes,
I fear getting lost in your voice.
I see myself in those eyes
and  I see my home.
Your voice, though-
it can swallow me whole
with all your little words
and I would
never return.

I love you more
than the milky way
on a clear summer night.
For me the universe only
exists in your eyes.