Pull at the seams
Knot up your dreams
Pack away the magazines
Your skin a thin sheen, stretched and smacked against your thighs
Your frame a sagging conundrum to be condemned by the click
Weight loss is a huge trick
The more you lose the less you, you are
I stepped off & I stepped out
The curtain closed & I with it
Swept up into the rafters to rest
A melodramatic sarcophagus
Pillowed chest cavity,
Accordion to articulate the pressure in my clavicle.
A firm press to seep out the excess,
To access my insides,
To accept I’ll never be like those other girls.
To drape this weight along my neck, is too much to bare. I’d hand it off to you, but you’re not there.
Living on the edge with so many stipulations, suffocating
Nothing mattered, other than the desperation of needing each other.
Just that consummated closeness.
I’ve got a hunting dog on my back, he sniffs out my sadness, he’s always on the right track.
Speechless like an undertow,
Barreling towards the sandy coffin you always expected but never wanted to admit.
Breathless like tongue tied gills,
The light ebbing from your eyes, the water is cooler inside.
Lifeless like when he tells he doesn’t have the capacity to love you but he has fallen for another.
We’re all speechless in this undertow, barreling unexpectedly expecting to be hurt but not quite ready for that sting. I am breathless from tying my tongue with yours every night for months and never being kissed back. I am calm, I am collected, I am collecting myself from you. My life is less without you but I am more.
She said I’ve got a problem with parents
And I said what about when you are one
And she said I never will
And I said you already are
I wanna have enough friends that two people can carry the cake out when they sing happy birthday
I’ll tuck the tears back behind my eyelids.
Keep them closed like the window on the fourth floor my mom always kept locked so I wouldn’t leap.
Your face fell between my thighs, cradled, rock-a-bye, never eat more than you can handle. Always use your forks and knives.
What is it
That noise you make
That soft hum so distinct
So full of distain
Scorn me, scorch me, sink your suckling teeth into me. But don’t you ever ******* say you love me.
How much of me do you not need?
Because when I offered you accepted everything willingly.
You stuffed your face with frivolity.
Selfishly gulped down my heart and with it my insecurities.
When you were finished, you gave your compliments to the chef and told me you never wanted any of it.
You put your head on my leg, weighing it down. But weight doesn’t make you stay. Weight doesn’t anchor you to the bay. Weight can keep you afloat, lighter than the water. Heavier than the waves. It can keep you warm during a winters storm. Safe from frigid contrasts. You put your head on my leg, weighing it down.
I cut it off and crawled away
I wish your sincerity would reverberate through me, bounce back and clothe you
A clean slate on my wrist. Fall asleep with the fan off, you won’t be missed.
Start again or don’t, breathe again
No, I think I wont
Flightless bird with you, with him I always find the wind beneath my wings.
The orange traffic cones follow me like ghosts, weaving up the highway. Trying to help me get home.
Home is a blurred side eyed view in the passenger seat.
Count the stripes on your back, to equal out what your step dad thinks you lack. To make sure you never bleed out from those masses of granulation tissue. Fine lines to define your worth, girl. To feel the flames lick down your back, to wish for death, to only wake up again.
Isiah 53: 3-7 is *******
And if you’re dancing again, the ghost will follow your foot steps. Clamber up to your chest cavity and dive in. Die in. Die inside. Stopped dancing again.
Something spiritual how a rain coat keeps you warmer than last years winter jacket.
I’m going to love the hate out of you, it’ll pool at your feet and we will kick it away.
Something comforting about how the gears grinds and clicks. Like you’re in control of what happens next.
Hum drum of hookups, silique symphony. A long line of history, bad timing and misery. One night stands and two night bands traveling along my hip bones. If you play me right you just might get an encore.
I started writing but I stopped eating
I’ll share the sunshine with you, even if it’s behind a windowpane.
Are you running after life, or is the after life running after you?
With every tale of a past adventure, you told me how you’re going to leave me in the future.
My servitude to calorie counting. Small bites and bitter ends. Weighed and tried and found guilty of a chocolate demise?
Tap out, tap in, tap into me
Holy water, maple syrup
Geyser of ecstasy
*** in me
Called me doll as an endearment,
I hear it as a fear meant,
To drag me back to you
The worst things last for 30 minutes
The best things last for 30 seconds
Life happens between those moments.
Meet me in the middle
Where the threads unwind and whittle
My spine weaves and squiggles
Symphony of sighs
You’re my relief
Willingly bill me for a kiss still lingering on your lips. Sweat stained sheets. I’d apologize if I had the guts, but I gave them to you.
I judge you for your idols and superstitions,
But here I am, praying for you to love me. Hoping beyond hope if I zip my lips and sit on my fists you will
How do I tell you I want to die, without handing you the gun?
You draped this mantle round my shivering shoulders, tied it tightly to my neck. Kept the cold out and the anxiety in. You birthed a bouquet of depression, and you fill my vase every chance you get. Kept the cold out and the anxiety in. Bestowed upon me this token of toting your baggage around.
If I could be on the brink, I’d be on the edge of you. ******* down from the high, height. Steepened with deepened strokes.
I hope he gives you the future he promised me in pink
If I fill myself with worry I’ll be weightless, drift away with glass eyes and a timber temperament. They call it bipolar, I call it drifting north. I’m afraid of heights
I’d close my book, pick the prettiest font for The End. Dust to dust
I thought about swinging from the rafters, shakey knees and creaky floorboards. Shaken mothers and crying kids. A rope to pillow my descent.
I finger myself to your words. Touched by yours truly, truly touched by yours
Sleep to banish the sad, sleep to seep up the tears from my face, sleep to reap the benefits of death.
I wonder if you got caught or catched or just can’t
Talk to me
You forgot about me. Or maybe you wish you could. I can still taste myself on your fingertips. Dance with your silhouette, feel the silk sheet aftermath. Turn the light on and laminate this holy ground.
I felt the child grow between the cracks of trauma. Filling in the gaps, sweeping out the excess. Womb full of life when only death was promised to me. I watched winter come and go, and with it you went. I felt the hunger grow between the cracks of trauma. Filling in the gaps, sweeping out the excess.
I wanted to **** myself, and you were screaming about the ***** clothes on the floor.