And I hate the way you,
Lick your finger tips,
Before you turn a page,
I hate the way it draws me in,
The way I notice it,
Like that was suppose to help,
Just turn the page,

I've got a dozen words in my head,
They sound like poetry,
But a little dead,
Like ghost of words,
I would've said,
But Ive changed.
It's sounds like poetry,
Cause it's both a blessing,
And a curse,
He screamed,
To feel everything so,
Deeply,
It wasn't he,
Was me,
I said that,
Ghost words,
Ghost words,
But baby,
They're beautifuly,
Arranged,
Like the flowers at a new grave,
Cause no body comes back,
No body visits,
These ghost words,
Yeah poetry,
Dead poets society,

Your negative thoughts cannot touch me,
His love obliterates the hatred,
The numbness is gone,
What was once raging seas,
Is now calm oceans,
I think of Him and there is no depth of pain,
I am free,
I am wanted,
He pulled me into his arms,
Whispering, I love you kid,
The tears didn't fall,
But they sprinted,
I no longer look in the mirror,
And see you shining back,
Just me,
My blue eyes,
My pale face,
Freckles dotting a bridge across my nose,
Maybe constellations,
For a second a see a flicker of beauty,
My own doing,
Because if you can't be responsible for something you created,
Then you cannot take credit for its beauty,
The only father I need is in heaven,
Because he wants me dad, Matt, whoever you are,
I laughed on new years knowing you'd be drunk,
Still single,
Always mingling with the wrong crowd pops,
Like my mum,
You're just a crack in the side walk,
And when I say I don't care about you,
I'm not lying,
Anymore.

I wander if,    
             When he,
                    Fell,
                        Did he scream,
                              Did he yell,
                                     Was he heart broken,
                                               D
                                                I
                                               D
                                           Tears fall
                                                 D
                                                    O
                                                       W
                                                           N
                                                              His cheeks,
                                               When his own father,
                                                        Banished him,
                                                            To Hell,
                   GOD DO YOU MISS HIM? ARE YOU SO SICK INSIDE THAT THE ANGEL YOU CREATED IS CAPABLE OF SUCH HORROR.

In your presence, I wanna thrive.
Like bees amongst the flowers.
I want to soak in your love like a fish to water.
I want to sing to you my king, can you hear me?
I'll lay here, in your presence lord, and tell you how much I love you, no matter how badly im scared. Lord, this isn't a poem or a prayer. I just love you. I just love you. You filled this void.

IM SICK AND TIRED OF THINKING OF YOU FATHER ITS 1:52 AM ON 2015 ANOTHER YEAR OF SELFHATRED AND LONGING FOR SOMEONE WHO WILL NEVER BE THERE FOR ME I HATE FATHERS DAY AND I HATE FATHERS AND I HATE PEOPLE WHO JUST LET YOU DOWN IM TIRED OF THROWING MYSELF INTO A RAGING FIRE OF MY THOUGHTS EVERYNIGHT KNOWING THAT ILL BE BURNED AND THE SCARRS THEY WONT FADE AWAY BECAUSE FATHER THESE ARE MORE THAN JUST WORDS THIS IS A PROMISE THAT THE DAY I HEAR YOURE DEAD I WONT CRY I WONT FEEL ANYTHING JUST LIKE YOU FATHER I WANT TO DROWND MYSELF IN ***** AND ALCHOL AND FORGET WHAT BREATHING IS BUT I KNOW WHAT DRINKING DOES IT MESSES WITH YOUR MIND AND YOU SLIP UP AND YOU CREATE THIS LIVING FORM OF LIFE THAT WAS JUST AN ACCIDENT JUST AN ACCIDENT I DONT EVER WANT TO BE YOU BUT IF IM NOT WHO AM I...NO ONE BECAUSE WHEN GOD CREATED HUMANS AND HE GAVE THEM THIS WONDERFUL GIFT OF INTIMACY HE FORGOT THAT MEN ARE SO NUMB TO EVERYTHING THAT INTIMACY IS AS IMPORTANT AS THE BEER CAP CLATTERING TO THE FLOOR TO JOIN THE OTHERS AT YOUR FEET AND THATS WHERE YOULL FIND ME FATHER ALONG WITH THE REST YOULL NEVER KNOW YOULL NEVER KNOW

Yes, let's romanticize,
Black eyes,
Red wrists,
Broken bones,
And scarred minds,
Because it wasn't enough,
That suicide letter,
Or the puke in the toilet,
Or the long sleeves in 90 degrees,
The way the kids can't meet your eyes,
Drugs,
Permfume to cover up it all,
While the body rots underneath,
I remember it all,
But romance is dead.

I complained I'm hungry,
I'm hungry,
Stomach involunteerly crying out,
I said I'm hungry,
He said, how
He looked me up and down,
It's impossible,
The way you eat pre dinner,
Then dinner,
Then snack, then after snack,
You're not hungry,
The tears didn't have a chance to fall,
I was out of the house,
Lost in this hell we call life.

Whiskey is liquid strength,
When the rage kicks in,
You can take down the toughest guy,
In the bar,
Mind games,
Liquid Strength,
Another shot,
And maybe,
You could take over the world.

You know your words,
They woo me,

The lack there of,
The lack there of,
Was the fact there was,
There was,
No one to hold you,
No one,
When the whiskey,
Didn't **** the demons,

I want silk sheets
wrapped around my body,
Feel the cool wet sand beneath me
Hear the lulling waves,
As the moon crys out to the tide,
Come back, come back, come back
Close my eyes and maybe not wake up

He said I'm never going to be anything.
He told me I'm a failure.
I looked back, and said a failure is something.

I would soon give my very soul to an animal, before I ever once considered handing it over to a human. Wild beasts are more loving than humans. They have a compassion and strength more thunderous then a human heart could with stand. They trust us and protect us, when they have every right to tear us limb from limb. So I sit, and I watch. And I pray, to learn from them.

I believe, God put his view on the world in new borns eyes, and when you stare down into the kaleidoscope wonders, you see the natural beauty of what this all use to be. And when I look down at you Cooper, know I'm standing in the Garden of Eden, with tears rolling down my cheeks, splashing against a phone screen, preventing me from watching you blink. Aunty loves  you Cooper.

My room is dark, pitch black, the calming security of the endless nothing before my eyes, I take a step, then another, the out skirts of a tuffeted bed spread scrape against my knees, I am blind for merely minutes, but I feel more intuned with life already, my castle has smoke rising like the oceans tide, the all too familiar smell, of **** burning to ashes, like it does to my thoughts, I'm burning my brain, but it's better then feeling...lost. Haha dad, though you never raised me, I'm just like you.

She said to me, " you're such a *** head, one minute laughing hysterically over the smallest breathes of air, then you're spewing theology like a college professor"

Writing to relieve this void,
But you're the cancer,
You're more than a void,
The heart break,
The three am screaming into a pillow,
The sobbing that racks my body,
Your abandonment has consumed me,
My words were suppose to make it better, but they're all jumbled broken pieces of 26 letters shoved and combined, into what was suppose to be a goodbye, but dad I made a shrine, out of this nothingness, I wish you would've been a part of my life.

You could paint the grief from your heart, on your forehead. And people would suddenly close their eyes, and tell you to pull your cap down, a little lower.

I cursed every tear that dripped from my blue forsaken eyes, rolled down my cheeks, to rest at my lips, the ones that never got to call you dad.

I want to drive away, leave my heart behind. Buckle my thoughts up in the back seat. And shove all regards of my well being into the trunk. Gas pedal

Make something of yourself son,
Cause you know daddy ain't gonna.
I know you aren't bitter boy
Wipe them tears from your cheeks
Be the man your poppa shoulda been
Sonny don't cry yourself to sleep
But mom, walk in my shoes